Before We Start, I Just Gotta Say That I Don't Own Naruto Or Any Of The Characters. ( Sadly )
(Y) Jolly Good, Anyway Enjoy !
x
Damp concrete.
Bare feet.
A shiver.
Darkness.
Eyes boring into you.
But you can't see them,
Anything,
Through the thick drowning blackness.
A whimper.
A smirk.
Hidden in the depths of the darkness.
Watching.
Waiting.
It was no surprise to Sakura that when she jolted awake that her bed sheets clung to her sweat saturated body. It was perhaps the third time that week.
It's just a dream, she told herself, taking in refreshing breaths. Just a dream.
She wiped her face with the back of her shaking hand.
Get it together! She scolded herself internally. It's not even that scary!
The overwhelming feeling of helplessness was, she disagreed with herself. The fear. No sight, no one to protect me...
Haven't we grown out of that by now ? You are a strong, independent kunoichi ! You can handle yourself just fine.
Sakura buried her face in her hands and sighed. Yeah, I suppose you're right.
Hmph ! In her mind's eye, she could visualize her inner, loud-mouthed, aggro self fold her arms.
The corner of her real lips tugged into a smile. '' You're crazy ,'' she whispered aloud, ''Stop speaking to yourself before they cart you off to an asylum. ''
Peeling back her choking sheets she groggily made her way over to the closet beside the bathroom where she kept such things as towels and blankets. With her eyes half open she rooted sightlessly through the bundles of fabric until she felt the familiar soft touch of her airiest blanket.
Crawling back to bed, she kicked off the old sheets and through them unceremoniously on the floor. Effort, she yawned.
Her alarm clock started crooning a few beeps which signified another hour gone by. It disturbed her drifting off. Her green eyes cracked open and gave it a weary gaze. 4 am.
Perfect, she thought. Work in two hours.
At Konohagakure State Hospital.
10:17 AM.
An injured jounin has been brought in. His injuries are life threatening. The Fifth Hokage, Tsunade, oversees his treatment on the operation table. Sakura is at her side, putting her medic-in-training skills to good use as the head doctor. Tsunade firmly guides her over his treatment and how to stabilize his fluctuating heart rate.
'' Sakura, pump your chakra into this laceration. Block it up. He's losing to much blood. ''
Nothing. No response. No Attention.
'' Sakura. ''
Tsunade demanded her eyes to meet hers.
Her tone was steely. '' Sakura, have you been sleeping well? You have the most pathetic bloodshot eyes I've ever seen.''
Sakura opened her mouth to reply but Tsunade continued, aggravated.
'' This man's life is in your hands. I'm simply directing you, for experience. One day I wont be here to hold your hand,'' she was livid. '' You need this information and first hand experience if you're to get anywhere. ''
Sakura felt her cheeks darken and her head hung in shame. How was I so careless ?
'' I can't afford you to doze off while we're on duty. I value your skills to much for you to let me down. I expect your 100%! ''
Tsunade's unwavering gaze was enough to break glass. The other medics standing watch kept the patient's vitals under control while the Mistress and her apprentice shared some hissed words.
'' Oh I'm so sorry Lady Tsunade,'' Sakura started, mortified and remorseful.
'' I haven't slept the past few nights. I have these recurring nightmares. They just wont go away. ''
'' Sakura,'' she said firmly,'' this work was never described as easy. You have it even worse because you're a woman, I know. These goals of yours wont come handed on a plate. You're living in the shadow of Naruto and Sasuke's celebrated strengths and you're goddamn sick and tired. I know you have the power, the determination to do this. But please, don't let some stupid dreams ruin this for you. Not even for me, for you. You deserve everything you've worked so hard for and it would be such a downright shame to let it all blow up in your face just because you couldn't get a decent nights sleep ! ''
'' Tsunade ,'' Sakura met her eyes with fierceness to rival the Sannin herself. '' I know. I'm no fickle little pushover and it's so frustrating that these nightmares are holding me back. But I honestly wouldn't be in the state I'm in if I couldn't already shake them. I've tried everything, pills, aromatherapy oils, all manner of crap ! They just wont go away. ''
Her tone broke on her last sentence, letting vulnerability leak through.
