icarly
iknew all along
It was an ordinary day in Seattle, Washington, the gayest city in the United States next to San Francisco and New York City. As ordinary as the day was in this hot bed of hot beds, there was present an air of abnormality, it was subtle, but it assures us that today would be anything but ordinary.
That night, it was around 11:50, with only ten minutes left of the year, the three were sitting on the couch, well, Carly was, Sam and Freddie were lying atop each other, kissing heavily. "Ha, ha stop it, no, hooking while I'm on the couch." Said Carly.
"Ha, we don't, hook." Said Freddie.
"We haven't been together that long." Said Sam.
"Sorry, hu, I just don't know how I feel about this." Said Carly.
"I know how I feel about it." Said Freddie.
"It doesn't matter how you feel, it's me and him, none of your business." Said Sam.
"Uh ya, I guess." Said Carly as she leaned back, they continued to make out. "Oh my god."
Spencer then walked in, all beaten up. "Uh, ha there guys." He said.
"Ya, ha." Said Sam and Freddie, barely noticing him.
"Spencer, what happened?" Asked Carly.
"Eh, bad day, campaigning, I don't think I'll be going back there." Said Spencer.
"Good, that job wasn't for you, it was taking years off your life." Said Carly.
"Ya, you're right, think today took off about ten alone, uh." Said Spencer as he sat on the couch. He looked over at Sam and Freddie. "Ha, what're you doing?" He asked.
"Nothing, we're together now." Said Freddie.
"Ya, we fucked a couple times on your couch, hope ya don't mind." Said Sam.
"Oh, I don't, I'm real happy for you, uh." Sobbed Spencer as he leaned back.
"Wow, I can't believe, all the good things New Years is gonna bring, me and Sam, together." Said Freddie.
"Ya, I got Freddie, who I can fuck, all the time, plus he's all, shaky." Said Sam.
"Ya, I am." Said Freddie.
"I can be shaky." Said Spencer under his breath.
"Ya, and, nobody's ever gonna watch icarly again, after that, half ass show we put on tonight." Said Carly.
"Ya, and, like always, I don't have a job and am gonna be broke all the time." Said Spencer.
"Yep, it can't be better than this." Said Freddie.
"Nope." Said Sam.
"Hu." Sighed Carly as she leaned back.
"...I got hit in the face." Said Spencer, mopy, looking at Sam.
"Whatever." Said Sam as she went back to kissing Freddie.
"Oh." Moaned Spencer.
Out in the city, earlier that day, at some guy's house, Laura walked up and knocked on the door. "Hi, I'm Laura Tannenbaum, and I want to talk to you, about electing a young, prosperous senatorial candidate, named Spencer Shay." Said Laura.
"Uh, who exactly are you?" Asked the man.
"That's just it, you don't know who I am, can you really afford not to do what I say, now, Spencer Shay is a former artist, present, alternate, business man, and he's a lawyer, he went to law school for two days, and, most of all, he's against legalizing drugs, hu, how can you argue with that, really?" Asked Laura.
"Uh ya, I, I don't think so." Said the man as he started to close the door.
"Ha, you fat prick, I have men on my side, I can have you cut so bad you'll need super glue to keep your fucking arm on, so you're gonna vote Spencer Shay, or I'm gonna get my switchblade, come up here an..." Started Laura. The man then punched her. "Oh!" She said as she fell down the stairs. "Oh, fuck, that hurt, uh, bitch!" She yelled.
A woman then opened her door, and a man stood there. "Hi there, I'm Marty Bristow, have you heard about the up and coming senatorial candidate Spencer Shay, of course you have, now you're probably aware of his colorful portfolio and background, including his artist career and fourty-eight hours of law school, but what you probably don't know, is that he is a strong advocate for outlawing illegal drugs, how can you beat that, hu?" Asked Marty.
"Uh, are you trying to sell me something, cus my husband has a big gun." Said the woman.
"Oh, I'm trying to sell you, on the idea of electing Spencer Shay for senate, who by the way, has a gun so big it takes three men to hold it, so ma'am, will you hold his gun, in electing him to senate?" Asked Marty.
"Uh, I never heard of this guy, I don't know." Said the woman.
"Please, I'm begging here, have some of the shingles from my roof, I was using them for a pillow." Said Marty.
"I'm sorry, good-bye." Said the woman as she started to close the door.
"I don't want to be lost." Said Marty, sobbing. The woman closed the door.
Alan knocked at the door. A man opened it. "Hi, I'm Alan McFaye, how would you..." He started. The man closed the door. "Kay, good talk." Said Alan.
A man opened his door. "Ha, I'm Jas..." Started Jason as the man closed the door. "Why you faggot, ah, ra!" Yelled Jason as he took an ax and started hitting the door with it.
Spencer knocked on a man's door. "Hi, I'm Spencer Shay, I'm running for senate, and I would like you to..." Started Spencer. The man began beating his viciously. "Ah, oh, sto, oh, ah, help, ah!" He yelled as he rolled on the ground.
Earlier at the house, around two o'clock, the group was sitting in the studio, well, Sam wasn't there. "Where the hell is Sam, she was supposed to be here two minutes ago, she's already two seconds late." Whined Carly.
"Ya, I don't kno..." Started Freddie as Sam walked in.
"Oh Sam, you're here, good, I was so afraid you wouldn't make it." Said Carly as she walked up and kissed her on the lips.
"Ya, get off me!" Yelled Sam as she pushed Carly off of her.
"Uh, okay, so, are you ready for the big New Years Eve show, hu, hu." Said Carly.
"Uh, ya, sure, well, come on, we'd better get started." Said Sam.
