Title: Dark Depths

Author: Lucy Mars

Rating: PG-13-ish?

Disclaimer: I don't own 'em. I'll play nice and return them when I'm done. Well...maybe not with Amy. ;]

*Post Night Five with a healthy dose of JoshandDonna-ness eventually. All you Amy lovers...run! ;]

"She going to be okay?" Donna asked appearing at CJ's door with a cup of coffee for herself and some tea for CJ.

Taking the steaming cup from Donna, CJ rubbed her eyes tiredly. "No, but she's going to have to be…right? She has a little boy and a newborn to take care of. I mean…she has to be strong for them. It's just…I can't stop thinking about…How is she suppose to tell them that their father isn't coming home?"

Looking down into the depths of her dark coffee, Donna felt her heart lurch for the poor woman and her two children. "I don't know," she whispered, "but she doesn't really have a choice, now does she?"

"No." CJ sighed. Letting a moment pass by, she couldn't help but laugh sadly, "Well this isn't exactly how I pictured my day would go."

"Me neither." Donna whispered trying to warm her cold hands. "She told me that her daughters name was Donna. She has a newborn baby named Donna."

"There are just some days…" CJ trailed off, "I wonder what my life would be like if I'd just stayed in California."

Smiling sadly, Donna played with her lid. "If I had stayed in Wisconsin, I think that I would have become exactly what I didn't want to become."

"What's that?" CJ asked curiously.

Looking up, Donna smiled sadly. "My mother. An unhappy woman living her entire life trying to seem like she had the perfect life."

"But you're not her." CJ pointed out smiling gently, "You are an independent woman who is living her life."

"Do you think that you would have been happy if you'd stayed in California?"

"No," CJ said sipping tea slowly. "I would have been miserable. Rich but miserable."

Laughing, Donna looked down at her pocket and the napkin that was burning a hole in her pocket. "I was offered a job tonight."

"What?" CJ asked sitting up in surprise.

"An old friend," Donna shrugged, "offered me a job and too much money."

"There's no such thing." CJ laughed, "What kind of job?"

"It's not important. I'm not taking it."

"No?"

"You think that I would leave?" Donna asked with a sad undercurrent.

"Well no," CJ admitted, "but I'd think that you'd be tempted. More money, more time for you to do all the things that we all complain about not having time to do and no…"

"Josh." Donna said finishing CJ's thought.

"Well…" CJ said uncomfortably, "yeah."

"I love working here." Donna said softly.

"Even lately?" CJ asked gently. You'd have to be blind not to notice the shift in Josh and Donna's relationship. It wasn't that they weren't working well together, but it was all the things that they weren't doing anymore. It was almost like Josh didn't have time for Donna, or any of them anymore.

Looking up at CJ in surprise, Donna slowly let her gaze shift out CJ's door and down the hall to Josh's empty office. "Yeah. Even tonight."

"Okay. Did you tell Josh?"

"Yeah."

"How did he react?" CJ asked following Donna's sad gaze.

Her eyes falling away and back down to her coffee, Donna shrugged. "I don't know."

"You don't know?" CJ asked incredulously, "Donna come on. You've got to give me something better than that."

"I really don't know what Josh is thinking anymore. He didn't seem to care that I got a job offer. All he cared about was getting that damn face book." Donna said stopping herself and her bitter tone. "Listen, it's really no big deal."

"Yeah," CJ said sarcastically, "I can tell."

Her laughter sounded strained as it echoed through the quiet office. Donna closed her eyes briefly and clutched her coffee cup. "He offered me a title bump."

"Yeah?" CJ asked feeling relieved. So Josh was stupid, but not that stupid. "What?"

"The title I have now." Donna laughed bitterly. "He doesn't even know what my title is. If it was up to him, I'd be Donnatella Moss – the girl who does the thing and doesn't bring coffee."

"You're important to Josh."

"Yeah," Donna scoffed, "I make sure he's on time and that he has everything he needs. A job that only I can do."

"You are the only person who can handle Josh."

"Josh is doing a pretty good job of handling himself lately. I really have become just the girl who does the thing and refuses to bring coffee." Donna pointed out rolling the steaming cup between her hands, "And I haven't had a chance to refuse to bring him coffee in weeks."

"Donna," CJ sighed settling her tea down, "you are the only person who can keep Josh Lyman in check."

Shaking her head, Donna leaned back into CJ couch. "I'm not taking it CJ, don't worry."

