It was a nice day, actually.
There was a bit of a frosty breath in the air, but the sun softly peaked behind milk-coloured clouds. The leaves of the magnolia trees in the Imperial Garden sang quietly.
The Emperor made his way to the Palace Graveyard, right over the hill not far from the gardens. His steps were slow and heavy, like he carried several great weights on his still growing shoulders. Which he did.
The country of Xing was just one of them. And not the heaviest, by far.
"He acutally achieved his goal of finding a Philosopher's Stone? That is incredible!"
"And he became the Emperor at only 16 years of age! Even for our country, that must be a first!"
"But look at the poor guard he's brought home with him .. He left with his two closest servants and returns with only one of them, who is forever crippled."
"Yeah .. no matter what he does from now on, he will forever be confronted with all the sacrifices he had to make to get where he wanted to be."
It wasn't easy to elude the whispers of the older Councilmen, and Ling fought a mental battle everyday, whether to let them stay or throw them out alltogether, 'cause he really couldn't stand their gossiping. Worse than the noblewomen.
Speaking of which - the young ruler never thought he could posess such a strong desire to slap a woman. Hard.
It was barely a week ago when the Imperial Court held a small banquet in celebration of one of the Imperial Mercenary's graduation to General of the Xingese army. All the big ones were there, the Council, the Noblewomen and of course: The Emperor and His shadow. (Ling hated that nickname, for it absolutely diminished the position his bodyguard held, but unfortunately, it was hard to get rid of.)
Everything went as it was supposed to, the Elders came up to the Emperor, talked to him about the future of the country and he answered adequatly. Lan Fan sat beside him, stoic as a marble statue and with dark eyes that wouldn't miss the slightest sign of danger. At one point during the event, the Emperor urged his subordinate to get herself something to drink, so she wouldn't dry out. Without much objection, the young girl stood up, bowed and quickly made her way to the buffet.
And then it happened.
The second the raven-haired warrior passed the wives of the former Emperor, one of them (who apparently had a little too much alcohol for her own good) stepped outside their little circle and without any warning, started to shout:
"Hey, cripple, what makes you think you can just dine from the same table as we do?"
The room went silent in a heartbeat, and Lan Fan suddenly froze in place. She was used to the hushed whispers and insults the members of the Royal Court threw at her day by day. But never had one of them adressed her openly, in the middle of a formal event, and put her on the spot like this. Her body shook with tremors, from anger or embarassment, she couldn't tell.
What made this even worse was that the woman targetting her wasn't just any of the 50 concubines the current Emperor's father had chosen to be his brides.
It was ..
"Mother, how dare you?"
Ling had stood up from his throne, his eyes open and sharp with anger. He tried hard not to let his voice shiver with fury, but it was obvious he took this insult personally.
Lan Fan started to sweat under everyone's gazes. This was bad.
But the Emperor's mother just snorted and directed her gaze back to the anxious bodyguard, who was trying her everything to maintain her composure.
"Oh, please. Dear son, I still cannot understand how out of all of the highly-respected and capable soldiers, you had to pick the one that can't even protect her own body .. and as evidenced, not even her own kind."
There were no words to describe how badly, terribly, soul-scarringly this last comment pierced Lan Fan's insides. It was like she had not only shone a huge light on her biggest weakness, but also ripped it out of her, wrenched it in her hands until it dripped blood and violently shoved it back into her throat. The young girl knew exactly what the Emperor's mother meant by 'her own kind.' Or more explicitly, who she meant.
She wanted to die. She wanted to run. She wanted to scream at this woman to shut her up, slit her throat with her automail blade.
But most of all, she wanted to escape those hot, burning eyes of the Ruler of Xing, who currently looked like he had been stabbed in the chest as well.
Lan Fan knew exaxtly that his mother's words hurt him just as much as her. And that's why she wanted to take this woman down so badly. But instead, she kept on trembling, afraid she would shatter the glass of water with her fingers made of steel.
Her mind went blank for a few moments, not knowing what to do or how to go on, and all the voices just became one big blur. She could only faintly make out the argument that was embarking between the Emperor and his mother.
"... How dare you even raise your voice against one of the most loyal guards, no, most loyal persons this country has ever witnessed?! I will not allow you making remarks like that anymore ! I-"
" .. How about we rather talk about you raising your voice against your very own mother! You might sit on his throne, but you have to do a LOT more before you can even begin to expect the same praise as your father got!"
"I cannot believe your cruelty! One more word, and I will have you thrown out of this palace this instant and you can spit your insults to someone who cares!"
