DAILY PROPHET EXCLUSIVE -- With the much anticipated release of his
autobiography in just over a month, Harry Potter, 23, gave the Daily
Prophet a first look at his juvenilia with the exclusive release of his
first poem.
Written at the tender age of 15, Potter explains that he first began to use writing as a way to cope with the stress of being the one destined to defeat he who must not be named. "I first began to use writing as a way to cope with the stress of being the one destined to defeat he who must not be named," he explained in his first interview in over 2 years. "Somehow I got a liking for it and found myself writing quite a bit. My first poems were really bad mind you, but I'd like to think I've improve dramatically."
When asked why he finally agreed to write a biography after so many years he shrugged and said he had nothing better to do. "I had nothing better to do."
And he certainly must not have. The book, titled The Poetry of Harry Potter, weighs in at an astounding 1143 pages! While that sounds quite daunting the publishers assured us that pages are relatively small and the printing is quite large. We managed to contact the main editor, Roberta Beehemoth who had this to say to potential readers: "Quit being such whiny snarks and suck it up". We were unable to reach Mr. Potter himself for further comment.
Harry Potter is currently on a worldwide tour to promote his writings, but is scheduled to return to England the day before the release to partake in a massive party being held at the new Hogsmeade location of Weasley Wizarding Wheezes.
The CEOs and co-founders of the chain were eager to comment, reminding potential party crashers that they were not welcome. "We've got the whole place booby-trapped," revealed Fred Weasley, "We refuse to accept the blame for injuries sustained to anyone who shows up without a proper invitation, so I'd advise you all to keep a good distance of oh... 7 or 8 kilometers. Except for Draco Malfoy; he's welcome to come as close as he likes."
AN EXCERPT FROM: THE POETRY OF HARRY POTTER
A time for understanding has come about. The flood of righteousness has left reason out. When morals and truth grow askew, Then who may blame those who tilt too?
In "right" and "wrong" there are indefinable lies; Can it be wrong to live and right to die? Right to kill and right to maim? When you murder the murderer does everything change?
If your means to an end are ends in themselves, And deaths are the merits you display on your shelves, Then are you not as bad as those you defeat? Are you not as evil as those you unseat? When all is done what really changes? The type of corruption merely rearranges.
The lives that are spent are given in vain. The world they purchased falls to the inane. Falls to those with the power and those with the glory, Those who decide the slant on his-story.
Still I've fight and I'll fall beside my fellow men Because if we don't do something... what then?
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, but seeing as this poetry barely even alludes to him or anything from JK Rowling's wonderful world at all, I don't imagine that is a problem. However another author brought up an interesting point. If Rowling owns Potter and fanatical Potter-haters claim the devil owns Rowling, than if I owned the devil, technically I'd own Harry Potter by default. I say this with particular interest because, as the Goddess of Evil, I do own the devil (she's actually a very nice girl although a little on the needy side... keeps begging me to fix her air conditioner...) Therefore I would be completely within my legal rights to claim I owned Harry Potter so long everyone is in complete agreement that Rowling is demon spawn. As I said, I do not own Harry Potter.
Written at the tender age of 15, Potter explains that he first began to use writing as a way to cope with the stress of being the one destined to defeat he who must not be named. "I first began to use writing as a way to cope with the stress of being the one destined to defeat he who must not be named," he explained in his first interview in over 2 years. "Somehow I got a liking for it and found myself writing quite a bit. My first poems were really bad mind you, but I'd like to think I've improve dramatically."
When asked why he finally agreed to write a biography after so many years he shrugged and said he had nothing better to do. "I had nothing better to do."
And he certainly must not have. The book, titled The Poetry of Harry Potter, weighs in at an astounding 1143 pages! While that sounds quite daunting the publishers assured us that pages are relatively small and the printing is quite large. We managed to contact the main editor, Roberta Beehemoth who had this to say to potential readers: "Quit being such whiny snarks and suck it up". We were unable to reach Mr. Potter himself for further comment.
Harry Potter is currently on a worldwide tour to promote his writings, but is scheduled to return to England the day before the release to partake in a massive party being held at the new Hogsmeade location of Weasley Wizarding Wheezes.
The CEOs and co-founders of the chain were eager to comment, reminding potential party crashers that they were not welcome. "We've got the whole place booby-trapped," revealed Fred Weasley, "We refuse to accept the blame for injuries sustained to anyone who shows up without a proper invitation, so I'd advise you all to keep a good distance of oh... 7 or 8 kilometers. Except for Draco Malfoy; he's welcome to come as close as he likes."
AN EXCERPT FROM: THE POETRY OF HARRY POTTER
A time for understanding has come about. The flood of righteousness has left reason out. When morals and truth grow askew, Then who may blame those who tilt too?
In "right" and "wrong" there are indefinable lies; Can it be wrong to live and right to die? Right to kill and right to maim? When you murder the murderer does everything change?
If your means to an end are ends in themselves, And deaths are the merits you display on your shelves, Then are you not as bad as those you defeat? Are you not as evil as those you unseat? When all is done what really changes? The type of corruption merely rearranges.
The lives that are spent are given in vain. The world they purchased falls to the inane. Falls to those with the power and those with the glory, Those who decide the slant on his-story.
Still I've fight and I'll fall beside my fellow men Because if we don't do something... what then?
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, but seeing as this poetry barely even alludes to him or anything from JK Rowling's wonderful world at all, I don't imagine that is a problem. However another author brought up an interesting point. If Rowling owns Potter and fanatical Potter-haters claim the devil owns Rowling, than if I owned the devil, technically I'd own Harry Potter by default. I say this with particular interest because, as the Goddess of Evil, I do own the devil (she's actually a very nice girl although a little on the needy side... keeps begging me to fix her air conditioner...) Therefore I would be completely within my legal rights to claim I owned Harry Potter so long everyone is in complete agreement that Rowling is demon spawn. As I said, I do not own Harry Potter.