Sookie Stackhouse: Sozzled Hamster

A/N: I own nothing at all and am purely messing with these characters for my own entertainment purposes!

Thanks to the lovely RubySun03 for her continued support and beta-magic.

Sookie was back on the sauce. She downed the last drops of her latest creation; 'The Abomination'. It was a sweet combination of vodka, rum, peach schnapps and Dr. Pepper, with a lemon twist. It was possibly the worst cocktail she had ever made.

She'd had a tough few weeks. Not so long ago, her ex Bill Compton, said some incredibly hurtful things, right before he drank a vial of blood and disintegrated into a puddle of goo. Only to be resurrected in the form of a strange, wailing, blood-covered creature, which Eric had immediately labeled 'Billith'. And he had the balls to call her an abomination! Well, there was just no saving him, after that, and now Billith was no more. He'd turned up at Merlotte's and Terry Bellefleur mopped him up while doing his rounds. It was probably for the best. Still, Sookie felt the loss of the vampire she had once known, and had to wonder if there was anything more she could have done.

All her friends and family seemed to be busy doing stuff without her. Jason had gone all weird and kept calling her 'momma', Alcide was occupied with being the new packmaster, Tara and Pam were busy getting it on, Jessica was mourning the loss of Bill, as well as moping about Jason, Sam was nursing Luna and looking after Emma, and Eric and Nora were tied up with cleaning the mess left behind with the Authority and the TrueBlood factory bombings.

Nobody seemed to need the assistance of a telepath. Sookie was feeling low, and pretty lonely, too. She was almost hoping that weird apparition of Warlow would turn up again, so she'd at least have some company.

She fixed herself a new cocktail which she called 'Vampires Can Kiss My Ass'. This one was a mix of gin, cherry liqueur, tequila, and cranberry juice over ice. Oh, and three grapes for garnish.

She turned up the stereo, and danced around her living room in her underwear. When she began to stumble and bang into furniture, she flopped down onto the sofa. The room was spinning, and she closed her eyes for a moment.

"You should have left out the tequila."

"What the-?!"

Her eyes snapped open, and she saw Eric sitting at the other end of the sofa. He was looking typically Eric-like, in black jeans, wife-beater and leather jacket, and that annoyingly smug, cocky, and yet at the same time unbelievably sexy smile was plastered on his face.

"The tequila," he repeated. "It was a bad idea."

"What are you doing here?"

"I just thought I'd drop by, make sure you were all right." His eyes moved from her face, his gaze drifting down her half-naked body. He made sure to let her know he was thoroughly enjoying the view. "You look fine."

Sookie grabbed a pillow and tried to cover some of her modesty. He'd seen it all before, of course, but it seemed like the ladylike thing to do.

"Wait." She narrowed her eyes at him. "Are you really here, or is this a dream?"

He raised an eyebrow.

"Why don't you come over here and kiss me and find out?"

His voice was deep and seductive, and whether it was the booze or the loneliness or the fact that he was just looking particularly fine, Sookie found herself fighting from just leaping on him and tearing his clothes to shreds.

"Why are you trying to resist me, Sookie?" Eric growled, and she thought she might melt into a puddle of Bill-like goo. "There is nothing holding you back now. You're already almost naked. I know you want to get me naked, too."

He pulled off his jacket and tossed it aside. Sookie realized her breathing had suddenly gotten deeper, and she was feeling light-headed.

"Is it a dream?" Sookie managed to whisper, as she crawled across to him. "Or are you really here?"

"What does it matter? Just enjoy it."

Sookie reached out to stroke his neck, and honed in on those lips. Eric leaned forward, as eager as she was for the kiss. His fingers tangled in her hair, and then his mouth was on hers.

Then she woke up.

"Damn."

She suddenly felt incredibly flushed. She ran the back of her hand over her forehead, and rubbed at her eyes, before reaching for her 'Vampires Can Kiss My Ass' cocktail again.

"Stupid blood dreams," Sookie grumbled.

She had a sudden urge to drive to Shreveport and visit Fangtasia. She felt like dancing and flirting. Maybe Tara would be there, and Jessica too. Eric might have a spare moment to talk. Maybe flirt with her. They might even end up kissing or something. But traveling all the way to Shreveport wouldn't be such a good idea, she realized. She was drunk, for one thing, and driving would be particularly dangerous.

So instead, she reached for the phone.

"Good-evening-Fangtasia-Northern-Louisiana's-most-fangtastic-club-whatdoyouwant?" Pam reeled off.

"Pam, it's Sookie. Is Eric there?"

"Yes."

"Well, can I talk to him please?"

Pam gave a loud, over-dramatic sigh, and Sookie could hear the slow pace of her heels against the floor, and then the thumping music getting louder, as she wandered through the bar. It seemed to take her ages. Finally, the music quietened again.

