Disclaimer: The rights to Star Trek belong to Gene Roddenberry, and NuTrek belongs to J.J. Abrams, Orci, and Kurtzman.

A/N: I haven't forgotten about Chance Encounter, I promise. This plot bunny was just begging to be written. I really needed to write something light, and this was the result. I hope you guys enjoy it! The song in question belongs to Right Said Fred.

The Missing Medal Affair

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Prologue

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Location: U.S.S Enterprise

Nighttime on the mighty flagship meant Gamma shift, whispering in the corridors, and scrambling to finish any work that was due the next day. M'Benga was in charge of Sickbay, Keenser headed Engineering, and Lt. Giotto (aka Cupcake) ruled Security. Everyone else who had not been assigned to Gamma shift for the night was catching up on much-needed sleep.

The Enterprise's handsome young captain was fast asleep in his bunk, dreaming of the one he could never have. A snoring Kirk merely turned over in bed when an intruder bypassed the security lock and entered his quarters. The tall, dark masked figure crept towards the captain, checking to make sure he was fast asleep. Then the trespasser snatched an object from Kirk's shelf that contained his (few) sentimental items. Glancing once more at the captain, the figure slunk towards the door, their task now complete.

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Ch. 1: It's Gone!

Jim's alarm went off at 7AM, blasting a late 20th century tune.

"I'm… too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt, so sexy it hurts!"

Kirk groaned. Why had he picked that stupid song to wake him up? Just because it was true didn't make it a good choice. What if Spock's sexy Vulcan ears heard it? Jim would never be able to look the Vulcan in the eye again! And what a travesty that would be, as Jim loved to gaze at Spock. Secretly, of course. Which meant, the whole bridge crew – save for Spock – knew about his hobby.

"Computer, halt alarm," he commanded. Mercifully, the song stopped.

Rubbing his eyes, Jim plodded towards the bathroom he shared with his first officer. Not that they ever used it at the same time, of course. Spock's bathroom schedule never coincided with his, much to Jim's disappointment. But he knew it was better that way – he'd be much less tempted to jump his First if he never saw him naked.

Kirk plodded through his morning routine – go pee, shower, brush teeth, comb hair. Once he finished in the bathroom, he returned to his quarters to pull on his uniform. Jim was about to grab one of his golden command shirts, but then he remembered that today was a special occasion. It marked the anniversary of Jim's first year as captain of the Enterprise. It was also the day he received his captain's review from Starfleet, which decided whether or not he was qualified to keep his ship for the rest of the five year mission. So Jim dressed to impress and went with his lime green dress shirt.

Mentally running through a checklist of all the tasks he had to accomplish that day, Jim absently reached for his medal. While most starship captains had plenty of accolades and medals, Jim only had one. He'd received it for saving the earth from Nero, and in his mind there could be no higher honor than the preservation of his planet. Although there were some of his crew who were of the opinion that Jim would wear his medal every chance he got, it simply wasn't true. Jim hadn't worn his medal hardly at all, since it reminded him of his failure to save Vulcan, as well as his success in saving Earth.

Pinning the medal on his uniform, Kirk took a quick look in the mirror to make sure he looked presentable. But what he saw gave him quite a shock! Instead of seeing his medal given to him by Admiral Barnett, he saw a fake bronze medal that read 'ASK ME ABOUT MY WEINER' in big red block letters.

"I'm gonna kill Bones," the captain grumbled as he yanked the offending object from his person. "Or Scotty. Or Sulu. It could any one of those jokers." But then he chuckled – it was a good prank. As long as he found his real medal in time for his big chat with Starfleet that evening, no one would be receiving a formal reprimand.

Just then his door chimed.

"Who is it?" Kirk called.

"It's me, keptin!" Came the reply. Oh. Chekov. Perhaps Jim could weasel the identity of the prankster out of him!

"Come in, Mr. Chekov," said Kirk, using his "captain's" voice. The eighteen year-old ensign entered his quarters with a spring in his step.

"Good morning, Keptin!" Chekov trilled, his eyes filled with hero worship as he stared at his captain.

"Morning." Jim hid a smile at the young genius's enthusiasm. "My shift starts in twenty minutes – what can I do for you, Mr. Chekov?"

"Nozing, sir."

