Garron never imagined working for the Coalition so, to him, defecting was never a question. But it was an option now, one he quickly snatched up. As calming as it was to be back in battle than inside a cell, being a COG soldier for even this short amount of time was damaging his psyche. He believed he deserved better treatment than to constantly wait for that bullet in his back. He resigned his fate to taking orders from the COG but in the latest blowout with Colonel Loomis, he decided he couldn't continue this way. He would not work for a corrupt government and ungracious officers.
He chuckled darkly as he zipped up his kit bag. If only his grandfather could see him now. A proud Indie major reduced to a simpering private who crossed his toes as he pledged his own life for COG citizens. Yes, Grandfather was surely rolling in his grave.
Garron's time with the COG was over. He had revenge on Karn. It wouldn't bring his people back but it would help him sleep soundly in the coming months. It was time to find a new reason to fight, and it didn't involve a society that didn't trust him.
He slung the large oblong bag over his shoulder and took one last look around the barracks. He admitted that their beds and food were better than what he had in the Gorasni army, even if he hadn't entirely adjusted to the cuisine. Small comforts in a quickly escalating war; they would make a difference one day.
He glanced at his teammates in the dim service lights. He fought with them for four weeks but they treated him like a human being, something he would never forget. Nodding at their sleeping faces, he left.
Patrols on this side of the barracks were light, an oversight by the ever confident COG. Garron didn't expect to walk out the door without a fight—but he did. He stood in the moist night air and took in a lungful of the ash. Buildings were still burning, collapsing, on the eastern side of Halvo Bay. Maybe the COG planned to let it burn itself out. Would they bother to search for survivors? He grimaced. It was no longer his concern.
He started down the cracked sidewalk. During his military career, Garron never had the pleasure of seeing a COG town. He once tried to imagine what they might be like from the descriptions his grandfather told him as a child. They used to build walls out of manure; anything they built in the modern age couldn't be impressive. But Halvo Bay was certainly that. If it weren't crumbling, he might compare it to the city Dobryask with its golden rotundas and generous shore. Like most of Halvo Bay, Dobryask was also reduced to rubble, its history flattened within hours.
Garron walked for maybe five minutes when another set of boots echoed his. He resisted the urge to look. Whoever it was, he wouldn't even grace the coward's face with spit.
"Paduk, wait!"
He faltered a step at Sofia's voice. Great, the ever watchful dog was at him again. Garron was sure she was asleep when he left. He planned on slipping away unnoticed.
"Go away, little dog," he called. "Run back to your master. I'm sure his boots could use further licking."
Her red hair uncharacteristically mussed, Sofia caught up to him and matched his long stride with some difficulty. "Where are you going? Are you seriously abandoning your army?"
He stopped abruptly, fire burning in his gut, and turned to her with a glare. "How dare you insult me. This is not my army. If it were, I would be treated with respect, I would be praised for saving a city. I fought and bled for your people and still I am treated like scum."
She stepped back, surprised by the verbal lash. He wasn't even sure why he did it. Only ten weeks ago their people were still fighting; of course no one would trust him. He didn't blame them, but it was grating on his nerves.
As she often did when confronted, Sofia drew herself up to her full height and tried to look as hard and grave as her male counterparts. Garron was never impressed with her righteous fury.
"I won't pretend that what Colonel Loomis did was right, but our actions weren't acceptable, either. We disobeyed orders. What did you expect?" she demanded.
"To be treated justly and not involved in some farce of a trial. I am no war criminal yet these people—the ones I've sworn an oath to protect—treat me no better than the dirt on their boots. If they're not willing to treat me as an equal, why do they deserve my loyalty?"
"Because we're Gears," she said, softer this time. She seemed to be thinking something over. "But … not everyone can inspire respect from their teammates."
"Think about that one, Cadet. Why do you fight for people who walk over you? Your so-called teammates are not so amiable when they see a woman wearing the Onyx uniform or inserting her own opinions into conversations."
That struck a nerve. Yes, he knew how the COG treated their women. There were only a handful in the military and most were in support roles. Gorasni women never put up with such treatment; whatever men could do, the women could do with one hand tied behind their back while carrying a child in the other. Compared to that, COG women were weak and inadequate.
"It's nothing I can't handle," Sofia replied, chin raised in defiance. With that spark in her eye, she almost looked like she meant it. Her loyalty would be honorable if weren't for such a horrible cause.
"Stop lying to yourself," Garron spat. "These men will never take you seriously or put down their life for yours. Wake up, Hendrik! Stop defending these bastards! As long as we are who we are, this is not our place. I plan to find my own reason to fight but if you wish to stay in hopes that someone, someday, may throw you a bone—be my guest."
