a/n: again, this has what could be considered vague hints of incest. it can definitely be read as a brother/sister thing, though. i found this sitting on my flashdrive, and i kind of liked it, even if it's just a short little thing. if i remember correctly, it's supposed to take place shortly after the end of Breakaway Part 1, after Fiona's conversation with her mom.
-x
It hadn't been a lie, telling her mother that maybe, on some level, she had wanted her to come after her. Okay, it had been, but not entirely.
True to her mother's word, she hadn't covered her tracks very well at all. She had done just about everything but hang up a sign that proclaimed she had gone back to Degrassi. It wouldn't have been, and obviously hadn't been, very hard for someone to pick up on what she had done, and follow them all the way to the hotel room that she was calling home now. So maybe she had been waiting, hoping for someone to do that
But the thing was, when she had turned around to see her mom, her heart had dropped. Someone had shown up, but it wasn't the right someone. Of course. It was like being kicked in the face, and, god, hadn't she been through that kind of thing enough lately? Unconsciously, she lifted a hand, brushing her fingertips lightly against her eye, where the bruise had been. It seemed wrong, to say that this emotional problem could hurt like physical abuse, but she had become a constant victim of both lately.
Why the hell hadn't Declan come after her?
He owed her for not believing that Bobby had hurt her. He owed her because he was her brother. He should've come after her because he loved her, damnit! Maybe he didn't anymore. Hell if she knew; she felt like she didn't know anything anymore. Everywhere she turned, there was someone calling her crazy, telling her she needed more therapy. It was breaking her down, and for the first time in her life, she didn't have Declan to turn to.
She supposedly had Holly J, but what was their friendship if not an act that she deserved an Oscar for? She didn't want to be friends with the girl – she wanted to be her. God forbid anything happen to precious Holly. There wasn't a doubt in Fiona's mind that Declan would come running then.
She hated the jealous feeling that was eating away at her, the never feeling good enough, the lonliness in this stupid, empty hotel room.
'You know you're all I have, Fi.'
He had told her things like that countless times in the past, and it had been true. But times like that seemed painfully distant now, so far out of her reach, so far gone. Not that she wasn't still reaching for them, desperately. Not that she would ever give up. But for now, this…
The empty room, the empty feelings, and the fading bruises on her legs and face were all she had. And it wasn't enough.
She and Declan had always been walking the thin line between 'too much' and 'not enough', but this was different. She was alone now. And as much as she hated to admit it, Fiona had no idea how to be alone.
-fin