A/N – Sadness will ensue. I promise. You probably will cry.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own GLEE.

Break Even:

They'd known each other since they were in diapers; Lima does have a very small Jewish community, after all. They played together all the time when they were little; their parents were good friends. He'd been there when she won her first singing competition. She'd been there when his dad left. So, you see, ever since they were babies, Rachel Berry and Noah Puckerman have been in each others lives. Even when he was throwing slushies in her face in high school her and her fathers still went to their house every Sunday evening for dinner.

They both knew that they, eventually, would be together. For good.

That all changed when he found out Quinn was pregnant, with his baby. He couldn't handle that meaning nothing to him. Well, okay, not nothing. He had liked her a little; but he mostly slept with her that night because of Rachel. Why did she have to hang all over Finn like that? She'd been his since they were little; Finn wasn't allowed to have her. Only he ended up getting her, didn't he?

When the true paternity of the baby came out, Rachel tried to act like it didn't bother her; in all actuality, she had been devastated. So, she told Finn. Not only did he deserve to know that Quinn was a lying, cheating bitch; but her Noah deserved to be there for that baby girl. She had always had her suspicions, but she always hoped they were wrong. Quinn had taken the one thing that was always supposed to be hers.

After that, Rachel started skipping the Sunday dinners. She didn't want to have to see Quinn with Noah. She didn't want to have to see Sarah's confused glances between them. She didn't want to see the looks Mrs. Puckerman always gave her. She just couldn't handle it. She wishes it was her with that baby in her belly; not even her dreams of Broadway could make her stop wishing that. So, every Sunday when her dads left for the Puckerman's, Rachel sat in her room until they were gone, and then she'd stuff pillows under her shirt to see what she would look like pregnant.

Puck didn't like that Rachel started avoiding him; but what could he do? This had to happen for a reason, right? He was supposed to be with Quinn, and forget about Rachel. He needed to let her be happy with Finn. Only he couldn't. Rachel was (is) an important part of his life. He just wanted to apologize for everything he's done. He wouldn't take it back though, cause he does love his little girl. He just thinks, hopes, that one day he and Rachel will still be together.

When the baby is born, Rachel can't bring herself to go to the hospital. She knows that baby will be beautiful, and she can't face the reality of the situation. So, instead she tells everyone else to go she'll stay and see what the judges say. Only as soon as they're done announcing the winners; she's not even sad they lose, she gets to the hospital as quickly as possible. When she arrives, most of New Directions is gone. Quinn and Puck being the only two left. She walks down the hallway toward the nursery, but stops short when she hears Quinn ask that question. The 'did you ever love me' question. She holds her breath as she waits for Puck's answer. When he does, she feels a little more of her heart break, (not that there is much left anyway), and she walks slowly out of the building.

He tells Quinn he loves her. He does too, but it's not the kind of love where you love love someone; it's the, you're the mother of my child, I'll always feel something for you, kind of love. So, really he's not lying. When Shelby comes to take away his baby, he's hurt. Very hurt. At the same time he can't help but think about how Rachel must be feeling. Her mom doesn't want her; she wants his baby. So, he goes by her house, after he drops Quinn of at Mercedes' house. Her dads open the door, but tell him she isn't home. He just nods and walks away.

Rachel had gone back to hospital the day after she heard that conversation between Puck and Quinn. She had to see Beth before someone adopts her. When she lays her eyes on the little girl she feels the tears come to her eyes. She had been right, this little baby is gorgeous. It's here that she thinks that maybe she and Puck really don't have a chance to ever be together. So, when he comes to the door after her mother adopts his baby, she makes her fathers tell him she's not home. She can't stand in his way anymore.

When he comes back from juvie none of the kids in Glee blamed him; they figured it was just him acting out after losing Beth. Honestly, that wasn't all of it. It was also the fact that Rachel still wouldn't, (couldn't), look at him. She pretends they're okay, and she's started coming to Sunday dinners again, but every time she has to talk to him, she focuses her eyes above his, on his forehead. It hurts that someone who has always been there isn't now. He thinks it kind of feels like losing his dad all over again, only worse. He doesn't understand how she can be fine with all of this. Only deep down he knows she's not, he sees the pain in her eyes every time he manages to catch them.

She doesn't love Finn. No matter how hard she tries. She thinks that if she tells herself, and everyone else, that she does maybe she'll start to believe it, as well. She still hasn't. Either way, she throws herself into that relationship, if only to take her mind off of Puck. They break up and get back together more times than she can count, and every time she acts sad. She's really not.

In senior year when he and Quinn get back together, he loses Rachel all together. This is the first time he doubts them getting together in the future. He notices that she's spending all her time with Finn, and he's trying to make himself love Quinn. They still haven't been the same since sophomore year, and he didn't think they could get that back. So, he pushes himself into this relationship with Quinn.

Rachel is still forcing this thing with Finn, and when Quinn and Puck are together it makes it so much harder. She has to hold herself together all the time and she hates it. When graduation comes, and she's supposed to break up with Finn, just like she told him, she doesn't. They talk about it and decide that maybe they can do the long distance thing. She only knows she can do it because she isn't really invested in this relationship. She has come to the conclusion that Puck and her will never be. It just isn't in the cards for them. It can't even break her heart anymore, she has nothing left of that.

