A/N: For all my Ryella fans who wanted something more than "Uncertainties." I hope you all enjoy angst. Sort of set to Jon McLaughlin's song "So Close," but can be read with no knowledge of it. Please enjoy and review.
So Close
No one could even remember what the fight had been about. It had to have been something petty, like whether the cafeteria food was substantial or not, because no one could recall one bit of information about it. But whatever the topic, it had been enough to cause their relationship to hurtle over the edge, and the poster couple of happiness at East High had broken up after nearly a year of perfection. Most people thought it was really a shame that they should break up just one week before prom.
But Ryan Evans was not most people.
Ryan clearly remembered the day he had heard the terrific news. He recalled being skeptical, thinking that this rumor had just been created to taunt him, but when he saw the way they avoided each other at lunch and didn't make out that morning in homeroom, his heart leapt into his throat. At long last his dream had come true…and at such an opportune moment.
The next day in homeroom, he had tried to hide the look of enthusiastic excitement on his face as Gabriella entered. She had turned away from Troy and taken her seat in the back in silence. Troy's eyes had narrowed at her, and he began chatting with Sharpay. Ryan, however, was paying them no mind. His thoughts were on his sole goal of the day, and his eyes rested on the most beautiful girl in the world. He couldn't believe his luck, but he wasn't about to question it. He simply walked up to her and cleared his throat lightly to get her attention.
She turned her head to him quickly, anger still shining through her eyes, but upon seeing Ryan, they softened and she smiled. "Hey, Ryan. What's up?"
Ryan's heart was beating at lightning speed and he wasn't sure he would be able to talk, but he pushed through the anxiety to achieve his dream. "Gabriella…I was wondering. Are you going to prom with anyone?"
She quickly glanced over at Troy, who was laughing heartily at something Sharpay had said. Her eyebrows lowered, but quickly shot back up as she perkily answered Ryan, "Nope. Not that I know of."
Ryan nodded and took the deepest breath he had ever taken in his life, ready to hold it if necessary, "Well, then...would you go to prom with me?"
He did not exhale for the next few seconds. This was the climax of his life. This would determine if Ryan Evans was to ever secure a girl in all of his high school career and possibly life. But this wasn't just any girl. This was Gabriella Montez. And his life rested in her hands.
Gabriella had smiled brilliantly at him and nodded furiously, "Sure, Ryan. I'd love to go to prom with you!"
She said this loudly, as though she wanted someone else to hear her, but Ryan didn't notice. He just let his lungs collapse and he grinned wider than he had ever remembered grinning before in his life.
"Great. I'll pick you up Saturday and 7, kay?" he said, his voice shaking with anticipation.
Gabriella nodded in agreement. "Sounds good. I can't wait."
And so it went until Saturday night.
Troy had shown up at Ryan's house at 6:30 PM to pick up Sharpay. Ryan had noticed that his sister seemed excessively happy this week. He knew that she had been just as ecstatic as he had been to hear the news, but she was better at hiding it…given her generally displeased disposition.
Ryan had asked his father to borrow the limo for the occasion. Of course, Mr. Evans agreed instantly, glad to know that his son had finally found a girl worthy of dating him. His father didn't know that his reputation at school was far from a "nice catch," but he didn't need to know. As long as he got the limo, it was all good.
The driver pulled up to Gabriella's house and Ryan hopped out of the car, ready to walk up to her door. Gabriella, though, had apparently been waiting for him and instantly popped out of her house and skittered down the sidewalk to meet Ryan in the driveway.
"Oh my goodness, Ryan! You got us a limo," she said, her eyes sparkling even brighter than her glittering red dress.
Ryan was left speechless. He just stared at her, unsure of what to say to such a gorgeous dame. His mouth opened and closed idiotically, but he truly was at a loss for words.
"What's wrong, Ry? Don't you like it?" she asked worriedly, seeing his reaction.
This caused him to make a quick recovery. "No, no! I love it, I just…you're so beautiful, I don't know what to say."
She smiled kindly up at him. "You're so sweet, Ryan."
Her lilting voice nearly caused him to melt into a puddle. He couldn't believe she was saying these things about him…and they were going to prom together. It was like his entire life had come together in one short week. Like everything he had worked for all through high school had finally been accomplished.
"Well, I guess we should get going, shouldn't we?" he prompted, opening the door of the limo and gesturing for her to enter, offering his hand as assistance for stepping into the vehicle.
She nodded in gratitude and hopped into the limousine, excitement clearly written across her features as they started moving.
They engaged in pleasant conversation until they arrived at the institution at which East High's senior prom was to be held. They were about an hour late, so many people were already there when Ryan and Gabriella walked into the room, arms hooked together to show their obvious companionship.
"Shall we dance?" Ryan asked, turning to her and grinning slyly.
"Of course," she replied properly, beaming in giddy ecstasy.
