Word Vomit #2 "Spitelout gets thrashed"
How to Train your Dragon
The Great Hall.
A vast cavern, set within the mountain itself. Generations of Hairy Hooligans have added to it, the great doors, the carved pillars, the tapestries covering the walls, all works of art. It has served as a place of refuge, during raids, of both human and dragon.
It also serves as the cultural and religious heart of the tribe. Things, both great and minor, have been held in the hall. Unions between houses. Naming ceremonies.
You could also get a decent bowl of fish and turnip soup every Thor's day.
This is where Astrid Haddock found herself after a long day. The warm hall allowed her to remove her furs and she didn't want to wear her armor during dinner. Dressed in her beautiful, yet well made clothing, she cut an impressive figure. Golden hair braided to one side, which glowed in the firelight, that was the envy of women. Strong arms and torso, mighty enough to cleave a enemy in two with a single strike, that was the envy of warriors. Eyes which glimmer like sapphire. Tall height and a strong personality which commanded all to listen.
She was currently sitting in her personal chair, to the right of the throne. In front of her is her soup along with several pages of parchment. She recently had Fishlegs and his apprentices complete a census of the tribe, listing each House. During her first raid as War Leader, by a hostile tribe, she witnessed several tribe mates less than satisfactory skill with combat. Taking her duties seriously, she worked to devise a training schedule for each combat ready tribe mate. The tricky part is doing it in such a way that did not impact everyone's daily responsibility, such as farming, weaving and cooking. Can't have the entire tribe train at once.
Her eyes are drawn from the table, to a commotion in the middle of the hall. Sitting at a table, appeared to be the entire Reinndottir house. Blubbernose, the warrior of the house, seems to be squaring off with a visible drunk Spitlout. Snotlout was behind his father, trying to drag his father away from the increasingly red Blubbernose. Eventualy Snotlout succeeded, pushing his father away while apologizing to the Reinndottir's.
Astrid watched with a mix of disgust and approval. Disgust at the gradual degrading of Spitlout's character, while approval at Snotlout's actions and sense of responsibility for his father. It had taken a better part of a decade, with plenty of frustration on Astrid's and Hiccup's end, but it seems that Snotlout has finally matured into a proper and responsible adult.
Most of the time.
Turning her attention back to her own work, she continues working, taking an occasional spoonful of soup. She finished the first page, before the smell of unwashed body and alcohol caused her to look up again. She was not surprised to see Spitelout.
"Yes Spitelout?" She sighed as she pushed her work to the side. Spitelout has recently started to look worse and she guessed it was a drinking and marriage problem. He stunk to Asgard, his clothes were unwashed and his skin had an unhealthy pallor.
Snotlout was nowhere to be seen.
"Yea, I gah summin." Spitelout speech is nearly not understandable due to his drunken slur. "Loo a you. Sup hik unff."
"Uh-huh." Astrid is willing to give him a few moments before she takes matters into her own hands. Her soup is going to go cold and Hiccup will be here soon.
"Eye hert abut yur plash. Tryn to taish everyun…" This went on for a little bit. As far as she could understand him, he was criticizing her plan to train all of Berk, Hiccup, her taste in house decoration, the fact that she chose to marry Hiccup and not Snotlout, her new weapons and armor that Hiccup made her when she was proclaimed as champion, her hair style, her role as War Leader and how no women should be allowed to be War Leader. The only thing keeping her from kicking his ass, ten ways to next wash day, was that it was unsportsmanlike to beat up a drunk.
Still even her patience is not without limits. Just as she was getting up to drag him home, Snotlout finally shows up. She could see him frantically look around, before spotting his father by her. Snotlout's face paled before he ran over.
"Odin's left nut, I'm so sorry about this Astrid! C'mon dad, let's get you in bed." Snotlout looks apologetically to her, before grabbing his dad's arm to pull him away. Spitelout stubbornly planted his feet, while holding on to the table's edge.
