A/N: Hi, thanks for giving this a chance! I hope you enjoy it! I don't own KHR, ditto for all other chapters, if any.
The summary doesn't really click right with me - I'll change it if I ever think of a better one.
It was strange, Tsuna supposed, thinking back on...well, what happened.
The day had been perfectly normal and fine, as any other day would have been to No-good Tsuna. The sky was blue, the clouds were white and fluffy, and the chihuahua next door was barking like no tomorrow, probably angered at the fact that Tsuna managed to evade it the previous time he went grocery-shopping for his mom (yay!).
He went to school, was late, the teacher shook her head in exasperation, he dazed through class (Tsuna swore he didn't understand those gibberish), woke up at the lunch bell, got his pocket money stolen by those bullies, ate his lunch at the backyard, ambled through the lessons, and generally wasting away his already-pitiful life and wondering if he should come up with a more elaborate plan to skip tomorrow's physical education lesson.
Nu-uh, it was a normal day. For Tsuna, that is, until he was on the way home.
A car (he couldn't even remember the colour, just because No-good Tsuna) sped past him – and no, that's not the heart-stopping part. Not yet, anyway. It was a stroke of luck and perhaps fate that the wind the movement generated had done more than flutter his book's pages and BLEW IT TO THE DRAIN! WHAT?!
Tsuna had been understandably devastated. For a ten-years-old not out of school, a civilian-raised kid who had been bullied much of his life – the newest issue of Weekly Shounen magazine (what? Did someone really think he had been reading a real, fully worded book with no pictures?) is his godsend, his reprieve, his WIFE. (For the week, anyway. It's called WEEKLY Shounen for a reason.)
Then he, being No-good Tsuna, decided that perhaps an extra offer to get more tomatoes (or potatoes, or maybe even potato chips? A guy can be hopeful) for his mother might get him that little bit of extra pocket money to splurge on his Wife, and then he wouldn't have to trip his way into that surprisingly deep drain (a canal? Tsuna thinks, unsure) and embarrass himself just to get a soaking wet Wife which he had gotten only three pages in (at that, he bursts into tears).
So No-good Tsuna goes on, only to realise that the stupid car (he still can't remember the colour) had stopped at the junction ahead by a red-light that was turning green. Being surprisingly observant for a change, he saw a child drop a ball which then made its ever slow way down the road...right in the way of that revving car which has an unrecognizable colour. Or forgettable colour. Whichever.
Point, Tsuna saw the kid run to the middle of the road which has a car preparing to speed right through. Without thinking (not a surprise, for No-good Tsuna), he ran with a power his legs didn't know he possessed just as the car burst into speed, and all in a span of a few seconds, scooped the kid up and made it to the other side of the road just as the stupid car trampled the road-slash-ball into pizza a split second later.
Huh.
Tsuna looked down to see the kid gaping at him.
Uh.
"HIIIIEEEE! Sorry I didn't get your ball!"
…
The kid's eyes filled with tears. What?
He then proceeded to smash Tsuna to the concrete ground in a mess of tears and snot. Erk. Tsuna glanced mournfully at the airless ball in the middle of the road. He would very much like to switch places now. Not the getting-run-over-by-the-car part, but the...lying-lazily-in-the-middle-of-the-road part.
"Ah! Somaru, Somaru!" A blustering mother, red in the face ran to the pair on the ground, clearly calling out for the kid who latched onto Tsuna like a duckling would a mother duck. "Thank you so much for saving my son! Somaru, shh… I am so sorry for the trouble he caused, thank you so much..." To add to the awkwardness of the situation, the mother started crying too, attracting more attention to the trio now on the ground, two crying like they had just lost their grandfather or something.
Tsuna turned red in the face – he never received much gratitude, not even from his mother, because he usually feigned sleep when his mother wanted him to go grocery shopping for her.
"Er… You're welcome?" Tsuna said.
The two continued sobbing, this time hugging each other.
Okay. He never understood humans, but sure…
Dusting himself off and bidding an awkward farewell to the parent-child duo who probably weren't listening, Tsuna made his way to the other side of the street where he spotted his schoolbag, feeling a strain in his unused leg muscles.
Shouldering his bag, Tsuna proceeded home to the suburban part of the town, thinking about how strange that experience was. Maybe he had dreamed it up – but his legs told him otherwise.
The strangest part, however, was what came next.
Er, no, sorry, not this part.
