Malleable

Angst Meme Prompt: Inspired by a tumblr post. When Santana called Blaine's bowties hideous, he stopped wearing them. It wasn't a conscious decision on his part. He's been conforming for so long that it's like a reflex for him now. Santana hates his bowties, his bowties disappear. Kurt wants him to come to McKinley, he transfers just like that. Finn tells him to sit down and shut up, and that's exactly what happens. Everything people say to him, he takes to heart. He can't help it. So that's what he does. When people insult him, as long as it's something he can change, he will. ... There's nothing wrong with that... is there? Bonus: Someone, not necessarily Kurt, realizes that Blaine reflexively conforms to whatever people tell him, and tries to help him realize how very, very fucked up that is.
Pairing: Puck + Blaine friendship, background Klaine
Rating: T: adult concepts and lifestyles discussed
Warnings: D/s. That said - this isn't smut: no sex.
Disclaimer: Glee and its characters don't belong to me - just look at the terrible continuity for proof. I would have also forced Mr. Salling to shave the dead animal off his head, or have the hair stylist do it if the producers torture the actor with making him suffer this atrocity.

Malleable

Santana had told him his bow ties offended her. She had a lot on her plate right now. And it was such a small thing to do... Blaine stopped wearing bow ties. He liked them. But they were a bit eccentric, so not everyone did. Really, it wasn't a big deal.

Puck narrowed his eyes. Second day without a bow tie in residence. Did the kid know what he was doing? He wasn't sure. He'd give him another day, wait and observe some more, before taking action.

Third day. And no, he was pretty sure Blaine had no fucking idea what that was about, despite being the one doing it. Time to test a bit and eventually interfere. He liked the kid: if he remained this unaware about his own motivations he could land in some deep shit without even realizing it.

Puck waited until he got Blaine alone. Tina hadn't looked surprised when he'd asked her to occupy Kurt. She'd searched his face for something, and apparently found it because she put a soft hand on his forearm and nodded. Girl was quiet, but a good observer. Maybe she'd seen something too.

Blaine was still rearranging the seating which had been disturbed by their collective jamming session when Puck asked him over. He went. Puck looked at him for a moment, weirdly intense, and he wondered if he'd missed something. Had Puck wanted him to do something else?

The jock had been kind enough to include him, even with Finn's obvious disapproval. Puck had rolled his eyes, told Finn to stop menstruating (which had nearly made Blaine laugh, despite being a really inappropriate and possibly sexist thing to say), ordered Blaine to ignore Finnessa and kept Blaine right where he was. Blaine had had lots of fun and finally again felt part of something bigger when practicing the "Hot for Teacher"-number: nearly like being in the Warblers. More than even when doing West Side Story, though Puck, along with Mike and Tina, had been nice to him there too. It would be rude and ungrateful to pay him back with inattention.

Puck had something in his hand. He opened it to let a few guitar picks fall, right between them.

"Blaine. Why don't you get those for me?" he'd asked.

Blaine was on his knees, bending forward and collecting the fallen picks lying around Puck's feet before he'd consciously thought about it. He had heard Puck sigh above him. Then Puck shifted, Blaine saw movement out of the corner of his eye and before he could even look up there was a boot on him. He startled, unsure for a moment. Puck's heel was right on his neck, his foot rested between Blaine's shoulder blades. What- The heavy boot exerted pressure, not violently or harshly: gently and confidently, directing him further downward. Blaine went.

He felt weird for a moment, like he should get up. Do something. But this was clearly what Puck wanted from him. And he still had a job to do... He reached for the last two picks. He didn't know what to do now. Puck's foot was still on him, he couldn't really look up at him without dislodging it. So he didn't. He hoped Puck would clear this all up, tell him what he wanted.