"Okay, go in three, two, one." Said Freddie as he turned on the camera.
"Hi there, I'm Carly!" Said Carly loudly.
Sam just stood there, wide eyed, her mouth wide opened. "Uh, um, uh, hi..." Started Sam.
"Ha, what the fuck are you doing, ha, you're ruining everything!" Yelled Carly as she grabbed Sam and shook.
"Ya, I'm sorry, uh, I'm, uh, I'm, okay, that's it, I can't take it anymore." Said Sam.
"Sam, what're you..." Started Freddie.
"Freddie, no talking during the show!" Yelled Carly.
"No, come here." Said Sam as she pulled Freddie in from of the camera, which I guess was on a tripod, thing. "We have something to tell you, right Freddie?" Asked Sam.
"Uh, but, we're, live, on the..." Started Freddie.
"Me and Freddie, we're together now, we've fucked each other, multiple times, and it was good." Said Sam.
"Ya, it was good, hu, I fucked you good." Said Freddie.
"Hu hu, ya he did, so, ya, just wanted to tell ya Carly, kay?" Asked Sam.
"Uh, wha, uh..." Started Carly, very confused, as she walked in front of the camera. "Uh, that's it for today, uh, by, I'm sorry." She said as she turned it off. "What is going on here?" She asked.
"Like we just said, we fucked each oth..." Started Sam.
"Ya, I heard that, how long's this been going on?" Asked Carly.
"I don't know, three days." Said Freddie.
"Ya, we didn't tell ya earlier, cus we thought it would gross ya out." Said Sam.
"Well, it doesn't, really." Said Carly.
"No, ya know where my lips have been?" Asked Sam.
"Oh, uh, uh." Groaned Carly as she wiped off her lips. "Well, I'm glad you told me, even if it did, fuck up our show, but, this is so unexpected." Said Carly.
"Ya, it was to me when me and Sam made it on your couch two days ago." Said Freddie.
"Uh, what?" Asked Carly.
"Ya, we didn't tell you that did we, well, ya, we're together, and, it feels really good now that you know it, hu." Said Sam.
"Uh ya, feels, really good, um, I'm gonna take a nap, kay." Said Carly.
"Ya, us too." Said Freddie.
"You're couch okay?" Asked Sam.
"Uh, ya, ah." Whined Carly as she left.
"That was great." Said Sam.
"Ya, come here." Said Freddie as he started kissing her.
"Uh, that's good, oh." Said Sam as they layed on the floor.
At the large castle, place, earlier, the group was sitting around, concerned. "I don't see how this could have happened, we blew up cars, we set people on fire, we poisoned the lake, we sweet talked senators, how could we be losing?" Asked Don Fatass.
"Actually, we did all that stuff, you just sat here on your ass and petted your cat." Said Laura.
"Well, you know what I mean, we as a group are a whole." Said Don Fatass.
"Then why is it you live in a palace when we go home to live in driftwood made, stormdoor shacks by the river that flood every night?" Asked Jason.
"I live on some guy's roof, it rains every other night and he hardly ever reshingles the damn thing." Said Marty.
"Ha, will you stop with your complaining, the point is that if this bill passes then all of us are sunk." Said Don Fatass.
"Some of us already are." Said Alan.
"Don Fatass, maybe we should just give up, I mean we've already lost four hundred thousand dollars of merchandise by doing this." Said Spencer.
"No, we do not give up, if this bill passes we lose all of it, the whole empire, the drugs, the palace, and Marty." Said Don Fatass.
"Ya I don't wanna be lost, I don't." Said Marty, almost crying.
"But, what're we gonna do now?" Asked Laura.
"Well, the only logical thing to do is to lobby one of our men into the senate, there they will make powerful statements against the bill, probably getting it overturned." Said Don Fatass.
"But, that could take years to do, not to mention millions of dollars." Said Spencer.
"Ha, millions of dollars, over all of it, big picture Spencer." Said Laura.
"It is gonna be pretty hard getting one of us into senate, due to the lack of our credibilities." Said Alan.
"Eh, we can work our way around that." Said Don Fatass.
"And it's gonna be a lot harder if they find out we're wrapped up in a drug ring." Said Spencer.
"Ya, he's got a point there." Said Marty.
"Well, then Spencer, will be our man, Spencer, prepare to enter the United States legislature, represent us well." Said Don Fatass.
"What, why me, why not Alan?" Asked Spencer.
"Ya, why not me?" Asked Alan.
"Shut up Alan!" Yelled Laura.
"Becaue, of the, however many of us there are, you've been involved in this the least, if anyone asks we can just say we kidnapped you for three days." Said Don Fatass.
"Wouldn't that get all us arrested?" Asked Marty.
"By we I actually meant Laura and Alan." Said Don Fatass.
"Oh you fat ass." Said Laura.
"But why would anyone elect him into senate, I mean all he's ever been is an artist and a drug dealer?" Asked Alan.
"That's the best we have, none of you have any other credencials." Said Don Fatass.
"I was a window washer." Said Alan.
"I was a whore." Said Laura.
"I saw a newspaper once." Said Marty.
"You see what I mean, Spencer, will you do it?" Asked Don Fatass.
"Well, no." Said Spencer.
"Good, get the word out about Spencer's run for senate, do whatever it takes to get him in, sleep with whoever you have to, wash anyone's windows you have to, and see as many people doing bad things as you have to, this is the only way." Said Don Fatass.
"Kay, I'm gonna go sleep with Alan." Said Laura as she got up.
"Oh, I'm gonna wash your windows, hu hu hu." Laughed Alan, stupidly.
"I'm gonna go watch em." Said Marty as he got up. They all left.