"I wasn't worried." CJ replied, "But are you staying because you want to or because you feel you have too? You don't owe us anything Donna."

"I'm staying because of me." Donna admitted. "I love this place as much as you guys. I don't make policy, but I help make it happen. And at the end of the day, that's what matters…right?"

"Right." CJ agreed.

"I owe Josh." Donna said softly, "I think that I always will."

"He owes you too."

Sighing, Donna looked at CJ sadly. "It's like a vicious cycle. I owe Josh for giving me a chance and he owes me for…"

"Helping him realize that he had a chance." CJ said gently.

Her eyes moving restlessly around the room, Donna blinked away her wet screens. "I wouldn't put it like that."

"I would."

Opening her misty eyes, Donna smiled sadly at CJ. "I don't want to become my mother, but sometimes…sometimes I can see her in me."

"You're nothing like your mother." CJ said sternly, "I've never met the woman, but I know this. You are Donnatella Moss. That's it. There is no other you."

"The problem is," Donna whispered, "there are days when I don't like me very much."

"We all feel like that sometimes." CJ sighed.

"I want to be like you. Like Dr. Bartlet." Donna said smiling at CJ, "Strong and powerful women."

"You're still a spring chicken." CJ laughed, "I like you a lot more than I liked me when I was your age. God…I feel old."

Chuckling, Donna shook her head. "Don't. You're still young. You are delightful and delicious, remember?"

Laughing, CJ nodded her head in agreement. "That I am."

"And good in bed, if the Post wasn't quoting someone wrong."

Shaking her head in mock anger, CJ swallowed the last of her tea. "Come on, I think that we should go and get a drink. We need it. You go and get Josh and I'll get Spanky and Toby."

"Josh isn't here." Donna said curtly.

"He isn't?" CJ asked in surprise, "I just saw him."

"He left." Donna said looking down. "He called Amy Gardner up and they're getting together…or something."

"Oh." CJ said for a lack of anything else to say.

"Yeah."

"Well than it'll just be the four of us." CJ said trying to ward off the black cloud that had nestled itself over Donna's head. "We'll tease Sam and watch Toby give us his patented glare."

Smiling tightly at CJ, Donna shook her head slowly. "Not tonight CJ. I think I'm just going to go home and turn in."

"You sure?" CJ asked frowning, "I mean this in the nicest way, but you look like you need a drink…or two."

Laughing, Donna pulled herself up. "I'm sure. You go. Have fun."

Watching Donna's slumped shoulders get up, CJ heard the words come out of her mouth before she'd even realized that she'd spoken them. "He doesn't love her, you know."

"What?" Donna asked turning around.

"Josh and Amy Gardner." CJ clarified, "It's not going to last."

"It will." Donna countered sadly, "I think that Josh is in love."

"Josh is in a game," CJ scoffed, "and he wants to win."

Shaking her head stubbornly, Donna stood her ground. "He's determined to make this thing with Amy Gardner work. If he isn't in love, than what is it?"

Hearing the desperation in her voice, CJ stood up. "Josh saw something that he couldn't have and was determined to have it."

Something passed over Donna's face, but she masked her emotions to quickly for CJ to be able to read her. "I don't know…"

"It's the same as when he went out with Mandy. Amy dared him and Josh being the idiot that he is took it. Josh is quite stupid like that."

Shuffling her feet uncomfortably, Donna looked down at her now cold coffee. "I don't know. It's really none of my business."

"They're not right for each other." CJ added.

"Than who is right for Josh?" Donna asked suddenly and catching CJ off guard.

Conflicting emotions eating away at her, CJ let the Press Secretary in her win over that little voice that was screaming 'YOU! Donna, it's you.' in the back of her mind. "I don't know."

Nodding slowly, Donna stood up. "Me neither." she sighed as she left the room.

---------

"Hey." Josh said pulling his door open.

"J." Amy said brushing past him and tossing her bag carelessly down.

"You got here fast."

Looking up at him as she shed her coat, Amy shrugged. "It's the middle of the night. There really isn't much traffic this time of night. So what's up?"

"What?" Josh asked stupidly as he followed her into his living room.

"You called me." Amy pointed out with an annoyed tone, "I thought that there was some important reason you called me. So what's up J?"

"Nothing." Josh shrugged, "I just wanted to see you."

Raising an annoyed eyebrow, Amy crossed her arms. "You just wanted to see me? That's stupid. I saw you yesterday."

"It's stupid that I wanted to see you?" Josh asked incredulously.

