Almost. It was almost a thing, a thing you could touch, a thing that was palpable, a thing that refilled your lungs with air instead of smoke.
She was saying all of the right things, and you were listening with your upmost attention. You always had with her towards the end. You loved her. You still loved her. And you were starting to get the feeling that she loved you too. In her own underdeveloped way, but it was still love, and you could feel that in the way she leaned into you, the way she held your face like all the times before, the way she initiated the second kiss like she always had. It was like nothing had ever changed. You still went in for her pouted bottom lip. You still kissed her with your eyes closed, afraid to open them and realize that it was a mistake. You still held her like she was glass.
When she pulled back you saw it coming. Or at least you had told yourself it would. You prepared yourself to get swept up in the undercurrent that was Laura. You promised yourself that if you were even given the chance you would dive in headfirst and take in all the air you didn't need to stay under the surface for as long as you could.
It was a measly two kisses, but they were enough. They empowered you. They reminded you of what had been and what could be. They filled you with all of the maybes and some days just as Laura had said.
You opened your eyes and looked into her brown irises and swore you saw God.
You saw a God you had never believed to exist, and maybe she was your God. Maybe she was your savior. Maybe she was your everything. The very thing you hid from. The very thing you swore to never fall into.
But you already had. You already had.