"Uh, I'm gonna go watch em too." Said Spencer.
"You'd better." Said Don Fatass.
"Okay." Said Spencer as he left.
"Oh, it's all falling apart, hu." Sighed Don Fatass as he turned on a radio, which placed tranquility music. "Ah." He said as he leaned back and closed his eyes.
That morning, Carly was sitting at the table, drinking some tea when Spencer walked in. "Uh, ha there kiddo." He said tiredly.
"Ha, did you just get home now?" She asked.
"Ya, I had a long night, working." He said as he sat down.
"Spencer, are you still doing the drug thing?" Asked Carly.
"Eh, don't talk about it." Said Spencer, whining.
"Okay." Said Carly.
"I'm gonna get some sleep, ha wake me up in fourty five minutes, I need to get to work." Said Spencer as he dragged off. "Good night."
"Ya, morning." Said Carly, confused as she went on drinking.
Freddie then walked in. "Ha, you wanted me to come over?" He asked.
"Uh ya, the lights in the studio are flickering, I thought you could do something about them." Said Carly.
"Uh, ya, I guess, you had to call me at eight in the morning to do that?" Asked Freddie.
"Well, I don't know how long it's going to take, we do the show at two today, I don't want anything to go wrong." Said Carly.
"Ya alright, ha, it just occured to me, the only time you ask me to come over is when you want me to fix something or do some icarly thi..." He started.
"Oh can you just fix it?" Whined Carly.
"Alright, fine, I'll be down in a minute, god." Said Freddie as he left.
"Ha wait." Said Carly.
"Uh, what?" Groaned Freddie.
"Has Sam been acting, kind of unusual lately, I mean, she seems all, nervous, and, she seems to avoid all my questions." Said Carly.
"Uh, was that even a question, cus you just gave a lot of reasons for it after you asked it." Said Freddie.
"What I mean is, do you know if there's something going on with her, anything at all?" Asked Carly.
"Uh, no, last I heard from her she was doing fine." Said Freddie.
"Well, maybe it's just me..." Started Carly.
"Ya, probably, see ya." Said Freddie as he went upstairs.
"Ya, by, hu." Sighed Carly as she sat back down.
The previous night, Freddie was asleep, when the phone rang. "Uh, oh, hold on, uh, what?" He said as he answered the phone.
"Ha Freddie, it's me again." Said Sam.
"Uh, Sam this is the third time you called, uh, I really gotta..." He started.
"Ya, I can't stop thinking about Carly." Said Sam.
"Really, I was thinking about you, but, whatever you..." Started Freddie.
"I think, going behind her back is making me guilty, I don't know why but I can't stop feeling bad." Said Sam.
"Ha, you're just tired, I feel bad about it too, but, I'm sure it'll go away, don't worry." Said Freddie.
"Ya, you're probably right." Said Sam.
"Ya." Said Freddie.
"Thanks for helping me, it's just good to know I have you on my..." Started Sam as Freddie hung up the phone. "Uh, oh." He groaned as he went back to bed.
Earlier that night, the police were driving quickly, in persuit of another car. "Men, we have positive on the car, in hot persuit, copy." Said the cop.
"Okay guys, ya got three cops on ya, it's time to drop the payload." Said Marty from the large building.
"Ha, keep it down, I'm vibing with my cream shots, uh." Groaned Don Fatass as he took his tube and went on snorting the frosting.
"Copy, over, okay Jason, drop it." Said Laura, driving the car, quickly.
"Ha, are you sure about this, it seems kind of dangerous." Said Spencer.
"Ya know what'll be really dangerous, when this stuff's legal and everyone can do this." Said Laura, angrily.
"Ya, now shut up and help me pour this stuff." Said Jason as he lifted up and bag and opened the window.
"Alright, uh." Groaned Spencer as he lifted up a heavy bag.
"Okay, we're in close persuit, wait a minute, what are they doing, they're, dropping some kind of..." Started the office.
"Look out!" Yelled another officer. The cars drove into the crack that had been poured on to the road, and when they hit it they exploded.
"Ya!" Yelled Jason.
"We got those fuckers, up top." Said Laura as they high fived her.
"Ya, I think the exploding crack will really make an impression on them." Said Spencer.
"Ya it will, come on, time for our get away." Said Laura, she drove the car off the road, into the river, kept driving, the car flooded, and sank underwater.
Earlier at the house, Sam and Freddie were sitting on the couch, exhausted, Freddie had his head in her lap. Carly then walked in. "Ha, I think you guys should leave, please." Said Carly.
"Ya." Said Sam.
"Okay." Said Freddie as he got up.
"Ha, where's Spencer at?" Asked Sam.
"Ya, I haven't seen him all day." Said Freddie.
"Ya, he said he'd be out on business, I don't know..." Started Carly.
"Ya okay." Said Freddie as he headed for the door.
"See ya." Said Sam as she left.
"Ya, by, ugh." Groaned Carly as she sat down.
At the Seattle city hall during the day, a senator, another one, was standing by a water dispencer, getting water when Alan walked up to him. "Ha man, what's up?" He asked.
"Nothing, just, drinkin water." Said the senator.
"Ah, so, what do you think of that bill they're working on, the one about legalizing drugs?" Asked Alan.
"Um, I don't know, it's, alright, guess." Said the man, not wanting to talk.
"Ah." Said Alan, somewhat nervous. "Ya, ya it's pretty gay, pretty, gay idea." Said Alan.
"What?" Asked the senator, confused.
"Ya, it's a gay bill, legalizing drugs is gay, you don't want to vote on that." Said Alan.
"Do you belong here?" Asked the man.