He hitched his bag and had only taken two steps when Sofia's voice stopped him again.
" 'I have responsibilities to my fellow citizens. I shall be loyal to them, and humble, because we are elements of a greater whole, and without them I am nothing. I have responsibilities to our society. I shall hold my place in the machine and acknowledge my place in the Coalition. I am a Gear', " she finished softly.
Garron turned to find her staring at the ground, hands fisted at her side. He raised an eyebrow, curious. The Octus Canon and the Oath of the Coalition. He wasn't sure which he was more surprised with—that he remembered the titles or that someone remembered the words.
"Why quote your principles to me?" he asked.
She shook her head and shrugged. When she looked up, she was visibly shaken. "These are things every citizen and every recruit memorizes. They're our vows, our very life—it's difficult to think that maybe they mean nothing to other people. I've tried to prove my place. My best is never good enough. I understand how you feel, Paduk. My own people look at me as if I'm a nuisance. Maybe"—she took a deep breath, steeling herself—"maybe I'm not meant to be a Gear, but I want to help. I've seen the horrors of war for myself; I stood in battlefields before I knew how to properly shoot a gun."
Sofia crossed her arms over her chest. She looked entirely too vulnerable for Garron's comfort, but he brought it on himself. He knew what it meant to confess personal doubts so he endured.
"If I can prevent any more scenes like Halvo or Maranday," she said, "then I'm okay with a little discomfort. At least, that's what I try to tell myself. No one will listen to me when I become—well, no, that chance was shot to hell. I'll never be full-fledged Onyx. I don't care what it takes anymore, I just want to make a difference."
When she followed him, Garron first thought she was doing her duty as his watchdog. It was more than that. She finally realized how unhappy she was with her government; she was conflicted between personal comfort and duty. He wanted to tell her it was her fault for trying to play a man's game, but he had respect for women. He was actually curious why such a strong-willed woman would suffer in this place.
"You've seen the ugly underbelly of your precious government," Garron said. "So why do you fight for them?"
"Honestly?" She shrugged. "I don't know. It felt like the right decision at the time, and maybe I had something to prove to myself. But if I quit now, it'll feel too much like they won."
He laughed. "You have never lacked for guts. It's an admirable quality in a COG woman. Too many of you have soft heads and spines." Still chuckling, he turned to leave, testing her.
Her boots echoed his again.
They shared an easy silence. It was unusual for Garron; he was used to his chatty lieutenant filling any extended quiet. It wasn't necessary with Sofia. She seemed at ease with the quiet as much as he was. She kept pace with him until he decided he had gone too far with the little puppy. He stopped in a darkened street and dropped his bag, sitting on top of it as he made his final decision.
Could he trust Sofia?
Her wanting to leave could have been an act. From what he knew about her, she was a devoted soldier. Yet the events of the previous day were obviously troubling her. It would be difficult to break her of that inbred devotion to her government, but if she was serious, he knew where they could start looking for their new life. He could put her medical skills to good use.
As if she read his thoughts, the red head asked, "So where are you going, Paduk?"
He grinned. "Ah, I am not so foolish to trust a military dog with such sensitive information."
"You're going AWOL and I haven't said anything; I'm not even wearing a radio," she replied, showing both empty ears to him. "I want to go with you."
"You? AWOL?"
She had that righteous fury again, her spine straightening. "I used to be very critical of the military for their tactics, you know. I'm serious about this. I feel worthless where I'm at now. I want to work with people who value my skills and opinions, and you obviously know a place like that. We're alike, right? Take me with you. You know what I can do."
He looked up at her with a critical eye. She didn't flinch. "Defecting will leave a permanent mark, Cadet. It's not something to take lightly."
"I've never been more sure of anything. We can do this together, Paduk. We can make a difference of our own."
She was serious, alright. He had never seen such determination on her face. He wasn't lying when he complimented her mettle.
He pushed up off his bag and stashed it in a nearby dumpster. She waited, confused, as he began to walk back towards the barracks.
"Paduk?" she asked.
He stopped and turned back to her, motioning her forward impatiently. "You need supplies," he explained. "Take no more than you can carry, and leave room for extra ammo."
The confusion was wiped away by a brilliant smile and she was filled with an inner light he didn't know existed.
"There is a place southwest of here I think you will very much enjoy, Cadet," he said.
"No," she replied, stepping up beside him. She offered her hand and smiled. "No more rank. It's Sofia to you."
He grasped it firmly, matching her grin. "Welcome to your new life, Sofia, as an equal."