"You've gotta be fucking kidding me." Nicky takes a long drag from her cigarette and flicks the ash onto the pristine carpet in a final act of defiance. "You're. Cutting. Me. Off?" Each word is spat more venomously than the last and Marka cringes at her daughter's manic expression, her eyes flickering to her waving arms. She shakes her head. "You really don't care, do you?"
"Yes," she says firmly, though her voice wobbles. She takes a deep breath and looks at Nicky desperately. "It's time I did what's best for you, Nicole, and this just isn't what's best for you." Marka's sobs echo through the empty apartment. It was void of everything. Love. Happiness. And now it was void of the one thing Nicky treasured most when her head pounded - silence.
"You've lost your chance to be Mother of the fucking Year!" Nicky yells, not caring that the neighbors can hear every word and that her mother's expression darkens with every added syllable. She rubs her temples irritably and stares at Marka. When she realizes that she's not giving in this time - because she's given in every other time before this point, before expletives began to spill out of Nicky's mouth - she nods her head wildly, her eyes avoiding looking at her mother. "Fine. I expected this from you. You don't care. You never have." She throws her fist down onto the mantle and smashes a vase, causing Marka to flinch, her forehead wrinkling with worry. "I'll see you at Christmas, if I'm around." Nicky raises an eyebrow. A clear challenge to her mother's authority.
"Please, sweetheart-" Marka begins, attempting to stand in front of the door and stand in Nicky's way - tries to stop her daughter from leaving home, leaving her life and wrecking her own in the process. "Nicky."
She hadn't been the best mother and her confidence in her ability to parent was low. Regardless of what Nicky thought of her, though, she was still supposed to look after her, and for the first time in her life, she was trying. Too little, too late. Nicky responds to this sudden interest in her by glaring and if looks could kill, Marka would be in the ground.
"Don't." Nicky says harshly, uninterested. Just like her mother had been for twenty years. She pushes Marka out of the way with a shove, not caring that she yelps out. Why should I care? Nicky thinks. She never cared when I cried. She doesn't wait for an explanation. Her back is turned away from her mother and the door slams behind her, the sound reverberating in the apartment all around Marka.
The cold of December encapsulated Nicky as her bare arms were exposed to the cold. Her skirt didn't cover much of her legs and the lacy top that was lifted by the breeze didn't provide much protection from the elements. Goosebumps prickle up her arms and she brushes her hands over her elbows in an unsuccessful attempt to warm them, throwing her cigarette to the floor. A defeated sigh escapes from her lips as she fishes her phone out of her back pocket along with her last thirty dollars, which she counts despondently whilst scrolling down her contacts list. She selects a number and holds the phone to her ear, ducking into an alleyway to stop the wind blowing in her face.
"Hey, Lorna?" Nicky says, her fingers reaching up to rub her forehead in an agitated gesture. Her eyes close despite her building anxiety. "You free tonight?" Nicky leans against a wall, the cold stone cooling her flaming skin and temper. She exhales heavily as she listens to Lorna ramble on.
"Nicky, I told ya..." Lorna's voice trails off as she answers someone in the background. "Listen," Lorna says, and Nicky can hear the hesitation in her voice. "Christopher's here, okay? I love you, honey, but you know, a girl's got needs. I'll tell you what, I'll see you-"
"For fuck's sake.." Nicky mutters as she tires of Lorna's excuses. "I'm not looking for a night of 'comfort', okay, kid?" She sighs and switches her phone to the other ear. "I'm just looking for a bed. You don't have to be in it. I'm sick of Marka. And you know the score. 'Her roof, her rules' you know." Nicky rolls her eyes. "So, that a yes or a no?"
"I'd love to, but-"
"So that's a no." Nicky says flatly, her eyebrows raising. She laughs hollowly. "Shit. I thought you were at least my friend. I guess I was wrong." Nicky shakes her head and disconnects the call, shoving the phone back into her pocket angrily and chewing on her unpainted fingernails once the anger subsides to worry. Wrinkles form on her forehead as she frowns and she hisses as she rips a hangnail from her thumb, watching miserably as blood pools at the base of her nail.
She didn't know why the disappointment bubbled in her chest, why her stomach screamed at her or why there was even a hint of surprise in Lorna's answer. The girl was a complete flake and she should have been used to that by now.
Nicky shakes her head. She used to have a lot of friends. Used to be popular. Pretty. Used to enjoy life. Now, as her hands shake, as her breath comes out shallowly and in quick pants, she doesn't even see the point of continuing on with it. She takes out her phone again and turns it in her hands. Her lips press into a line. Before she can actually think about her actions, she dials a number and puts the phone to her ear.
"Hey, it's me. You still have my stuff?" Nicky shuffles her feet, her gaze falling guiltily to her heels. Her hand snakes round to the back of her neck where she scratches the skin. The voice on the other end of the line buzzes ominously. "Yeah, yeah," Nicky hurries them. A relieved smile breaks out onto her face and she nods triumphantly. "Yeah. I'll be there in ten, okay? Wait for me."
