It was 0100 and Joker was sitting in his chair, his mind wandering over the various events that had happened not many hours ago. Shepard had taken out the collector base, much to the Illusive Man's dismay. He was glad everyone made it out alright, especially Shepard.
Ryla Shepard.
He felt sick to his stomach thinking about the jump she had to make to the Normandy from the edge of the base. At that moment, he felt as if he were going to to loose her. Again. After she had...died saving him two years ago, he never forgave himself. Not that any of the surviving crew would let him anyway.
"EDI," Joker said to the AI, "Take over the controls. I'm going to get some coffee."
"Understood, Jeff," EDI replied in her normal, unemotional voice.
Joker, still overwhelmed with thoughts of his commander, stepped into the elevator to head to the mess-hall located on Deck Three. Once he reached his designated floor, he walked into the kitchen, silently thankful he was the only one roaming around this area at night. He brewed himself a pot of coffee, and sat down at one of the tables. He stared blankly at the coffee in his mug, continuing to think about his CO.
Some of her features had changed when Cerberus rebuilt her. Her hair was always in a knotted ponytail when they served together on the SSV Normandy. It was a light ash brown, he assumed it was past her shoulder when she let it down, which she never did in front of the crew. Now her hair was extremely short and wispy; a platinum blonde that was practically almost white. She was bald when he rejoined the crew. He could tell she was self-conscious over it, but she played it off well.
Her eyes, an icy green which he got himself lost in on numerous occasions, were now albino, and her skin had a gorgeous copper tone, but now she was pale as a ghost.
Yet she still had the cute nose that scrunched up every time she laughed - the sound that warmed his heart. Her eyes, they still sparkled when she had something exciting or daring on her mind, but could still stab at you when she was angry. Her lips weren't as pink as he remembered, but when she spoke he was utterly hypnotized by them. So soft looking, so kissable.
She was as beautiful and flawless in his eyes as she was before, give or take a few new scars, and the lack of old ones. Her voice, it was still full of power. He loved when she said his name, no matter what mood she was in...
"Joker?"
So many men, even woman, Asari to Krogan, would probably kill to have a woman like Shepard – he definitely would. Though, he knew and accepted that an amazing - no - perfect woman like her would never go for the crippled pilot.
"Moreau!"
Joker's head snapped up, and his line of sight was caught by pale, weary eyes.
"Oh...h-hey Commander!" he stuttered out, rubbing his eyes with the back of his arm, blinking rapidly to see if he was awake.
"Do you want me to pour you another cup? I'm gonna get some for myself," Shepard said to him in a gentle whisper.
"Huh?" Joker asked, still not sure if he was sleeping or not.
She pointed to his cup of coffee, now cold and untouched from his daydreaming. He nodded and watched her take his mug and walk away. The mess-hall was dark, but he got a better look at Shepard when she stepped into the light that dimly lit the kitchen area. She proceeded to empty his mug, and refill that one and one for herself. She was wearing a pair of powder blue gym shorts, and a white tee-shirt. Not the standard uniform she always slept in. He could see on the back of her thigh where she had a patched up wound. The white bandages were a bit bloody, but nothing too bad. Her hair was a mess; it looked like she was running her fingers through it repeatedly. She walked back over and slid his cup over to him, sitting in the chair across the table.
"Rough day, huh lieutenant?" Shepard said, the happy tone in her voice sounded strained.
Joker examined her face the best he could in the dark. He could barley make out a new gash under her eye, and a scabby lip. He guessed she got them during the mission. He shook his head and looked at the woman before him. Her coffee was halfway done, and his, once again, untouched. He took a sip - it was still warm.
"Yeah, it was a pretty rough ma'am. I'm just glad we made it back out of that hellhole, and didn't, well, you know, end up like the rest of those scrap ships."
She chuckled gently, " Couldn't have done it without you Joker. The whole team did a great job." She leaned back and let out a sigh, frowning, worry lines across her forehead, " Its not over yet, though. It'll never be over."
Joker looked at her eyes. Her eyes seemed to show how tired and worried she was, but her face was hard; her usual mask she wore day-to-day, "Commander, is something wrong?"
She looked as if she was going to say, "no, just tired," or something along those lines, but what he herd was:
"Sometimes I wish I wasn't Shepard."
Joker looked at her with a puzzled expression on his face, "Why not? You're a hero! You've done what people can only dream about! You're the first human Spectre, savior of the Citadel, you stopped Saren, you-"
Shepard raised up her right hand, immediately silencing Joker, "I get it, but I wish it all wasn't ever necessary. So many people have lost their lives. Everyone is looking at me to fix everything, to stop all this maddness...sometimes I just wish..." She stopped talking. It was silent for a moment, then Joker spoke.