Puck watches her on graduation day. He watches as she kisses Finn after he gets his diploma, he watches when she hugs her dads then his mom, he watches her walk slowly toward him. She hugs him tightly to her, and he can't help but hug her back, she whispers a soft 'congratulations, I'm so proud of you', and she's gone again. He feels his eyes burn when he realizes that she's resigned to the fact that they'll never be together.

She still goes to New York and gets her Tony, but after she's done all that, she comes back to Lima. Not just for Finn, but because she's missed it herself. She doesn't expect to see a wedding being planned. When she gets to Finns little apartment she asks who's getting married, and doesn't expect the answer she receives. She smiles anyway and then proceeds to have sex with him. Later he tells her that he and Puck have become friends again, and Quinn is cool too, and they can't wait to see her. She pretends to be happy to see them when they walk into the bar, but really all she can do is stare at the ring on Quinn's finger.

When Finn tells him that Rachel is coming home, he wonders what she's going to say when she finds out. He tells Finn that it's great and Quinn asks if they can meet at the bar in town. Of course Finn agrees, and Puck just sits there with a forced smile on his face. No one notices anyway. So, even though he knew she was coming, he can't help but be surprised to actually see her. She looks amazing, she's got this little red dress on, and it hugs her in all the right places, and these sexy as all fuck heels on, and her hair is falling down her back and framing her face, and… God, he still loves her. He notices, right away, how her eyes are drawn to the ring on Quinn's hand, and all he wants to do is take it off of her. Her and Quinn start talking about all the plans they have for the wedding so far, and Rachel ends up invited, he figured she'd be Finn's 'plus one' anyway. He can see the hurt, anger, regret, and sadness in her eyes. He thinks it's probably in his too. When she looks at him though, he also sees the love that's still there, and once again he fucking hates himself. Not for loving her, but for who he was in sophomore year, when he screwed it all up. After everyone is caught up, and they're all leaving, she hugs him tightly again, but doesn't say anything this time, he feels her tears through his shirt. When she pulls away there isn't anything there, though.

Now sitting in the wedding, that was being held in a Catholic church, in the middle of Santana, (who still hates Quinn, but Puck is her boy), and Mrs. Puckerman, she could feel her eyes well with tears, and the thing hasn't even started yet. Mrs. Puckerman leans toward Rachel and whispers that this should be a Jewish gathering, and that he should be waiting for her, not Quinn; and Rachel almost breaks. Obviously, Santana heard what was said, as she looks at Rachel and nods her head in agreement. When she hears the wedding march start she keeps her eyes forward, on Puck. That's the same spot she keeps her eyes through the entire ceremony, Santana grabs her hand in the middle of the vows, and gives her a meaningful look when the priest asks if anyone would like to object. She just sits there. When he kisses his bride, she stands, scoots past a few people, and sneaks out an emergency exit. Later that same day Finn asks her to marry him. She says no. Just because she doesn't get to have Noah doesn't mean she wants to be with someone else. So, she leaves their apartment, and shows up on Santana's door at one in the morning. She collapses into sobs for the first time that day, and Santana holds her and whispers that everything will be okay, until she cries herself to sleep. Just like she told herself in sophomore year, she won't stand in his way of happiness. She'll back off and suffer in silence. Or, well, with Santana by her side.

Puck notices her leave the church before the wedding is over. He knew from the beginning she would. He's actually surprised she lasted this long. Him and Quinn decided against a honey moon. His phone ringing at one thirty in the morning makes him wish they would have gone on one. He groggily answers and then Finn is telling him that he proposed, and suddenly he's wide awake, then Finn is blubbering like a baby about her saying no. Puck can't stop the grin from forming on his face, but then frowns and looks down at his sleeping wife. It's too late. So, he talks Finn through everything, and in the middle of a sentence his phone beeps with an incoming call. He tells Finn to hold on, and switches lines. Before he can get the word hello out of his mouth, someone is yelling at him. In Spanish. Then English. Santana is telling him he's an asshole and he's a bastard, and he'll be sorry for ever hurting her. He already is. Then she's talking about how she showed up at her house at one o'clock crying, not because she broke up with Finn, but because he married Quinn. He feels even worse now. He gets hung up on when she tells him that she's on Rachel's side, and he doesn't expect to see either of them for a while. He walks out of his bedroom and down the small hallway, he's closed his phone and not gone back to talking to Finn, sits down on his couch and sobs into his hands, it's the first time he's actually cried since his dad left. All he wants is another chance. He just wants to be with Rachel, and now he's too late. She said no, he realizes now, he could have too. He didn't have to take the cowards way out, he didn't have to stay with Quinn, yeah, they had a baby, at sixteen, they didn't love one another. He just made himself think he did, to take his mind off of Rachel, it didn't work. Now, he's stuck. Thinking about this makes him cry harder, he hates himself for fucking things up again. He could have walked away. But, he didn't.

Now they really had no chance. And it's all his fault.

A/N – I made myself cry. So, this may stay a one shot, but if you all like it enough, I may make it a multi-chapter. Just let me know.

Seriously, though, I cried. At a lot of this story.

Hope you enjoyed as much as you could with it being so sad.

Reviews would be appreciated.

- Katie.