A/N I feel really bad for Joy guys. Legit. This would totally happen in HoA wasn't on Nick.

Disclaimer: I don't own HoA

Warning: Self Harm is used in this fanfic. May serve as a trigger to some.

Joy's POV

I sprinted from the room as the tears streamed heavily down my face. Through it all I had never cried in front of the others. My father had always told me to never let my enemies see my weakness. Is that what my friends were now? My enemies? And why? Because I left last term? Because I made some mistakes? Perhaps the damage has already been too severely done.

Dashing into the bathroom I choose the stall farthest from the door. It's also the handicap stall leaving me plenty of room to pace.

What to do? What do I do? I can't stay here much longer. I can't live with a group of people who utterly despise me. Perhaps I could earlier when I was certain I would still have Patricia and Fabes with me. But now? I have no one left. Surely Patricia will hate me after what Eddie and Jerome accused me of. Fabes has been against me since he found out what I did to Nina.

Home? Home is a definite option. I could call my mother have her come pick me up early. But to return home, to the shattered remains of my family? To my parents screaming and fighting and the constant guilt I feel of not being the chosen one. No. No home.

I want to end it. End it all. I pace the stall as I struggle to find a way. My hair clips not sharp enough and there's no way I can break anything in this bathroom. Suddenly the door opens.

"Joy?" Maras' voice asks. "Joy, are you in here?"

No I can't let her find me. I stand on top of the toilet seat until I see her leave the bathroom.

Scissors? No I don't have any. Pencil? Not sharp enough. Pencil sharpener! Hastily pulling the sharpener out of my bag I smash it under my foot and remove the blade fully prepared and ready for what I'm about to do.

Taking the blade I rub it harshly against both wrists until I can't feel the pain anymore. Until it's faded away to a dull buzz in my arms. As the world fades to black I think one last solemn thought.

When your world has gone to hell, why keep living?