"Wish what Shepard?"
She looked reluctant to answer, "I wish I had someone to look up to, believe in them to fix everything, but I believe the person everyone looks to to save the day is me. It's just getting tiring, I feel as if we're fighting an endless battle." She leaned forward, placing both of her hands on the table atop of one another, "Its my job though, and I'll do my best to protect the universe until I die, again."
She noticed Joker winced at her mentioning her death, "Sorry."
He smiled lightly to let her know that it was okay, but then his face went into shock when the Commander took hold of both of his hands, " I'm glad you're here Joker, you've been my rock through all of this."
Gosh, her hands were so cold. Even then, he never thought her hands would be so..soft, feminine. He gently rubbed Shepard's palm with his thumb.
"Something on your mind lieutenant?"
He stopped what he was doing. She was smiling at him. She obviously didn't pull away, so maybe she...Maybe?
"I'll be here Commander, unless, well, you start recruiting zombies or something. I think we have enough danger on here with all the lovable creatures you like to collect, but there's only so far you can push it!"
The Commander laughed an authentic laugh, which was...rare, but so cute.
"Technically I am a 'zombie' Joker, living dead and all." She joked, grinning widely at him, with a mischievous glint in her eyes.
"Yeah," he laughed sarcastically, "No. You're more like a God, not a brain craving undead!...Or are you?"
They continued to joke and talk about the 'good ol' days' until Shepard checked the time, Joker's eyes following hers to the time. It was a little after 0300. He had been here with the commander alone for longer than he has ever been, and Shepard was still clutching onto his hands – tight.
"I think its time for me to head up Joker. Go get some sleep – that's an order." She let go of his hands, and Joker missed her touch already. She stood up, wincing slightly, probably from her wound, and went to put their mugs away.
He loved that woman so much that it made his heart ached.
He wanted to tell her, he really did. At least he'd have some kind of chance if she knew...or get thrown out the nearest airlock. He got himself up and walked with her over to the elevator. They both stepped inside, and Shepard raised a brow at him, " Where are you going?"
Joker didn't meet her gaze as he pressed the button for Deck Two, "I like sleeping in my chair better." She shook her head, finding him unbelievable. He waited for her to press the button for the Captain's Cabin; she didn't.
When the elevator reached his deck, he made his way to his chair, stopping and glancing behind him a couple of times, seeing Shepard stopping when he stopped, and hearing her light footsteps when he walked. Once he was in his chair, he asked the woman standing idly behind him, "Uh, Commander?"
She came and sat next to his chair on the cold, metal floor, "I'm making sure you don't disobey my order LT!"
He chuckled, "Aye, aye ma'am!" He gave a quick salute, "commencing sleep, now!"
He pretended to sleep at first, but when he opened his eyes and checked the time, it was 0600. He herd voice throughout the deck, the Normandy at its usual at this time in the morning. He looked to his right side and on the floor was Shepard. Same spot as last night, but with her head leaning against the side of the chair and...his hat on her head? He touched the top of his head, his hat was definitely gone. Before he could register anything, Shepard was starting to stand up,looking around as if she was completely lost. He looked at her...how could she be such an amazing and powerful commander, but still be undeniably adorable?
"Morning sleepyhead," he grinned at her. She nodded in acknowledgment, massaging her left shoulder, "Set a course for the Citadel, I think the crew deserves a few days off to recoup." He went straight to messing with the controls, " Aye, aye ma'am, ETA one hour." He looked up at her and she was scrunching her face, probably from all the bright lights. He loved when she did that. She practically waddled over to the elevator, probably going to her room. Joker turned his head back to the controls and chuckled. He herd Kelly mention new messages for Shepard, and a few seconds later herd the elevator doors shut. Then he remembered and thought to himself,
"Am I going to get my hat back?"
(A/N)
I haven't written in a while, and even not at all on this account. I'll probably only update this story once a week, because I write it during my two study halls during the school day~(Sr year, woot-ness.) and I'm usually running around after school. Another thing I'd like to note is that the tables in the mess hall in the game are HUGE. No way they could reach across the table...I realize that when I was playing the new DLC Lair of the Shadow Broker. I honestly loved it. I didn't have a relationship with Liara, but the end scene was adorable...and I loved all the jokes (:
"Truck!" "I know!" "Truck!" "I know! ..There we go!" "You're enjoying this!" If you haven't gotten it, GET IT..."Truck!" "Again?" Best 800msp evarr.I will be continuing this story, alert it if you want more, and good day to you reader~!