Disclaimer: I do NOT own Bridge to Terabithia, it belongs to Katherine Paterson. I also do NOT own the song 'Right Here', it's by Jeremy Camp, it's also one of the OST's of the movie version of BtT.
After Leslie died, I lost my faith in God. Of all the people, why her? Why not me? Why did he let Leslie fall and die instead of me? It should have been me. I was selfish. I wanted to be alone with Ms. Edmunds that day, even if I already felt something was about to happen, I dismissed the thought immediately from my head, because I had wanted to spend the day alone with Ms. Edmunds.
Where was I when Leslie needed me?
I should have been there to save her.
It should have been me who fell, not her. She didn't deserve to die.
At first I didn't believe. When I noticed she missed too many days at schools, missed the bus everyday, I thought that maybe she called in sick or Bill drove her himself to our school. But when days turned into weeks, and eventually months, it was then that I was finally convinced that she's really gone.
Forever.
And that was when I started beginning to be numb.
My parents thought I just needed to be by myself, since losing someone, especially when that someone means the world to you, would take a long time to heal the wounds. Momma would always tell me to pray for Leslie's soul, but I said to her, 'Why bother? Why should I pray to Him when He's the one who took Leslie away from me? He's selfish! He didn't have to take Leslie just because she didn't believe in the bible!'. Momma must have felt sorry for me because she didn't say anything when I said it. I was too young to fully understand anything about death and religion.
When Leslie died, it must have been the same day when my faith in God died too.
But then I realized something… It was a year later after the terrible accident. I got a high fever due to running nonstop even if it was raining – it was the only thing I knew in keeping Leslie alive in my heart other than going to Terabithia. When I got home that day, I was burning up, shaking as climbed on to bed. Lord, I thought I was going to die, but then I remembered Leslie. I'm sure hitting your head on the rock and being unable to breathe because of the water is way more painful and agonizing, right? So I shouldn't complain, because that would be selfish and unfair to Leslie. What I was feeling back then was no compare to what Leslie felt when she drowned.
I had to stay in bed for a couple of days until the fever goes down. Even if I was in bed, I drew to kill the boredom. May Belle was there to cheer me up, but it was no use. Leslie was probably the only person who could make me smile, the one who could make me truly smile. I closed my eyes and tried to picture her. Lord, she was way too young to die. Her death was such a waste. Up until now, I still believe that if she was still alive, she could change the world with her imagination and with her extraordinary personality. She was just taken away too soon. After drawing her, I gently placed my drawing notebook on my nightstand and I went back to sleep.
I had a dream – with Leslie in it.
"Jess?" a soft voice called me. I was milking Miss Bessie when I heard it.
"Les? Leslie? Is that you?" I replied to the voice who called me. When I turned around, I saw her. Sitting on the fence. Just like the first time I saw her.
"I missed you, Jess. How've you been?" She said as she jumped off the fence and stood next to me.
"I uh, missed you too. I'm fine, still milkin' Miss Bessie like the usual. How 'bout you? Where've you been all this time Leslie? I thought you left me for good!" I said at the same time I stopped milking Miss Bessie and fell on my knees and started crying. If my father saw me in this situation, he would've probably scolded me for not being a man. Leslie cupped my face and hugged me. I continued to cry in her back. I missed her so bad.
"Ssh… Stop crying, Jess. I did leave you, but not for good. I'm right here," she said, placing her finger in my chest, "I'll always be here, Jess. Though I'm not here physically, I'll always be here," she said, pointing her finger on my temple, and then on my chest, "I'll never leave, Jess. As long as you keep me alive in your heart, you'll feel me inside of you."
"Oh Les, why'd you have to go to Terabithia that day? It was raining pretty hard the night before, you knew well the water's high."
"I was trying to find you, Jess. I thought you'd be there. May Belle tried to tell me you were with Ms. Edmunds, but as she did, I already swung on the rope, when it…" An awkward silence fell between the two of us when she spoke again, "when it snapped…"
"I'm sorry Les," I wiped my tears with my shirt, "I'm sorry for not inviting you. I'm sorry for bein' selfish…"
"There's no need for an apology Jess. It wasn't your fault. It's just fate. You should stop blaming yourself."
"I bet you hate me, you hate me with all your-,"
"Jesse Oliver Aarons Jr.! I do NOT hate you, okay? And I will never hate you. I don't have the heart to hate someone like you."
"Thank… you, Leslie…" was all I could say. I enveloped her into a small hug again.
"So, how's Terabithia? Is May Belle doing a good job as the new Queen?" she said, trying to make me feel good again.
"Terabithia's good… Yeah, she's doin' a good job, but she ain't better than you. Terabithia will never be the same without you, Les…"
"Oh Jess…"
Suddenly, my vision became blurred. It became difficult for me to see Leslie. It was like a thick fog was suddenly developing.
"Les? LES! Leslie where are you?" I panicked when everything was in a mist now. I desperately threw my arms in different directions in search of Leslie.
"I'm right here Jess. Don't forget," just then, I felt something really warm, as if I was being hugged by someone, "…I'm right here."
Then, I woke up.
May Belle thought I had a funny dream. She told me I was smiling goofily seconds before I woke up. Then I remembered about the dream I had. The dream with Leslie. I placed my hand on my chest. "You're right here, Les. I'll never forget."
After having that dream, I started going to church again. I prayed day and night. Thanked God for every day he created. Thanked God for keeping Leslie alive in my heart.
Leslie taught me a very valuable lesson, to not lose hope. Even if it gets tough, the thick fog surrounding you, the obstacles on the way, will eventually clear up if you keep your hopes up and not give up.
And now, thirteen years later, I, Jesse Oliver Aarons Jr., am a successful illustrator, singer, and songwriter. I write songs about love and religion. And this song I'm about to sing, is for you, Leslie Burke.
All the world is watching
all the world does care
Even when the world weighs on my shoulder now
these feelings I can bear
Because I know, that
You're here
everywhere I go I know
You're not far away
You're right here,
You're right here
All these thoughts I've wasted
all these thoughts I've feared
Even when these thoughts are faded
I still know that
You hear so I can rest my hope in You
Everywhere I go I know You're not far away
You're right here, You're right here
The many times that I have felt alone
the many times that I have felt the world was
crashing down upon me
You always stood here by my side
You were always there
Everywhere I go I know You're not far away
You're right here, you're right here
Thirteen lonely years may have passed without you, but you're still here in my heart, Leslie Burke.
Right here.
I know 'Right Here' is a Christian song, but it suits Jess and Leslie's story too. ^^. Reviews would be appreciated.