Just a short one for you all – It's the start of the holidays so I'm trying to warm myself back up to writing again! Let me know what you think! :)
The sound of Mary's gentle voice floated into Matthew's ears; he smiled to himself, adjusting his bowtie, before walking out of his dressing room down the hall. He stopped at the open door, quietly leaning against the frame as he took in the scene before him.
Bathed in the glow of the early summers evening stood Mary, her back to him, she was wearing a stunning dark blue evening dress. Her hair was up, immaculately styled and revealing the length of her neck, her smooth shoulders and her back, causing Matthew to smile a little wider. She swayed from side to side still humming, her head bowed slightly, engrossed in the task.
He didn't want to disturb her, but with their departure imminent, it was inevitable. He took a tentative step into the room "Darling?"
"Shhh…" Mary slowly turned around to face him, rocking baby Harry in her arms, the navy of her long silk gloves contrasting softly with the dull white of the blanket.
Matthew sighed with a knowing smile, dropping his voice "We'll be late" he offered as he walked further into the nursery, one hand coming to rest on Mary's waist, the other went instinctively to the arms wrapped around their son. He leant forwards and kissed his wife gently on the cheek, when he pulled back he looked at her with encouragement.
She held his gaze before looking back down to their son, she spoke quietly, but with a smile "Just a few more minutes…" She looked earnestly back at Matthew "I've only just gotten him off" she held Harry a little tighter as he shifted in his sleep, pangs of loss welling within her already.
Matthew let Mary sway some more, watching her with a smile, she was absorbed in their son. After a few moments more he gently covered her hand with his and guided her to the crib silently. She followed, albeit reluctantly.
Mary kissed their sons head and laid him down, still bending over the crib, stroking his cheek and whispering. "Mama loves you, my little darling…" Matthew drew soothing circles on her lower back as he waited for her to stand up. When at last she did, he in turn bent down and placed a kiss on Harry's cheek. Mary's hand found her husbands and he silently led them both out of the nursery, pulling the door too behind him.
Mary dropped his hand as they stepped into the hallway, wrapping her arms around herself and glancing back at the nursery door.
Matthew read her thoughts "He'll be fine darling…" he said firmly, but with a reassuring softness, when she didn't look back at him he moved closer "Mary?"
"I know, I know he'll be fine" she said with more conviction than she felt, it really wasn't that she thought Isobel wouldn't manage but "It's just that…" She hesitated.
"What is it? Tell me…" Matthew traced a thumb over her cheek, imploring her to look at him.
Mary let out a frustrated sigh "It really is, rather, silly…"
"But?"
"But, I – Oh Matthew, I'm not sure if I'll be alright…" She blew out a long breath and tried to hold back the barrage of emotions threatening to spill over, closing her eyes and pressing her palm to her mouth.
"Oh my darling, come here" Matthew pulled her into an embrace and held her tightly, feeling the fierce need to protect her and the swell of pride all at once. "It's not silly at all!" When she buried her head further into his neck he continued "Talk to me…Tell me what you're feeling"
Mary calmed her breath and found comfort in the strong arms around her, the weight of Matthew's sincerity crumbling her resolve, she knew her fears were irrational, but that didn't make them any easier to deal with. She took a steadying breath. "What if, he wakes up, while we're away and…I'm not there?" She drew back in his arms, looking up at him and wiping away the lingering tears on her cheek.
"Knowing our son, he won't be waking up for a while" Matthew smiled fondly, "And when he does, mother will be here."
"Yes, I know. But I've never not come before…" When Matthew's brow creased in questioning she went on cautiously. "Whenever he's cried, or woken I've always been there. I've always gone to him." She bit her lip trying not to get upset again "But tonight, when he wakes, or cries. I won't come. He'll think I've abandoned him…"
He held her a little tighter, trying to reassure her "No he won't, we'll only be gone a few hours; dinner won't take long and we'll be back before you know it -"
"Yes, but he doesn't understand that!" Mary snapped angrily, pushing out of his reach abruptly. The air stilled, and there hung a heavy silence between them. Both equally stunned at her outburst; Mary was the first to break the unwanted tension. She sighed and briefly closed her eyes, reaching a hand out to Matthew's arm "I'm sorry darling…" She breathed.
Matthew hadn't quite realised the extent of Mary's distress until she snapped, how long had she been worrying over this? Concern adorned his features, once she had calmed he tentatively pulled his wife back to him, wrapping his arms round her once more. "We don't have to go…"
Breathing in deeply, she replied "Of course we do" The smell of his starched shirt and cologne calmed her "Papa would never forgive me if we didn't."
"It's only a dinner…" Matthew pulled back to look at her, smiling kindly "If you're not ready, I won't make you go."
Looking into his crystal blue eyes brimming with honesty, love and concern. She sighed, the tension dropping from her shoulders. "I just, I didn't think it would be this hard"
He looked at her properly; seeing the slight shadow that lingered beneath her eyes, hearing the tired catch in her voice when she spoke. "I know Mary…I don't want to leave him either, and I don't think it silly of you to feel like this…" He skimmed his hand over her cheek, and down to stroke the wisps of hair that fluttered at the base of her neck, he eased her forward and bestowed a soft kiss onto her head.
Mary smiled, lacing her fingers with his. "Thank you…"
"For what darling?" Matthew replied, looking into his wife's rich chocolate eyes and stroking his thumb over the blush that had risen to meet the tears upon her cheeks.
She lent into his hand "For understanding, for everything…"
"Nonsense my darling" Matthew wiped the last remnants of any tears away, smiling down at his strong, brave Mary. She was passionate, a fighter, but not without her scars, and for that he loved her all the more. But above everything, she was a mother – and, he thought reverently, she was a brilliant one.
Matthew lent in, closing the gap between them, lips tasting of bittersweet joy and wordless promises…
"Matthew, the motor's waiting outside!" Isobel's voice trilled up the stairs.
They pulled apart, a little breathless from their sweet kiss, but smiling happily at each other. "Come on then, or we'll be late…" Mary tugged their still joined hands in the direction of the stairs.
"Only if you're sure?" Matthew raised his eyebrows in questioning.
Mary cast a glance at the ajar door at the end of the hallway. She strengthened her resolve, she would have to leave him sooner or later; it would get easier after the first time she was sure. Besides there was a first time for everything, good or bad. But she knew that this was something she must do. Taking a deep breath in she replied "Yes. I'm sure!"
Matthew smiled proudly "Well then, to the Abbey!" He led them down the stairs, hands still entwined. They said their goodbyes to Isobel, who as if sensing the younger woman's trepidation told her not to worry about baby Harry. They donned their coats and hats and when they were ready Matthew bade goodbye to Molesly and his mother and he held the door to Crawley house open for Mary.
She hesitated at the threshold, momentarily reneging on her decision, but after pressing her eyelids closed for a moment and breathing in the cool night air she stepped out of the house, proving to herself that putting one foot in front of the other wasn't as difficult a task as it seemed.
Matthew waited patiently as he saw both regret and resolve play upon Mary's features; shutting the door behind them he took her arm and led them to the waiting car. As they settled themselves in for the short journey he leaned in and whispered "Absence makes the heart grow fonder my darling"
Turning her head to face him she replied simply, and with a smile "Impossible…"