"Well, yeah J. You couldn't have waited until tomorrow? It's late and I'm tired." Amy pouted.

Which Josh noted was nothing like Donna's pout. Hers was just annoying. Shaking his head, Josh frowned at Amy. "Well than, maybe you should just leave if you're so tired."

Her pout morphing into a scowl, Amy glared at Josh. "You're getting angry at me? You call me well after midnight and tell me to come over, and now you're kicking me out?"

"If you didn't want to come than you should have said so." Josh shot back. This was stupid. He should just tell her why he had called. What had happened tonight that had made him so upset that he'd grabbed the phone and called her right away. But it wasn't her anger and annoyance at him that was making him mad. It was the fact that she just couldn't tell that something was wrong. That he was upset about something.

"Don't be an ass J." Amy snapped. "What is your problem tonight?"

"Nothing." Josh lied walking past Amy and settling himself down on the couch.

"Sure." Amy said sarcastically. "And I'm joining the RNC. Do you want to tell me what possessed you to call me?"

"Nothing. I just wanted to see you."

Frowning, Amy sat down beside Josh and kicked her feet up onto his coffee table. "Bull."

"Why don't you believe me?" Josh asked wiping around and glaring at Amy. "Is it so bizarre that I would want to spend time with you?"

"We both have work tomorrow J. I've got a 7 am meeting and Donna's no doubt got something scheduled for you."

Maybe if he'd actually been listening to her, he would have heard the distaste in her voice when she said Donna's name. But he wasn't listening, so he didn't catch it. "Donna got offered a job tonight."

Her eyes narrowing and her lips forming that long thin line that scared better men than him, Amy shook her head. "That's what's bothering you?"

"Why should it bother me?" Josh said feigning innocence. "It doesn't bother me." He should have just stopped there. But this was Josh, and well, there were days when he wasn't very bright. "What bothers me is that she's actually thinking about taking it! I mean, right now? Could she possibly pick a worst time?! I need her right now. So she'd make a little more money…would she be doing anything as important as what she's doing right now?"

"I can't believe this." Amy growled getting up. "You call me to come over so that I could listen to you talk about your little assistant and her job offer?"

"What are you talking about?" Josh asked looking up at Amy's frowning face.

"That's why you called me, wasn't it? Because you needed to rant a little about your assistant being offered a job and have someone calm your deep dark fears that she'll leave you."

"Donna wouldn't leave me." Josh pointed out with more confidence than he felt.

"No," Amy said shortly, "of course not. Why would she leave you? She's too attached. And I'm starting to think that it goes both ways."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Josh asked standing up so that they would be on equal footing. Somewhere, he wasn't sure where exactly, this conversation had totally gotten out of control. At least his control anyway.

"I'm talking about you and this thing between you and Donna." Amy snapped glaring at Josh. "I'm tired of it Josh. Maybe all those rumors that I hear are true."

"Okay really, I've never heard any of these rumors that you keep throwing at me." Josh frowned, "I'm starting to think that you made them up just to throw me off."

"And I'm starting to think that all the things that I've heard about you and Donna are true."

"What things?" Josh challenged.

"Do you really want to know what people say about your precious little assistant?" Amy asked her eyes blazing with anger, "All the theories on how she got her job exactly?"

"Okay," Josh said holding up his hand in warning, "don't say anything that you're going to regret."

"Why would I regret it?" Amy asked, "Who knows if they're actually true."

"Don't say anything about Donna." Josh warned through clenched teeth. "You can be mad at me, but this has nothing to do with Donna."

"Well aren't you just a natural prince charming?" Amy snapped, "Protecting your precious little princess…oops, I meant assistant."

"Donna is my friend." Josh said slowly and carefully. Trying in vain to keep his emotions in check. "She may be my assistant, but she's my friend first. Don't go spreading rumors because you don't understand our friendship."

"You're right Josh. I don't understand your friendship. Sometimes I wonder if there's more than the simple platonic friendship that you claim to have with her. She's your assistant Josh."

"What does that have to do with anything?" Josh asked sitting back down. "I can't be friends with Donna because she's my assistant?"

"You can't be in love with her."

"I am not in love with Donna." Josh stuttered looking up at Amy in surprise. "I really think that you're jumping the gun here."

"I don't think I am J." Amy sighed, "And you can't be in love with her."

