Author's Note: I wanted to write a little something for a good friend Cag45. We all hope you are feeling better soon. Hope this little piece cheers you some.
How Hannah Moss McFadden found herself in the mud, in a damp barn at eleven o'clock at night, squashed between her husband, and her brother-in-law was nearly beyond her comprehension. It wasn't simply a matter of a mother goat having a difficult time. It was so much more than that. She was wet, dirty and cold. She was so exhausted, and knew that with the rising sun, her responsibilities would continue - regardless of this late night of struggle. If you had told her just a year ago that she would be here now; she would have laughed out loud at the ridiculousness of it. A ranch? A rancher's wife?
"Look!" Ford said with wonder. He nudged her with his shoulder, and she looked back at the baby goat who began to stagger and rise. He turned and smiled at her with a broad and happy grin. "She's gonna be alright."
"Yeah." Hannah said with a smile and nod at Ford. "She had a rough start but she's tough. You did a good job, Ford."
"It wasn't me. If you hadn't come out and helped me . . ." He shook his head, and turned back to look at the goat. "I was scared!"
***7***
Ford had come skidding into the kitchen where she was working alone. She'd been trying to salvage a pan that had suffered at the hands of Guthrie and Evan who had decided to "cook" for themselves one afternoon. They had decided to make popcorn on the stove which was something they all knew how to do, but for some reason they decided to try their hand at carmel corn. Their attempt had been to dump everything - popcorn, butter, salt and caramel into the pan and wait. She was pretty sure the pot was ruined, but wanted to give it one more shot. She sighed, pushing the hair out of her face with the back of her hand and began to scrub again.
"Hannah!" Ford said skidding to a stop in front of her. "Where's Adam?"
"He had to go into to town to . . ." She looked up at his face. "What's wrong? Who's hurt?" She asked setting the pot aside and drying her hands.
"No. No one. Everyone is fine. It's Gertrude."
"It's time for the baby!" She said smiling at him.
"Kid." Ford corrected.
"Same thing." She said.
"Is Brian around?" He asked her.
"Had a date." She said, and seeing his worried look continued. "And Crane's with Adam. Daniel had a rehearsal and Evan is at the upper pasture - at least that's where he said he was going, but with him, who knows. I am sorry to say, the only person you've got right now is me."
"Guthrie?" He asked nervously.
"He went over to Eddie's, and they said something about bribing Eddie's mom into taking them into Sonora. Something about a shopping mall and girls."
Ford chewed at the corner of his lip nervously. "I don't suppose . . ." He began shyly.
"Oh! You must be desperate." She said laughing. "I'll do whatever you need Ford, but you know I'm a city girl."
"No, you aren't. Not really. You were born here. Adam said so. Ranching is in your blood. We just have to chip away at your city-edges." He said with a grin. "It's just . . ." He sighed. "Gertrude's having a tough time, and I'm not sure what to do."
"Well, there's a book around here somewhere, isn't there? I remember seeing Evan reading it awhile back. Let's see if we can find it." She threw the towel on the table and followed Ford into the front room. They studied the bookshelf together, until she pulled it down.
"Here." She said brightly. "Maybe it'll help. Come on, let's see about poor Gertrude." She put a hand on Ford's shoulder.
"Get your slicker, Hannah. It's raining cats and dogs. Adam'd have my hide if you got soaked." He said.
"Alright, just a sec." She said and took the stairs two at a time. Ford was nowhere to be seen when she came back down, sliding her arms into the bright yellow slicker. "Ford?" She called.
He emerged from the kitchen then. "I was leaving a note. You'd be surprised how many times people thought someone was missing when they were just out in the barn." He explained. "We spent four hours completely panicked over where Guthrie was once, and it turned out he was sitting in the barn, playing with the cats."
"Smart man." She said and he ducked his head blushing.
"Come on."
She followed her lean, shy brother-in-law out to the barn. Ford was not quite sixteen, but had grown so much since the day that Adam had brought her home just over a year ago. His arms and legs were long spidery things that he couldn't always seem to manage. He was forever knocking things over. "The clumsy stage will kill you - or at least all your breakables." Crane had said knowingly. "Better put away your favorites Hannah."