'' Come to my office after this jounin is patched up and recuperating. I'll have a solution or remedy to help okay? Just please, please don't even come on duty half asleep because if you jeopardise, or even worse, lose someones life you wont be able to live with yourself anymore. Those precious seconds that you were unresponsive could mean his hurtle towards life or death. You're reputation will be muck and the guilt will destroy you. I don't lavish all this time and intention on you so you can fail. I believe in you. Don't slip up again. ''
'' Yes, Lady Tsunade,'' she ansered solemnly.
Tsunade left, taking some nurses with her as more and more patients turned up, in need of urgent attention. Sakura could handle this, Tsunade told herself. Her little talk with her made the vulnerable cuts in her self esteem more raw than ever. And if Tsunade knew one thing about Sakura, it was that when you hit her, she only hit you back harder.
True to her word, Sakura had the jounin stabilized and even conscious within the space of five minutes. She bandaged his wounds, explained his predicament and sent him off to a ward. The next few hours were spent doing intricate and testing similarities with the increasing number of patients. Finally exhausted and caked in blood, she was advised by an orderly to take a break and replenish her chakra. Nodding, Sakura made her way to the canteen to get some food into her numb stomach.
While mechanically eating a sandwhich, she thought about her dreams. The food she swallowed had no taste nor registered with her brain she was that preoccupied. Never before had she been haunted by such meaningless dreams. What did they mean? What did they signify to her subconscious? Was it a fear she hadn't acknowledged, or a premonition? She shuddered at the last thought. Whatever it was, she munched, it sure had some effect on her.
She barely looked up when the seat beside her was pulled out and Shizune sat down. '' Hey Sakura,'' she smiled, '' how are you? ''
'' Hmm ?,'' she replied, disturbed from her thoughts.
'' Oh hey Shizune. I'm good,'' she smiled meekly. '' Just getting a break. ''
Shizune took in her pitiful appearance of hair in disarray, weary eyes and bloodied clothes.
'' You're exerting yourself too much Sakura. You look positively wrecked. ''
Bless Shizune, Sakura thought. She's always looking out for me.
'' Is Tsunade over working you ? ''
Sakura shook her head.
'' Plus all the blood you're wearing is having some effect on the visitors ,'' Shizune chuckled. Sakura looked up for the first time and realised that people were staring at her. A little boy with his arm in a cast eating ramen at a nearby table was gawking open mouthed at her. She stuck her tongue out at him playfully and he paled.
'' I should get cleaned up. I'll see you later Shizune, thanks for the concern. ''
Sakura stood and swiftly made her way to the rest rooms, leaving a startled Shizune and weakly nibbled sandwhich behind.
Despite her angry, impatient front, Tsunade almost always softened when it came to Sakura. She could see so much of her younger self in her. The hope, the sometimes naive hope. All Sakura wanted to do was make herself worthy in her own eyes. Declare independence from her teammates. She wasn't just the girl who had to be saved. There was so much more to her. One day, she'd save them. Like Tsunade couldn't. How cruel fate can be to those dreamers. It's enough to make you cynical and miserable for the rest of your life like Tsunade used to be. Before she met Naruto and was chosen as the fifth Hokage. It gave her purpose, it gave her a whole new goal to work for. No matter how much the paperwork or meetings bored her, she loved her job. She was the pillar of the community and she relished protecting her flock from the foreign infections like the growing infestation of Orochimaru and his sound ninja henchman. She loved watching the city pulsate with life and forever grow and renew itself beneath her feet. Sakura had guts, brains and brawn, even if she didn't look it. Her startling pink hair deceived most people. She could be all heart sometimes, but she could give you her all. Continuously Tsunade made expectations of her and she flawlessly exceeded them each time. Yes, Sakura reminded her so much of herself. Maybe that's why she was so hard on her. Hmm, she mused, maybe.