The three bullies who were in his class and loved the terrible past-time of Get No-good Tsuna's Lunch Money, were walking towards him. Oh. In his haste to save the young boy, he took the normal route home. Shit.
They spotted him faster than he could escape. Or do a pathetic attempt to escape anyway. Those three bullies surrounded him and started tooting about one thing or another, probably something about 'No-good Tsuna' 'walking around' 'he even has legs?'(of course he does, how do you think he manage walking, like, you know, five seconds before you surrounded him)...and just varieties of schoolboy insults that Tsuna should probably take more note of, just for minimal respect for human beings.
But he politely waited for them to finish the villain speech, bully him (he doesn't have his Wife with him anymore, so they can't take anything aside from a few snacks his mother packed into his bag), mock him about some test results he stuffed into his bag, laughed in his face, probably gave him a few shoves and jabs before leaving.
Tsuna felt worst-for-wear, and exhausted. He wasn't sure if a day was supposed to last this long.
Dragging his beaten body up, he gathered his stationary and scattered paraphernalia, stuffed them haphazardly into his bag, and trotted home as best as he could without agitating the cuts and bruises he had.
"That looks terrible. Do you humans put bruises on your face as accessories?" That, was the starting of the Strangest Part. And yes, it deserved capital letters.
The one who spoke was a girl looking his age, with ruffled grey hair in a bob cut. There was a lock of dyed green hair somewhere to the left of her straight bangs, and for the life of him he couldn't figure out why there were WINGS ON HER BACK.
Those fluttery, feathery white wings, yeah? Reminiscent of an angel, that is. So Tsuna did the only thing No-good Tsuna could.
He gaped.
The girl, who looked like she had attempted to be prim and proper but failed terribly (she was barefooted and wearing a semi-formal pinafore and sprouting WINGS), tilted her head at him, before sighing like she had made the worst decision in her life.
"Not terribly bright then," she muttered to herself. (Tsuna wanted to express his indignation, but he couldn't get over the fact that- that- that she has...wings.)
"Let's do this whole thing again!" She said brightly. Which was totally one-sided, because Tsuna thought his jaw would just...fall further. He didn't think he was in any state to...do things, and were they even doing anything?
"I am Kaede, an angel. Guardian angel of sorts, but that's boring procedure and blah, blah, blah. I've decided to be your Guardian Angel! What's your name?" Kaede, as she introduced herself, twirled a few rounds and ended up with her hands on her hips and facing Tsuna. Tsuna didn't reply.
Irritation flashed through her face, and Tsuna very nearly flinched, because that was what he saw on his bullies' face when he refused to react.
"Close your mouth, hinge your jaws." She commanded.
He did so. She seemed like a no-nonsense person all of the sudden. Like the second-grade science teacher he had some years ago.
"Now, slowly enunciate your name, and tell me why those boys were beating you to a pulp just now." was her next demand.
He opened his mouth.
Then closed it.
"Hey!" Kaede snapped, and this time, Tsuna did flinch.
"HIIIIIEEEE! I-I-I-I am S-S-Sawa-Sawada T-Tsunayoshi!" Cue No-good Tsuna's appearance.
She smiled this time, and Tsuna was surprised at how much lighter that made her face look. Seemingly satisfied, she settled back on the balls of her feet.
"Good," she said, "hello, Sawada Tsunayoshi."
"C-Call me Tsuna," he said warily – and why the hell wasn't he running away because this girl was obviously batty? Well, his shock-o-meter seemed to have busted, along with his brain.
"Tsuna, then," Kaede acquiesced, "as I said, I am here to be your Guardian Angel. So, as per procedure – any questions? If not I'm gonna ask mine."
"Uh," Tsuna said.
She nodded encouragingly.
"Why do you have wings?" He blurted out.
She raised a brow. "Because I'm not a Fallen, no matter how bedraggled I look." Point. She did look kinda bedraggled.
"What's a...Fallen?" He asked hesitantly.
"Fallen Angels, haven't you heard of them as bedtime stories or something?" she frowned questioningly, like she was puzzled why the apple and grape wasn't the same because they both were green.
"I-I did… I mean, I guess." Tsuna replied slowly, still bewildered. "Why are you my Guardian Angel?"
"Ah," Kaede looked pleased that he asked, "I am supposed to actually be the Guardian Angel of the kid Somaru you saved just now, but then his grandfather just passed away and kindly asked me to let out my position to him, and I supposed why not – and then I saw you were Guardianless! So I went ahead and snitched you up. Pity Guardian Transfers don't go with information folders, I don't really know anything about you."