"Ya you don't, you're not gay are ya, no, if you vote on this bill, you are gay." Said Alan.
"Security!" Yelled the senator.
"Ha I'm telling you that, whoa." Said Alan as some security guards lifted him up. "Uh, it, it's a bad idea, you don't, don, don't vote on i..." Started Alan, the men opened the door, and threw him into a lot of trashbags. "Ah, you bitches, ha, don't vote on bill 359..." Started Alan as they slammed the door. "Well, that sucked ball, uh." He groaned as he layed there.
Earlier at Carly's apartment, Sam was sitting their, drinking a soda, when Freddie walked in. "Ha, what's up?" He asked.
"Nothing yet, come here." Said Sam as she got up, grabbed him, and started kissing him.
"Ha, whoa whoa, did you tell Carly yet?" He asked.
"No, I thought you were gonna." Said Sam.
"No, why would I, you're the one who started all this." Said Freddie.
"Ha, we can stand here all day and talk about who should tell Carly, but if you keep me on my feet now, I won't get on my knees for you later." Said Sam.
"Alright, alright, next time I see her I'll tell her, okay." Said Freddie.
"Kay, that's my baby." Said Sam as she started kissing him, then down his chest. Carly then walked in. "Uh!" Said Sam as she backed up quickly.
"Ha, what're you doing here, I wasn't even home." Said Carly.
"Well, Sam was here, and, ya." Said Freddie.
"Sam." Said Freddie.
"I didn't have any place else to be, just walked in, no big deal." Said Sam.
"Did you go through my dresser again?" Asked Carly.
"No, ha ha ha." Laughed Sam, quietly.
"Oh, my god." Said Carly as she sat down.
"Oh ha, Carly, while you're here..." Started Freddie.
"Which I guess isn't often enough." Said Carly, quickly.
"I thought I'd tell you that, uh, well, um, uh..." Started Freddie.
"What, did you watch me from my bedroom window again last night?" Asked Carly.
"Wha, no, I haven't done that since, uh, eh nevermind." Said Freddie as he sat down.
"Ah I'll just tell her, Carly, me and Fre, Fr, uh, eh nevermind." Said Sam as she sat back down.
"What, is there something you want to tell me?" Asked Carly.
"Well..." Started Freddie.
"No." Said Sam.
"Nope, nevermind." Said Freddie.
"Uh, okay, I'm gonna be in my room, thanks for coming over." Said Carly, confused.
"Ha, anytime." Said Sam.
"We mean anytime." Said Freddie.
"Ya, by." Said Carly as she left.
"Hu, so it's agreed we won't tell her?" Asked Sam.
"Ya, works for me." Said Freddie.
"Good." Said Sam as she pulled him on to the couch and started kissing him.
In a parking lot of a fancy high class bar/brothel, even earlier, Spencer, Laura and the other guy were standing near a car. "Okay, we pour the meth in his engine, leave the empty bag beside it, and he'll never lobby for legalized drugs ever again." Said Laura.
"Ya, he'll hate this stuff so much, they might even make a new law to make drugs more illegal." Said Jason.
"Imagine how much more money we'd make then, hu hu." Said Laura.
"I don't know, if his car explodes couldn't that possibly kill him?" Asked Spencer.
"Hopefully, if meth causes somebody to die, just because it was put in their car's gas tank, then that spells bag news for legalizing it for free sale." Said Laura.
"We're gonna blow that Senator straight to hell, ha ha." Said Jason.
"Jason, we don't kill people, we just sell drugs, and kill only when absolutely necesarry, or highly beneficial." Said Laura.
"And in this case both, ha ha ha." Laughed Jason.
"Doesn't this all seem kind of crazy?" Asked Spencer.
"You wanna talk about crazy, imagine future America, with, floating jet cars, and, rocket planes, and legalized drugs that any mother fucker can get their hands on, now that's crazy, there'll be cities on fire, trains driving into buildings and, bears loose in the streets, you want that to happen?" Asked Laura.
"No, that does sound kind of cool." Said Spencer.
"That's right ya don't, now come on, time to watch the fireworks." Said Jason as they snuck into a bush behind the parking lot.
The senator then walked out of the building with his tie loose and most of his shirt unbuttoned. "Hu, that was great." He said as he headed for his car. He opened the door, closed it, started the car, it ran for a second, then it exploded. "Whoa, ah, ah, oh, ah!" Yelled the man as he fell out of the car, on fire, rolling on the ground. People around walked up and looked at him. "Oh, oh it burns, ah, ah, oh, hu, hu, oh, fuck!" Yelled the man.
A cop then helped him up. "Ha buddy are you okay, that was a pretty big explosion." Said the cop.
"Ya I'm fine, oh, I don't know what could have happened." Said the senator.
"Ha look, there's a big bag of meth by your car." Said a man.
"Ya, it's too bad it's empty, I could really use some right now." Said the senator.
"Ya, come on, I'll walk ya to the bus stop." Said the cop.
"Okay, thanks." Said the senator as they walked off.
"That went better than I thought." Said Laura, excitedly.
"Ya, let's celebrate with pot brownies!" Yelled Jason as he pulled the brownies out of his pocket.
"Ha, I..." Started Spencer as they went on eating. "Eh." He said as he took a brownie and ate it.
In Freddie's apartment, he was sitting on the couch, doing something on his phone, when there was a knock on the door. He went to open it and Sam walked in. "Oh ha." He said.
"Ha, so I was thinking..." Started Sam.
"Ya." Said Freddie.
"And, I decided that from now on we should just be friends." She said.
"Okay." Said Freddie.
Later, Sam and Freddie were lying in his bed, neither had clothes on. "Ha, I don't think this is gonna work." Said Sam.