The other boy sighed again. It sounded more amused than displeased though. Then he took his foot from Blaine's back and moved away a bit. He righted himself, picks in hand. Puck had sat down on one of the front row chairs Blaine had put back in order earlier. He looked intense again as he sat there watching Blaine, legs splayed in typical Puck-fashion, head tilted, face unreadable, eyes dark, searching Blaine's face for- something. Blaine wasn't sure for what, but he hoped he wouldn't disappoint him. He hated disappointing people, especially those he liked. Puck finally beckoned him over and held out his hand. Oh, the picks! Of course. He handed them over, then fidgeted slightly on his spot. Was there anything- The sitting boy interrupted his thought process.

"Sit down there for a moment, Blaine." He gestured in front of himself. There wasn't a chair but Blaine could just sit on the ground, it wasn't really dirty or had anything gross on it. He sat cross-legged, feeling the floor against his naked ankles. When he'd situated himself he looked up at Puck. Who watched him, intent. This was quickly becoming a theme and he still didn't know what he had done - or was supposed to do. Puck just stared.

"Puck? No offense, but you're acting a bit weird. Is everything okay? Can I do something?"

"Yeah. You can. I want you to listen. Closely. When I'm done you'll ask your questions or say what youthink."

He didn't give Blaine time to do more than nod before continuing. "You transferred from Dalton because Kurt wanted you here with him."

Of course. He wanted his boyfriend to be happy, to have the senior-year of his dreams after his dismal last year. His parents had been rather miffed when he'd changed school so abruptly. Dalton's tuition had already been paid and was of course non-refundable. Blaine had been sorry. But Kurt wanted him here, and he wanted to make Kurt happy: so he thought he'd still made the right decision which Kurt had reaffirmed every single day since. Even if McKinley was no comparison to Dalton academically. Even if he felt a bit lost here. Even if most students pretty much ignored him and he missed the tight-knit Warbler-friendship. Even if it had clearly offended Finn somehow...

"I heard you offered to defer the lead in our musical when Kurt was disappointed about not getting it and his own small part."

Yes, he had. His boyfriend had been really upset, hurt, as much as he tried to play it down. Blaine hadn't known about it then, but apparently Kurt had even been laughed off the stage during his audition. No wonder he felt so insecure! That must have been awful. It was the least Blaine could have done to make things right for Kurt again. But Kurt hadn't wanted him to give it up, had told him how amazing Blaine would be in the part he had coveted. That was simply Kurt: so generous and sensitive beneath his tough, remote exterior. Blaine felt so privileged to see this unguarded side of his boyfriend all the time. He'd have dropped Tony in a heartbeat if it would have made Kurt feel better, feel like Blaine supported and believed in him, no matter what. It wasn't like it was a terrible sacrifice on his part...

"You sat down and shut up when Finn told you to when we practiced. He interrupted you and you had a good idea you were telling me about."

Well, Finn had been a bit rude and pushy. Again. But that didn't mean he had to act in kind. He could always bring up his idea later and approach Puck at a more convenient time, without riling Finn... And he had, when Finn had been occupied with one of the band kids. Where was Puck going with all this?

"Santana told you your bow ties offended her when she dismissed your song. You haven't worn one for three days now. You've had one of these things on every single day since you started."

Puck was right about Santana dismissing Kurt's and his performance. She really should have been nicer: she'd known Kurt for years now and he'd only tried to show her support. Blaine hadn't liked it and thought she had been deliberately mean. But she had her whole world upended, had been forced to do and acknowledge things she hadn't wanted to, terrified of rejection as much as she tried to deny it. That was a lot to cope with. If it made her feel a little bit better if he forewent his bow ties... Who was he to deny her that? She hadn't asked him to chop off his hand. He could still wear his bow ties on weekends or if he changed clothes after school.

"You do what people tell you. You do it without even noticing that you comply with other people's wishes - even if they clash with your own. You're doing it especially for people who are important to you. But you also bend for a rude and unapologetic bitch like Santana - she's my girl, but let's be real here - who has done nothing but mock and belittle you and your boy. Or for a boy who is jealous and feels insecure about you taking over "his" place. Or for me, who hasn't really done anything for you, is pretty much just a neutral glee-mate. You probably have rationalizations for all of this, reasons why it's simply the best thing to do as people want."