Huh. So the kid's grandfather did pass away.
She then continued, gesturing with her hands avidly. "I thought about shadowing you for a few days to learn about you, but that's so..."
"Criminal?" Tsuna suggested. Stalking was a criminal activity. Right?
"Boring!" She completed brightly.
"Oh," Tsuna said. He wasn't sure what he was expecting anyway.
"A-nyway, I thought spending some time with you would get my report done all good. Then I won't have to worry about it – and maybe this time I can get to enjoy some taiyaki too! You can't do that if you're...invisible and sprouting wings and decidedly non-human, right?" She said, a sceptical look on her face as her wings vanished and her skin gain a decidedly healthy glow.
"Humans walk around with shoes," Tsuna felt brave enough to point out.
Kaede waved a dismissive hand. "No one will miss those menaces."
Okay. Tsuna wondered if he had fainted from the excessive bullying and dreamed all these up.
"Am I dreaming?" He asked. She pinched his arm, and Tsuna yelped.
"Humans can't feel pain in dreams, right?"
His nod seemed more like a wince.
Kaede's grin was bright. "Then I suppose that settles it. Where do you live? Let's talk as we walk. I would prefer flying, but I'd rather preserve this conversation thread."
So they walked on, Tsuna sort-of leading the way as they talked.
"Oh, by the way, I saved this. Thought you'd want it," she procured a Weekly Shounen magazine – the very one he dropped into the drain just a minute before he saved the boy.
"My Wife!" He blurted out.
An awkward silence ensued.
"Uh." She blinked, an unsure movement in itself, a smile frozen on her face, as her pinkish eyes went between the magazine she was holding up to his face. Then back again.
Tsuna's face burned red.
Kaede nodded understandingly. That in itself made Tsuna feel pathetic.
"I see, well, have it back?" She thrust the magazine back into his hands, and he took it gladly.
"Er, I didn't mean -" Tsuna started.
She shook her head quickly. "No no! It's okay, I mean, human customs and all… yeah? I totally...understand." Tsuna could bet his entire fortune (which wasn't much) that she didn't understand. But he wasn't going to refute the Angel.
He nodded hurriedly, wanting to leave the awkward topic behind already.
"So...can I ask my question now?" Kaede asked.
Tsuna nodded.
"So...why did you let those other humans beat you up just now? They were essentially bullying you, right?" she asked, a crease in her forehead that Tsuna was quickly associating with 'I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY THAT GREEN GRAPE AIN'T CALLED A SMALL APPLE'.
Essentially, 'I don't understand humans'.
"It's faster, and better, to let them beat me up. It's not like I can win them in fighting, and they caught me before I could run." Tsuna replied, his face burning. He didn't like to advertise that. "I-I am just No-good Tsuna! It's a common thing now, I am used to it." He didn't know how self-deprecating that sounded, but the Angel clearly did.
She stopped walking. Tsuna halted a few steps in front of her, confused as to why she stopped.
"Er, Angel-san?" he asked, unsure as he turned around to face the grey-haired girl.
Who looked positively furious.
"Do you lack a vertebrae?" She demanded.
Tsuna blinked. WHAT? His brain said goodbye and imploded, too tired to think.
He stumbled over his words - "what's a vertebrae?" he wanted to ask, but the Angel looked Very, Very Angry, very much like Someone He Didn't Want To Cross. But he did cross. So.
Then it clicked to him. In his biology class – the one thing he remembered from all the teachings – vertebrae is the biology term for science. Oh god, Tsuna felt like kissing his stern second-grade science teacher then. At least someone managed to pound that into his brain.
"D-Do you mean 'am I that spineless'?" He asked hesitantly.
An awkward silence ensued again, as a confused face came upon Kaede's face and the fury drained out of her. Tsuna released a breath he didn't even know he was holding.
"Was I not implying that?" She asked.
"Uh," Tsuna was stumped.
"Anyway," she waved her hand impatiently. "I have no tolerance for your non-vertebrae methods, so you gotta step up! Don't let them climb all over your head, they'll think you...well, they'll think you don't have a vertebrae. Which is wrong, because HUMANS HAVE VERTEBRAE." She exclaimed passionately.
Tsuna stared.
Kaede blinked. Then blushed.
"Sorry, did I say something wrong again? I am not very well-versed in human-speak."