"Na, me neither." Said Freddie.
"So, I guess we'll have to tell Carly about all this, like, be good friends." Said Sam.
"Ya, I guess." Said Freddie.
"...Ha, what we did, that was pretty awesome." Said Sam, happily.
"Ya it was, then the other thing, with the..." Started Freddie.
"Ya, that was sweet, hu." Sighed Sam as she leaned back. "Ha, can you get me aspirin?" She asked.
"Ya, in a minute, uh." Groaned Freddie as he layed back down and seemed to fall asleep.
At a large house, that looked like a castle, Spencer was sitting in a meeting room with many men in fancy suits. A fat bald man with a cigar and a cat walked in. "Ah, roadblock, you have arrived." Said the man in a muttered tone.
"Uh ya, I figured it would have been a bad idea not to come." Said Spencer nervously.
"Ya, it would have been." Said the man who Spencer had only seen his eyes. He was sitting away from the window, so you still couldn't see very much of him.
"Enough of this nonsense, have you brought the duffle bag?" Asked the fat cat man.
"Ah, I new I forgot something." Said Spencer.
"Ha, it's okay..." Started a fancy woman there.
"Oh, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh, fuck fuck fuck, fuck!" Yelled the man as he got up and started pacing around.
"Ha, is he okay?" Asked Spencer nervously.
"Ya, he just gets a little cranky when he doesn't get his smokes." Said another man there, you could see him, wasn't much to see though.
"Oh, oh, it's okay, hu, oh..." Groaned on the man as he sat down. He opened his desk and pulled out a cigar, lit it up and started smoking it. "Ah, now, roadblock..." He started.
"Ha, you don't have to call me that, my name's Spe..." Started Spencer.
"Whoa whoa whoa!" Yelled the whole group.
"Ha, for safety none of us know each other's real names." Said the fat guy.
Another suited man then walked in. "Ha, I got your ten cigarette lighters Don Fatass." Said the man as he walked in.
"Ah for god's sakes man, I was just making a point here, ah, screw it." He said as the box of lighters was set on the table.
"Only one of them works, can you guess which one?" Asked the man who walked in.
"Uh, this one?" Asked Spencer as he pointed to one.
"Dammit how did he know that?" Asked the woman.
"Can we get back to business, Laura?" Asked the man who could be seen.
"Oh my god, well, you must be wondering why I called you here, to my palace, my, citadel of drug distribution." Said Don Fatass.
"No, I just thought you liked me." Said Spencer.
"...No, you see, the government is working on a plot to crash our empire, legislature is throwing around a bill that will legalize all the drugs we deal, like pot, crack, hallucinogens, LSD, soma, all of that." Said Don Fatass.
"Okay, but, why would that be bad?" Asked Spencer.
"Don't you see, they make drugs legal, we're shut down for business, nobody's gonna buy drugs from an illegal dealer, when drugs are legal!" Yelled the seen man.
"Oh, I see it now." Said Spencer.
"New guys." Said the woman as she leaned back and smoked.
"Ya, so, Don Fatass, what can I do about it?" Asked Spencer.
"Nothing, you see we'll need an elite group of people to pull this off, that's why there's so many people here." Said Don Fatass.
"So many, there's only six people here." Said Spencer.
"Ya, but with me it's rare you see one other living guy, but ya, it'll take, all of you to pull this off." Said Don Fatass.
"Ya, me, Spencer and Jason will set out to the feild, Marty will be our lookout surveilance guy, Alan will be our government insider, and Don Fatass will just sit on his fatass." Said Laura.
"Now ya see Laura, ya just gave away everyone's names, I mean what the hell?" Asked Don Fatass.
"We don't know who's who, come on Spencer..." Started Laura as Spencer got up. "Jason." The seen man got up.
"Marty, get me a drink." Said Jason, the seen man.
"Fine." Said the shadow man as he got up, in the shadows.
"Alan." Said the lighter man as he raised his hand.
"I don't believe this, well, just get out now, I need time to think." Said Don Fatass.
"Great, it's getting arid in here." Said Marty as he got up.
"Bye." Said the gang as they left.
"Ah." Groaned Don Fatass as he leaned back. "Only you understand Mr. Kitty." He said as he petter his cat. The cat meowed. "Ya, I know." He grumbled.
Previously, at the house, Carly and Freddie were talking to each other. "Ya, and with all the new uplinks I set up the visual quality of the show will really be improved." Said Freddie.
"Yep, that's pretty interesting." Said Carly, barely paying attention.
"Uh, thanks." Said Feddie, frustrated.
Sam then walked in. "Ha, Carls, get me something to drink?" Asked Sam.
"Uh, okay." Said Carly, somewhat confused as she walked to the fridge.
"Great, hm, ha there buddy." Said Sam as she walked over, grabbed Freddie and started violently kissing him.
"Mm, mm ha, what are you doing?" Freddie asked, frantically but quietly.
"Sorry, I just flare up when I walk into a room and see you, he he." Giggled Sam.
"Uh..." Started Freddie.
"Kay, here ya go Sam." Said Carly.
"Thanks." Said Sam as she took the water, put her hand in it and rubbed it on her face. "Ah, oh that's good." She said.
"Uh, okay, ha I'm gonna be up in the studio, meet me up there in a minute, if, you're alright." Said Carly.
"Ya, I'll get over it." Said Sam.
"...Alright." Said Carly as she went upstairs.
"Ha, what's going on with you?" Asked Freddie.
"Nothing's going on with me, what's going on with you?" Asked Sam sweetly.
"Wha, I thought what we had last night was a one time thing, what happened?" Asked Freddie.