Puck paused for a moment, watching Blaine. Perhaps letting it sink in or giving him the chance to protest. Blaine wasn't sure what to do. Everything Puck had said was factually true. He couldn't dispute anything, even if he wanted to. Well, he wasn't quite sure about the last part: Puck had made it sound so- extreme. Unhealthy even, as if Blaine was hurting himself, doing things to keep people happy!

And also- "You've been kind to me. You included me, even when you didn't have to. You're not just a neutral acquaintance, not to me. Unless you prefer that of course! I don't want to force an unwanted friendship on you. I'm not sure what to say about the other things..."

"You just went to your knees because I told you to pick up stuff I threw down deliberately. And you saw me doing it. You had no obligation to come over and collect my mess just because I said so. Then I didn't let you up: I put my foot on your neck and you didn't even question me. You were unsure and a bit freaked. But as soon as you understood that I expected you to quietly stay down under me, you complied. I've felt you going nearly boneless, relax right under my boot as soon as you noticed I wouldn't budge and wanted to keep you there. And you let me, just like that."

Puck's eyes bore into his own. He felt himself flushing a bit. It sounded weird, hearing it recounted like that when it had felt so-, so normal, so natural while it was happening. He felt unsettled, wanted to look down to escape that perceptive gaze. But Puck didn't want that from the way he acted. He met the large hazel eyes though it was difficult. He didn't know what to say.

"You just went with it because it comes natural to you: doing what you're told. Because it gives you pleasure. Obeying. Pleasing others. Putting others before you. Submitting."

Puck stopped speaking and simply looked at him again. He really was a stunningly handsome man (even with the hair) Blaine thought randomly and completely inappropriately. Blaine really should concentrate here instead of wasting Puck's time while his hormones got the best of him. He wanted something from Blaine. An answer of some kind? He'd said – what felt like a life time ago - that he wanted Blaine to ask questions or tell him his own opinions... So he tried to gather his racing thoughts and voice the multitude of feelings chasing themselves around in his guts.

"I've- I don't know what to say. I've never thought about it in those terms. Or at all, really. ... I feel like I should tell you you're wrong, that it isn't like that. That I'mnot like that. … But everything you said is true. And- some, the last part, it made me uncomfortable. But it's more because you spelled something out, laid it right out in the open, that I never consciously thought about or noticed about myself despite being such a big part of me. It's strange."

He laughed. It came out a bit harshly, choked.

"How can I not know this when I'm the one doing it?" He exhaled shakily, raking a hand through his heavily gelled hair (his father wasn't a fan of his natural curly hair). "I guess I'm pretty unobservant when it comes to myself, huh?"

"Naw. It's a big thing to learn about yourself. Nothing wrong with not figuring it out while you're still a freaking teenager, lots of people don't this early in life." Puck sounded oddly reassuring, gentle, nearly. "Honestly, I wouldn't even have said anything if I didn't think it was kinda dangerous in your case."

"Dangerous? I don't- what do you mean? Oh god, you don't mean to Kurt, do you? Don't-"

"Calm down!" Puck's voice held a note of command that was hard to ignore even while panicking. "Relax," he continued softer "I'm not talking about endangering Kurt. I mean to you. You're not the kind of submissive who just likes to let go in bed for a few hours of fun and kicks: spankings, handcuffs, bondage, orders... the usual kinky stuff."

Blaine knew he was gaping, he couldn't help it. The usual stuff? And Puck said it so nonchalantly, as if it was something he encountered every day. Maybe he did, though? There were lots of rumors centering on Puck and his status as McKinley's - and possibly Lima's - sex god. If even Blaine had heard those things flying around - disconnected as he was aside from Kurt - it must mean something, some substance behind the gossip.