"This is an outrage! I will-"
... the Emperor and his mother continued to fight fiercely, until one of the male guards finally took the courage to remove the furious, drunk woman from the party. Lan Fan could still her screaming as they escorted (more likely, pushed) her down the corridors of the Royal palace.
"You little rat will never be more than a slave to this country and this court, never forget that!"
The black-haired girl bit her lip until it started bleeding and let out one, inaudible sigh. Maybe she was right, but that didn't even matter anymore.
She had dishonored His Majesty, the Emperor, and worst of all .. his strongest servant, who had sacrificed his very being to keep his Lord safe. Her grandfather.
Lan Fan wanted to choke on the acidic tears burning holes into her skin, but she just took her drink, walked back to her assigned place and sat down, without even thinking to shoot a glance at the Emperor.
She could hear his heaving chest and silent curses under his breath, and swallowed hardly.
I am sorry, Your Majesty.
I am sorry I embarass you with my presence.
"I am so sorry, old man .. I let both of you down, you and your granddaughter."
The young ruler had finally reached the grave of his long-time mentor, comrade ... father figure.
A big, grey marble tombstone stared back at him, silently judging. The memorial was decorated with several wild flowers, magnolias and engraved with graceful Xingese characters that said:
For Fu. Beloved grandfather and mentor. May he rest in peace, forever honoured as the brave and selfless warrior he was, until his last breath.
The letters burned themselves into Ling's brain and he had to shake his head and seal his eyes shut to stop from tearing up at the sight.
His thoughts were spinning violently around in his mind, causing a slight dizzyness as he opened his eyes again, this time facing the grass beneath him.
What king am I, if I can't even protect my own people?
In the back of his head, the young man could always hear the faint growling of his old pal Greed, snickering and mocking him from within.
"Are you fucking joking me, kiddo? You got everything you wanted, your country, your position, your power, everything – yet you still sit around moping about the things you can't do? You really are a naive little dreamer, aren't cha?"
"Maybe I am. I just thought .. once I am the one in charge, I can finally change this country and shape it the way it's supposed to be." Ling whispered to himself, as if the Homunculus could still hear him. Suddenly, the skin where his Ouroboros tattoo used to be started to sting.
Dammit, I can't believe I miss this jerk. But despite all of his crazy doings, he still did a great job helping me achieve my goals. Not to mention, I actually got him to care about other people's wellbeing. Such as ...
The shoulders of the Xingese Emperor heaved heavily up and down, accompanied by a heartfelt sigh. Before his inner eye, he could make out the details of that day as if it weren't over a year ago.
Blood, spilling everywhere, soaking through her black clothes as if they were paperthin.
Her eyes, barely alive, trying their utmost to stay focused and determined enough to convince the young lord she wasn't going to die in the next five minutes.
Her voice, like gravel, contorted with pain to the point where she almost chocked on it.
"Y...Young lord .. please .. you have to leave me behind .. there is an Homonculus out there and if we don't catch it .. we might not get another chance .. to find .. immortality ..-"
"I .. I-.. GODDAMMIT, Lan Fan! Why did you have to- alright! I will go and find this beast and capture it! You stay right here! And for god's sake, don't you dare die on me! I will come back for you, I promise! Just ... stay alive, okay? It's an order!"
The young girl weakly smiled through her horrendous pain, and Ling felt himself shaking even harder. How could she still be smiling? How could this much strength be in such a fragile body? And most importantly ...
Why does she have to be the one to sacrifice this much, and not me?
"In the end .. Lan Fan proved to be much stronger than I could even imagine to be." The young ruler stated out loud, still talking to the rigid stone in front of him.
"And me? Even though I managed to contain an inhuman, supernatural creature inside my body, the literal personification of greed, I was still not powerful enough to save anyone! No, on the contrary! I lost him, and to top that I hurt Lan Fan even further when I let you sacrifice yourself for me!"
Ling didn't even notice how loud his voice has gotten. At this point, the sting of his hand had spread out to his entire body, every cell seemed to burn with unspoken regret.
"You god-damned geezer were the only family Lan Fan had left, and now? She is alone, and subjected to all kinds of hatred from those cursed Council members, and noblewomen and who knows who! And I can't even do a damn thing to keep her from getting treated like dirt, over and over again! I, the freaking Emperor of Xing have to watch my bodyguard throw herself in the line of fire, just to protect my sorry ass! And you know what? I-can't-stand-it !"
At this point, Ling stood upright, his clenched fists shaking with rage. Rage directed mostly toward himself. Tears started to stain his face and he didn't stop them. With the remains of his dying voice, he screamed at the tombstone:
"How the hell am I ever gonna be able to make this up to her?"