Ford ducked into the barn and led her to the back where Gertrude, his favorite goat, was clearly struggling. The fact that Ford had a pet goat said a lot about him. He was much more comfortable around animals than people, but she had discovered over time, he was an excellent judge of people and their moods. He was quiet; shy and watched the world around him with wide blue eyes. He had the sweetest, pure voice when he sang, but couldn't quite manage to make himself sing in front of anyone but family. He had been quick to accept her, but his quietness and shyness and intimidated her. She couldn't quite read him in the beginning and it made her nervous to see his eyes on her. It took her a little bit of time to realize that he was just as hungry for a maternal influence as Guthrie, and she'd come to depend on him as a barometer of family moods and fights; if she saw two brothers in a heated argument, but Ford remained unconcerned - she knew it was nothing to worry about. If he looked up sharply, or seemed anxious; she knew a storm was coming.
She watched him now, fussing over Gertrude, and knew that he was worried. Since he was good with animals, the fact that he was worried alarmed her. Gertrude truly was his beloved pet, and he would be heartbroken if anything happened to her. Hannah would hate to think that his goat would be forever lost because he was stuck with her as her only hope.
"Should we call the vet?" She asked anxiously.
"The Peterson's bull is having surgery today." He said. "See if you can find something in that book."
She picked up the book that he had set on a nearby bale of hay. She flipped through the pages, finally turning to the chapter on birth. She skinned it rapidly, hoping for some sort of miracle trick. She could save Gertrude and impress Ford with her unexpected usefulness. But reading the chapter it sounded like there weren't too many quick fixes.
"What do you usually do?" She asked him.
"Adam or Brian are usually here." He said. "I've seen them but I don't know what to do. I mean not really." He sighed. "I haven't ever done any of it by myself."
"But you've been with them. What does Adam do? What would he do in this situation?" She asked him, but seeing his hesitation she added, "You are always pay attention to detail, Ford. You can do this. What would Adam or Brian do?"
"Well, they'd check the kid to see if it is in position." He said nervously.
"Check it how? And how do you know it's in the right position?" She asked and then remembering what she knew of animals from tv shows involving vets, she realized suddenly what he meant. "You have to put your arm in there?" Her eyes were wide.
"Well, that's what Adam does." He said shrugging.
"Yipes! Remind me to think twice about letting him hug me!" She said shaking her head. "Well, I guess if we have to, we have to."
"Okay." He nodded. "but Hannah I haven't ever been the one to . . . " He glanced at Gertrude who was clearly suffering. "I don't know if I can . . ." He suddenly sounded small; like a child.
She reached out putting her hands on his shoulders. "Ford, you can do this. You are so good to those goats and lambs. You can read an animal better than anyone I've ever seen. When Chief had that crack in his hoof, you know it even before Adam did. You can do this. Don't think about anything but Gertrude. You would never let anything bad happen to her, now would you?"
"No." He said, drawing in a deep breath. "Okay, we'll do it."
And so, she found herself standing beside him, a lantern in hand, as her fifteen year old brother-in-law gathered enough strength to help his pet goat Gertrude, give birth.
"We gotta turn the kid around." He said after a time.
"Turn it around?" She had asked wide-eyed. "While it's still in there? Ford Michael! I thought you liked Gertrude!" She reached out and scratched the top of the goat's head. "Don't worry, Gerttie - I'll keep an eye on you."
"If we don't, Gertrude will die; the kid too." He said rubbing his sore arm.
"Alright," She said. I can hold the light.
"Hannah," Ford said gently. "I don't think I can do it."
"Don't be scared . . ."
"No." He interrupted. "My hand's too big. I don't think I can do it. It takes a skinny hand; a skinny arm."
"Oh." She said softly, understanding. "You need to put my arm . . ." She glanced at Gertrude, wishing that her skinny-armed youngest brother-in-law was still around. "Well . . ."
"You can do it, Hannah. It isn't as bad as it sounds." He said to her sheepishly. "Actually, I gotta be honest. It's not easy."
"I sort of got that idea." She sighed. "Alright, tell me what to do."
"Well, the first thing you're gonna have to do, is take that jacket off, and you better roll your sleeve.
"I guess I better." She said sliding out of her slicker. She rolled her sleeve all the way up to her shoulder, and moved over to where Gertrude struggled.
"Here goes nothing." She said drawing in a deep breath. She glanced at Ford and added nervously, "And to think I used to worry about dishpan hands." She glanced at Ford. "If this is some elaborate trick arranged by your brothers, I will never forgive you, Ford." She said seriously.
"I would never . . ." He began with wide eyes horrified.
"I was teasing, Ford." She said with a wink.
Hannah found herself in a cold barn on a rainy night with her arm up the backside of a goat. Having her arm inside a goat was not a pleasant experience. Her hand and arm was being crushed, and her fingers were almost immediately numb. Then again, she couldn't imagine it was a lovely experience for Gertrude.