"I don't know, it was gonna be just a one time thing, then I came in here and saw you with your clothes on and, it all just came back, come on, I bet if we hurry we can get one done before she comes down." Said Sam.
"Wha, no, Sam, we can't do this, if we're going to be together we can't hide it from Carly, we have to tell her." Said Freddie.
"Ha, we're not going to be together, or, I don't know, I'm not sure yet, let me think about it." Said Sam.
"Okay, and, if we decide to be together we should tell Carly." Said Freddie.
"Ya, I guess so, come on, we'd better get going before Carly gets all pissy." Said Sam.
"Okay." Said Freddie.
Spencer then walked in. "Uh, ha there guys." He said.
"Ha Spencer." Said Freddie.
"Uh." Groaned Sam.
"Ha, have you seen my duffle bag, I left it on the table with a lot of cigarettes in it." Said Spencer.
"Ya, there's a duffle bag there, bug there aren't too many cigarettes in it." Said Sam.
"Thank you, don't let me leave the house without it." Said Spencer.
"Ya, okay." Said the two.
"Good, oh man I'd better get going, I'm late." Said Spencer, frantically.
"Okay." Said Sam.
"See ya." Said Freddie as the two went upstairs.
"Kay, by." Said Spencer as he ran out the door, sans the duffle bag.
Before, at an average looking Seattle home, in other words looks like shit, Spencer had just pulled into the driveway, three blocks away, in the car the people told him to drive, and had finally walked all the way to the house. He knocked on the door. "Ha, is anybody home?" He yelled inside.
The door was then opened, inside it was dark, there were a bunch of crazy haired stoners inside, all looking very depressed, and one person appeared to be dead on the floor. "Are you the candy man?" Asked the man at the door.
"Uh, I guess so, the threatening man on the phone, who all I've ever seen of him are his eyes, said my codename was roadblock, but..." Started Spencer.
"Ha, does he have the good stuff or not!" Yelled a messed up girl in the back of the room.
"Hold on!" Yelled the man. "Look buddy, either give us the pot, or I'll cut off your head and put it in my head bag." Said the man.
"Ya, okay here ya go." Said Spencer as he handed the man the bag.
"Thanks." Said the man as he took it.
"Uh, that'll be four hundred dollars." Said Spencer.
"Ya, here." Said the man as he threw a lot of bills, and they flew all over the place.
"Uh." Said Spencer as he went to grab them.
"Ha guys, we got the good stuff." Said the man.
"Alright, good job Ronny." Said the messed up girl as she walked to the doorway, grabbed Spencer and started kissing him.
"Uh, okay, uh..." Started Spencer as she went on kissing him.
"Oh, uh, ya." Said the girl as she started rubbing his back.
"Aah." Whined Spencer.
It was that morning, and Sam and Freddie were lying asleep on Carly's couch, holding each other. Sam then woke up. "Mm, uh." She groaned as she lifted herself up. "Uh, ha baby." She said as she rubbed Freddie's back.
Freddie then rolled over and woke up. "Uh, wha, uh, where am I, oh my god, uh." Said Freddie, startled as he saw Sam.
"Ha, good to see you too." Said Sam, sarcastically.
"Oh, oh god it wasn't a dream, it really happened." Said Freddie.
"Hu, ya it did." Said Sam, happily.
"Uh, but, why Sam, why would you want to, I mean, I didn't even think you liked me." Started Freddie.
"Ya, I never used to, but, lately, I don't know, I just kinda, fell for you." Said Sam.
"Oh, well, okay, it, was just kinda outta nowhere, came as a shock to me." Said Freddie.
"Ya, I could tell, then, I've never been very good at being subtle." Said Sam.
"Ya, oh, god what if Carly finds out about this, I mean..." Started Freddie.
"Ha, Carly doesn't have to find out about this, it's none of her business, it's just, her house, her couch, uh." Sighed Sam as she wiped her face with Carly's sweater.
"You're right, oh, what if you get pregnant?" Asked Freddie.
"We only did it once!" Yelled Sam.
"I guess you're right." Said Freddie.
"Ha, I didn't think it'd be that big a deal, sorry to spring this on you, so to speak." Said Sam.
"Ha, that's okay, I'm just suprised, so, you really like me?" Asked Freddie.
"Well, I guess, I don't hate you, I like you, but, not in a friend kind of way." Said Sam.
"Works for me." Said Freddie.
"Uh, don't let it go to your head, I just, been watching ya for the past few weeks, and I really wanted to do ya, so." Said Sam as she hit him on the shoulder.
"Ya." Said Freddie cockily, so to speak. "Ha, I didn't think of it, we, did it last night, I fucked you." Said Freddie.
"Mm hm." Said Sam, smiling.
"...I fucked you good." Said Freddie.
"Ya, ya did." Said Sam, happily.
"Uh, ya that was fun, Carly doesn't have to know about it, was just, something between you and me." Said Freddie.
"Ya, it's better she doesn't know, then she'd get jelous, and wanna fuck you, and probably me." Said Sam.
"Ya, besides it's none of her damn business." Said Freddie.
"That's right." Said Sam as she leaned back and started smoking a cigar.
"Ha, where'd you get that?" Asked Freddie.
"Oh, Spencer left it on the table, I guess he's had nights like this too." Said Sam.
"Ya." Said Freddie. He then looked over at Sam. "Ha, you should probably put some clothes on." He said.
"Ya, in a minute." Said Sam as she went on smoking. "Ya, we should go before Carly wakes up."
"Ya, you're right." Said Freddie as he went to grab his clothes off the floor.
"Ha, that was great Freddie." Said Sam.
