When we were watching random internet videos for Geography one day, our teacher showed us Powerthirst and the combination of that and Xemnas just came to mind. And I guess this is the outcome, enjoy :D
Disclaimer: I do not own any kingdom hearts, square enix, or POWERTHIRST related stuffs.
~x~
It was a usual boring day in The World That Never Was, and right about now all the Nobodies in all the land were just beginning to rise out of bed. The ever-shining moon known as Kingdom Hearts was brighter than usual, which meant that it was daytime.
Because always having a moon was rather misleading.
In the Castle That Never Was however, the home of the infamous Organization XIII only one person was ever up this early, due to his unique abilities. Having control over the moon made him always up at strange hours of the night.
Saix glided silently through the twisting hallways, his hard-soled boots making soft clicking noises as they collided with hard white flooring.
Left. Right. Left. Right. Right. Left… It was hard enough trying to find a damn bathroom in this place.
Saix took a left.
It was time for the usual early-morning report in to Xemnas before breakfast. This routine had become quite a good wake up call for Xemnas, because no matter how sick, sore or sleepy Saix was he would always report in to Xemnas, and not a minute late either way.
On such trips around the Castle one could really zone out and become lost in thought, which Saix tended to do a lot of the time. Though zone out too much and you might become trapped in a corner, which a certain ninth member tended to do a lot.
Saix stopped and gazed up at the large door in front of him. A large 'I' printed on the door indicated that their Superior resided in that room, as did all of their quarters.
He had seen it over a million times, but when you live with a bunch of insane tards that act like a bunch of children it always good to check you have the right door.
Saix sighed and silently turned the doorknob, slipping into the open crack without much effort.
"Lord Xemnas, It is time for the morning report."
Darn Lion King.
Xemnas made a few slight noises before slowly exposing his head from within the covers, hair a silvery mess like every other morning.
Heh. Sex hair.
"Thank you, no. VII."
Saix gave a slight nod as Xemnas almost tripped over his own tangled, white sheets. He slowly stood to his feet and stretched, before groggily making his way over ti his personal bathroom to pretty himself up.
Meanwhile, most of the other members had already risen from their rooms and made it to the kitchen, where Xaldin was preparing the usual breakfast.
Axel and Roxas watched with great intensity as Xaldin poured out a round of coffee into thirteen mugs, each one labelled especially for a certain member.
"What are you two up to now? Normally you're annoying the others at the breakfast table."
Axel pulled an innocent look and gasped dramatically. Pointing at himself. "Why Xaldin! I can't believe you would accuse Roxas and I of a misdeed! Aren't we allowed to take great interest at your fantastic coffee pouring?"
Xaldin rolled his eyes and turned back to the food, Axel grinning evilly to Roxas.
"A misdeed that isn't funny anyway."
Roxas nodded and quickly grabbed the white coffee mug labelled 'I' and swiftly throwing it out the conveniently placed window beside the counter and pouring an oddly coloured fizzing liquid into it, all before Xaldin became aware of their actions.
Silence fell over the chattering crowd as Xemnas, in all his mightiness, entered the room, Saix following close behind.
The Organization went back to talking amongst one another as Xaldin brought in a great assortment of breakfast goods.
Demyx followed his close behind with the large tray of coffee mugs in his arms.
Axel and Roxas grinned as Xemnas carefully took a sip out of his mug, shrugging off the strange new taste.
"Hmmm… New coffee flavour III?"
Xaldin stared at Xemnas and shrugged, taking a seat. "Uh, yeah, sure Superior."
A loud snort was suddenly heard as the members turned to Axel and Roxas, who were red in the face and were clamping both hands over their mouth in a desperate attempt to silence the uncontrollable laughter dwelling in their throats.
"Uh, nothing to see here folks, just laughing at a joke Roxas told me." Axel waved his hands defensively in front of them.
Xemnas sighed heavily. "Axel, laughter is irrelevant. Please refrain from…"
Xemnas stopped and suddenly became incredibly interested in a spot on the floor.
Everyone stared pointblank at the silent Nobody before looking at one another.
"Um, Xemnas?"
"Bunneh." Xemnas murmured.
"W-What?"
"Hmmm? Did you say something?"
Everyone suddenly exchanged glances.
Whoh. Maybe they had finally sent him into insanity.
They all decided to shrug it off and went back to talking and eating.
Ah, a usual Castle That Never Was breakfast.
