So this is my first real fan fiction, the Hunger Games one I wrote was a oneshot that I'm kind of lost about where to go with, so I'm writing this because there's a massive hole in my fabrevans heart. I hope it's okay, and please leave any suggestions but be nice!
Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters or Glee etc.
I never can say goodbye to you
Quinn risked a glance at Sam as the word 'you' left the tip of her tongue, her eyes flickering upwards at his handsome face, but darting away again just as quickly when his eyes locked on hers.
Ahhhh
Yeah yeah yeah
Yeah yeah yeah
She kept her eyes closed for the final few lines of her song, smiling as she finished her first solo in a long time. Quinn Fabray was back, and she wouldn't let anyone get in her way again, especially not the boys whom she used to love- well, most of them, however hard Quinn tried, she couldn't get the dorky blonde boy out of her mind.
Quinn pushed the thoughts out of her mind, turning her eyes to the ground as she finished the final note, but looking up again when the applause began, because, as much as she had changed, she was still that same blonde girl who loved the spotlight.
"Wow, Quinn that was incredible" exclaimed Finn, she glanced up at him, shooting him a warm smile. Finn was sitting next to Rachel, but there was no resentment in Quinn's eyes at the pair, not anymore. She was truly over the brunette quarter-back. He was in her past.
"Even more incredible is her big news" smiled Mr. Schue, moving next to Quinn. She felt her cheeks flaring pink and smiled shyly, reverting her eyes to the ground. "Tell them" he gestured encouragingly.
"I got into Yale!" she announced happily, squeezing her eyes shut and smiling widely before looking up at all of her friends who all had expressions of joy on their faces. They were happy for her, that's what glee club was for. But there was one face she couldn't bare to look at, Sam's. Although she wanted him to be happy for her, she also wanted him to be sad, because she was leaving him. Quinn knew it was selfish, and she didn't deserve his love ever since she made the mistake of kissing Finn, but she couldn't help but yearn after the blonde. He was the best thing that had happened to her since Beth. He was the person who had put her back together again.
"It's just, it's amazing! After everything you've been through, you deserve this Quinn." Mr Schue spoke softly.
"We're really proud of you, Quinn" Mercedes's voice rang out. A pang of pain washed over Quinn, like a small stab in the heart. Jealousy. Mercedes had not one, but two boys after her- including the perfect boy, why couldn't Quinn be loved?
She took a deep breath, pushing the thoughts out of her mind and preparing herself, you're ready to move on, Quinn, you don't need this, you don't need anyone holding you back she thought "I wanted to thank you guys, because without each and every one of you this would have never happened. You supported me, and loved me through all the drama, and that's why I'm standing here. I wasted so much time hating myself for the stupid mistakes that I made, but, the truth is that, without them, I would never have dreamed this to be my future. I was the only one standing in the way of myself. You can't change your past, but you can let go and start your future" Her words were soft, but everyone in the room was mesmerized by her voice. Even more so than when she was singing. Quinn smiled when she was done, her eyes bleary with tears that threatened to spill over her porcelain skin. The speech was just as much encouragement for her as it was the rest of the new directions. She needed to let go.
She opened her arms and warmly accepted the congratulatory hugs from the rest of her peers.
"Hey Quinn, wait up" a voice called from behind her.
Quinn stopped walking through the hallway and turned just as Mercedes was catching up to her. "Hi 'Cedes" she smiled, her pearly white teeth gleaming.
"I just wanted to say I really am proud of you. After everything, with Beth and all.. you deserve this."
"Thank you" she smiled. Quinn really did owe a lot to Mercedes, because Mercedes took her in when nobody else would have her, and they made each other feel special again. Which was what made Quinn feel even worse. Guilt tore at her insides, guilt for hating Mercedes because she was the object of Sam's eye. "Is that all?" she asked hastily, "I'm late" Quinn spoke quickly, her eyes darting down the hallway searching for an escape, but truly, she had nowhere to go, as she had a free period now.