"Sookie." Eric's tone was curious. "To what do I owe the pleasure of your call?"

"I was just... wondering..."

"Hmm?"

"Wondering how the, er, vamp business was going."

"Very well. Nora has taken a quick leap up through the ranks, and has found herself in charge of the new Authority. She has everything in hand. Now I'm back at Fangtasia, running my area. It's good to be back."

"Uh-huh."

"What about you?"

"Oh, you know, I'm just hanging out," she answered, before hiccuping. "I invented a couple of new cocktails and I'm being my own hamster."

"You're being your own hamster?"

"Yeah, trying out these cocktails on myself-"

"Guinea pig," Eric corrected. Sookie carried on talking over him.

"Since there's, like, nobody else who wants to come around and drink them with me. And I'm just here, a lonely hamster, drinking these cocktails in my underwear."

"It's guinea p- underwear?"

"Hm-mm."

"Wait. Are you drunk-dialing me, Sookie Stackhouse?"

"No."

"You have been drinking, and you are in your underwear, and you have decided to call me. I think that is drunk-dialing. Did you really want to ask about business, or was it pleasure?"

He drew out the word, that slight, sexy accent of his caressing every letter, making it sound like the most seductive thing she'd ever heard. She closed her eyes. She was feeling that 'puddle of goo' feeling again.

She took a deep breath.

"I'm just calling you because... because..."

"Yes?"

"Because, you know what? I'm tired of these blood dreams. You need to tell me where it's at with them. When are they gonna stop?"

"Oh." She could hear the amusement in his voice. "Have you been dreaming about me?"

"No," Sookie mumbled. She took another gulp of her drink.

"Well, that's a shame, because I think you enjoy it."

"I'm just asking when they're gonna stop."

"If you're not having them then why do you need to know?"

"Will you just tell me?"

"Well, let me think, it's been a while since you had my blood. Wasn't it while I was at your house, when we drank from one another, and then went on that trip?"

"Er-"

"We were one." Something about the soft tone of his voice made Sookie go all tingly. "There was a bed in the middle of the woods," he continued. "We had sex."

"Um-"

"A lot of sex."

"We probab-"

"A lot of amazing sex. Do you remember it?"

Sookie paused before answering. There was no point denying it. How could she forget?

"Yes."

"So do I. That was a good few weeks ago. You shouldn't still be having sexy blood dreams about me. I think these are just your regular dreams, Sookie."

"But-"

"How was it? Was I good? What were we doing? Were we naked?"

Sookie sighed.

"No." She was suddenly feeling very sleepy, and a bit sick. "I woke up before I got to the good part." She also realized she was beginning to slur her words.

"Sookie, are you all right?"

"Uh-huh."

"Do you promise me you'll stop drinking the cocktails now?"

"Yes."

"Are you going to vomit, like when you vomited on Alcide?"

"No. Maybe."

"Drink some water and go to bed. You never know, once you're asleep your dream might carry on where you left off."

"You think?"

"Yes."

"Okay. G'night, Eric."

"Good night, Sookie. Sweet dreams."

Sookie hung up the phone, and, unusually for her, followed orders. She downed a glass of water, before pouring herself another to take to bed. She got under the covers, and fell asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow.

Unfortunately, her dreams were not of Eric. Instead she dreamed about pools of bloody, red goo, which appeared all over the floor of her house. Bill kept popping up at random from each of the puddles, and she used an inflatable plastic hammer to beat him back down. Bill made a squeaking noise each time she hit him on the head, and then he'd retreat into his puddle before popping up elsewhere.

It was exhausting.

The next morning, she was awoken by the sound of knocking at her front door. With much effort, she rolled out of bed, threw on her robe, and went to see who it was. A delivery guy handed her a bunch of flowers to sign for, and she thanked him and took them inside to the kitchen.

She sniffed the beautiful bouquet, and smiled, before reading the card.

'I very much enjoyed our conversation last night. I hope that your hangover isn't too unpleasant. You know where I am if you need me. I don't drink cocktails, but I will always be your hamster. E xxxxx.'

A/N: I've recently started a new tumblr blog called tb-and-svm-minifics, where you can submit a prompt/fic request and I will write you a mini-fic! This is one of the little stories I've come up with so far. I'll be trying to post quite regularly there. So please visit the blog at tb-and-svm-minifics dot tumblr dot com, and submit a request! There is also a link on my ffnet profile. It might take me a while to get around to writing them all, but as Godric is my witness, I SHALL!

Thanks to sunsetshark on tumblr for requesting Sookie drunk-dialling Eric, after I posted Eric drunk-dialling Sookie : )

Thanks also to those of you who have already submitted your awesome (and also sometimes slightly weird but highly amusing) requests, and for your ideas, reviews and messages. I am very inspired and excited to get writing again! x