Sakura ran into the Fifth on her way back from the rest rooms. While studying herself in the mirrors, she concluded that she did look terrible. Pale, lifeless skin and restless eyes were the most noticeable attributes but she had an unsteady gait and that's what mostly concerned her. If she couldn't concentrate on her work, she might as well not be there. What if she messed up ? She shivered at the thought. Suddenly, she remembered she was supposed to meet Tsunade earlier after her first patient. Groaning, she dashed out into the hallway. Tsunade did not like to be kept waiting and she had quite the temper. Sakura had often invoked it and paid the price. With her tiredness today she just didn't know if she could handle it. She needn't have gone looking for her though as she literally ran into to her in the hall. Sakura fell backwards from the collision but Tsunade's strong steady hand caught her. This woman is a truly a heroine, she said to herself in awe. She was always sure of herself and always continued to amaze Sakura with her exploits and marvels that astounded the medical world. And still she stood tall and unfazed, even at her age, when Sakura ran head first into her. She was like a rock. An unmovable mountain. Strong, hard, enduring and there to stay.
'' Oh crap. I'm so sorry Tsunade ! I completely forgot about earlier ,'' she said, steadying herself.
She merely raised a placating hand in the air. '' Doesn't matter. I ended up getting caught up with a stupid Elders meeting that lasted all morning. Anyway, here, I came to give you this. ''
Sakura caught a little cylinder jar that was thrown at her. A lilac liquid flowed inside.
'' It's sort of an anti-dote. Drink a little spoonful before your go to bed. If it doesn't work, let me know. ''
'' Thanks Tsunade ! ,'' she grinned. Finally, a solution.
'' Hn. Whatever. Just be ready and alert tomorrow. I'm officially giving you the rest of the day off okay ? ''
From the corner of her eye, Sakura caught a moving shape over Tsunade's shoulder. Shizune was at the end of the hallway waving a half empty sake bottle.
Sakura couldn't help herself. A bubble of laughter escaped her lips. '' Thank you Tsunade-sama ! You're in a great mood today. ''
'' Whatever kid. Get out of my sight. You're starting to give me a headache,'' Tsunade sniffed.
Sakura gave a little bow before turning and running down the hallway, elated.
'' Thanks boss! ''
While walking back to her apartment, Sakura was hit by nostalgia by walking past Ichiraku's Ramen House. Just like the little boy in the canteen today, she stiffened, he reminded me so much of Naruto. I wonder how he's getting on with Jiraiya ?
There was a pang of loneliness after that thought. Ever since Naruto left and Sasuke, well, left too ... she'd devoted herself solely to her training. She was so lucky that Tsunade took her under her wing. She'd seen Ino once or twice but they didn't hang out. She wasn't really close to Hinata and the rest either. It always made her sad when she seen Kakashi in the village. All the memories come flooding back.
The happiness,
the innocence,
the betrayal.
Two, nearly three years ago, she would never have imagined that her team mates and herself were each being mentored by a legendary Sannin. It was unfathomable.
Thinking about it, she wondered if Sasuke had never left, would the outcome still be the same? Would she be so interested in medical ninjutsu ? Would Naruto have felt such a strong desire to beat him senseless? She knew they were rivals since they were kids but, did that bond transcend murder?
She had a horrible mental image in her head of her at the aftermath of Naruto and Sasuke fighting to the death. It was horrible.
Oh yes, poor Sakura. Always left to pick up the pieces, she thought sadly.
Get a hold of yourself you dope. You're on the road to recovery. Stop dragging up the past and concentrate on the future.
You're right, she agreed eventually. The past can only hurt me.
Exactly.
I suppose I'm just a glutton for punishment.
Just shut up.
Sakura walked home in silence.
Before bed, she took some of the antidote as she was told too.
What she didn't know, was that the dreams where only the start of her troubles.