Disclaimer : I do not own any of mass effect. Wish I did though
Author note : I am not a native english speaker so you will find some glitches here and there. You are welcome to notice me of the errors you'll find. And all reviews will be appreciated.
The Path to Decay
Chapter one
He knew her, he knew she was special. This perfect mix of toughness, cockiness and sensibility. Her way to tell you "I can kill a krogan while telling poetry". That's why it had to be her. She could get the job done like no one else. No one else... and she did. Virmire and the Krogan army will not raise and support Saren uprising.
He let this thought sink in, while the debrief goes on. He keeps a straight face through it, supporting a fluttering Kaidan, answering to the council.
But alone in his bunk, he snaps. Akuze. The screams, the thresher maw, the horror of loosing his mates, one by one, because they stepped up and he just fired from cover. The gut-wrenching is too familiar. Why didn't he run to her rescue?
"Raaah!"
It explodes through him. All the frustration, all the hatred. The wall, and his right fist, are the first victims of his anger. The flashes come. "skipper" "say jump I say how high", the fights... She always had his back and he trusted her for it. Knowing gunnery chief Williams is at your side is a reassuring feeling...Either on Noveria, Feros, she was always here. She had seen everything and for the first time since Akuze, he felt at ease during ground mission.
She was already much more than a soldier to him. Maybe that's why he left her behind, to protect himself from her...
The table snaps, blood spur from his yet to be bandaged wounds and he fells, against the wall,exhausted.
"this is what a hero looks like"he says ironically. A wrecked train, who just lost the only person able to take the helm.
The screams come back...
he fires every round, grinding his way through the acid-eaten bodies of his unit. The Thresher maw is coming back, he has to find a cover. It is out, screaming. Then all goes blank, no recollection whatsoever. Just the memory of waking up in the trenches, surrounded by the corpses and the guilt piling up, when he finds his squad mates torn to pieces by the acid and the claws...There is no hope to escape this, no. This is not a simulation, just plain reality.
The nightmare still haunts him. Every now and then, he wakes up, drenched in sweat, his scars burning. It was when most of his talks with Williams happened. She had trouble with her sleep too, because of her first starboard assignment.
They drink to honor the First Contact War.
"What would have you done, Commander?"
"you mean, with no food, not knowing if backup was coming and with rocks falling out of the sky?"
"Yeah..."
"You can only resist to a point. And General Williams went far beyond that"he says, looking deeply at his scotch. "I wish I never have to take a decision like this" he thinks
"A shame you weren't in the Alliance at this time, Skipper. Might have saved my father a lot of trouble"She smiles and raises her glass. Oh, how much he loves those eyes...
Trouble. He always seemed to attract it. He wasn't even born that his father died in a car crash. His mother followed at the exact time he screamed for the first time. The orphanage, then breaking free on the street. The gangs. Finally, the Alliance, as soon as he could register, to flee the Earth, get a chance to hold on his life. And even there, it didn't stop, Macapa boot camp, and there on, because he "fortunately" posted good scores, he was assigned to various missions he escaped holding barely on his feet. Then Akuze...
The hospital, the wish to leave and get a job behind a desk. But the assignment is already on the table. SSV Normandy, as XO. He goes through the reeducation process, hides his inner demons, buries them as deep as he can. But everyone wants to know how he survived. They care about the story, not about the man and the wounds he carries. So he put on a straight face and recites the text he wrote after the third interview. How brave his squad-mates were. That he will always remember their sacrifice. And he does, in more ways than one can count. The scars, first, visible every morning in the mirror. And the only picture he has in his room. His squad. Before they were sent there.
He thought Akuze was dead with the Thresher maw he killed on Edolas. This was it. It was the payback mission. He went all in, wearing his heart on his sleeves as he fired round after round with his HMWA X. This was crazy but it was all he needed. When it came down, all the adrenaline came off and he barely made it to the Mako. Once in his room, he fell on his bed and finally made peace with his demons. At least, that's what he thought.
It is not like Akuze. Here, he was in command. He could... He should... He had to! He should have died in her place, taking responsibility for his choices. But now, she is gone. And there is nothing else you can do. Nothing... He lays here for what seems hours for him, going through everything they had shared. And finally, the soldier take over. You don't replace such a fine gunner. You don't replace such woman. You don't replace gunnery chief Ashley Williams. No medal can give her enough credit.
For the first time in his wrecked life, he prays. Hope she has gone to a place where a worthiness is rightfully recognized.
"rest in peace, Ash"
And gone is the man. All that's left is Commander Shepard, survivor of a nest of thresher maw on Akuze, first human spectre and commander of the SSV Normandy.
The rest is dead.