The year was 1500 and Benjamin Franklin was working on inventing on the first light bulb. There was a knock, subtle at first, on his door, then not subtle in its intensity and subtle in it rapidity, subtle and alarming!
"I say! Who's that?! knocking on the door?" Benjamin Franklin demanded at the door which was still resonating with the reverberations of knocking (see earlier paragraph)
"It's me! Your enemy King Henry the 8th! Give me back this country you blasted rebel!"
"Oh snap!" Benjamin Franklin dropped the telephone he was inventing and it shattered into a thousand million pieces and that's why we didn't have those sooner. Literally. "Just a minute!" Benjamin said nervously, stalling for time.
"Okay, then." King Henry the 8th said.
Henry the 8th was fat at this point in history. Fat and sassy.
Benjamin Franklin was slipping on his hang glider and goggles as quickly as he could. "Almost there. Just one more second!"
"Okay, I'm still waiting." The skinny king confirmed.
Benjamin Franklin climbed up the stair to his roof where he kept his hang glider propeller and began putting his contraption together. "I'm so close to answering the door, thank you for your patience!"
"Your constant statements reassure me that you are indeed coming!" The king said, he was king Henry the 8th...
Suddenly the sound of a jet engine exploded down the streets of Boston, shattering windows and driving lesser men insane. The king could only watch as Benjamin Franklin rocketed up and into the heavens.
"Blast you! Give me back this country!" The king was heard to remark under the sound of the jet engine.
"You can't kill me I'm a magician you sons a bitches!" Benjamin Franklin mocked as he rocketed all the way to General Abraham Lincoln's castle.
General Lincoln was firing two pistols at some red coats and doing back flips when Benjamin Franklin came down from the clouds.
"We're gonna make you guys use slaves again like in Britain!" The captain of the Red coats promised.
"Not if liberty has anything to say about it!" Lincoln said and shot the captain in the neck in such a way that the blood couldn't get out of the captain's head and his head inflated bigger and bigger and then exploded like a water balloon.
"Classic Lincoln." Benjamin Franklin remarked with a smile.
"What are you doing here at the Lincoln castle?" General Lincoln asked.
"I came for your help, Henry the 8th is back and he's returned!"
"That's impossible, we beat him in the revolution!"
"Well he's back!"
"My god..." General lincoln looked down at the ground with sorrow, he knew that the future was uncertain.
"Quick..." Benjamin Franklin said. "Jump into the gunner seat of the helicopter I drove here and we'll go get the others!"
"I can't I promised on my dead wife's grave that I would never kill again."
"This is no time for sentimental promises, General! The fate of the state of the union is in peril!"
Suddenly a red coat jumped out with a suicide bomb at Franklin and Lincoln shot him in the head and then through him into the propeller showering them all in english blood.
"Damn them to hell! This is what they wanted!" Lincoln punched the ground and then got into the helicopter like he was told.
The helicopter went over the countryside and everone waved at it who was American, some black people were being whipped by a racist guy and Lincoln dropped a grenade on the racist guy and the racist was launched into the air and hit the propeller and splattered everywhere and the black people nodded with approval at what general lincoln had down to the racist guy that was whipping them.
Suddenly a red coat jumped up from the back seat from a place they had not looked before and jumped onto Franklin's back and bit him on the neck.
"Ahhhh! He's breaking all the important veins in my neck!"
"Noooooo!" Lincoln shouted as the helicopter began to spiral down towards the Alamo.
To be continued...