"Lesth me gohh, sztupit boyu!" By this time, the entire hall stopped to watch the show. It didn't help that Spitelout was screaming at the top of his lungs. Astrid palmed her face, embarrassed for Snotlout. Thank the gods her father or Hiccup never had a taste for an excessive amount of mead.
"Spitelout, for the sake of your dignity and the dignity of your house, please go home before you embarrass yourself further." Spitelout stops and stares at her. Except for his skill in combat and command in battle, respect is not something you ever associate with Spitelout.
He keeps on staring at her as she stares back. He proceeds to spit at her. It landed on her left shoulder.
She saw it happen.
She could have dodged or blocked it.
She just couldn't believe anyone was that stupid to do something like that to her. Drunk or not.
The entire hall gasped as one. Snotlout turned whiter than sun bleached bone. Snotlout continued to leer at her before letting out a belch. Astrid's vision went red with rage.
With a battle cry, she leaped over the table, kicking Spitelout to the ground. She then proceeded to give him a thrashing.
"You stupid shit head! How dare you! How dare you! Hiccup made me this tunic! The dye was from Venezia! The silk was from Agrabah! You stupid…!"
By this time Snotlout and several others successfully pulled her off Spitelout. She shrugged them off as she stared at Spitelout's battered form. Snotlout heaved his father over his shoulder as he took him home, apologizing profusely.
Everyone slowly backed away, being careful around a still furious Astrid. She stomped back into her chair and sat with a grunt. Looking at her shoulder, she grew more angry at both herself and Spitelout. She should have known better to wear such a delicate fabric to the hall, yet what was the point of having such a nice piece of clothing, if she couldn't wear it in fear of other idiots!
Scrubbing it will thin and potentially break the fabric, while washing it with soup would cause it to discolor. She huffed in anger.
"Hello milady." She turned to Hiccup as he walked up to her, giving him a kiss. He looked at her angry face with a frown. "What happened?"
"Spitelout decided to ruin my tunic, that muttonhead." She showed him the spot in question.
"Are you kidding me?" Hiccup sighed as he pulled out some clean linen cloth. "Here lets see if we could clean it."
With how much he stank of alcohol and the grease on his beard, she doubted the Spitelouts spit was that clear. After a few seconds, if anything the spot got bigger. There must have been more grease and food than spit in his mouth.
"It's okay Hiccup, we'll figure something out."
"Maybe we could wash the entire thing with soup. It might fade evenly."
Astrid thought about it. It might be enough to save it. Leave it to Hiccup to make the best of a bad situation.
She turned and smiled at him.
"So, how was your day?"
AN: Originally it was supposed to be a fight between Astrid and Spitelout for position of War Leader/Marshall/General.
Other notes
Spitelout - Spitelout does not think Astrid is capable of being War Leader. Spitelout is also sexist. While he knows that women can fight, he thinks that they can't lead and leading is a man's job. Snotlout did go down this path at first. Thanks to the gang and time away from Spitelout's influence, he changed his ways.
Odin's left nut. - The inspiration for this bit of profanity comes from the amazing Red Star and his How to Train your Dragon X Frozen crossover called "Of State." If you haven't read it yet, please check it out. It's on
Astrid as War Leader. - Astrid is a badass warrior and the most skilled of her age group. It's annoying to see her delegated as Hiccup's love interest, a mother, a wife, a damsel in distress, and nothing else. That is not to say that all fanfics are like that, just a distressingly large percentage. Most recent inspiration for Astrid as a badass and in a position of authority is A Thing of Vikings by athingofvikings. If you haven't read it yet, please check it out. It's on and
War Leader. - Normally the Chief is also the War Leader. The War Leader is responsible for the tribe during battle. Hiccup changed this by making War Leader a separate position, not only due to increased responsibility on his end, in administration and diplomacy, but also that there are other, more martial minded candidates. Another name for the position I considered is "Master of War" and "War Lord." Inspiration is from A Thing of Vikings by athingofvikings.