They found a rather open spot on the dance floor, neither of them too comfortable with extremely large groups of people bumping into them, and danced jovially. The smile on Gabriella's face lit up Ryan's world and he couldn't think of any moment in his life when he had been happier. He was floating on a cloud, and his head buzzed with disbelief and exhilaration.
After a few songs, however, it became obvious that Gabriella was getting rather parched and exhausted.
"How about we go find a place to sit down and I'll go get us some drinks or something?" Ryan suggested.
She nodded, too tired to speak, and they walked over to the sidelines where a row of chairs, usually reserved for the poor souls who had no one to dance with, was set. Gabriella was panting from fatigue and heat, and Ryan couldn't help the carnal thoughts that ran through his mind seeing her breathe so heavily and her beautiful figure drenched in sweat. His heart swelled with pride and gratitude for having such a wonderful woman with him at prom tonight. He couldn't have been any more pleased.
He motioned for Gabriella to sit down and told her that he would go find them some water bottles. She smiled genuinely and bobbed her head to the music in understanding.
When he reached the punch table, he busied himself with looking for something other than the most-likely-tainted liquid that rested in the bowl. It was then that he saw Sharpay out of the corner of his eye…alone.
"Shar?" he asked, surprised.
She turned her head to look at him and demanded, "What?"
"Where's Troy?" he inquired, something inside of him causing him to be a tad uneasy.
Something flashed through Sharpay's usually steely eyes, but she regained her composure quickly. "Who cares? All the man could talk about was Gabriella and how great she was and how much he missed her tonight. Ugh, I couldn't stand it, so I broke up with him. Spilled some punch on his new suit in the process, too. Surprised you missed such a big scene," she stated evenly before flinging her hair in his face and walking away.
Ryan narrowed his eyes after her, but tried not to think too much of it. He located the water bottles and decided that he should make a quick retreat to Gabriella.
When he found her, her eyes were glassy as she was gazing longingly into the distance. He stopped several feet away from her to survey the scene. He followed her gaze and his eyes came to rest on a disgruntled figure, pacing back and forth worriedly across the other side of the room.
Why, it was none other than Troy Bolton himself. What a surprise.
Ryan's eyes darted back and forth between his date and her ex-boyfriend. This could not be happening…his perfect world for which he had strived so hard could not come crashing down on him this quickly. He hurriedly scampered over to where Gabriella sat and gave her a wide smile guaranteed to get her to look at him.
"I got the water bottle for you," he said, trying to keep the desperation out of his voice.
After a few moments, she managed to tear her gaze from Troy and look up at Ryan. The sadness in her eyes was evident even as she gave him a quick grin of thanks and grabbed the bottle from his hand.
He had to act quickly. He had to get her out of this state. He'd left her alone too long to think. No, no, no. This couldn't happen. It wouldn't. He would make sure of it.
"Come on, Gabriella," he coaxed her, holding out a shaking hand for her to take, "it's a slow song. Let's go dance."
Sparing one last glance at the object of her heartache, Gabriella placed her slender fingers into Ryan's strong and sweaty ones. He pulled her up almost too fast and led her to the dance floor anxiously.
They assumed the standard dance positions and Ryan pulled Gabriella closer to him, willing himself to feel every contour of her body and to be joyful at the prospect of holding her so close. Unable to move in any other way in this precarious position, Gabriella allowed her head to nestle into Ryan's chest, trying to keep her mind occupied and her eyes away from the other side of the room.
A dumb smile broke out on Ryan's face as he felt Gabriella take comfort in him. He closed his eyes and soaked in every feeling he had at that moment…all but one feeling.
"This is nice, huh?" Ryan asked softly, whispering into her ear and reveling in the enamoring scent of her hair.
To his dismay, she didn't make eye contact with him in the least. She merely nodded absently and moved her head sideways so that her cheek was resting on his chest.
Please don't…please don't leave me, Gab, he pleaded with her in his mind, begging her to love him.
He looked over to the spot at which her knew her gaze had fallen and saw a scraggly-looking Troy eyeing them. His eyes looked almost as pained as Gabriella's and the lump in his throat was visible even from here.
He felt the prickling sensation of tears crawl into the back of his pale blue eyes.
One more chance, Evans, he told himself.
He ceased movement and let up on his hold of Gabriella's body. She followed the movement of his hand and stood back, looking at him with those dark brown, hurt eyes.
They stood still for a moment, then Ryan closed his eyes and leaned in slowly toward Gabriella's beautiful face. Their lips met eventually, but Ryan could sense her hesitation and she did not respond fully in the least.
He pulled back and looked at her through squinted eyes. Her own eyes were shut, but her face was emotionless. It was clear that she had felt absolutely none of the splendor he had just experienced and her heart was elsewhere.
Ryan silently cursed his conscience and began the hardest speech of his life. "Gabriella," he whispered softly, "I don't think this is working out."
