Title: You've Got the Love
Author: LogicBomb.32
Ships: Jane/Maura friendSHIP (I just thought it worked better like this, I am however a firm Rizzles fan)
Summary: A long night, a hard case, no sleep, Jane can barely manage it. When will she realize she doesn't have to do it alone?
Authors Note: Hey there! Yeah you, the good looking one with the face, how are you doing? Anyway I am new to however I am not new to writing. I am an avid writer who has finally mustered the courage to post something where others can actually read it. I have a longer story in the works, I just figured "why not post something shorter, like a one-shot, to see if my characterization is down?" Please, enjoy this angsty-ish one shot.
Sometimes I feel like throwing my hands up in the air
I know I can count on you
Sometimes I feel like saying "Lord I just don't care"
But you've got the love I need To see me through
-Florence and the Machines
It was raining.
Or at least by the numb, aching tingling feeling that was spreading across Jane's hands,it was going to start soon. The pain was only adding to her frustrations, on top of all the pain, her nightmares had returned, their latest case was going nowhere, literally, no where and her mother was still in her 'my husband left me' phase (which as sad as it was, could get really annoying , especially, when she started to paint Jane's apartment). The only added bonus of this entire situation, not that it was really an addition but hey, was the fact that she was the only occupant in the entire building. The building being the precinct and empty meaning Jane, a few of the night shift detectives (who were down in the lobby talking to the desk supervisor) and Maura, who was somewhere, probably the morgue if Jane knew her best friend.
"Fuck!" Jane said muttered, throwing her pen across the desk, flinching as it skittered across the floor making quite possibly the loudest noise she had heard all night, elides her own cursing and damnations to her job, the murderers, her parents, her hands, her pain, herself…everything. Her lack of sleep was doing nothing to help the situation, the constant waking up with her throat hoarse from screaming and eyes red rimmed from tears of terror. Not to mention that she was fighting off the ever increasing concerned looks and prodding questions from her coworkers, her brother, Maura,the entire goddamn world seemed to want to know the inner workings of her fucked up life.
Exhaustion was overwhelming her, days and weeks of no sleep was finally catching up and with it, the thoughts and fears she had been staving off for so long. It didn;t matter when she was with people, she could occupy her mind talking about a case, her aggravating family, her nonexistent love life, anything really and she would be able to hold the terror at bay. When night came, darkness cloaked the city, silence surrounded her and shadows gained a life of their own, she was helpless. It shamed her to think about it, Detective Jane Rizzoli, reduced to a terrified, shaking lump, curled up in the corner,gun clenched tightly in her hand and jumping at every sound. And here she was,slowly descending down into that hell-hole.
A stab of pain radiated from her left hand, one of the many reminders of the man who haunted her every sleeping hour. His scarred face, his hands, his smile,the way he looked at her with such pleasure, almost like they were lovers, but he was too much a of a sociopathic predator for anyone to be fooled.
I smell lavender and fear.
That phrase alone, whispered in her ear by her subconscious, could make her hands ache and send shivers down her spine.
She hated it.
She hated herself.
"Jane."
The brunette jumped a mile as the unexpected voice of her best friend echoed around the empty floor "Jesus" she muttered, running her hands through her hair and turning to see Marua, clutching a bag that (Jane hoped) contained food, not that her stomach would let her keep any food down right now "Hey Maur, don't sneak up on me like that."
"I'm sorry" Maura apologized setting the food down "I can always go back downstairs if you want?"
"No." Jane said a little bit too quickly "I'm done working on this crap anyway, it's not going anywhere."
Maura looked over at Jane, noting the Periorbital circles that were growing darker and more prominent every time the doctor saw her best friend. Maura knew that she was not an expert on people and their mannerisms but she did consider herself to be quite knowledgeable when it came to Jane. And it perturbed her that the detective was stonewalling any and all attempts coming from Maura (and anyone else) to figure out what was so obviously keeping her up at night.
Of course each of the worried party had their suspicions, most of them beginning with H and ending with -oyt. However with Jane pretending that she was okay and tactfully avoiding any and all questions, comments and concerns regarding her current state. No more.
Sure it went against Maura's moral code to bribe and set up Jane in this manner however 'desperate times call for desperate measures' or at least that was her justification for her actions "I brought you pasta with meatballs and some garlic bread." Maura finally said, pulling out a steaming hot to-go container that was trademarked with the logo fro their favorite take out place.
"Thanks" Jane said, taking the containers "It's nice to have something other than cold Chinese for dinner."
It was silent for a moment as the two woman began to eat, Jane only picking at her food as Maura seemed consumed for a moment by her own hunger. Then the strawberry blond doctor looked up at Jane "You have periorbital dark circles." she said
Jane rolled her eyes "Thanks, you look great too."
