Misunderstanding
– carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling ectoBiologist [EB] –
CG: WHAT
CG: A
CG: FUCKING
CG: MESS.
CG: I MEAN, EVEN AFTER JUST LOOKING AT YOUR SPECTACULAR FAILURE TWO MINUTES AGO
CG: EVEN AFTER EXPERIENCING YOUR COLOSAL FUCK UPS PERSONALLY
CG: EVEN AFTER LOSING OUR PRIZE AFTER ALL THE SHIT WE WENT THROUGH TO GET IT
CG: ITS STILL SO FUCKING UNBELIEVABLE HOW YOU IDIOTS MANAGE TO MESS UP THIS BADLY
CG: WAY TO GO.
CG: IN CASE YOU CAN'T SEE ME, I'M CLAPPING MY HANDS SARCASTICALLY.
EB: hi karkat!
CG: OKAY, SERIOUSLY, WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU SO GLAD TO SEE ME?
CG: YOU ACT LIKE MY LUCUS WHENEVER I BRING HOME A PILE OF SHIT FOR HIM TO FEAST ON.
EB: haha, gross!
CG: AND HOW THE FUCK DO YOU KNOW MY NAME?
CG: I WOULDN'T TELL YOU EVEN IF MY AGGRAVATION SPONGE WAS MELTING THROUGH MY EARS
CG: AND ME TELLING YOU WAS THE KEY TO MY SURVIVAL.
CG: I KNOW YOU DIDN'T HACK IT
CG: MOST OF YOU HUMANS HACK EVEN WORSE THAN I DO, WHICH IS REALLY SAYING SOMETHING I'M NOT GONNA LIE.
CG: SO I DON'T SEE HOW ELSE YOU MANAGED TO GET MY NAME.
EB: i'm not sure.
EB: i think i learned it over time?
EB: like, terezi may have mentioned your name once or twice.
EB: i dunno.
EB: all of our conversations kind of run together to be honest.
CG: SHOULD HAVE FUCKING KNOWN.
CG: ALWAYS TRYING TO UNDERMINE MY FUCKING ORDERS.
CG: UNBELIEVEABLE
CG: TO THINK SHE WOULD STOOP SO LOW
EB: aw, she's not bad.
EB: she seemed very helpful from our perspective.
EB: time shenanigans aside of course...
CG: JOHN IS IT?
CG: DO ME A FAVOR AND STAY THE FUCK OUT OF MY BUSINESS.
CG: I AM THE FUCKING LEADER OF OUR LITTLE BAND OF TROLLS
CG: AND I CAN TREAT MY LACKY HOWEVER I FUCKING WANT YOU BULDGEHUMPING NOOKSMOKING PIECE OF SHITSTENCH.
CG: FUCK
CG: ARE ALL HUMANS THIS NATURALLY NOSY OR IS IT JUST YOU?
EB: sorry!
EB: i was just trying to be nice :(
CG: WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU WANT TO BE NICE TO TEREZI OF ALL PEOPLE
CG: AND WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY "TIME SHENANIGANS"?
CG: DID YOUR KNIGHT OF TIME MANAGE TO FUCK THINGS OVER EVEN WORSE THAN THEY ARE NOW?
EB: oh, no dave's fine
EB: and as for terezi well…
EB: she just killed me in an alternate timeline.
EB: like... a few hours ago?
EB: wow, it feels like its been years!
CG: WHAT
CG: HOW
CG: I DON'T EVEN
EB: its not that big of a deal
CG: THE FUCK IT ISN'T
CG: WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED
EB: shenanigans.
EB: its not really that important.
EB: but hey!
EB: this is like
EB: your fourth conversation with me right?
CG: WOW
CG: THIS IS SO UNBELIEVABLE
CG: ASTOUNDING REALLY
EB: what?
CG: THE FACT THAT YOU CAN COUNT.
CG: IT'S QUITE POSSIBLY THE MOST AMAZING THING I'VE HEARD ALL DAY
CG: TO THINK A FOOLISH DOUCHY SHITPUPPET LIKE YOU CAN PERFORM BASIC MATH
CG: I CAN NOW HONESTLY SAY THAT I HAVE SEEN ALL THAT PARADOX SPACE HAS TO OFFER.
CG: BUT IN CASE YOU COULDN'T FOLLOW THAT,
CG: YES DUMBASS
CG: THIS IS OUR FOURTH CONVERSATION
EB: haha, it's that early?
EB: i must be really getting close to all of the amazing trolling you do in the future!
EB: its already pretty good from my perspective,
EB: i can't wait for future conversations!
CG: YOU SEE
CG: THAT'S THE THING I DON'T GET ABOUT YOU EGBERT.
CG: I HAVE TOLD YOU ON THREE SEPERATE OCCASIONS HOW MUCH I LOATH YOU.
CG: HOW THE VERY SIGHT OF YOU MAKES MY CHITIMOUS WINDHOLE CLENCH
CG: AND BLEED WITH THE SHEER FORCE OF MY FURY.
CG: YOU ARE AN IGNORANT, DISGUSTING, FAILURE OF A WORM THAT I EVER HAD THE CROTCH BLISTERING MISFORTUNE OF JAWING WITH
CG: AND I HAVE MADE ABSOLUTELY NO ATTEMPT TO HIDE THIS FACT.