"Jim," Kirk corrected him with a wince. "No more of this 'sir' stuff. For all of your technological brilliance, you and Spock are the only ones who can't remember that!"

"Sorry." The curly haired youth blushed. "I just vanted to vish you congratulations on your anniwersary as keptin. Good luck on your report today, Jim."

"Thanks, Pavel," said Jim, giving him a friendly pat on the shoulder. "I really appreciate it."

"You are velcome!" The captain studied the Russian for a moment, trying to decide if he should share his concern. Kirk decided to go with his gut feeling, besides it would do Chekov some good to see that his hero wasn't invincible all the time.

"Actually, I'm kinda nervous about my review," Jim confessed, wringing his hands as he spoke to the boy. The Russian's eyes widened at this admission.

"You haz no reason to be nerwous!" Chekov insisted. "You are the wery best keptin I've ever had." Jim rolled his eyes.

"Except for Pike for the grand total of a day, I'm the only captain you've had!"

"Zat is true," Chekov considered with a shrug. He regarded his captain closely, noting the crinkled lines on Kirk's forehead. The ensign found it odd that Kirk would be so openly worried. "Iz anyzing else wrong?" Oh what the hell, he might as well tell him all of it.

"Yeah," said Jim, pulling out the fake medal. "Look at this." Chekov took one look at the message and started to giggle.

"Zis is what you are vorried about?"

"No!" Jim scowled. "I think that was actually pretty funny. What worries me is that I can't find the real medal. I think of it as the symbol of my authority. I earned that damn thing, and I want it back to wear during my review today! Know anything about it, Mr. Chekov?"

"I'm afraid not." Jim could tell from his earnest reply that Pavel was telling the truth.

"It's okay. I just thought I'd ask." Kirk sighed, really hoping his medal hadn't been lost for good.

"Haff you searched your entire quarters?" Chekov wanted to know. "Perhaps you haff just misplaced eet."

"I really don't think I'd misplace something so valuable," Jim said slowly, but he allowed Pavel to assist him in a quarter-wide search for the missing medal. Ten minutes later they'd managed to turn Kirk's quarters into a disaster zone, but they didn't unearth the decoration.

"I am sorry we didn't find it," Chekov tried to console his commanding officer.

"That's okay." Jim gave him a fake smile. "I'll bet the prankster has it. They're sure to give it back before the end of the day – I hope." But then his eyes lit up with an idea. "Hey, maybe you could include my missing medal in your shipwide announcements." The boy bit his lip.

"I am not so sure dat is a good idea, Keptin."

"Why not?" Kirk demanded. The Russian answered carefully.

"Eet may not be wise to announce that ze symbol of your authority is missing on the very day your performance as keptin is reviewed." Jim frowned at his friend.

"You don't think someone is deliberately trying to scare me?"

"I wouldn't rule it out," Chekov's reply was reluctant. "There are always zose who are not satisfied with your performance. A small faction of the crew believes we would be better off under Meester Spock's command."

"Really?" Kirk nervously flicked his tongue. "I didn't know that."

"You cannot please all of ze people all of ze time," Chekov wisely replied. "Russian proverb." Jim didn't seem to hear him.

"The thing is," Kirk swallowed, "I thought I was a pretty good captain."

"You are a good captain!" Chekov assured him. "Me and Hikaru certainly think so."

"I mean, no one's perfect," Jim rationalized. "Not even Pike would've known that offering dilithium to trade with was an insult on Igphenia IV."

"At least none of ze security officers were keeled zat time," Chekov approved. "Don't worry, Keptin, Starfleet knows that you vould sacrifice your life if it meant keeping one of your crewmembers safe."

"Yeah," Jim said quietly. "I just wish I knew whether or not someone wanted me out of their way."

"I'll help you get to ze bottom of zis, keptin!" Chekov cheered. "You haff my allegiance."

"Thanks," said Jim, touched by the ensign's pledge. They left his quarters together, and Kirk sealed his quarters.

"I'd better go," Chekov said. Jim nodded.

"Well, see you in a few on the bridge. I'm going to go see Bones," Kirk said determinedly. "If anyone knows what's going on, he does."

End Ch. 1

A/N: What do you guys think? Should I keep going? Should Spock ask Jim about his weiner? LOLZ.