"Actually Quinn, I was wondering if I could get some advice" Mercedes replied sheepishly, her dark skin was flushed with a rosy red colour. "It's about Sam" she added, in a barely audible whisper.
Quinn pushed her lips together in a tight line, the last thing she wanted to do was give Mercedes advice about the boy she loved. But she felt that she owed it to the girl. "Uh, sure" she smiled wanly. "What's up?"
She listened tentatively as the girl spilled her worries. Every mention of Sam made Quinn's heart leap, but she couldn't say anything, it wasn't fair and she didn't deserve him. "I.. er" Quinn started, she wanted to scream at Mercedes to choose Shane, but the only reasons she could think of were selfish and for her own gain. "Maybe write a list.. like in friends? When Ross writes a list about Rachel and Julie?" she suggested weakly.
"Maybe" Mercedes replied, shrugging slightly. It was clear that Mercedes didn't think much of the idea, but Quinn was lost. She wanted to help her friend, but also wanted to help herself. She had loved Sam- perhaps still did love him; he was the one boy who had accepted her with all her flaws. Despite the silvery lines on her stomach that marked her as used, that made her disgusting. He had loved her, not despite of her flaws, but because of them. Mercedes had two wonderful guys who loved her through it all, and Quinn had nobody, even her father had left her.
She was brought back to consciousness by the sound of Mercedes, mid sentence, "But perhaps you're right, maybe I do just need to let go of them both, it isn't fair, and we're graduating soon.." she trailed off, the expression on her face showed how clearly reluctant she was to let either boy go.
Quinn sighed, taking Mercedes' hand "I only said that because my past was dragging me back, I have no one right now and I'm happy" her soft voice cracked over the word happy and she had to clear her throat. "I'm happy" she said with more force "But you, you have two wonderful guys right now. I know Sam, he's amazing, caring, sweet, gentle and kind. He's the perfect guy to make you feel special. But you know Shane too, he seems lovely, Mercedes, you're just going to have to find which one you can't survive without" her words were brutally honest, though the pain was only clear to her because Mercedes had no idea that Quinn still had feelings for a certain blonde boy, no one did, because she liked to keep her emotions bottled up, that's how you keep the power. But what happens when Quinn is tired of having the power? What happens when she just wants someone to cradle her and take care of her?
"Thanks Quinn, you're right.. I might give Sam another chance, he is funny, and so sweet, now I've got to see how I can tell Shane" she replied, though it seemed as though she was speaking more to herself than the blonde girl now. "I'll see ya later Q" she beamed, and walked off down the hallway.
As soon as she was sure that she was alone, Quinn's face contorted into an expression of pure pain and melancholy. She knew that she had to let go, she wanted to, but as hard as she tried, she would never get the blonde boy out of her mind. All she wanted was to be loved, even Berry had someone to love her. Wasn't she supposed to be popular? Didn't she deserve to be happy. She fell back into the lockers, and slid down them onto the ground, hugging her legs and pressing her face into her knees. Her blonde hair, now shoulder-length fell out of her headband against her face. It reminded her of the miniature break down she had had in New York, when Santana and Brittany had convinced her that a haircut could solve all her troubles. How wrong they were.
She didn't know how long she sat there for, but once she had cried herself dry, Quinn couldn't find the strength to stand up or fix her make up, she didn't even move when she heard footsteps along the corridor, gradually increasing in noise. But as soon as the owner of the feet reached her, she regretted her decision.
"Quinn?" came a quizzical voice. "Are you okay?" The figure bent down next to her in a crouch, and coaxed her out of her hiding place the way only he knew how. He reached for her face with his strong hands, his rough skin warm against her velvety chin, and forced her to look up at him.
"Hey Sam" she choked weakly.
A/N: I hope this was okay.. I would love to write more and develop, but any comments, constructive criticism? Thanks for reading!