"Why not?" Josh demanded, "Hypothetically, if I was in love with Donna, which I'm not, why can't I love her? Is it because she's my assistant? A woman who is not educated in the traditional sense? Cause really, if you're insinuating that Donna is not my equal, therefore cannot be in a relationship with me is absurd. A complete contradiction to what you do professionally. Aren't you always chanting on about equality and…"

"Josh." Amy said cutting him off with a tone that he'd never heard before. It was tired and strained.

"Yeah?" Josh asked looking up at her worn face.

Blinking slowly, Amy sat down tiredly beside him and looked down at her clenched hands. Sighing, she looked at him sadly. Her frown and glare replaced with a sad smile. "You can't love her because you're suppose to be in love with me."

Stunned, Josh blinked rapidly to try and convince himself that he wasn't imagining this. "Oh." He said stupidly. Josh was pretty sure that he resembled Gail at the moment. "Oh."

"Yeah." Amy sighed.

---------

"Let's go get drunk." CJ said slipping into Toby office.

Looking up from his desk, Toby frowned at CJ. "What?"

"It's been a long and stressful day. I've decided that life is too short and I don't enjoy it enough. Get up and get ready. I'm going to go and get Spanky and we are going to get nice and wasted."

Rubbing his beard, Toby put down his pen. "Yeah, I heard. Sorry."

"Don't tell me sorry. Tell a newly widowed woman and her two children." CJ sighed leaning her hip against his desk.

"Still," Toby sighed, "sorry."

"Thanks." CJ said playing with the pen that Toby had just discarded. "So you coming?"

"Yeah." Toby nodded pushing himself away from his desk, "I could use a drink…or a dozen."

"That's the spirit!" CJ laughed, "I'm going to get Sam."

"What about Josh?"

"According to Donna, he's out with Amy Gardner." CJ said with the same amount of distaste that Donna had used earlier.

Frowning, Toby looked down at his watch. "It's nearly 1 am. What the hell…"

"I don't know," CJ frowned waving Toby away. "and I don't care."

"Yes, I can tell from the tone of your voice that you don't care." Toby replied, his words laced with sarcasm.

"Hey, Josh is a grown man and can screw up his life however he wishes too."

"Yeah, I still don't believe you."

Rolling her eyes, CJ frowned at Toby. "Get your stuff together. I am going to go and get Sam."

"And I'm going to call Josh."

Spinning around at the threshold, CJ grinned at Toby. "It's late and he's with Amy Gardner."

"Yeah?" Toby asked sarcastically.

"Yeah." CJ laughed.

"You told me that already CJ."

"It bears repeating since you're considering calling him." CJ pointed out.

"I'll keep that in mind as I dial his number." Toby deadpanned, "Get Donna too. She could probably use a drink."

"Some old college friend offered her a job." CJ blurted out.

"Yeah?" Toby asked trying to act indifference to this piece of information, but failing miserably. "Josh know?"

"Yeah."

"So? How did he react?"

"According to Donna, there was no reaction." CJ scowled, "It seems that Josh is really that stupid."

"They offer her money?"

"Of course!" CJ exclaimed.

"Did Josh have the decency to offer her anything?" Toby asked trying to think of what he could have possibly given her.

"A title bump."

"Yeah? What?"

"Her current title." CJ laughed.

"Dumbass." Toby said collecting various papers that were scattered around his desk.

"Yeah." CJ agreed. "I already asked Donna and she declined. Something about going home and…I don't know, sleeping."

"Call her again. Maybe she'll reconsider after you mention that Josh is coming."

"How can you be so sure that Josh is going to come?"

"I'm not." Toby shrugged, "But if she does come we can try and you know, cheer her up. She's seemed kind of, I don't know, down the last couple of days."

"You going soft on me?" CJ questioned smiling at Toby.

"Shut up and get out." Toby barked as he picked up his phone.

---------

Pulling her coat tighter around herself, Donna wandered lazily through the Mall. Occasionally passing by various tourist. Some giggling as they stumbled past her in search of their hotel and some just staring at the monuments in awe as they lit up the night sky. There was a time that she looked just like these awestruck tourist. Amazed and entranced by the glowing marble bathed by the moonlight and lustrous golden light. The massive stone structures came alive at night. Watching over the sleeping city as they shone a golden hue. When they'd first arrived in Washington as the new players in town, Josh had taken her out for an impromptu tour of this magnificent city. His city. He had shown her all the local gems. The best muffin place, Thai place and Mexican place. There had also been the cozy coffee shop just a few block away from the White House. It was his blatant, yet sweet attempt to try and get her to bring him coffee. Smiling at the memory, Donna didn't even notice the hand reach out in the darkness of the night and grab her.