One thing, Lana realized, was the fact that screwed-up people belonged together. It was as if, once your life was taken from your hands and thrown in the complete opposite direction as God or whoever you believed in laughs in your face, you feel some sort of bond to people like you. Even if they went through completely different experiences; even if you never had a conversation, there's this attachment.
And that, she supposed, was what led her to Sanjit.
There were two kinds of people in the world. Those who wore their troubles on their faces, even of they didn't flaunt it, and it was so incredibly obvious. And then there were the opposite. The people who be silently screaming at you or just felt utterly broken inside, but buried it. Maybe they pretended it didn't bother them, maybe they pretended it didn't happen at all, or maybe they acted like it all happened to a completely different person.
Lana knew she was one of the former. She thought she had an excuse for that, though- after all that the Darkness had done to her, didn't she deserve it? It wasn't worth hiding, anyway. Everyone already knew. Even if she didn't burst out crying all of the time or have a perpetually sad expression, she knew it was obvious. From the looks people gave her when they weren't admiring her as the Healer, from the muttered condolences she got every so often.
Sanjit, she thought, was one of the latter. Looking at him, with that mischievous grin nearly always positive expression, you would never think anything was wrong with him. But there were those moments, Lana realized, when it was obvious all of that was a facade, a mask, for someone who was breaking down inside.
They were ruined people, the two of them; and maybe he was just clinging to sanity just as she was, trying so hard to keep from losing themselves as the world tried frantically to throw them off. And maybe, just maybe, they could keep hold.
Maybe that was why she let him in. That moment, sitting in her room at Clifftop, and a simple conversation turned into an extensive comparison of pasts. But that wasn't it. When she first saw him, there was a connection. It wasn't romantic, nothing like that. Just a connection.
Like magnets. Like something, some force was drawing them together, slowly, carefully, and sitting back and watching as it did so. Smiling, if it was possible for it to. Sitting in a mine shaft. Chewing on its radiation.
The gaiaphage.
Oh, god.
The gaiaphage.
Lana practically jumped up from where she was laying, staring up at the fake sky. Patrick stood with her, sensing something was wrong. She ran, back to the houseboat they shared. He was just leaving the large room set aside for his siblings when she ran into him. Before he could say anything, Lana managed to gasp out, "The Darkness."
They sat, huddled, on the floor, as Lana tried to explain as much as she could. It couldn't make sense. It was impossible. But Sanjit nodded as she explained and still tried to figure things out at the same time.
"That girl. You couldn't find her. What if she never existed? What if she was just a projection, an image, just to keep you from dying there?"
"Oh, god," Sanjit whispered, burying his face in his hands.
"It sounds insane, I know. But..."
"No. It makes perfect sense, Lana. That's the worst part. It makes total, absolute sense. And it shouldn't."
Neither of them said anything for a while, and Lana just leaned into him, hearing the faint sounds of his heartbeat. She never did this.
And then Sanjit said, "So what are we going to do?"
"I don't know," Lana murmured, suddenly tired. "I don't even know if it's true. This whole thing doesn't make any sense. He wants me- or, wanted- me, because I was the Healer, and he wanted me to create a body for him, or something like that. I'm sorry, but I don't understand how you play into this."
"It's okay, because honestly, I don't either," Sanjit responded, lightly stroking her hair. "It's okay to fall asleep, you know."
"I've been having nightmares again," she said, softly. "Worse. Like he's calling for me again. I don't want to go there again. Insane. From the Darkness. I don't think I could survive that. Falling so far again."
"I'll be sure to catch you. Don't you ever worry, because I'll be there for you, okay?" It was cheesy, and normally Lana would have snapped at him, but Lana said nothing, though he felt her muscles relax, just slightly.
And as she drifted off to sleep, Sanjit swore to himself that he'd never let her go so far again. Because, if life was the sky, then her star would shine the brightest, far above all else, even if the years tried to put her out. And she didn't deserve to fall like that again.