CG: AND YET, DESPITE HOW MUCH I'VE TOLD YOU AND SHOWED YOU MY HATE,
CG: YOU KEEP COMING BACK FOR MORE.
CG: IS THERE SOMETHING BIOLOGICALLY WRONG WITH ALL YOU HUMANS
CG: TO MAKE YOU ACTUALLY WANT TO GET MENTALLY KICKED IN THE BULDGE
CG: OR IS IT JUST YOU?
CG: OR...
CG: OR ARE YOU LIKE EQUIUS?
EB: who's equius?
CG: BY THE ELDER GODS OF DERSE
CG: ITS ALL SO CLEAR NOW
CG: WHY YOU SEEM TO LIKE MY COMPANY
CG: WHY YOU TREAT ME SO NICELY EVEN WHEN I'M TEARING YOU APPART
CG: WHY YOU LOOK FORWARD TO ME TALKING TO YOU, EVEN WHEN I TROLL YOU.
EB: ...i don't think i like where this is going :(
CG: YOU'RE GETTING OFF ON THIS
CG: YOU SICK FUCK.
EB: eww, no!
EB: that's not it at all!
CG: IT IS
CG: THERE'S NO DENYING IT
CG: YOU ARE A MASOCHISTIC FREAK. IT ALL MAKES SENSE.
CG: AND TO THINK I'VE BEEN PLAYING TOWARDS YOUR SICK FANTASIES THIS ENTIRE TIME.
CG: FUCK
CG: I FEEL SO VIOLATED
CG: I'M GONNA NEED AT LEAST A FEW MILLION SHOWERS TO WIPE THIS DIRTY FEELING OFF YOU WHIMSICAL INCOMPETENT SHITSUCK.
CG: NOT HOMOSEXUAL MY SHINY WHITE SPINAL CREVICE.
EB: huh?
EB: i told you i wasn't gay?
EB: when?
EB: and why? /eyes suspiciously
CG: FUCK
CG: NEVERMIND
CG: FORGET I SAID THAT
CG: WE BOTH AGREED TO NEVER BRING IT UP AGAIN.
EB: bring what up again?
EB: was it something serious
EB: its okay bro, you can tell me :)
CG: JUST
CG: SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT IT OKAY.
CG: FUCK THIS WAS SUCH A BAD IDEA
CG: I CAN'T BELIEVE PAST ME WAS SUCH A FUCKING IDIOT.
CG: THE SIGNS WERE ALL THERE
CG: ALL THOSE LITTLE INCONSISTANCES
CG: THOSE LITTLE MOMENTS OF POSITIVITY IN THE FACE OF PAIN AND ANGUISH
CG: NO WONDER OUR ELITE TROLLING SKILLS DIDN'T WORK
CG: YOU WERE ENJOYING IT THIS ENTIRE TIME.
EB: karkat, come on man
EB: this is getting pretty ridiculous
CG: GOD YOU
CG: I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY
CG: I'M TOO DISGUSTED TO SAY ANYTHING
CG: I'M COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY DUMBFOUNDED
CG: SPEECHLESS
EB: you don't sound speechless to me
CG: SHUT THE FUCK UP
EB: look karkat
EB: this is getting way out of hand...
EB: don't you realize how silly this sounds?
EB: i'm not...
EB: any of that
EB: i just consider you one of my friends
CG: LIES.
CG: DO YOU THINK I'M A FUCKING IDIOT?
CG: LIKE I SAID BEFORE, I DIDN'T WRIGGLE OUT OF A PUDDLE OF SLIME YESTERDAY
CG: I'M WELL AWARE OF THE TROLL DISEASE KNOWN AS FRIENDSHIP
CG: AND NOTHING THAT'S EVEN REMOTELY HAPPENING RIGHT NOW IS POINTED IN THAT DIRECTION
EB: … troll disease?
EB: really?
CG: DO NOT TRY TO CHANGE THE SUBJECT YOU GRUBSHITTING FUCKOFF.
CG: I AM ON TO YOU. YOU CAN'T FOOL ME YOU PIECE OF SHIT.
CG: YOU THINK YOU CAN USE ME AS A LIVING THROB STALK AND GET AWAY WITH IT? TO PLAY OFF MY ANGER AND USE IT FOR YOUR SICK FETISHES?
EB: what's a... throb stalk?
EB: and i don't have any fetishes!
EB: at least, i don't think...
CG: NOT EVEN HAVING THE CURTSY TO LET ME KNOW BEFORE HAND, DURING MY FIRST CONVERSATION WITH YOU? YOU HAVE TO HAVE SOME COMMON DECENCY WHEN IT COMES TO THESE THINGS EGBERT.
EB: what things?
EB: karkat, i have no idea what you're talking about
EB: you need to calm down dude
CG: CALM DOWN? IF ANYONE NEED TO CALM DOWN ITS YOU EGBERT.
CG: AND YOU KNOW VERY WELL WHAT THE FUCK I'M TALKING ABOUT. DON'T FUCKING PLAY GAMES WITH ME.
EB: dude this is really getting out of hand
EB: you're acting reeeally nuts, even more than usual
EB: are you okay?
EB: maybe you should get some sleep or something
EB: the last time we talked you said you hadn't slept in weeks!
EB: maybe you should troll me later on, when you feel better
EB: bye!
– ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] –
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