Disclaimer type stuff: I don't own any of the characters in this spamfiction except Marysue Slashfic. Everyone else belongs to Chiho Saito and Be Papas and the like, and all them wonderful folks who created the happy happy Shojou Kakumei Utena Mangas and Anime. I love you all very much and please, please don't sue me!

Authors Notes: This may very well progress into a long saga in which Arisugawa Juri runs amok and destroys all marysue's and their authors… Or it could just end after a chapter or two of cheap and cheesy threesome sex… All answers remain to be seen. This here is my first dive into the world of writing fanfiction, so, please, be constructive in your comments. Flames will be laughed at, and bullshit not bothered with. Oh yeah… I know everyone is really out of character, but, that is the fun of a parody, right?

Juri vs. Mary Sues

There she was. My breath caught in my chest as she slowly and gracefully strode onto the practice floor. I had just called in my normal harsh tones for the next opponent, and she was the only one who had yet to fence with me. She is one of the new arrivals on the team, and, for once my information was lacking. I knew nothing about this violet eyed beauty that was placing her mask over her dark, navy tresses.

My reverie broke however as she stepped onto the mat and crisply saluted me. Instantly I saw something different in her stance, grip, and moreover in her foil. It was nothing like what the team provided, and was in the hands of all of my other students. Well… All of them but Miki-san and Shiori-san of course. But still, it seemed to be far too thick in the blade, and the hilt was entirely different from anything I had seen before. The hilt seemed to be nearly alive as it's long silver tendrils traveled up to approximately the middle of her forearm with the handle assumedly inside the mass of shining metal. The blade too was quite unique. It was of a traditional length; however, it was certainly not a traditional width, being nearly a centimeter wider in diameter than my own foil. Also, towards the base of the blade, it seemed to have been made out of the "vines" that were the hilt, and that they had merely, run together into a blade.

Returning her salute as briskly and formally as she had given hers, we took our ready stances. My foil at the ready in front of me, and hers in front of her. She made the first move; a strong lunge at my heart, easy to dodge. I parried her blow and began shifting to make what I thought would be the final necessary strike when suddenly she was upon me again with another attack.

"Such speed!" I thought to myself as I began to adjust to her surprising speed. "This is no mere freshman child that I am dealing with!" Soon we were blow for blow and deep in a battle that seemed to be far too equally matched. With a sense of blinding speed and yet extreme slowness the duel was approaching the mark of twenty minutes and showing the effects on the both of us. I had sweat dripping down into my eyes and my breath coming in short bursts. However, I was not the only one showing the fatigue of battle.

I could hear her ragged gasps, and see the marks of sweat beginning to show on the neck of her padded armor. With each strike she was slowing, and becoming more unsteady in her step. Soon I would be able to take this battle. Although, I was quite amazed at the lengths and skills that I had to draw upon in order to reach that goal.

Suddenly, she faltered, and my moment had arrived. Everything seemed to enter slow motion as I stepped forward and to the right, past her wavering foil. My arm and foil set up and sprang forward into the center of her chest, and just as suddenly as everything had begun, the match was over, and victory mine. Once more we saluted, although hers was far less crisp this time, and stepped off the mat.

I turned to her and withdrew my stifling mask in order to speak with her about our match, when I became aware that she seemed in no state to communicate. Her mask was held above her head as though she had become frozen while taking it off, and her eyes were locked upon my face. With every passing second those eyes seemed like they were trying to ravage and memorize my every feature. I decided to break this trance she was in before she creeped me out even more with this blatant staring. However, I was interrupted by a small violet haired form.

"Juri-sempai!!!!!!", echoed through the gymnasium accompanied by the small thuds of the delicate feet of Tatasuki, Shiori.

"OhmygawdyouweresogoodandyoujustwentforsolongandIcan'tbelieveyoudidsogoodandalmostletherbeatyou!!!!!!!" She yammered out to me as she jumped and landed on my chest and knocking me to the ground.

"Hello Shiori-san" I grunted shifting her down to my hips so that I could sit upright. Even though she had a very small and lightweight looking body frame, she weighed far more than she appeared. One of her small quirks was that she had to prove to herself that she was worthy of me, and I suppose part of that was working out and making what should be a light frame, heavy with beautifully tight muscle.

"Oh, Juri! You are all hot and sweaty and icky and stuff!" She cheerfully muttered to me. "You should go to the showers! I know! I'll go with you and I can get your back for you!" Then she cheerfully sprang off me and ran towards the girl's locker room, stripping off articles of clothing as she went. Since I had just finished my match, and the team members were all still discussing it, not one of the thirty people in the room was looking anywhere but at me once the door shut behind her.

Under the scrutinizing stares of my team mates, I realized that something was very wrong with this picture. Shiori, yes, the Tatasuki Shiori, had just glomped me, told me in an extremely kawaii voice that I needed a shower and that she was going to shower with me. Suddenly it was as if I was having my very own miracle, but I was about on the brink of telling fate to make things the way they had once been because the way they were right now was scaring me shitless. I mean, since when in the hell did I have my own personal Shinohora, Wakaba imitator?! However, this does have it's advantages. So many dreams that might just be accomplished…

"Ahem, Sempai?" It was the girl whom I had just had a match against. "Sempai… I was just wondering if we could discuss our match. You know, so I could improve a bit?" Her phrasing seemed timid, but the body positioning and her eyes told me tale upon story that she had something else in mind other than just the match. My curiosity had been pricked, and those eyes were quite attractive.

"Alright… What was your name? I don't believe I caught it yet."

"Slashfic. Marysue Slashfic."

I couldn't say anything. This was not happening. This was not real. I mean, who the hell would name their daughter "Marysue Slashfic"?!

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