After they had finished and went off to do their missions or just bum around the castle. Saix had began following Xemnas back to his office like he always did, to await any orders or jobs Xemnas issued to him.
They stopped outside a very office like white door as Xemnas went to open it. He suddenly stopped and whirled around to face his second in command.
"Oh my god Saix! I just had the greatest idea!"
Oh boy.
"Y-yes Superior?"
Xemnas suddenly grabbed Saix by the shoulders and began shaking his confused subordinate like a kid with sugarhigh issues.
"Let us have babies!"
Saix gaped at his superior. Utterly horrified.
"Wh- What?! Superior are you feeling okay?"
"Grand! Lets have babies! Lots and LOTS of babies! 400 BABIES!!!!!!!!!"
Now where had he heard that before?
Saix began to back away from his crazed superior but Xemnas rammed him against the wall.
Alrighty, a little too close for comfort here…
"S-Superior please! I don't think you're thinking clearly here!"
Xemnas let out a loud, insane sort of laugh. "Thinking clear as crystal! 400 babies! And they're gonna run like KENYANS!"
The next thing Saix knew he was running down the halls trying to escape from his crazed, hell bent on making BABIES Superior, who was still screaming KENYA at him every five minutes.
"SAIX! THINK OF THE BABIES! THEY'LL RUN AS FAST AS KENYANS!!"
~X~
In the kitchen, Demyx and Luxord were busy playing a game of poker. Of course Luxord was still winning, but Demyx seemed to be the only one who stuck around after losing ten times in a row to the gambler.
The door suddenly slammed open with so much force it was a miracle it didn't fall off the hinges, Saix bursting into the room and diving underneath the table.
"Saix? Are you oka-"
"YOULL HAVE SO MUCH ENERGY! LOTS AND LOTS OF ENERGY! MENERGYYYYYYYY!!!"
The two simply stared at their panting Superior, who this time actually did manage to break the door off.
"Uhhh… Superior? You feelin' okay?"
Xemnas suddenly yanked the two Nobodies from their seats and shoved some random cans in their faces.
"POWERTHIRST!! Want chocolate? Well how about SHOCKOLATE!!! It's like adding chocolate to an ELECTRICAL STORM! Sound the alarm! You're gonna be UNCOMFORTABLY ENERGETIC!!!!!"
He suddenly dropped the two horrified Nobodies and ran back out the busted doorway, screaming something about energy and Kenyans. Demyx looked at Luxord, who only shrugged in reply.
"Shockolate? What the hell was that all about?"
"If you ask me, id say someone has played a dirty trick on Superior." Saix mumbled, slowly checking the room before leaving his retreat under the table.
Demyx studied the can, eyeing the label curiously. "This stuff can really make you that energetic? Wow."
"Indeed. Needless to say we have to stop Superior before he tears down the whole castle. Anyone have any- DEMYX DON'T DRINK THAT!" Saix growled, bitch slapping the can from Demyx's hands.
"Awww."
"We don't need another energy-crazed Nobody on the premises. I suggest we split up and try to warn everyone before its too late."
The three nodded in agreement and darted off in all directions, hurrying to save their fellow comrades from the wrath of Powerthirst.
~X~
The next victims were Vexen, Lexaeus and Zexion, who had been peacefully lazing around on the couches in the common room. Lexaeus suddenly looked around. "Do you guys hear that?"
"SPORTS!" Xemnas screamed, crashing down through a hole in the ceiling.
"What?!"
"What's that? You want strawberry?" Xemnas screamed, his voice sounding just like a radio announcer. "Well how about RAWBERRY?! Made with lightning, REAL LIGHTNING!!"
The trio simply gaped in pure horror and confusion at their obviously deranged Superior as he began throwing cans of Powerthirst at them.
"What the hell is he doing? Trying to bash our faces in with cans of drink?"
They all dived behind the lounge as Xemnas continued his attack, screaming out things about SPORTS and KENYANS.
Vexen picked up one of the cans that had began to pile at their feet, frowning at the label.
"What the fuck is Fizzbitch??"
"And Manana?" Zexion added.
The flinging of cans over their heads had suddenly halted. They all stood cautiously, checking for any signs of the screaming lunatic that once was their Superior.
"That was certainly odd. What's gotten into him?" They all gazed down at the piles of cans at their feet.
Suddenly, Demyx ran into the room, tripping over the pile of rubble that was once covering the now giant hole in the roof.