"You gotta grab hold of his front leg, and bring it around." Ford said near her ear. "You can do it, Hannah."
"I'm thankful for the confidence, but it might be misplaced." She shifted her arm and felt a sharp crushing pain.
"Can you find it?" Ford asked anxiously.
"I don't know just jet . . ." She said concentrating on the task at hand, and also at not crying out in pain.
"Well, I never thought it'd come to this!" Adam said stepping into the stall. "Two-timing me, Hannah? With a goat? How long you been slipping off to the barn, here to meet with Gertrude?"
"Adam!" Ford said relief flooding him. "The kid is turned around, and Gertrude is so small."
"I swear if this is some kind of a prank." Hannah said trying to ignore the grinding pain in her arm.
"Well, I'm wishing I had my camera right now darlin'." Adam said with a laugh.
"You wanna check?" Ford asked looking up at his older brother.
"Why? You know what you are doing, pal. The fact that somehow hoodwinked Hannah into helping proves you're pretty damn smart, Ford. Tell her what she needs to do." He nodded at Hannah.
"You gotta lead it around." Ford said. "If you can pull that leg around and through, everything else will follow."
"I don't want to hurt her." Hannah said, fear creeping into her voice. "I don't want to hurt the kid or Gertrude."
"You're doing fine, honey." Adam said. "Have you got a hold of that leg?"
"I . . . I . . ." She squinted one eye and focused determinedly. "I almost . . .yeah, I got it."
"Pull it around, but when you do, Gertrude will probably let you know that she isn't enjoying it. She might move too, so be ready. Shift your weight and lean into her, but don't put all your weight on her, or you'll fall if she moves. You could snap your wrist pretty easy."
"No big deal, then." She said with a laugh. "Well, here goes nothing."
"Wait, hon." Adam said. "Ford get on the other side, let's brace her between us."
"Maybe you should do it." She said to Adam.
"Hell, no!" Adam said laughing. "If Ford couldn't manage it, I'd never get my beefy arm in there."
"Oh, that's right." Hannah said with a shake of her head. "I forgot about your rippling muscles."
"Got that right, baby!" He said. "How long you been at it?" He asked suddenly serious.
"About half an hour for me." She said. "Can we do this? My arm's going numb."
"Oh, you just wait, sweetheart. Ford, you're buying her something nice later." Adam said. "Go on, Ford brace Gertrude between us."
She thought she'd never be able to manage it. Her arm was nearly numb, she was wet and cold, and worst of all, she felt unsure. But just when she felt like giving up completely, she was able to pull the leg around, and then like a miracle, just like Ford had told her, the baby goat followed.
"I did it!" She said, staggering backward as she finally slid her arm free, feeling as though it was being pulled from the socket.
"Hannah!" Ford said jubilantly. "I knew you could do it!"
"I'm glad you did." She said laughing. She glanced at Gertrude. "Look! Ford!"
Adam brought her a towel, and a bucket of water, and she washed her arm, keeping one eye on Gertrude, amazed as the kid emerged at last.
She leaned back against the wall, still trying to rub her arm clean with the towel, thinking how good a shower would feel just now, as Ford rubbed the kid with hay. She smiled proudly, impressed that he knew just what to do. She was filled with maternal pride and love; a feeling she'd become familiar with in the last fourteen months; a surprising benefit to marrying Adam.
"She's not breathing." Ford said, and her joyful peace was shattered.
Adam immediately knelt beside Ford. "Give it a second, Ford. Don't panic. Sweep her mouth."
She watched as Adam knelt beside his younger brother, one hand on Ford's anxious shoulder. Adam didn't act. Instead he directed his brother, the confidence in his voice strengthening Ford. It felt like an eternity before the kid sputtered and Hannah felt tears fill her eyes as the baby goat wriggled to life. She let out a slow exhale ridiculously joyous over this tiny pet goat.
"You did it Ford!" She said proudly. He glanced over his shoulder at her, his face flushed.
"We did it." He corrected.
Adam looked at her then with a wink. "Are you crying? Oh, good Lord, girl! You'll wear yourself out. How do you survive calving?"
"This is different. Don't tease. I nearly got my arm pulled off. That kid's part mine."
Adam shook his head and rising came to stand beside her, one arm around her shoulders. "You did a good job." He said softer, kissing her forehead. They moved and sat down on the bale of hay then, watching Gertrude and her kid. Ford came and sat on the other side of Hannah. They watched the goat in silence, until the kid wobbled up on her legs. She moved clumsily to her mother, and eventually began to nurse.
