A/N: I told Tumblr and myself that I would not write anything for a while because 5x07 wrecked me.
But, I heard a song. And then a cover of that song.
'Smother' by Daughter and George Ogilvie's cover of it were my inspiration. (You can find George on YouTube.)
I'm not the best at angst. Sorry in advance.
P.S. Lyrics will be in italics with their own line breaks. I won't use a few bits of the song.
**EDIT!: I will be writing Bo's POV and reaction to Tamsin's disappearance.
Tamsin sat outside in a rented truck, it differing greatly from her own truck. She didn't want to be noticed as she sat, parked half a block away from the clubhouse. She pressed her lips to one of the many bottles of liquor she bought, taking a long swig to finish it off. She shakily wiped her mouth with the back of her hand, tossing the empty bottle onto the floor of the car.
It had been a while since the valkyrie felt the need to drink, but then again, there was Bo— Tamsin quickly stopped that thought from going any further. Gripping the steering wheel, she closed her eyes, taking in shaky breaths. I will not cry. I will not cry. She gritted her teeth, forcing her eyes back open. She glanced at the clubhouse, waiting for an inevitable moment.
The blonde knew that she would be leaving soon, to see Trick, to see Dyson, to see Lauren... to see anyone but her. But Tamsin doesn't blame her. Not in the slightest. Because who would want to see an unlovable valkyrie? A woman who simply wasn't enough. A woman with false emotions, it seemed.
Tamsin watched as Bo walked out of the clubhouse, looking a little worse for wear. She tried to feel nothing as she watched the brunette enter her car and drive off to the Dahl. But nothing could get rid of the pain that ripped through her chest, invading her lungs with every breath she took. The blonde opened another bottle of alcohol and swallowed as much as she could manage before her eyes watered and her throat burned in protest. She closed and tossed the bottle into the passenger seat. She'd need it later.
She stumbled out of the vehicle, managing to somehow make it to the clubhouse front door without falling down. She barged right in, knowing that if you jiggled the doorknob in a certain set of directions, the door would open as if it had never been locked in the first place. The valkyrie stepped inside, looking around. Everything was in the same place as she'd left it.
Tamsin grabbed a trash bag, beginning to toss her belongings in it one by one. She started in the kitchen, tossing in an apron that she wore whenever she tried to conjure up something edible. Next, she threw in her favorite utensils, followed up by some of the food she chose when they went grocery shopping. The blonde moved her gaze up, staring at the two boxes of cereal that sat on top of the fridge. Cap'n Crunch and Lucky Charms. She closed her eyes.
"I'm hungry," Tamsin mused, scrunching her nose.
"Well, why don't I make us some breakfast, huh? Half Cap'n Crunch, half Lucky Charms?" Bo suggested.
"Hmm, I love that you know how I like it."
"Well, that's what roomies are for."
Roomies. Tamsin should have known. She was so blinded. Blinded by the thought she really had Bo all to herself. But she didn't have her at all, did she? Not even a miniscule of her belonged to the valkyrie. Not even a miniscule would ever belong to her. She was a complete and utter fool for ever believing she stood a chance in the race for the succubus's heart.
I'm wasted, losing time
I'm a foolish, fragile spine
Tamsin threw the boxes of cereal into the trash bag, adding the milk for good measure. She turned in a circle, making sure she had cleared everything out. She dragged the trash bag behind her, sniffling as she wiped her eyes, brimming with fresh tears. It'll be like I was never here. Her hands sought out the blanket she always used when marathoning tv shows, the very same blanket that Bo would sometimes crawl under with her, and threw it into the bag.
The valkyrie picked up and threw out various things, and finally, her hand settled around a photo of her and Bo. Absentmindedly, her thumb brushed against the photo, reminiscing. She remembered the day as clear as a summer's sky. It was a bittersweet day after Kenzi had passed, when Tamsin felt she no longer belonged in the rundown house. And as she was about to leave with her suitcase full of everything she owned, a soft, warm hand latched onto her wrist.
"You know you can stay if you have nowhere else to go, right?" Bo's voice had been quiet, vulnerable.
Tamsin had been about to say no, but one look in the succubus's eyes broke every resistance in her. She had looked so lost, and a certain hollowness was evident in those eyes that were usually so warm and full of kindness. And something in Tamsin ached. Ached to fix that sadness. Ached to see them full of life once more. And so she gave in.
Tamsin gave a small, sad smile. "I think I'd like that."
With trembling fingers, she pried open the picture frame, removing the picture. She stared at it for quite a while, thumb running over Bo's side of the picture.
I want all that is not mine
I want her but we're not right
With a deep, shaking breath, she tore the picture in half. The half with Bo, she tucked into her back pocket. Her half ended in the trash, and she moved on towards the upper half of the clubhouse. Methodically, she cleared away everything in her room, pulling clothes out of drawers, tearing posters off the decrepit walls, and even going as far as erasing the markings on the side of the door that tracked her height through her last rebirth.