She scrapes her hair back and puffs out her cheeks. The hustle and bustle of the city was more effective than a Valium could have been at calming her nerves and she exhales noisily. The alley is dark and Nicky rushes out of it. Her mind and heart are racing and she just wants one more fix to make her forget about Marka, about Lorna - about the whole fucking joke that is her life. It had been too long. Her heart was in her mouth.
And as she rushes round the corner, a red headed lady marches down the street, her stare determined. Their collision really only injures her, and Nicky quickly brushes herself off. Nicky crouches down next to the older woman, a pained expression coloring her features. "I'm sorry, man...shit, are you okay?" She holds out a hand and helps the woman up, anxious to make sure she's okay and then leave quickly again.
"No. Do I look it to you?" The woman says huskily. "And I can't do shit with I'm sorry, you know."
She's pissed but Nicky can't help but laugh at her accent and words, though she tries to disguise it. "Look, I really am sorry," Nicky says, as if that makes up for everything. "Let me help you up. And I can…" Nicky's grip on the woman loosens as she comes to a shaky stand. She wonders what she was going to finish that sentence with. What can she do? Really, she knew what she was going to say, and she was ashamed of herself for it. And I can compensate you for the fall. Nicky shakes her head. Marka's money couldn't help her this time and she really didn't want to turn into her mother. Especially not while the heroin still swam in her blood. Ha. What would her mother really think about that? She didn't have time to think about it as she absently ran her arm down the woman's to find her hand. "I can..."
Luckily for her, whilst she thinks, the woman is dusting herself off. "You can help me home, little girl," she finishes, hissing in pain. She gasps and her other hand flies to her back, which spasms uncontrollably. "Ugh."
"Are you okay, Ma'am?" Nicky asks uncomfortably, as the woman leans on her. Her hand is being gripped so tight it's losing feeling. It's a stupid question and they both know it, though Nicky is humored.
"No," she says through gritted teeth. She throws Nicky a look over her shoulder. "And you can call me Red."
"A little rest and you'll be fine," Nicky says nonchalantly as she mills around next to the door. Red glances up from her armchair in her living room. "Right?" A hint of vulnerability comes through in her voice as she looks up at Red like a lost puppy.
Red nods swiftly. "Of course. I may be older than you but I'm not going to kick the bucket just yet."
Nicky nods, mirroring Red's actions moment ago. Her eyebrows knit together and she grips the edge of a chair, her knuckles turning white. Her voice is low and she doesn't quite know why she feels so reluctant to leave. She doesn't know why Red's gasps of pain made her feel something when her own mother's pain meant nothing. "I know."
Nicky nods again, and heads for the door. "Where do you think you're going?" Red snaps, her tone harsh. The sound makes Nicky stop instantly, her hand hovering over the door handle. She hopes Red can't see the shake of her fingers. "I'm not going to die but how do you expect me to live whilst you've paralyzed me? I won't be able to move for weeks!"
Nicky's face drops and she bites her lip. "Right..." Nicky says. She's unsure of what Red wants her to do and she doesn't know why she's not just walking out of the front door. The woman herself says that she can't move. She doesn't even know Nicky's name. There's no way she could find her again. Yet something stops her from turning the handle and leaving her to fend for herself.
"And I don't think you're in a position to turn down a job." Red says, an eyebrow raised.
"Huh?" Nicky replies. She pushes the hair from her eyes to get a proper look at Red. "I don't need a job."
"Your stomach seems to be doing the talking." Red says cynically. A blush sweep's Nicky's pale cheeks as her stomach growls. "At least eat something before you turn me down." She gestures to the refrigerator that stands in the corner of the kitchen, through the other room. Nicky shakes her head.
"No, I'm not hungry," she says quietly. God knows she wasn't skinny and lacking nutrients because she was poor. Marka had taken her to enough fancy restaurants to try and stop her from making a scene when she tried yet another intervention to curb her appetite for years, but she hadn't ever stayed long enough to eat anything. A sad smile appears on Nicky's face. "I run on other things."
"Of course." Red says curtly. She sighs under her breath as she watches Nicky watch the floor. Her hands were shaking and she was sweating. She had been in such a rush to get away, it was hard not to wonder why. And Red had a feeling she knew. She couldn't stop herself from talking as her heartstrings tugged whilst watching the girl. She was so small. Vulnerable. And she looked like she didn't have a person in the world to look out for her. "But the offer still stands. I'm going to need help whilst my husband and sons run my restaurant. He'll be home soon so you'd start tomorrow." She looks Nicky up and down before giving her a tight lipped smile. It wasn't a lie and she hoped she sounded genuine. Dmitri would have to get over it. She raises her eyebrows. "It might as well be you. Yes or no?"
Nicky frowns at the ground, watching the toe of her shoe scuff the carpet. She would need the money eventually, once her credit card was maxed out and once she spent her last thirty dollars. And missing one fix would allow her to get more in the future with her wages. Nicky looks up and nods quickly, her gaze quickly falling to the ground once again.
"Yeah. Yes."
Red smiles genuinely for the first time that afternoon, and nods again. "I'll see you in the morning, then."
Hey! I hope you like this new story. I wanted to see Nicky in a caring role for once, though of course it's Red really being the caring one even if Nicky doesn't know it yet. Please leave a review telling me what you think. :)