"You're doing it all in real life, in everyday life. At the moment you're willing to please just about anyone with a strong enough personality. And that gets dangerous when you don't even know you're doing it. As you do... Just wandering around, obeying people, believing you honestly do what's best for everyone, including yourself. When it's not, cause you have the self-preservation of a lemming skipping towards the abyss. Which you don't even notice cause you're so stoked you pleased everybody else."

Puck fixed him with another intense look.

"That's what I'm talking about. It can fuck your life up pretty bad if you don't have control of it. If you don't know what you're prone to do cause it feels natural. What you need to look out for to keep yourself safe - and those around you too, yeah. So in that way... yeah, Kurt could be involved too if you can't say no."

"Uhm, don't you think that's a bit extreme? You make me sound as if I have no free will and going along with everything random people want like a puppet!"

"Haven't you, lately? It's how I noticed."

Blaine flushed, he'd somehow forgotten. Puck laughed, good-natured rather than mocking, so it was okay.

"Be glad San's distracted by her own shit now - she'd have eaten you alive with this kind of ammo. And not in a good way." Puck winked.

Uh, straight innuendo.

Puck stretched luxuriously on his chair - like a cat in the sun, Blaine thought, looking away from the flash of toned stomach showing - then rested one of his booted feet on Blaine's thigh.

"W-What are you doing?" Great, now he stuttered. What next?

"Getting comfy, what else? You're conveniently sitting right in front of me. Help a dude out, will ya?"

"...Alright."

Blaine looked down at Puck's foot resting on one of his crossed legs as if it belonged there, feeling his face getting hot again. The weight of it, the sight was somehow comforting. He felt grounded.

He shouldn't like this: it made him really weird. A freak. Being gay seemed a banality in comparison. Feeling good about- what? being Puck's personal foot rest? serving someone? doing as told? But it pleased Puck and, strangely, it made himhappy too. So it was alright. Blaine had always been laid back, able to go with the flow. This wasn't different, now that he knew about it. And it felt really good. He wanted to stay. Just. Like. That.

"Alright? You fine down there?"

Puck sounded kind. He was really nice. Blaine liked doing what he told him. Puck had helped him so much; he really needed to find a way to pay him back. Not by obeying, that was for him too so it didn't count. Blaine thought it shouldn't at least: it had to be something just for Puck. He'd think about it later, when he didn't feel so relaxed. Puck also sounded a bit concerned, though he had no idea why. Of course he was fine, what a weird question. He felt great, he could float like this all day.

"I'm great. Wonderful. 's nice." He sounded a bit strange. Perhaps because he was so relaxed. Boneless, Puck had said. Yeah.

"Really? And if I move my foot 6 inches higher to the left? That alright?"

What was he talking about? That sounded like a math problem. Blaine couldn't be bothered with that right now. He felt too good. Puck wanted an answer though, he'd kicked him - nudged really, didn't hurt. What did he want again? Puck put more weight on his foot, pressing down. Ah, yes... Of course he could. Puck could do whatever he wanted. Didn't he know? Blaine was all for it, it all felt good.

", 'course."

"Really?" Now he sounded- mean. No. Sharp. Why? "Blaine, focus! Really? 6 inches up to the left? Kurt down with that?"

Kurt? What had Kurt to do with this? Kurt liked him. Loved him too. Kurt wanted him to feel good. Kurt was down with whatever made Blaine happy, he was sure of it. Just like Blaine with Kurt. And why did it matter if Puck put his foot a bit up and- oh.

Oh.

On his- Oh god. Right where his groin was!

The drowsy comfort ripped away so fast it made him dizzy. Blaine's head snapped up, mortification on his face. Puck wasn't amused. He looked stern.

"You with me again?"

He lifted his boot from Blaine's thigh. Thank god, not from his-, from his crotch! Where he was achingly hard. Oh crap. Blaine nodded, but he couldn't look up again. He felt too humiliated, too stunned. He had nearly-, that would have been cheating. It felt like cheating.

"Holy shit, you go down fast! Never seen anything like that. You worried me there kid."