Tamsin grabbed the sheets and pillow cases off her bed, knowing they'd smell of her if she left them. She gathered them up, adding them to the over-stuffed trash bag. After grabbing another trash bag, she cleared out the bathroom. The only room left was her room. Their room, as it had come to be for Tamsin the past couple of weeks.
She actively avoided the bed sitting in the middle of the room, opting to sift through and grab her things that lay intermingled with Bo's belongings. After she had thrown away every bit of evidence of her having lived in this house, she turned to the bed and swallowed thickly. In an instant, she recalled all the cherished moments she had spent with Bo there. Moments that were filled with smiles and laughter. Moments where words were never spoken, and only hungry kisses and roaming hands could convey any sense of communication. And amidst all of that, Tamsin had truly believed she fell in love.
Was it love I felt? Tamsin's hand dragged along the sheets, feeling the soft fabric beneath her fingertips. She believed it was love, and she thought Bo shared that.
But she was wrong.
No matter how sure she felt— feels, she was so very wrong. A succubus, a type of Fae renowned for their expertise in love and desire, couldn't see how she felt. So it couldn't have been love. Even with the feeling filling her heart and the deepest pit of her stomach, it couldn't have been love. Even the warmth that blossomed in her chest and the blush that spread like wildfire on her cheeks, it couldn't have been love. Even with every ounce of her being that screamed to be near the one with eyes both brown and blue, whose heart is both strong and gentle, who's virtuous yet lustful... It couldn't have been love.
Tamsin tore herself out of her thoughts, and she gathered up the blankets and sheets from the bed. Instead of throwing out the sheets as she did with her own bed, she washed and dried them, ridding them of any scent.. any indication that she had been in that bed.
I should go now quietly
For my bones have found a place to lie down and sleep
Tamsin wiped at the tears that pooled and threatened to overspill, backing out of the room with the two trash bags in hand. Within seconds, she was locking the door of the clubhouse, descending the stairs as fast as she could. The longer she stayed, the longer a heavy weight pressed against her heart.
And then she was outside, breathing in the damp air that lingered after a long storm. As soon as she got to her rented truck, she tossed the bags in the bed of the truck and entered the cab. Immediately, her hands went to a bottle, and she drank and drank until a certain kind of numbness took hold of her. After a few moments, she turned the key in the ignition, and the engine roared to life. Mindlessly, she shifted the gear into Drive and took off down the road. As she drove away, she glanced at the rear-view mirror, watching her temporary home shrink into nothing.
Soon, the valkyrie found herself parked near a familiar alley. She got out of the truck, grabbing hold of the two trash bags, tossing them into the nearby dumpster. Next, she grabbed the canister of gasoline, dousing the contents of the dumpster thoroughly. Tamsin reached into her jacket pocket, pulling out a matchbook from one of the various Dark Fae bars she's visited. As she struck the match, the wind shifted, the clouds darkened considerably, and the air became chilled.
And when Tamsin tossed the match into the dumpster, setting it ablaze, the creaking of a wrought iron gate opening resounded through the alley. She felt a familiar and unpleasant presence behind her, and a sickeningly sweet voice spoke up.
"Hey, Tammy," Stacy greeted, a taunting edge to her voice. "Are you ready to atone for all that you've done?"
In the darkness I will meet my creators
They will all agree, I'm a suffocator
Tamsin said nothing, staring long and hard at the roaring flame that was currently consuming all physical evidence that she had lived with Bo. Not even the marks she left on the other woman remained. They never did. Tamsin would leave them, signs that Bo was hers and hers alone and yet, each time, Bo would feed off her immediately after as if refusing her any physical part of her. At the time, she was fine with that because emotionally and mentally, she believed she still had some part of the succubus. But she should have known that if she couldn't have something as small as a mark on the other woman's skin, she could never have any part of her heart.
Tamsin pulled the photo of Bo out of her back pocket, staring at it and letting the painful ache fill her chest and sweep through her veins. Remember this, she reminded herself. Remember this pain, and never let it happen again. All you've caused is trouble for her. Do not try to hold onto someone who does not want to be held by you. You are a valkyrie. You are not meant for love.
She dropped the photo into the flames, watching the flame lick at its edges before consuming it whole. She turned around and faced Stacy's smug smile, nodding slightly as she brushed past the other blonde. She thought of the succubus one last time as she entered Valhalla.
Oh no
I'm sorry if I smothered you
Once Tamsin was past, the gate creaked and groaned as it shut, disappearing and taking the valkyrie with it.
A/N: Yep. Review if you'd like.
P.S. Any weird mistakes found? Me = sorry.