"... Y-Your Majesty .."
The young man snapped out of it immediatly. This voice.
In the blink of an eye, he turned his head. His blurry eyes found another pair of dark, conflicted orbs, open wide and filled with emotions he could not yet name. Her name escaped his lips like a prayer, desperate and guilty.
"Lan Fan."
The raven-haired girl fell to her knees the second she heard her name and bowed. Her voice was raspy and unusually high-pitched.
"I-I am so sorry, Your Highness, I didn't mean to disturb you, or eavesdrop, I just happened to come across the graveyard and I wanted to see if you were alright, I did not have any other purpose than-"
"C'mon, stop that. I beg of you."
Lan Fan felt a bolt of lightning zapping through her veins. He sounds so tired .. and wounded. Her chest ached with sorrow and she swallowed the breath she had been holding in.
"I apologize, Your Majesty." she replied, feeling her cheeks and every inch of her face reddening, because she knew he was watching her instensely. She could feel it.
Ling sighed again and beckoned for her stand up. Lan Fan did as ordered and dared to direct her eyes at him. The sight made her wanna cry herself.
This is not how a man of his position is supposed to look like. So broken, so miserable ... and it's all because of her.
"How much did you hear?" the young lord asked. His bodyguard felt once again as if something struck her. Her face was probably firing up again, and she didn't even have her mask on her hands to cover it up. Lan Fan contemplated what answer she could give that would ease his mind, but one look to his face reminded her of his incredible perceptiveness. No, she wouldn't lie to him right now.
" .. Most of it, Your Highness. I was intending to visit my honoured grandfather's grave myself, but I saw you were already there and I didn't want to impose, so I waited a few metres behind you. Apparently, not far enough. I am so-"
"Don't say it! For Xing's sake, please don't. There is really no need to apologize to me. Besides .. you shouldn't feel obligated to wait for me to finish. You have every bit of a right to be here as I do." Ling interfered, inwardly scolding himself for how harsh his voice sounded. There were a few moments of heavy silence between the two of them, until the young Emperor took a few steps towards his vassal. Taking one deep breath of the fresh afternoon air, he finally spoke the words that had been gnawing on his brain ever since he saw her tear-filled eyes back on the battlefield, when she was standing next to her deceased grandfather.
"Lan Fan .. I am sorry. So, so sorry."
The young woman thought she had misheard him. She must have.
There is no way to explain why her Emperor would be apologizing to someone like her. Or look at her with an expression she had never seen on him, ever. She was so caught off guard, she couldn't even stop herself from asking:
".. F-For what ..?"
Ling noticed how her body language slightly changed, from wary and distant to vulnerable and confused. Her face twitched, her eyes desperately waiting for his answer. He felt a sudden urge to grab her hands, flesh and steel, and squeeze them tightly. But the Emperor refrained from doing so and continued talking.
"For everything. All the pain I've caused you. Your arm .. Fu .. all the sacrifices you had to bear with to get me where I am today. You lost everything and I .. cannot even repay you. Much less give you back what you've given up. Worse: instead of leading the life you deserve, I have to watch you suffer silently, while those old demons and noble hags torture you everyday. And the incident with my mother .."
Lan Fan wanted to interject so badly, wanted to beg him to stop beating himself up for her own mistakes. But she remembered her station and quietly observed Her Emperor run a hand over his face and make a hateful noise in the back of his throat.
" .. I was this close to throwing her out myself. Just stick something in her mouth to shut her up and then kick her to curb without looking back. Gosh, this woman just-"
Ling stopped mid-sentence when he saw the look on his comrade's face. Her face was ghostly pale and her eyes wide, like she had just witnessed a brutal murder. His words died on his tongue and he felt himself slipping.
Just take her hands. Goddammit, idiot, take her in your arms if you can't even finish the damn sentence.
Shut up, Greed. Ling's inner voice said, before it died out as well.
Lan Fan used this pause to pick the conversation up again.
".. Y-Your Majesty .. I .. cannot believe my actions caused you this much discomfort .. I .. just .. from the moment we where introduced, I wanted nothing more than to protect you and help you reach your goals, no matter what .. But I didn't know that you still carried this much remorse.. I thought - I-"
The words seemed like bricks, weighing her down, lodging themselves in her throat, threatening to choke her. Lan Fan's head began to spin wildly and she lost focus. Millions of pictures started to collide in her mind and many familiar voices called out to her from the void of her conscience.
