Peppered with Passion by Luvscharlie

"Go, move it. Hurry! They'll see us." Hermione's words rushed out.

"Where are we going?"

"No time for questions, move your tail." Hermione gave Fred a hard shove into the cupboard, shushing him as Molly and Arthur re-entered the Burrow's kitchen.

"So do you plan to tell me why we are hiding in my parents' cupboard?" Fred whispered.

Proudly, she displayed a small cylindrical object with a spray nozzle on the end.

Fred tilted his head in an amused fashion. "We're hiding in the closet because you want to spray me with something? This could get interesting. Tell me, do you plan to lick it all off of me then? Kinky. You know, as much as I am enjoying this newfound spark of adventure, my love, my parents' cupboard might not be the best place to—"

"Oh, Arthur!"

The voice of his mother outside the cupboard drew Fred's attention. "The hell?" He turned the doorknob and popped his head out, only to close the door again quickly. He never raised his voice, but each word was clipped. "What-did-you-do?"

Hermione couldn't stop the grin that spread across her face at Fred's horror struck expression. "I see it worked."

"Do you know what they're doing out there? We eat on that table!" Even by the light of her wand, she could see the blush creeping up his neck.

Her voice was a whisper when she explained, though judging from the sounds on the other side of the door they wouldn't notice anything but one another. "It's a product I created for the shop. It's specifically geared toward married couples who want to put some, you know, passion back into their relationship. It looks like ordinary pepper when sprayed on food, but…"

"Galleons aside—I can't believe I just said that—why couldn't you test it on your own parents?"

Hermione snarled in disgust. "Because that's just icky."

"Oh, and it's not icky when it's my parents?" He gave her no chance to respond. "You do realise that image will be seared on my brain indefinitely… and I'm never eating at that table again."

"Oh, shush. Your parents are sweet. Just listen at how much they love one another." The lust-filled moans outside the door were disturbing, and she regretted the words as soon as she said them. "Okay, maybe a bit icky," she conceded when Molly let out a loud moan. "We should probably just Apparate away now that we know it works." She flicked her wand. Nothing happened. Fred did as well. Still nothing. "Um, it would appear that your dad took my advice about strengthening those wards on the Burrow." Timing was not her friend.

Fred leaned against the wall, arms crossed over his chest. His tongue pushed out against the inside of his cheek, and she tried a weak smile aimed in his direction. His face remained unchanged, so she offered a suggestion. "We could try and sneak out. I don't think they'd, um, notice us."

Fred moved quickly backing himself against the door. "If you love me, you will not force me to go out this door and chance seeing that again."

They stood in silence for a while as the sounds outside the door became more pronounced. She watched Fred plug his ears once, when they got so rowdy that she thought the people in the next town may well hear them.

His mood declined rapidly, and she tried to alleviate the tension. "On the up side, I think this is going to be a best seller." That earned her a glare. "We're not going to be having sex again for a while, are we?" she asked.

"Nope."

"Yeah, I didn't think so," she said sitting down in an attempt to get more comfortable. It appeared they would be there a while. Damn, the long-lasting element she'd added to the spray.

~*~

Hermione showed up on time for Sunday dinner at the Burrow. She stepped out of the fireplace brushing soot from her robes. Molly turned toward her with a smile… a rather wide smile that made Hermione blush. "Where's Fred, dear?"

Hermione glanced at the dinner table with trepidation. "He wasn't feeling well."

"Oh, the poor thing. Perhaps I should Floo over and take him a plate."

Shaking her head, Hermione took her seat and muttered to herself, "If it ever touched this table, he won't eat it."

"What was that, dear?"

She feigned a smile and said, "Pass the pepper, please."

Fin.

A/N: Originally written for Round 2, Challenge 7 of the FWHG_LDWS (Fred Weasley-Hermione Granger Last Drabble Writer Standing) Competition on Live Journal. Our prompt was "pepper spray" and the drabble had to be under 750 words. This one made it through to the next round and we are now down to the final 5 contestants.