Hannah leaned her head on Adam's shoulder, suddenly tired. "It's pretty late." She said softly with a glance at Ford. "You've got school in the morning."
"Yeah." He said his eyes on the baby goat.
"We ought to go in." She said. "Your lips are blue, Ford. You must be freezing."
"It's cold." He agreed.
"Come on, then." Adam said. "Bedtime."
"Yes, sir." Ford said grinning.
"Don't sir me, boy." Adam said stretching out a long leg and kicking Ford's backside gently.
The three of them turned to go to the house, but hesitated at the doorway. The rain was coming down steadily.
"Maybe we should just stay out here." Hannah said seeing the rain.
"We can make a dash for it." Adam said.
They raced across the yard and up the steps together. They went in through the kitchen hoping not to bother Guthrie, and Brian who were both home now. The warmth of the kitchen enveloped Hannah, and she sighed blissfully.
"Oh, that's better!" She said sinking into a nearby chair. "I'd have a cup of coffee but I ought to go to bed."
"No shower?" Adam asked.
"Just 'cause I had my arm up a goat?" She asked laughing. She rose stiffly, and turning to Ford said, "You better get to bed. School bus waits for no one."
"Yes, ma'am." He said and turned to walk to the stairs. "Hey, Hannah." He said pausing and looking over his shoulder. "Thanks, thanks a lot." He said and doubling back and kissing her cheek. "I wouldn't have been able to do that without you."
"You're welcome." She said softly, squeezing his forearm. She watched him, blush and then with a nod, turn and leave the room.
She thought a lot about his thank you later, tucked in bed, clean and warm. It wasn't much. Just two words spoken softly. But it was so much more than that. Sometimes she got lost in the piles of laundry, in the muddy floors, and messy bedrooms. She felt overwhelmed from time to time by the swarm of them - seven men and all their messes - physical and emotional. Sometimes she didn't have eyes to see the bigger picture. She knew it was no small thing, from the first time she'd seen them all spilling out onto the porch to stare at her, completely shocked to see her standing beside their brother.
It was all these small moments. Ford's thank you; Guthrie leaning his head on her shoulder; Daniel setting a bundle of flowers on the table; Brian pausing to wait for her opinion; Evan kneeling in the dirt, mending the fence around her kitchen garden, Crane at the sink beside her saying, "I'll wash."
"Are you crying?" Adam asked, breaking into her thoughts, and sliding his arm around her.
"No." She lied.
"What's wrong?" He asked.
"Nothing." She sniffed. "I was just thinking how lucky I am."
"Not too many girls get put their arm up the backside of a goat, after putting in a full days work." He said agreeably.
"He let me help him. Even though he knew I wasn't sure what I was doing."
"The strangest things make you happy." He said quietly.
"Adam," She said patiently. "Don't spoil it. It's more than a baby goat being born."
"I know." He said softly.
She turned into him, resting her head against his shoulder. "I didn't just marry you and I . . ." She paused trying to find the right way to express it. "I want to do a good job is all."
"You are, Hannah. Can't you see it?" He asked her.
"Sometimes." She said meeting his eyes. "Like when Ford says, 'Thank you', or asks me to help him. Thank you wasn't what he meant at all; not really. He meant so much more than that."
"Yeah, I know, honey." He said.
She thought maybe he did, but she also understood that he couldn't completely see it the way she did. He wasn't the outsider slowly being pulled in and becoming part of The Brotherhood. He couldn't completely appreciate that feeling of being accepted and loved, any more than she could understand the weight of being responsible for six broken-hearted brothers at seventeen. She could be amazed by it; by him and his strength, but she couldn't know what it felt like to live through it anymore than he could understand the overwhelming sense of love and peace the first time that Guthrie had reached for her hand.
She lay awake long into the night, Adam's arms around her even in sleep, thankful that a new baby goat slept in the barn nestled alongside her mother; and thankful that all around her seven men snored, and sighed, and mumbled in their sleep. They would rise noisily in the morning trudging out to their chores. She would offer them piles of food that they would gobble up, leaving behind a wreck, but one or two of them would hang back long enough to help. And later as she worked her way through the mountain of dirty jeans she might lose her perspective and begrudge her fate momentarily until one of them would call to her for help, or leave her a flower, or a note, or lean their head against her shoulder, or ask her to stitch their shirt, or turn to her when some evil female from history class mocked them bitterly, or offer to cook dinner so she could rest, or tell her she looked pretty, or was the best cook around, or smile at her.
Or say, "Thank you." while meaning so much more than that.