"Ya." Said Freddie. Sam went in and kissed him. "Mm." They said as he leaned back.
"No, we'd better go." Said Sam, coming off him.
"Okay." Said Freddie quickly as he got up and grabbed his clothes.
The night before, in Spencer's room he was asleep when the phone rang. "Uh, hello?" He answered.
"Hello, is this Spencer Shay?" Asked the man.
"Uh, ya, what is it?" Asked Spencer.
"I need you to go to the place, ask for Vinny, there he will give you fourty kilos of the stuff, then I want you to..." Started the man.
"Ha, really, it's like, one o'clock in the morning, and, I just..." Started Spencer.
"Ha, you know the terms, you go where I tell you to go, and don't ask questions, okay!" Yelled the man.
"Ya, okay, uh." Groaned Spencer.
"Ha, and one more thing..." Started the man. Spencer hung up the phone.
"Uh, okay, uh." Groaned Spencer as he got up, grabbed his keys from the counter, opened the window, and walked out. "Uh, whoa!" He yelled as he fell three stories.
Earlier the night before, at the house, and Carly was sitting in the livingroom, writing something when Spencer walked in. "Ha guys." He said.
"Uh." Said Sam and Freddie.
"Spencer, where were you all day, you were gone for six hours." Said Carly.
"Ya, well I got another order, so, that's, where I was." Said Spencer.
"Why do you have a customs sticker on your shirt, did you go to Mexico?" Asked Carly.
"Wha, dammit, well, ya, I, I had to deliver a sculpture to, Mexico." Said Spencer.
"When did you make a sculpture?" Asked Carly.
"I made it in the car." Said Spencer.
"Okay Spencer." Said Carly.
"It'd better be." Said Spencer.
"Why would you put that on your shirt?" Asked Sam.
"I don't know, I'm going to bed, night." Said Spencer as he started to leave.
"Is all this more of that pot stuff?" Asked Carly.
"Uh!" Groaned Spencer as he walked upstairs.
"Um, okay, well we're almost done, I could just stay up and finish thi..." Started Carly.
"Uh, that's okay Carly, I think we can finish up on our own, right Freddie?" Asked Sam.
"Uh, ya, I guess so." Said Freddie.
"Okay, well I'm gonna go to bed then, night guys." Said Carly as she left.
"Good-night." Said the two.
"Okay, and, we're done, finally." Said Freddie.
"Good, I'm glad, all this, is done." Said Sam.
"Ya, me too." Said Freddie as he gathered his things.
"Uh." Said Sam as she nervously tossed her pen on the floor. "Uh Freddie, can you get that for me?" She asked.
"Hu, okay." Said Freddie as he got up. "You know Sam..." As Freddie talked, Sam quickly pulled her shirt off over her head, then undid and took off her bra. "If you're just trying to mess with me, it's not going to wor..." He went on as he turned around. "Oh my god!" He yelled as he saw her and covered his eyes.
"Ha, shh." Said Sam as she put her hand over his mouth. "You want Carly to hear you?" She asked.
"Wha, what the hell are you doi..." Started Freddie, very nervous and confused.
"Ha, shh, don't ask questions, just, come here." Said Sam as she went in and kissed Freddie.
"Ha, what're you, mm." Said Freddie as he kissed her.
"Hm, better?" Asked Sam.
"Ya." Said Freddie as he hugged her, they fell on to the couch, he layed on to of her, and as they went on kissing he began to take his shirt off.
During that day, in Mexico, Spencer had just arrived at some guy's house, which was pretty crappy looking. He then knocked at the door. A man then opened the door. "How may I help you seniore?" He asked, in a Mexican accent.
"Uh ha, I'm here to pick up a shipment of, rocks, for a, Marty." Said Spencer as he read a note card.
"Come with me." Said the man, now in a normal voice as he walked Spencer into the house. Inside there was a massive pot production ring going on. "You want the fake jewels, or just the good stuff?" Asked the man.
"Uh, I'd better take the jewels, so the guys at customs won't get suspicious." Said Spencer.
"Good idea, I'll have my best man stash the pot in your hub caps." Said the man as he closed his eyes and pointed. "Uh, you." He said. The mail man he pointed at looked very confused.
"Okay, ha this is, some operation you got going on." Said Spencer.
"I don't need you to tell me that." Said the man.
"Alright, ha, these people look pretty young, don't they have, like, child labor laws, I mean?" Asked Spencer.
"Ya, but we do things here, that are, a lot, more illegal." Said the man.
"Ya, I guess." Said Spencer.
"There ya go." Said the man as he handed Spencer the fake jewels.
"Ha thanks, well I guess I'll see you around." Said Spencer.
"Oh, yes you will, bwa ha ha, ah ha ha!" Laughed the man loudly.
"Aah, by." Said Spencer, nervously, as he left.
At the house, in the icarly studio, Freddie was working on some sort of technical thing, with, wires and shit, and as he worked Sam just sat there and stared at him. Freddie then looked over at her. "Ha, what're you doing?" He asked.
"What, what do you mean?" Asked Sam.
"Why are you looking at me?" Asked Freddie.
"What, I'm not, I was just, sitting, here, ya." Said Sam.
"Ah, okay." Said Freddie as he went back to working on, whatever.
Sam just sat there for a second. Then she pushed a pen off the table. "Uh, ha Freddie, could you get that for me?" Asked Sam.
"What, why do you keep dropping things, are you messing with me?" Asked Freddie.
"What, no, I'm just, clumsy, sorry." Said Sam.
"What, okay." Said Freddie as he went to pick it up.
As he did Sam stared at his butt. "Mm." She said quietly.