A glimmer of guilty hope shined through her eyes when she finally looked at him. "What do you mean?"
He took a deep, shuddering breath. "It's just…it's obvious that you're not in this. And…much as I love you with all of my heart," he emphasized sadly, "I don't feel like I should have you if you don't love me back. I want you so badly…but I want you to want me, too. And you don't. You want…someone else," he tried to say calmly, but he could feel a tear trickle down his cheek.
Seeing him cry, Gabriella put a hand up to cup his face, "Oh, Ryan. Please don't. I didn't mean to make you feel that way, I just…look, I'll stay with you tonight. You asked me out and I said yes. I won't abandon you," she muttered.
Ryan gave her a wry smile, "Hey, it's alright. I'm the one breaking up with you, okay? So there's nothing to worry about. You go. Be happy on your prom night," he convinced her. "I love you and that's all I want from you. To see you happy."
With a lingering look of uncertainty on her otherwise ecstatic face, Gabriella pulled his face down to meet hers and she kissed him genuinely. He furrowed his brow as they kissed, responding needily, wanting so badly for this feeling to last forever. But it wouldn't, and she pulled away much too soon.
She held his face still close to hers as she embraced him strongly. "Thank you so much, Ryan. I don't deserve you," she mumbled sincerely into his ear. "You're the best friend a girl could ever ask for. And I mean that."
"Yeah," he agreed solemnly. "Friend."
She let go of him and gave him one last look of gratitude before turning and scuttling across the floor to Troy. Ryan stood up straight and watched in bittersweet sorrow as Troy threw his hands open and Gabriella ran to him, a bigger smile plastered on her face than he had seen from her all week. Troy twirled her around happily in his arms and they immersed themselves in a kiss that was not even comparable to the one she had just given to Ryan. He tried to grin, but nothing but a grimace found its way to his features. He kept staring at the newly happy, reunited couple until they became blurry, and Ryan realized that his place was not on the dance floor, but somewhere else where he would not be seen shedding tears.
He exited the doors of the establishment and found his way to the lake he knew lay somewhere near this place. He took off his shoes and dipped his feet in the cold water, hoping the shock of the temperature would shake him out of his misery.
He heard a stifled sob behind him and didn't even turn to see who it was. "What are you doing here?" he asked.
"Whatever I please," she answered haughtily, though her voice held an evidence of lamentation. "The real question is what are you doing here?"
He smiled slightly and looked into the water, not particularly in the mood to answer her questions. He felt her cuddle up next to him and dip her own feet into the water, high heels and all.
She leaned her head against his shoulder and he stiffened so as to keep her steady. He leaned back slightly, supporting them with his hands and he looked up into the night sky, listening to the sounds of the water and his sister's breathing.
"I loved him," she said quietly. "I still love him."
"I know," he told her gently, kissing the top of her head to try and comfort her.
She moved her head slightly to look up at him, wonder in her voice, "Where's Gabriella?"
Ryan bit back the tears and answered, "I broke up with her."
She slapped the back of his head unexpectedly. "You numskull. Why in the hell would you do that?" she questioned angrily.
"The same reason you broke up with Troy…only you would never admit doing something nice," Ryan said matter-of-factly.
She raised her chin in defiance. "Damn straight."
He smiled at her and they chuckled a bit, but Sharpay's laughter easily turned to sobs as she hugged her brother's abdomen and buried her face into his shoulder. He rubbed her back gently and whispered words to console her, though he knew it was about as pointless as trying to comfort himself.
"Why would I do that, Ry?" she asked him between gasps for breath.
"Because you really are a wonderful person, Shar. Just nobody else can see it," he said reluctantly. "But nobody else has to see it. You can just always be yourself around me."
She sniffled, but lifted the corners of her mouth at his words. Ryan always knew how to lift her spirits and make her feel special, even if it only succeeded to a small degree tonight. She suddenly saw a ripple effect in the lake out of the corner of her eye and deduced that either her brother was crying or it was raining. Given that the former was more of a rarity, she quickly scanned the surface of the lake for continued droplets of water. When she saw none, her eyes slowly drifted up to her brother's face and saw that his eyes were squeezed shut and he was trying desperately to hold back his own tears.
Sure, she had loved Troy…but she knew how much Ryan cared for Gabriella and she felt deeply for him.
"It's okay, Ry," she murmured gently. "You can always be yourself around me."
A loud choking sound emitted from him and he let the water fall freely from his eyes. He leaned into his sister and she stroked his hair, shushing him softly. She was the strong, dominant twin in public, but generally their roles were reversed in the quietude of just the two of them.
Tonight, however, both twins had been equally strong in all aspects of the word. And they found comfort only in the strength of each other as they let their love wash away with their tears.
So close, so close, and still…so far…
Review please and tell me of any mistakes you found or anything else you want to say. Thank you.