"What was that? I nearly- oh god!" He was shaking. Puck cupped his jaw firmly and tilted his chin up, forcing Blaine to look him in the eyes.

"That? That was you not being able to say no. That was you so lost in pleasure, in the endorphin-rush of pleasing someone, doing as you're told, that you would have done anything I told you to and been happy about it. That was you so deep into your own submission and what it does for you, you leave your own free will behind. That was what you thought sounded 'a bit extreme', too unrealistic to affect you. Still think it's unrealistic? You agreeing to, even asking for, shit that can be dangerous? Can hurt you, can hurt Kurt or anyone you care for?"

Puck's eyes softened and the grip on his jaw lessened but he left his hand there. Blaine vaguely thought that it helped somehow.

Puck had been right: this was dangerous! Insane, even. What was wrong with him? How could he function with something like that buried within his own psyche? Something that made it feel good, right,to do things that could/would harm himself. Or Kurt… To just go along with whatever anyone demanded?

What if it hadn't been Puck, who managed to snap him out of it, who hadn't taken advantage even with Blaine practically begging for it?

What if it had been Santana? Or Finn, who loathed him? Or someone truly evil?

"Look, it's not quite as horrifying as it seems now. Relax."

Harder done than said. Especially if relaxing was so dangerous...

"You'll learn to control it. You'll not feel the need to obey everyone around you. You're probably going to have a type you have to be careful around: a type that makes you wantto submit instinctively. But you'll master your instincts. Just like mankind did more or less successfully with a ton of shit we're instinctively wired to do. But we don't do it, which is why the world still exists more or less intact. Or we indulge instincts on special occasions only and stuff. Regulate it...

Self-preservation and routine will kick in too when you get used to it, learn to recognize the signs. The rush isn't always going to be this extreme. Damn, I didn't even do anything, really! Impressive and scary. I'd say I'm just that good," Puck winked and flashed the trademark cocky grin. "And I am. But really, it was a first time hit, taking you totally by surprise. It'll mellow, settle down. Unless someone deliberately plays with you, hits the kinks you'll find out about with practice and you allow it, you won't get shit like now from someone ordering you to pass the salt or stop wearing bow ties. Or you slit your wrists 'cause San's telling you to go away and die. You won't sink so deep, so fast, from so little. You'll be able to control it."

Puck looked seriously at him.

"Look hobbit, I never break promises. Something that gets me into serious trouble by the way. Cause I can be stupid about making promises. And then I keep 'em... But I promise you: it'll be okay. You're gonna manage it. You're not a freak. You're submissive - not a brainless golem. You'll just prefer and maybe need someone else to lead, to take control, to tell you what's what. And you'll like it. But you're gonna decide when, how and who. You'll channel it. It's not the end of the world as you know it."

"You said I wasn't submissive in bed. But that was... there, uh, was a sexual element there. Sorry."

Given that Puck was rampantly hetero, he figured it would be safer to apologize in case he freaked out about accidentally turning Blaine on. Of course, Puck had turned out to be remarkably unfreakable so far. In addition to very knowledgeable (Blaine couldn't imagine trying to get his head around this alone, without a clue what happened to and in him. He'd probably be on the edge of some high building right now, trying to talk himself into or out of jumping, depending...) and also astonishingly kind and helpful.

"I said you weren't just submissive in bed but also in everyday life and non-sexy situations. Which is more than your average sub. It's what makes you more vulnerable to being taken advantage of. Cause it can happen when you don't expect it, like at all. Or if the other guy doesn't even know he takes advantage: they'll just ask you to do or demand something and see you complying. Could be for any reason, they wouldn't know. You do get a sex rush from obeying, even if what you're doing isn't sexy at all. Like now. We didn't do anything sexual, really. It turned you on 'cause pleasing me got you hot."

"So, what do I do now? How do I control this, me? How do I keep from mindlessly pleasing people?"

"You'll go home, do whatever makes you feel relaxed and safe and crap, and then start thinking. You need to come to terms with who you are and how it affects you and possibly others. And you do research, find out what's it all about, how you notice becoming submissive to someone and perhaps even why you're like that."