"What did you say?" Asked Freddie.
"Nothing, thanks." Said Sam as she took the pen.
Carly then walked back into the room. "Hu, ha guys." She said.
"Ha." Said Sam.
"Where were you?" Asked Freddie.
"What, nowhere." Said Carly, defensively.
"Then, why were you gone for so lon..." Started Freddie.
"Just leave me alone!" Yelled Carly.
"Okay." Said Freddie.
"So, how's all, that stuff going that I told you to do?" Asked Carly.
"Pretty good, we should be done before tonight." Said Freddie.
"That's great, what about you Sam?" Asked Carly.
"Uh, I, I didn't do anything, you know how I am." Said Sam, laughing.
"What is wrong with you?" Asked Freddie.
"Oh Sam, now we're gonna have to work, all night on this stuff, nice going." Said Carly.
"Ya, I'm sorry, he he he." Laughed Sam.
"Uh, ya." Said Carly.
"She's being really weird, can I go home?" Asked Freddie.
"No." Said Carly.
Sam then pushed her pen off the table again. "Ha Freddie, can you get that?" She asked. They both just stared at her.
At the pot(s) place earlier, Spencer walked up to the shack and knocked on the steel door. "Ha guys, I got your pot, s,..." He yelled as he walked up.
A man then opened the eye slot on the door. "Ha, you moron, you want the whole town to hear ya?" Asked the man.
"Uh, no I guess not." Said Spencer. "Here ya g..." He started as he handed the man the bag.
"Ya thanks." Said the man as he opened the door slightly, took the bags then quickly closed it.
"Ha, what about my money?" Asked Spencer.
"Here." Said the man as he threw out a large, stuffed envelope. He opened the slot again. "Inside are your next directions, follow them closely." He said.
"Okay, ha, you know I'm just an artist, so maybe I'm not right for thi..." Started Spencer.
"Good bye." Said the man as he closed the door.
"Ya, bye." Said Spencer as he took out a cigar and started smoking it.
It was December 29, 2011, and there were only three days left to the year 2011, the greatest year since 2005, and the group was going about their day as usual, but unlike us they didn't realize just how unusual this day would turn out to be, so, ya. "Man, look at all this pot I got from that pot store." Said Spencer as he walked in, carrying a whole lotta pot.
"I don't think we went to the right store Spencer." Said Carly as she walked in behind him, carrying some of the pot.
"Ya we did, that guy called me, said he wanted some pots, and he..." Started Spencer.
"Did he say pots, or pot?" Asked Carly.
"I don't remember, and, he gave me this adress, he said he wanted ten pot, s, and the guy at the store even knew who he was." Said Spencer.
"But, Spencer how can you make this into art?" Asked Carly.
"Wha I don't know, it's not always art, sometimes people just call me and have me do errands for them." Said Spencer.
"...Has that ever happened befor..." Started Carly.
"No, it's never happened before." Said Spencer. "Well I'd better take this stuff and put it under the radiator so I can go collect the seven thousand dollars, see ya." Said Spencer as he took the bags of pot(s) and left the room.
"By." Said Carly as she sat on the couch. There was a knock at the door. "Hu." She groaned as she got up. "Wonder who that is." She said, irritated as she went and opened the door.
Sam stood in the doorway. "Ha, Carly." She said loudly.
"Ha, Sam." Said Carly, just as excited, fake.
"So I got your text that you wanted me to come over..." Started Sam.
"Three hours from now..." Said Carly, quietly.
"So what is it?" Asked Sam.
"Well, I wanted to start getting things ready for the big, New Years Eve icarly..." Started Carly.
"What, no you don't, that's not for two days, come on why'd you want me to come over?" Asked Sam. "Do you loove me?" She asked in a stupid voice.
"Uh, no, it's, a big thing and we're going to need all the time we can get to get ready for it, it's important." Said Carly.
"Why, why's is important?" Asked Sam.
"Cus, it's, New Years, and it's icarly, if that's important to you at all." Said Carly.
"Okay, so can I go home?" Asked Sam.
"I didn't ask you to come over!" Yelled Carly. Sam just looked at her.
"Okay..." Started Sam. There was a loud explosion.
"Ah!" Yelled Spencer from upstairs.
"What was that?" Asked Carly.
"Nothing!" Yelled Spencer.
"What's he doing?" Asked Sam.
"He's working on some pot, s." Said Carly.
"What, is it pot or pots?" Asked Sam.
"I don't know." Said Carly.
"It exploded, it's probably pot." Said Sam.
"It is." Said Carly.
Freddie then walked in the door. "Ha guys." He said.
"Oh, what are you doing here?" Asked Carly, frustrated.
"Uh, Sam called and told me to come over, that's why." Said Freddie, confused.
"What, why did you do that, I didn't tell you to call him." Said Carly.
"Uh, ya, I, I just thought if you wanted me to come over you'd want him too." Said Sam.
"No, I've called you over before and you never asked Freddie to come." Said Carly.
"Well ya, but I figured with him here I'd have to do less work, you know on the New Years Eve, thing." Said Sam.
"What, you didn't even know about tha..." Started Carly.
"Oh just shut up!" Yelled Sam.
"Uh, okay, so what're we doing here?" Asked Freddie.
"We're getting ready for the New Years Eve icarly." Said Carly.
"Now, isn't it kind of early?" Asked Freddie.
"Ya, I thought so." Said Carly.
Spencer then walked down the stairs. His face was all covered in ash and he had a lot of bags. "Kay, see you guys." He said as he left.
"Bye." Said Carly.
"What was he..." Started Freddie.
"Don't ask." Said Sam.
"Alright." Said Freddie.
THE END