A/N This chapter includes material published earlier under Letter for Kate

Chapter One:

Flora picked up the photo of her two mothers on their wedding day that had sat on the dressing table for as long as she had known. She looked at the brown eyed mother she had never known except through the lens of others. The eyes looking back at her were kind and gentle. She looked at the fair haired mother who had brought her up. Her blue eyes looking back were intelligent and full of sparkle, and as Flora had known all her life were capable of reflecting such immense love.

Her own brown eyes filled with tears. They had obviously been so happy that day only for it to be snatched away the very next day. The day she was born.

Her brother William came into the room.

"Everyone's gone. Just the family left. How are you holding up?"

Dear kind William always looking out for others. The picture was still in her hand.

It's a lovely picture isn't it" commented her brother. " I remember the day so well. They were both so happy."

"Why did she have to go now William. I am not ready to say goodbye."

"I think she was tired of being without Kate, your mother. She always believed they would be together again and I think she was just ready to go. We have to let her go sis. She lived without Kate for a very long time. It's time they were together"

"But she was only 77."

"Mum always said she would be happy to live to see you settled Flora and you are. You have your own family now, Erin and little Katie and a great career ahead of you. You will always have me to lean on if you need and even Laurence. I know he can still be a right pillock at times but he does love you."

Flora looked at the picture again. "Do you think mum resented me William? You know for reminding her every year of what happened?"

William put his arm around his sister and gave her a hug "Don't think that Flora not even for a second. She loved you fiercely. I won't pretend it was easy at first but from the moment you were born you were precious."

Letting his sister go he walked over to his mother's big old oak chest and took a parcel out of the drawer.

"Mum left this for you. I think you need to read it."

William handed Flora the parcel and quietly left the room. On opening it Flora found a beautiful book bound in soft red leather. Written on the front in gold was Letters to Kate. She took the book and walked over the large bay window. There she sat in her mother's big old rocking chair and began to examine it. She opened the book. Inside the pages were filled with her mother's beautiful handwriting. Dotted throughout were photos of her and the family. Intrigued she turned to the first page and began to read. To her surprise the first letter was to her. Along with the letter was an old ultrasound picture she had never seen before and a photo of her as a new baby lying in the arms of her Grandmother. Taking a breath she began to read.

January 2045

My darling daughter Flora

I asked William to give you this upon my death so if you are reading this I have gone. Don't be angry with me for going. I have lived for 30 years without the physical presence of your mother and it was time for me to join her. In all those years since she died I have never stopped missing her. What has made it easier has been watching you growing up. I have loved every minute of it. You have been one of the great salves on the wound left by her loss.

You are so like her you know. You have her kindness and her gentleness and that bit of steel when pushed too far. Your soul shines out of everything you do. She would have been so proud of you just as I am.

It has been such a privilege to see the wonderful young woman that is you emerging over the years. Who would have thought we would have a medical doctor in the family, two counting Erin. I am so glad you and Erin found each other. Your souls were meant to be together just as your mother's and mine were meant to be together. The love you share is one of the reasons I can go in peace. And now you have little Katie. I am sorry I won't see her growing up. Make sure you tell her about me and your mother. Embrace them both dearest Flora, hold them close. They will keep you grounded.

I know you will be hurting right now. This book is my gift to you to ease the hurt. Every year on your birthday I wrote a letter to your mother. I haven't included all of them here in this book but I have put in those I think will be important to you to remind you of the milestones in our lives.

The hurt of my going will pass my beautiful daughter. Lean on William if you need to. He loves you to bits as does all his family. Laurence too for all his faults loves you and would be there in an instant if you need help.

And take through your life the knowledge that I have loved you all your life from the moment I saw you on a fuzzy ultrasound scan before you were born. That love doesn't disappear in death.

Your loving Mum xx

Never before had Flora known her mother to be so eloquent about feelings. She had grown up in an extended family that was chaotic and warm and had known very much that she was loved but her scientist mother was not one for expressing her feelings very often preferring to stay in the realm of facts. Her heart swelled and her eyes blurred. Taking a very deep breath she pushed her emotions down and turned to the next letter.

January 2015

My dearest love

True connections are born not made. They come along sparingly in life. Often we don't even recognise them. Those connections that bind us to another in the very depth of our hearts and minds and souls. Those connections that follow us through our lives and cannot be severed by time or distance or death. We use the word "love" but love comes in many forms, is hijacked for the mundane and thrown out of people's mouths on a whim. The word somehow doesn't do justice to those true connections.

The Caroline of old would have said that was all bullshit, just karmic mumbo jumbo but that was before you came along my dearest kind and gentle Kate. You taught me the meaning of true connections.

I wasn't the easiest of pupils was I. A slow learner I guess you could call me. I must have been such hard work for you, worse than 9F, but you persevered. It wasn't that I didn't know, not deep down anyway. My soul recognised yours from that very first kiss. It was my head that refused to accept that I Caroline Dawson could do relationships. Your patience helped me realise a different narrative. I know it wasn't easy for you. I forced you away more than once with my lack of understanding. I am so grateful that you understood the true connection and didn't give up on me. That you helped me be the person I was meant to be.

The day we married was the happiest day of my life or should I say of this life my darling because I am certain our souls will find each other in future lives. Our wedding day was the day I totally absolutely and irrevocably surrendered all of my heart mind and soul to you. It was the day I Caroline McKenzie Dawson finally felt as one with another.

How cruel of the universe that the day after our wedding was the worst day of my life. It was the day your mind shut down, your heart stopped beating and your body left us. Not your soul Kate not that beautiful soul of yours. It has taken me weeks to realise that my love. I think you might have been disappointed in me. Without your physical presence to keep me centred I have been slow.

It's not that I haven't felt your presence. I can hear your words urging me on. I can see your fingers whizzing across the keyboard in a piece of music on the radio. I can hear your voice belting out a Dusty tune and best of all hear your laughter when the wind blows through the trees. I can smell you on the pillow next to me. In the wee dark hours of the morning I can feel your breath on my neck and your hands gently caressing my back.

What I lost my dearest Kate was the very essence of you. And then suddenly there is was in front of me where it has been since the day you died. I laughed when I realised. I had wasted so much time resenting, resenting the sleepless nights, the unbearable responsibility, resenting that you weren't there. All that time the essence of you was staring me in the face. I find your soul every time I look into the eyes of our daughter. There you are.

I am not going to pretend it is going to be easy for me. I have felt so incredibly angry with you for leaving, for going on ahead without me. We should have gone together on our next journey. But I will be ok, for you have left me the precious gift of Flora and I have to be for her. I promise you with every breath I have that she will have the mother you would have been. Perhaps not as calm and gentle but she will know she is loved.

Till we are together again my dear sweet soul mate I am always your

Caroline xx

The tears that had not flowed since her mother died flowed in earnest. She closed the book knowing she was too raw to read anymore that day though she knew that she would return to this most precious of books. This was a very special gift that her mother had left her.

The door opened quietly and she heard the soothing voice of her own love Erin.

"Kate my darling." Erin held her close and let the tears fall in silence. When Flora could cry no more Erin spoke. "I know it hurts my love it will do for a while. I am here and so is Katie. We will help you through this.

Flora felt the comfort of her partner's arms wash through. I can't read any more tonight. Come on let's go and join the others and have a drink for both of my mums.