Puck held out his hand for Blaine's phone.

"Gimme your number, Imma send you some links tonight." He put his own number in, then sent a text. He grinned. "Don't worry, it won't be all porn!"

Blaine couldn't help but smile.

"You'll get your head around this and then get your boy and talk to him. Hummel might not be down with domming you, not everyone is (don't think just 'cause someone's bitchy or assertive or confident they'll automatically want to dom someone). Perhaps you won't even want him to, yet - or ever. But at least he can help you notice when you put others before yourself. Can help you keep checking that he doesn't take advantage of your willingness to please. Or unknowingly pressures you into stuff. Like following him to NY next year without finishing high school or shit…"

Blaine winced. That sounded suspiciously like what happened with transfering schools this year...

"That's how you do it. So, Beginner Submissive 101 done - class dismissed! Not gonna check your homework or make up pop quizzes. But you can ask me shit if you need to."

"You figured me out just by observing me. Something I wasn't even aware of... May I ask you something personal? How do you know so much about this?"

"Figuring out... honestly? It wasn't that difficult. It added up pretty fast once I knew to pay attention. I wasn't the only one noticing either. As I said, you got lucky with oblivious Santana, who's a weakness-detector in hot girl shape usually. But Tina has at least a vague idea too. Not sure if it's 100% the right one, but yeah, she knew something. Girl definitely noticed you changing your style for a throwaway bitch-line from Santana. She distracted Kurt for me so I'd get you alone and I didn't tell her anything."

Puck must have noticed his worried expression. "I didn't say a single word to her about any of this, actually. She'll keep quiet if that's what you're worried about. If she said anything to Mike, he'll know to keep his mouth shut too. You can trust them both, they're cool. And adventurous enough themselves."

He grinned, before becoming serious again.

"As for knowing how it works... I'm the other way round. I get off on taking control, calling the shots. Not really outside the bedroom though: I'm fine with keeping that shit there. I'm sure it's no secret to you that I've been with lots of women - not with Hummel as your boyfriend who, let's face it, is a terrible gossip... I've done lots of stuff, tried lots of things and had a hell of a lot of experienced partners so I know what I like. So that's that."

Puck lightly kicked his right knee.

"Now scram, before your boy thinks I've murdered you - or worse, tried to force you to wear socks. What's thatabout by the way? If anything about you is freaky, it's that, no shit. You're not some kind of house elf, terrified of getting socks and being cast out, are you?"

Puck knew Harry Potter. Of course he would. After today nothing Puck knew, short of secretly being a neurosurgeon or CIA agent, would surprise him. Blaine laughed as he got up, he couldn't help it. It felt good after this roller coaster of emotions and revelations.

"No. I just don't like to wear them. I can only hope no one orders me to until I get the random obeying sorted." Blaine grinned at the other boy.

"And Puck? Thank you so, so much! I have no idea how I would have coped with this, me, without you. And I probably would have found out at a really stupid time too. I owe you big time: anything, any time, just say the word. You're an awesome friend; don't let anyone ever tell you differently! I'd be honored to be yours. If you want to, that is."

Puck looked strangely at him for a moment, as if he hadn't expected any acknowledgment of what he'd done for Blaine. Then he nodded, once.

On impulse Blaine reached for his left hand and pressed a kiss to the slightly scraped (from football? hopefully) knuckles. Then, still grinning, he fled the choir room before Puck decided Blaine had exceeded his tolerance for non-hetero-normative behavior - or possibly just his tolerance for Blaine and his baggage.

He had a lot of things to do and ponder. Which probably wouldn't take that long for such a huge reveal, all things considered: he was a laid back guy and malleable, after all. That could be a good trait to have for coming to terms with things like this. He'll get there. And Puck had offered him help it he needed it. And when he had done this, come to terms with this part of him, he'd tell Kurt. They'd do this together. As always.