Why Does Love Always Feel like a Battlefield?
"Hold on to that feeling! Streetlights, people! Don't stop BELIEVING!"
"My lord?" Bellatrix asked, "We must go. It is time that we enter the battle ourselves." The shrieking shake was cold, wet and foul smelling. Bellatrix itched to leave and fight beside the Dark Lord.
"Can't you see I'm watching Glee?" Voldemort screamed, "FOR A SMILE THEY CAN SHARE THE NIGHT, IT GOES ON AND ON AND ON AND ON!"
"The boy is not coming, we must get him. My lord, it is time to kill Harry Potter!"
"Shmarry Shmotter, who cares?" Voldemort waves Bellatrix away, than whistles loudly. "Now that's a fighter!" He pointed at the television screen. Specifically at a tall, short- haired women wearing a completely unflattering red track suit. At least in Bellatrix's opinion, who was wearing her finest black and green robes.
"That MUGGLE!" Her mouth was ajar.
"A muggle with an attitude, Sue Sylvester. Go fetch me her and then we'll talk. While you're there get me the whole New Directions group."
Bellatrix sighed in defeat. "I'll bring you these Muggle singers and you'll go into battle with me?"
"Sure, Sure." Voldemort mumbled, shoeing her away. "Oooo this is my favorite episode!" Bellatrix disapparated before he could continue this nonsense. A few minutes later she reappeared.
"I'm a single lady, I'm a single lady. Put your hands up, HANDS UP!" Voldemort
wagged his finger and shook his butt.
"My lord, I have your muggles." Voldemort ignored her. "MY LORD!"
"You have them!" He clapped his hands in delight.
"Dude nice dress." A large boy, who Voldemort soon identified as Puck, said, laughing.
"SUE SYLVESTER! Is it you?" Voldemort looks as happy as child receiving a lollipop.
"In the flesh, and by the way your red eyes do nothing to complement your abnormally pale skin and childish, puny hands."
"How dare you speak to my lord…." Bellatrix yelled as she pulled her wand out.
"Go shave your mustache." Sue laughed at her own joke as Bellatrix's hand shot to her upper lip.
"That's why you get your lip waxed." Santana sighed, matter of factly. "If you go to my plastic surgeon he'll give you Botox and a lip waxing in one sitting."
Britney nodded rapidly, "You could use both."
"This is brilliant, like we're on T.V. Where's Rachel?" Voldemort demanded.
"I was called." Rachel struts in, Fin in tow.
"Great I need your help to kill a boy. You know sing some songs."
"Kill someone? That's not right."
"Oh you sent poor Sunshine to a crack house and anyway you kill tons of people with your truck sized ego!"
Puck and Santana snicker. "He's right…." Puck starts.
"Shut it!" Rachel cries.
"My lord…" Bellatrix sounds exasperated.
"Oh don't get your knickers in a twist!" Voldemort spat. "So Rachel, I'll give you a microphone and you sing a song that goes with battle." Voldemort conjured a microphone behind his back and handed it to Rachel. He then whispered in her ear.
"Uh… Okay." Rachel cleared her throat and began. But soon you couldn't hear her over Voldemort's voice.
"Don't rain on my PARADE!" Voldemort sang.
"Uh, dude, you sing like a girl." Finn muttered, than corrected himself. "But not in the good way like Kurt. More like a feminine Mike Chang."
"Hey!" He interjected, his arm around Tina.
"HOW DARE YOU MAKE FUN OF LORD VOLDEMORT'S VOICE! YOU SHALL PAY!" Voldemort raised his wand.
"So now you want to kill him." Bellatrix smiles, snuggly.
"Nice stick dude." Puck laughs.
"Avada, avada, avada…." Voldemort looks at his feet. "I can't do it… I guess this is what is feels like to love."
"Surely not, my lord. That is a strong emotion to feel when talking about a bunch of dorky, teen Muggles!"
Voldemort's eyes grew wide. "It is LOVE."
"See guys, we can all learn a great lesson from… um Lord Voldemort." Will Schuster spoke, questioningly, about the name.
"Call me Tom." Voldemort sighs.
"TOM!" Bellatrix screams in outrage.
"Not you uni- brow!" Voldemort yells. Bellatrix clenched her teeth.
"Sorry…." Mercedes sighed.
"It's okay, Mercedes." Kurt patted her back.
"OKAY!" Bellatrix snarled. She stared at the group of scraggly children. There was a couple, both with blonde hair, holding hands. Another couple was not far away, they were both Asian, and had obviously grown bored of the conversation, since they were snogging. Two girls in revealing Muggle clothes stood close to Bellatrix, they were the ones that had made fun of her mustache. A boy in a wheel chair had the blonde one of these girls on his lap. Then there was the girl who'd been singing , and her boyfriend. There were also a few others, that stood slightly behind the rest. Bellatrix sighed. "I give up."
"Let's sing our way out." Rachel declared. "Something new and fresh, that relates to the theme of this conversation."
"I know what we're going to sing!" Mercedes declared.
"Battlefield by Jordan Sparks." Kurt guessed with no hesitation.
"Good." Then Rachel began. "Don't try to explain your mind, I know what's happening here. One minute it's love, and suddenly it's like a battlefield."
Finn joined in for the next verse, but no one heard him, because Voldemort had also joined in.
"Why does love always feel like a battlefield, a BATTLEFIELD!" Now the
entire glee club was singing and dancing. And Voldemort was almost in tears by the last few lines.
"Never meant to start a war. Don't even know what we're fighting for."
Voldemort clapped like a maniac. "Encore, ENCORE!"
"No." Will said sternly. We end with ONE group song. Just one."
"Fine but I'm telling you how the story ends." Voldemort spoke whiningly. "Sam and Quinn stay together, and so do Blaine and Kurt. But Mike Chang and Tina break up and Mike goes out with Britney. Fin and Rachel break up and Fin and Santana get together. Then Rachel settles for Puck."
"What!" Tina blinks.
"What?" Rachel yells.
"Her?" Puck asks.
"Yah!" Britney and Santana smile.
"That's that." Voldemort commands. "The End."