"No," Tsuna dragged out of his mouth from the mess of words in his mind, "not at all," he choked out.
The Angel didn't seem to notice he was near-hyperventilating. That probably was because Tsuna was just staring blankly at her.
That's it, he was going crazy. Was he sure that he wasn't dreaming about the pain too?
Then she took a cursory look around. "Oh, it reads Sa-wa-da on the nameplate here. Does that mean we reached? Is this your house?" She skipped through the wooden gates happily, taking in the small garden patch and flowers with interest. Nana was putting up the laundry to dry in the yard, and she turned to look at the guest who invited herself in.
Tsuna quickly entered through the gates of his home to do damage control.
Kaede smiled brightly when she saw Sawada Nana.
"Hello!" The girl greeted amiably.
Nana put down the clothes in her hands, and ambled towards the pair with a bright smile. "Ara, is this your friend, Tsu-kun? Hello, I am Tsu-kun's mother, Sawada Nana! Would you like to come in? Please make yourself at home."
The brown-haired woman's smile seemed to be brighter, and her eyes lighter too. Tsuna's heart sank, realising that he had probably been worrying his mother. Other kids all brought friends home, and she kept encouraging him to too, but he never did.
"I am Kaede! Tsuna's Guar-mppffhhh!" Tsuna quickly clapped a hand over Kaede's mouth. Damage control, definitely.
"A minute, Kaa-san." He dragged her to a corner of the yard.
"What, Tsuna?" she asked, disgruntled.
"You went into all that trouble of looking like a human just to blurt out you're a Guardian Angel?" Tsuna hissed hurriedly. Nana was sending curious glances over.
Her eyes widened in comprehension. Tsuna wondered if there was a test an Angel had to pass to be a Guardian Angel.
"Oh! I forgot, sorry. But does it matter if your mum knows?" she asked sceptically. "I never really got the secrecy business the other Angels were on about. They were all for hiding themselves."
That's probably for a damn good reason! Tsuna wanted to shriek.
"Well, anyway, I just recalled. Procedure is that I shouldn't reveal my status to anyone if at all. And that if I must, then to the one I Guard, and the family too. That should be fine, right?" She beamed.
Tsuna stared blankly at her, then averted his stare to his mother who went back to drying the clothes.
When his gaze went back to Kaede, she had already went to Nana. What? How did she move that fast? But-wait-! Tsuna's eyes buggled.
"Nana-san, I am actually Tsuna's Guardian Angel. Do you think I can stay for an indefinite period of time in your house?" She stated bluntly.
WHAT-THE-HELL-
Nana beamed. "Sure! Tsu-kun, come lead your friend to the guest bedroom. That'll be your bedroom from now on – if that's fine with you! And call me Mama, Kaede-chan!"
"Okay, Mama!" Kaede grinned.
WHAT JUST HAPPENED? Tsuna shrieked in his mind.
Kaede grabbed him by the elbow and waved before stepping into the house through the yard windows.
"There's a door," he said dumbly, too numb and filled with things he wants to say or ask to actually pick an important one.
"Trivialities, Tsuna. Come on, show me to my room!" she bounced eagerly.
Tsuna stared, before slowly letting his shoulders relax and an exasperated smile on his face. He really couldn't bring himself to express his shock any more.
From then on, his life motto changed to 'just go along with it'.
"Come on then," he finally said, leading the way upstairs, followed by a 'HOORAY!' from the girl-angel behind him.
Tsuna wasn't so sure what was going to happen from now on, but he was sure it wasn't going to be boring. Not at all.
(And he was right.)
A/N: I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO WRITE HUMOUR SO SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME IF I'M DOING SOMETHING WRONG. AND I'LL TOTALLY CHANGE THE GENRE.
Phew! I wrote this on a complete total whim out of nowhere, sorry if it's a mess! All mistakes are mine to claim, and THANK YOU FOR READING THIS! I hoped you liked it, and I am not entirely sure if this should be a one-shot or I should continue it (through canon, maybe, it all depends on you people) – so please show me some incentive! I'll put it as in-progress now, just in case.
Like, tell me, if you like it or not. Or better yet, if you liked Kaede or not.
Thank you for giving this a chance, and I hope you tell me if you like the vertebrae-spouting girl!
WAS THIS OKAY? GOOD? BAD? PLEASE LEAVE A WORD TO TELL ME.
Thank you darlings! Have a nice day!
Dolxx.