"You are entrusted with the young Lord's life. He is your number one priority. Protect him with every fiber of your being."
"Yes, grandfather. I will."
"Hello, Lan Fan, so nice to meet you! I am Ling, Ling Yao. I hope we can be friends!"
".. Surely, my Lord."
" .. Awwww, do you have to call my 'my Lord' already? We're eight years old! No need for formalties!"
"I am sorry, young lord, but my position demands me to adress you properly."
" Hmmm .. if you say so. At least I still get to call you by your first name!"
"Yes, sire."
"You lost your arm ? I cannot believe this! I thought I had trained you better!"
" .. I am sorry grandfather. I failed you and the young master."
"Hey, Lan Fan, are you sure your arm is alright? Because I, well Greed saw it dripping blood earlier and I want to make sure you're all fixed up before we head back to Xing!"
"Thanks for yor concern, my lord. I am well."
".. You sure?"
"Yes, absolutely. Let's go back home."
"Lan Fan ..?"
The Emperor's bodyguard felt a wave of guilt wash over her. His voice was heavy with concern. Out of the corner of her regretful eyes, Lan Fan could make out his face, worry etched all over it. Her stomach churned and she felt nauseated.
The Emperor's servant struggled to find her voice again. Ling's eyes took in her every move, every little gesture. He understood now.
The girl before him was not just his battle comrade, his soldier, his strongest weapon. She also was his long-time friend, confidante and inspiration. And most importantly - a young, vulnerable girl who had lost part of her body and her last remaining family member, all in the span of a few months.
The young ruler knew that this was not the moment to place blame, or list all of their regrets. It was the time to comfort each other, give each other strength and gather faith for the future. And that's what he was going to do.
In a heartbeat, the Emperor of Xing finally summoned the courage to reach out his fingers to softly grasp Lan Fans hands in his own. He felt the cold metal of her left hand against the warmth of his flesh hand, and gripped it even tighter, hoping to transfer a bit of his body heat into the steel limb.
"Lan Fan ... don't you understand? Your actions, your selflessness, as well as Fu's .. are the main reason I can call myself an Emperor now. You two alone are responsible for getting me where I am today. And I am eternally grateful for that."
Ling's voice wavered. He was overcome with an emotion he hadn't felt in a long time. He wasn't even sure where this was coming from, but he could feel it, emerging from his gut, spreading through his chest, running in his veins.
Hope.
And when he looked into her eyes, her beautiful, obsidian eyes, he knew that she was the reson why.
All of a sudden, he knew that despite everything that was still going wrong, all the hardships they both still had to face, they didn't have to face them alone, no.
They could brave them togther.
" .. I .. could not be more lucky to have a companion like you by my side. I ... I am sorry for every single sacrifice you had to make. And even though I cannot give you back what you've lost, I will personally make sure to make it up in any way I can. I swear, by my honour as the Emperor of Xing!" Ling said, and for a second he sounded just like he did when they embarked on their journey to Amestris, full of unshakable confidence.
Lan Fan, who had been rendered speech- and motionless by the tidal wave of feelings threatening to drown her, just now realized what was going on, what her Emperor was saying and where his hands were. She blushed, cheeks heating up in a matter of seconds.
"Y-Your Majesty, I- .. I .." No. She still couldn't form a coherent sentence. Not when he looked at her like that. His eyes seemed to speak their own language, diving deep into her own, pulling at her every string until she saw nothing but him in her tunnel vision.
"It's okay, Lan Fan. For now, you can just be yourself. You don't have to say or do anything, just .. don't give up hope. I will make this palace, no this country a better place to live, for you, me and the whole population of Xing."
He spoke softly, but determinedly and she could feel his grip on her metal hand getting stronger. Even though it was impossible, it was like his warmth was reaching her, travelling through the wires and joints of her artificial limb right into her chest, where her heart beated uncontrollably.
In this very moment, she believed his every word. Yes.
They made it this far. There was no way she would give herself up now. She still had reasons to fight, and a very special person to protect. Even if he wasn't around anymore, she'd make her grandfather proud.
Lan Fan allowed herself to shed a few tears, mixed with both grief and happiness. Her small lips curved into a cautious smile.
".. I believe you, Your Highness. Thank you, sincerely." she spoke, with the voice Ling knew and had memorized years ago - graceful, soft, yet unbreakable.
He let himself smile as well, and somewhere, in the depths of his mind, he thought: Maybe I didn't let Fu down, after all.
As he continued to hold his comrades hands in his, he made a silent vow.
Do not worry, old man. I will take care of her now. I promise.
The End