Author's note: This is a modern AU wherein there are elves, hobbits, dwarves and men, but also telephones, internet, tumblr and fanfiction. So. Yeah. At the bottom of this chapter there's an extensive note that covers a lot of background information on this AU-world. This is also the first part in a series, There's a Writer For Every Beta (and Vice Versa).
Now for some reason, this site doesn't like my formatting. This fic contains quite a lot of emails (well what is meant to be emails) but all the at-characters and dots keep being removed, much to my frustration, so at the moment I'm more or less "spelling out" the email addresses - which also are fake and hopefully won't coincidence with anyone's real email. If they do then I apologize beforehand! All assumed email addresses, aliases and names are unreal. These tumblrs and AO3-accounts don't exist. If they do, the characters in this story didn't make them!
Also originally there was meant to be different colours and a lot of other complicated things that works in Word but not on this site. So if you compare this story here to on AO3 where I've also uploaded it, you might notice some difference in formatting, which is just because of the limitations of each site.
Now...enjoy!
PROLOGUE
It ends much like this (but it's still not quite an ending):
The screen is partly covered by post-it notes, most of which has text in fiercely red letters on them but also a few messages in green, bright and lively. A cup of simple black coffee stands beside it on the rather littered desk, still steaming slightly. The door is half-opened.
Activity from various parts of the building can be heard; from the kitchen nearby, the clattering of pans and the opening of a fridge; voices, one bright and soft and the other rather rough. There's a faint ringing sound far-off, which the speakers first doesn't notice – too preoccupied with each other no doubt. The faint smell of waffles can be felt.
After some time, once the clattering has lessened and the kettle is on, footsteps near the study. The small wardrobe-made-into-office (there's no room left anywhere else in the apartment) floods with light.
Inbox (76)
Junk Mail (9)
Drafts (2)
Sent (0)
To: G. G. Axes at ardamail_._com
From: dw. alin. the. master_at_ardamail_._com
SA 2013-12-25 12:09:53
Subject: Re: re: My Patience Is Wearing Thin
Listen you lazy clod, have you taken up my advice yet? HAVE YOU?! The Company have now also been adjourned and your cousins have even begun attacking ME about this matter. Wholly unfair. Also annoying.
Your silence displeases me greatly. I DEMAND YOUR IMMEDIATE REPLY. DO NOT STALL ANY LONGER, OR DURIN'S BANE SHALL BE UPON YOU.
Best Regards,
The Master Dwarf
(P.S. Congratulations on the apartment. When will you invite us over to celebrate? Make sure there is food and lots of it!)
You've got kudos!
22 guests, adventurer14, MajorlyMajesticDWARF, treehopper and fanaticalreader007 left kudos on Destiny.
9 guests and silverharpminstrel left kudos on Digging in the Rock.
The ringing in the background grows louder. An age-old tune is played, short and repetitive. Finally, the sound is recognized by the building's inhabitants.
To: G. G. Axes_at_ardamail_._com
From: elftwins_unseparable at_ardamail_._com
SA 2013-12-25 16:17:02
Subject: Re: Kindly wondering/request (related to Grand Upcoming Event)
Dear Master Dwarf,
I wehave paid careful heed to your request. It's bluegreen ELLADAN STOP INTERRUPTING ME that's the best colour, plus silver; he likes that too. And really where are our invitations? It's quite rude not to invite us. Officially. You know a letter in a fine envelope and with a stamp on it, not a tumblr message. ALSO, FACEBOOK STATUSES CHANGING LIKE THAT? HAVE YOU ANY IDEA HOW THRAShut up El we've already had this discussion with Master Dwarf and we are all quite aware of the situation and anyway who cares it's not our business some people don't like when their sons are goingkuakeb ejhgbed ndl.
Will Fíli and Kíli be there? Do invite them, please. They WON'T ruin anything; we swear we'll make sure of it and booze. ELLADAN. STOP. Please do apologize my brother's quirks, Master Dwarf, he's trying his best. ELROHIRR AHSBKEJ ND!MF-
..ehnfnjkeb02i
.hehyf
.
Anyway we'll solve this matter privately and hope your questions are now answered. Please return if WAIT A MOMENT I HAVE A QUnho93 , El! Let me ask
AGAIN SORRY ABOUT MY BROTHER
Salutations, what's with the formality?
El & El
Comment on Destiny. BofurWithAHAt left the following comment on Destiny:
Oh. MY. GOD.
THIS.
THIS.
I can't even. Just. AWESOMENESS. This might be this best thing you've ever written. KEEP AT IT!
Btw, your beta, is it really this person? picture post at post/199203/bff-meet-up-erebor/ (on the left next to that beardish man?)
If it is then I am jealous VERY MUCH!
+1000 and eternally a fan of you, sir!
Posted: SA 2013-12-26 12:20:12
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The ringing continues, persistently, until inaudible footsteps cross the wooden floor. There's a soft click.
"Hello?"
To: dw. alin. the. master_at_ardamail . com
From: G. G. Axes_at_ardamail . com
SA 2013-12-27 20:21:31
Subject: Re: re: re: My Impatience Is Wearing Thin
Master Dwalin,
I am working on it. What you think I have been doing locked up in Da's workshop the last two weeks? It has to be no less than perfect. You ought to understand.
