Author: *sighs* Well, this is a pretty dark fic. And there is some yaoi, and a bit of incest.

Don't read if you don't like suicide notes.

I'm not gonna tell you who is writing this until the end.

!@!@!

He turned on his typewriter. Then, rolling in another sheet of paper, he started typing…

'Dear me;

I'm sick of life. I'm just sick of it. What a huge hundred-year waste of time. I haven't thought of how I'm going to do it, but I've chosen suicide as one of my life's options.

I could use a knife, slit my wrists or throat, but I hate the sight of blood.

I could also smother myself, even though I don't know quite how.

I can throw my hairdryer in the bathtub and go in. The shock of electricity would kill me for sure. But I'm too afraid I might scream. I want a quick and easy death.

Easy.

There are so many ways to commit suicide that it's hard to choose. The topic of death depresses me. I've seen death take my family members away. I wonder how my friends and family would take my suicide.

Hmm.

That makes me wonder.

If I die, I'll see just how many friends I really had.

How stupid of me. I forgot to open a stupid firewall program on the computer. Well, that makes me feel like shit. After my mom gave me the third degree, she promptly grounded me.

Ha.

That's fair.

You'd think she didn't care for me. I wonder, has she ever?

She has.

She had to have once, right?

Kouji just called. He wanted to go for a walk across the park. I told I didn't want to go. I just nearly broke out in tears again, right on the phone.

Pathetic.

To think, one honest mistake and I'm Japan's #1 idiot.

Great.

If I ever forget this, my dream job was to be a married couple counselor for homosexual males. I never knew where this job came from, but it sounds…

Unique.

I'm not going to tell out anymore of my dreams, except that I wanted to become a singer.  Sounds weird for a boy to want to be a singer alone, ne?

Alone.

That's how I grew up.

My mom would try to play games with my mind. One time she's a goofball trying to be "cool", the next she's in mom-mode and is the enemy.

Did I ever have anyone to turn to?

Nope.

There are a lot of people I care about. A lot.

Oh, the phone. I'm not going to answer it. It's probably not for me anyways.

Kouji, I'm sorry I never kept contact with you. I was dealing with stuff. Stuff you probably wouldn't understand.

I need to tell you.

For the absolute longest time I've liked you. Yea, I admit it. I'm gay and I'm fucking attracted to you.

I'll write you a separate letter explaining that. But for now, I'll try in this letter. I know what my mom will think when she reads this.

The truth is, Kouji, I'm always imagined what you'd look like nude. Imagining you hot sweaty nude body atop mine, making love to each other. I'd imagine the moans you'd make and the screams you'd yell.

It's the kind of thing that would make anyone loose his or her lunch or sanity.

Yeah, I feel that way.

Amazing isn't it?

Life is hard to understand, too hard.

My life.

I imagine my passing like this:

I'll cry when I cut myself.

Then I'll stop to think of my life and it's great times.

I'll then ask myself, "Why would I do such a thing?"

I'll then put my knife away, dress my wound and then crawl into bed, sleeping it all off.

I wonder…

Will this happen tomorrow?

I'll never know. I also wonder, if I cried on this typewriter, would my salty tears conduct electricity?

Maybe.

I'm crying now.'

The boy stared at the writing he wrote.

And with that, a tear landed on the finished page…

…of Kouichi Kimura's suicide note.

~owari

!@!@!

Author: Do you think a person would write such a suicide note without thinking that? I wrote it for me, but I thought of writing for a character of Frontier.

I know what you're thinking… no your beloved author is not going to die.  I'm going to stick it out until I see the counselor next time. I just went today.

I'm pretty down in the dumps right now.

But as always, R & R!

Should I write out Kouichi's letter to Kouji for another chapter? What do you think?