Disclaimer: Star Trek and its characters don't belong to me. I just take them out to play and promise to have them home at a reasonable time.

Author's Note: I don't know why my muse thinks it's funny to hurt me but I've had a lot of Janeway/Jaffen feels lately and my muse refused to let me work on anything else until I wrote this first chapter. I've got several chapters written so this should have a regular update schedule but I promise nothing. The rating stands for now, though it may change in later chapters. This is unbeta'd so all mistakes are, as always, my own.

"I thought you might like these back, to remind you of our time together."

Jaffen's voice is gentle and steady, much like the hand holding out the odd little knickknacks Kathryn collected back on the planet. Her eyes burn at the thought of losing this extraordinary man, the last link she has to the woman she was before Captain Janeway became her sole identity. The takeover was gradual enough that she didn't even realize she was losing herself until she was free to be just Kathryn on Quarra, an insignificant face among a sea of workers. Her memories had been tampered with but she'd been happy; no crushing responsibility, nothing to worry about other than keeping her console happy at the plant, and a man who genuinely cared for her.

His kind eyes catch and hold her attention, speaking to her more than his words ever could. She sees his pain and his affection, the troubling conundrum he faces in being forced to let her go when it's obviously not at all what he wants to do. Reaching up to touch his arm lightly, Kathryn shakes her head and struggles to find her voice under the crush of emotion she feels.

"I won't need souvenirs to remember you," she whispers, her lip trembling as she loses the fight against the tears that started building back in Sickbay. She's not sure who moves first but they're in each other's arms, holding on as if their lives depend on it - maybe they do. She doesn't want to let go of this man, this sweet man who brought Kathryn out from under Captain Janeway's iron-fisted control and, if his desperate embrace is anything to judge by, Jaffen feels the same. The tears, when they finally come, fall unheeded as they hold each other tightly.

"I don't want to go," Jaffen whispers in her ear, his arms tightening around her. Kathryn chokes out a laugh, though it ends in a sob.

"I don't want you to go either," she replies and the tremor in her voice makes her cringe. "But I told you, it'd be inappropriate for the captain to have a relationship with a member of her crew."

"Then I won't be a member of your crew," he says. "I'll stay on as a civilian contractor."

Pulling back a little from his embrace, Kathryn stares at him in shock and whispers, "That's . . . That's a technicality."

"Tell me you really don't want me to stay and I won't," he says. Her heart constricts as she shakes her head emphatically, wide eyes still locked onto his.

"I don't want you to go, Jaffen, I really don't. But I don't know how I can justify letting you stay just because I don't want to be alone anymore." Her voice is tired as she pulls away from him completely now, moving to stare out of the viewport. The unfamiliar stars mock her, promising a long journey ahead, one that's solitary and lonely if she chooses wrong. When his arms wrap around her waist, she leans back against his chest and sighs heavily. "I don't want to continue the trek home without you. I've known you for such a short time but you're so important to me."

"Then let me come with you, with Voyager. Let me make things easier for you, Kathryn, and help you carry the heavy load you bear," he says softly. "You're too important to me and I don't think I can just walk away."

They stand in silence for a long while, both keeping their eyes on the stars. Her mind is torn between being happy and being the captain. Her words are quiet when she finally speaks.

"I don't know how to do this," she admits. "I don't know how to be the captain and justify my own personal happiness when my crew is so far from their families."

"They're happy on Voyager, Kathryn. Have you watched them together? I've only been onboard for a few hours but even I can see it; they're a family, your crew. They miss their families in the Alpha Quadrant, yes, but they're a family now and they're happy. You can have that too, if you'd let yourself. They would understand and be happy for you, for us."

His words wash over her and while she wants to argue with him, she knows he's right. She's used her position and guilt over stranding Voyager in the Delta Quadrant as a means to keep herself focused on getting her people home but she knows, deep in her heart, that Jaffen's observation is true; her crew is a family and wouldn't be opposed to her having a life. Chakotay's told her as much, several times over the years, but Kathryn's guilt hasn't allowed her to be happy. Now Jaffen is offering happiness and stability and all she has to do is accept it.

"I'm going to slip up," she says, shaking her head. "You're going to be terribly frustrated with me a lot because I'm going to have to be reminded of that often."

His arms tighten around her and her breath catches in her chest when she realizes he's shaking. Turning in his arms, she slips her arms around his neck and rests her forehead against his.

"You won't regret this," he whispers and she laughs weakly.

"No, but you will. I suspect you'll have my murder plotted out several times before I get it through my thick skull that I'm allowed to be happy and that my happiness is with you."

Their lips meet in a gentle kiss and he pulls her closer, shaking his head as he holds her close and says, "We'll work through it together, Kathryn. We'll find a way to make this work and we'll be happy."

Voyager is leaving orbit in an hour and she'll have to be on the Bridge to set her ship back on its way to Earth but she doesn't have to leave yet so, with a smile, she leads Jaffen over to the sofa, pulling him down to sit next to her. They hold each other tightly, murmuring gently as they enjoy the moment. They're not naive; they recognize that things won't be easy but they have each other and that's enough to make the journey seem less daunting.