"You guys!! I came to warn you about…"
He stopped, noticing the tower of Powerthirst cans piled at their feet and the confused, slightly shocked expressions plastered on their faces.
Demyx laughed lightly, rubbing the back of his neck. "Heh, well guess you guys already know."
"Indeed we do. What in kingdom hearts was that about?"
So Demyx began explaining the whole scenario, while the crazed Xemnas was still on the loose.
~X~
"Bet you cant hit Marly's prized rose from here." Xaldin said, twirling a lance in his hand casually.
Xigbar grinned, one golden eye flashing. "Ha, make it fifty munny and you're on."
Xigbar steadily aimed it at the large blue rose centred in one of the many gardens, slowly beginning to pull the trigger.
"TURBOPUNS!!" Xemnas screamed in no. II's ear, making the older Nobody hit a wandering Dusk instead of his target.
"Dammit! What the hell Superior??"
"Electrolyes! Turbolytes! Powerlytes! More lights than YOUR BODY HAS ROOM FOR!!"
Xaldin stared as Xemnas shoved some cans of drink onto his Lance, the weird coloured liquid dripping out the punctured holes. He then began attacking Xigbar with an armful of Powerthirst cans.
"Dude! Whats wrong with you!"
"POWERTHIRST! You'll be so fast, Mother Nature will be like, SLOWWWWWWW DOWWWWWWWNNNNNN and you'll be like..."Fuck you!" and kick her in the face with your ENERGY LEGS!" Xemnas screamed, suddenly roundhouse kicking Xigbar in the face and running off back towards the castle.
Xaldin frowned and removed the speared cans off his lance, bending over Xigbar. "You okay there?"
Xigbar glared up at the whirlwind lancer, a hand clamped over his nose to stop the blood dripping out of it. "That friggin bastard just broke my nose!! Im going to kill him when I see him!"
Just then Luxord loped over to them, laughing a how pathetic Xigbar looked. "Then I guess you've seen the way Superior has been acting?"
~X~
Marluxia wandered down one of the silent white halls, talking to the small potted flower he carried in his arms.
"Too bad I have no more room in my quarters, the Venus Fly Traps took up the last spot on my windowsill…" He mused, stroking the small flowers petals gently.
"ENERGY!! AHHHHHHHH!!!!!"
"AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!" Marluxia screamed, whirling around to see Xemnas behind him, a crazed look in his amber eyes.
"Give Shockolate to your babies and they'll be good at sports! Make your babies run abnormally fast! They'll run as fast as KENYANS! People will watch them running and think they're KENYANS! They'll race as fast as KENYANS! Against actual KENYANS! And it'll be a tie, and they'll get deported back to KENYAAAAAAAA!!!!"
Marluxia stared at him. "M-My babies?"
"POWERTHIRST!!"
"AHHH!"
"MENERGY!!!!!!!!"
Xemnas suddenly ripped- yes ripped- open a can of Powerthirst and dumped it into the pot plant in Marluxia's hands, the poor flower instantly shrivelling up and dying.
"SNAKE EYES!!!!!!"
"MY PETUNIA!!!!"
Xemnas then threw a dozen more cans at the horrified rose-haired man and jumped through an open window, all the while screaming, "SPORTS!!!"
~x~
The Organization (aside from Xemnas) all gathered in Saix's room, each of them complaining about something Xemnas had done.
"ALRIGHT!" Saix yelled over the noise, the room finally quieting down.
"Someone had messed with Xemnas, and I want to know who so we can stop him. Does anyone have any idea who could have done this?"
Silence.
"Wait a minute…" Xaldin growled. "Axel and Roxas were acting suspicious this morning when I was pouring the coffee."
They all thought hard, suddenly realising who the people to blame were.
"AXEL AND ROXAS!!!"
~X~
"So do you think they'll learn their lesson?" Vexen asked the others as they all watched the training room, laughing.
Saix grinned. "Oh I don't think they'll be pulling another one of those jokes for a while."
"OH PLEASE DEAR GOD XEMNAS DON'T GET THE CHAINSAW!!!!!!"
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!"
A loud crashing sound was heard.
"DRINK POWERTHIRST AND YOULL WIN AT EVRYTHING FOREVERRRR!!!!!!!!!"
They watched as Axel and Roxas made a dash for the door.
A shame it was locked.
"That's for making him give me a bleeding nose." Xigbar grinned, twirling a set of keys on his finger.
Thar we go, im sure Xemnas wont ever have another energy drink again.