"No Jane" Maura snapped "I'm not going to stand here and watch as you self destruct. What's going on?"
Anger flashed across Jane's face as she pushed the food across the desk, away from her "You set me up." she growled, looking directly at Maura.
"Yes." she replied, not phased at all by her friends anger "I did."
"I'll tell you what I've been saying, I'm fine."
"That's a lie." Maura said, copying Jane's actions and pushing her own food away "Jane, please just hear me out."
Silence.
Maura took that as that fact that Jane was willing to listen, at least that's what she hoped "Jane" she started, her voice low "I may not have the people skills that you do and I don't really know when people are being sarcastic or serious but I do know you. I know when you're messing with me, when you're aggravated and just want the facts, I know when your mother is getting on your nerves and when Frankie is having a bad. More than anything I know when a case it getting to you. I know when you're worried. I know when you're not sleeping and I know when you're lying to me. Please." she said, reaching out and placing a hand on top of Jane's "Talk to me."
Jane looked down at the desk, taking a breath and letting it out as she looked up at Maura "Fine." she relented "Fine, fine, fine. No, I'm not sleeping. Yes, I'm having nightmares. No I don't want to talk about it with anyone and yet here I am. What else do you want from me?"
Maura exhaled "Oh Jane" she said "I just want you to talk to me. I want to be here for you."
"You don't need my problems Maur." Jane muttered
"What if I want them?" she replied "Can't I make that decision for myself?"
Jane looked up at Maura, unshed tears shining in her eyes "Seriously Maur, you don't want all these problems. I'm, I'm…"she trail off so the last part of the sentence went unheard by the doctor.
"I don't care." Maura said "Anything is better then seeing you in so much pain." And Maura did mean actual physical pain, she saw it when Jane rubbed her scars absentmindedly, or filched when she extended them to open a door or grab her gun "Talk to me."
"This case is going no where." she said, sighing "And there is nothing I can do to help the family. Their little girl was murdered in cold blood and I can't even tell them who's responsible for ripping their family apart."
"That's not your fault." Maura said
Jane shook her head "I feel like I'm missing something, like there is something so blazingly obvious but I'm too stupid, tired, both, whatever, too see it."
"You're not stupid, you haven't been sleeping Jane. How can you expect to perform at your highest capacity if you're not getting enough rest?"
"I can't." Jane snapped "Maura, every time I close my eyes Hoyt is there or some other monster is there. I can't get through one goddamned night without making an ass of myself. I told myself that I wasn't afraid of Hoyt but in all honestly, Maura, I'm still just as terrified of I'm as I was before. I can't stop thinking about how close he came to hurting Frankie, how he got inside your head, who's he going to reach out to next? My mother, my other brother, Korsak, Frost? He's destroying me, completely tearing me apart." The tears were slowly falling down her face, even as Jane tried to fight them off.
There was silence, Maura's head was spinning. She couldn't say that Hoyt as prison (even if he was) because he had already shown to everyone he could wreck havoc anywhere he felt so inclined "I can help you." she whispered, taking one of Jane's hands in her own "I want to." she said, even as Jane opened her mouth to protest.
She shook her head, long brunette hair shaking across her face "You don't want this Maura, I promise you, you don't know what you're getting yourself into. I'm-I'm to broken."
"No, Jane" Maura said "you're not broken. And I do know exactly what I getting myself into, I'm helping my best friend, I wouldn't want to do anything else."
Jane looked up "You're insane." she said with a slight smile beneath the tears.
"Yes, I have been told that on a few previous occasions, most often by you. I find it almost endearing."
Jane laughed, then her face turned serious "Thank-you Maura." she said "Thank for being stubborn enough to put up with me."
Maura smiled "Someone has too." she said "And anyway, you put up with me."
Thy both laughed, Jane wiping the tears from her eyes and pulling her food back across the desk "We're quite a pair." she said "We are quite a pair."
"Agreed." Marua said, pulling out two bottles of beer (Yes, two, she was lacking a wine glass and anyway, who likes tote around bottle of wine with their hot food?) "How about a toast?"
Jane nodded "Alright, a toast."she said "To what are we toasting?"
"Us, friends, for putting up with each other and begin there." Marua said and they clinked glasses.
And for the moment, as they conversed inside the dimly lit precinct, everything was alright. Jane knew the nightmares would still be there, her terrors would still haunt her, but at least she wasn't alone anymore. At least she wasn't alone.
Fin.
Hey! Glad to see that you made it to the end, I hope it was a painful journey for you. Now, if I could bother you for one more moment and ask you a question: How was it? Good, bad and other one word comments are always appreciated however I am very curious to know if my characters are in check? It will help me immensely in my longer Rizzoli and Isles story.
Thanks,
LogicBomb.32