Now stop bothering me. Could you please ask Thorin to keep my cousins in check? I'm tired on them calling me every eight minutes. I am not an invalid. Also tell them IT IS NOT TRUE. WHATEVER THEIR DIRTY MINDS MAY THINK, IT'S NOT TRUE AND DON'T LET THEM DEFILE THE MINDS OF ANY OF MY FRIENDS. Thank you.
Best Regards,
Unquestionable Power of Axes
PS. Yes, yes, I'll organise a party when everything else has been taken care of. YES, there will be food, and the whole Company shall be invited. Now give me a break! DS.
To: elftwins_unseparable at_ardamail . com
From: G. G. Axes at_ardamail . com
SA 2013-12-27 20:12:01
Subject: Re: re: Kindly wondering/request (related to [the] Grand Upcoming Event)
Thank you, Master Elves.
Despite your honestly worrisome ramblings I have managed to decipher the necessary information. You have my gratitude. (Unbelievable as it may seem.)
Since you so insist, please check your mailbox – the physical one – within the following week. There ought to be an envelope. Yes, with a stamp. But don't tell the elf. If you ruin this surprise you will find my axe swiftly buried in areas you don't want it.
My cousins will only be there if Strider is present. He's the only one who can keep YOU, and therefore them, in check. I shall invite your father of course.
/G.
PS. Your messages always seem to end up among my junk mail. Could you please stop spamming? It clogs up my system. DS.
A voice calls from the other room: "Gimli, Aunt Dís in on the phone! She wants to talk with you."
"I'll be right there!"
Comment on Destiny. pointygreyhat left the following comment on Destiny:
Pure excellence! You have had me entirely hooked all the way. My compliments. Your writing standard truly has risen as of late. Do keep your current beta intact!
Posted: SA 2013-12-27 04:04:04
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That might be how it ends (although it is but the mere beginning of an end).
But this is how it starts...
(Previous entry) (Next entry)
Here we have the Long Note. (Feel free to skip past it.) Great liberties have been taken when writing this story and some things may need explanation:
(1) Names, URLs, emails or the like are NOT real. If they happen to be functioning if you copy-paste them into your browser, then I apologize to whoever owns said address for the inconvenience.
(2) Some of the fandoms mentioned within are familiar and real, such as Doctor Who. They haven't changed from how we know them today (except maybe instead of actors who are all human, there are Elves involved as well. And Hobbits and Dwarves can also be seen on set.)
(3) SA = Seventh Age (of the Years of the Sun), as stated on lotr . wikia wiki/ Timeline_of_Arda (scroll down to Brief Timeline to see the list there). It makes sense that Middle Earthians would still use those markers; a bit like we may use B.C. and A.D., except to a greater extent, in every-day context and not just in history books.
(4) This story assumes that, while it being the modern day, the earlier events of Arda really happened. It's in the history books. But back in the Sixth Age in the year of 1915-ish a guy named Tolkien took his time actually writing not history books but this epic story about events between the start of the world and the Third Age, and he wrote for years and years and years. I suppose he's Mannish but of course he was fluent in kind of every Middle Earthian language there is. These books made a fandom which is HUGE and parents in the Sixth and Seventh Ages started naming their kids after all these amazing, long-ago heroes like ". And not long ago a Hobbit named Peter Took-Jackson made a series of films about these books and the three most recent ones are part of the 'There And Back Again' arc about a little Hobbit (hence why every Baggins nowadays are so frickin' proud, like; "MAN, WE SAVED THE WOOORLD") going on an adventure with 13 dwarves ("Yeah right," thinks the dwarves, "but if we hadn't brought the burglar you'd never have, so there!").
(5) This of course means all races are intact. Hobbits strongly refuse to live on the second floor, while Elves thrive in skyscrapers and like being so close to the sky (cue interesting interspecies dinner-parties). Even the occasional Ent may be seen strolling through the park, but usually not since they don't like cities but you can still visit them in the depths of New Fangorn Forest (unless you're a lumberjack).
(6) The school system here is, as briefly as it is mentioned, mainly based on the English system. Meaning 13th year is at College/High School when you're 18 years old. (This is both the main characters' ages.)
(7) While the characters' races have been kept, the way they age has been altered just a little bit; or rather their coming-of-ages. Elves are immortal and Dwarves live for like 200 years and Hobbits live longer than Men usually do, but mature in the same rate as Men; so they are all teens ate the same time. However the time of "coming of age" differs because of race. For Men this is 18, Dwarves and Hobbits 19 and Elves 20 – Why? I'd have kept the original legal ages for each race (Hobbits 33, Elves 50 and so on) but it would just complicate things too much and I wouldn't be able to write all races going to school side-by-side. How unfair wouldn't it be if a Man attended some 12-13 years and an Elf had to attend like 40 just because they're not legal anyway? Therefore, I changed it. And yes, Men are probably very jealous. At 80 they'll be old and grey and the Dwarves still look like 30 (but with better beards), not to mention the Elves (minus the beards)!
(8) And thus apropos that: there is some racism being expressed in this story of the Elves vs. Dwarf vs. Men vs. Hobbits variety. Not overly much but the story sometimes addresses age-old prejudices. Because I couldn't honestly see a fully prejudice-free future Middle Earth even if Elves, Men, Hobbits and Dwarves have been living side-by-side for ages, inventing electricity and telephones and the internet. If this bothers anyone or causes offence, I apologize, for it was not my intent.
Here ends the Long Note. (Phew.)