It's Not So Bad
By: YaoiGoddessNekoJin
Disclaimer: I don't own Loveless or any of the characters :sigh:
Ritsuka was nervous. He was almost visibly shaking with fear. It was dinner time and his mother had prepared a luxurious meal. He loathed this. Ever since he lost his memories and the old Ritsuka had vanished, his mother would watch and wait. She would wait for the instant he slipped up. Be it wearing the wrong color or drinking the wrong drink, anything that the old Ritsuka would not do. As his mother approached him with the meal, his hands started shaking. The food was so appetizing and smelled so delicious, but he had to be careful. He had to make the right choices or else there would be severe consequences. After the plate of hot, steaming food was set before him; his fork hovered above different parts of the meal. He hoped to draw some sort of reaction from her, but to no avail. Her expressionless, icy eyes stared blankly at him, giving nothing away. He decided to just go ahead and start eating. He pushed a couple of shitake mushrooms around his plate before settling on a takoyaki. He stabbed the dumpling with his fork and brought the morsel to his mouth, blowing on it gently before popping it in. "Do you like that Ritsuka?" his mother asked in a sickly sweet voice. Ritsuka just nodded, still unsure of his decision. At that moment, a deathly silence smothered the room. Anger and rage flashed through his mother's eyes, and she began to speak in a voice trembling with barely contained emotion. "Liar. Ritsuka doesn't like takoyaki." Her voice rose in volume until she was screaming. "YOU'RE NOT RITSUKA! YOU'RE NOT MY SON!" She stood from her seat so fast that the sheer force flung the chair backwards. Ritsuka's black cat ears flattened against his head in fear for what was about to happen. His mother stomped over and grabbed a handful of his black hair, jerking him up by it and slinging him against the wall. Even though he was twelve, he was very small for his age and she easily able to lift him. He grunted as his head collided with the wall and crumpled to the floor, pain surging through his entire being. Ritsuka heard footsteps as his mother walked over to him. Blows rained down over the expanse of his body. He instinctively curled into a ball, covering his head with his arms. This had happened before, on many occasions, but, somehow, this time felt different. His mother never beat him this much. Ritsuka sighed in relief as the blows lessened to a halt. He stayed curled up, though, until he heard his mother's footfalls as she left the room.
Slowly, he got onto his feet. Pain coursed through his entire body and he teetered on his feet until finally gaining enough balance to walk. He made his way to the bottom of the stairs before pausing. He flicked his cat ears in every direction, listening intently to the world around him. Sure that his mother was not coming back, he began the tedious task of climbing the stairs. Finally, he made it up the stairs and to his bedroom door. He entered, closing the door behind him, and went to sit on the bed. He began to contemplate on different events in his life, wondering how and when things became so screwed up. Ever since he witnessed his brother, Seimei's, murder, he had been different. Seimei's sudden death had not only changed him, but had changed his mother as well. She lost her elder son and, in a way, lost Ritsuka as well. He was not the same Ritsuka as before. He was a different Ritsuka, a new Ritsuka, and his mother loathed him for that. Nobody loved him. Nobody cared about him. After all, his name was 'Loveless,' one who was destined to be alone. It was his fate, always to be alone and never have anyone. Sure, Soubi, his brother's friend, claimed he loved him, but Ritsuka knew that was a lie. It was his brother's dying wish that Soubi take care of him and love him. And, besides, he did not want that kind of love. He wanted true love. He wanted to be loved for who he was, and he wanted someone who would accept all of his faults as well as his good points. But, he did not have that, and he never would. Sometimes, he thought it would just be better if he died. No one would miss him and he would be out of pain. As if reading his mind, Ritsuka's mother walked into his bedroom. She had a crazed look in her eyes and stumbled every time she moved. He saw that she had a small, black handgun in her hand, but he did not move. He sat there, not making any effort to scream for help or plead with her to stop. In his mind, she would be doing him a favor. She raised the gun and pointed it directly at him. He did not move, his expression did not falter, and all was silent. A deafening bang ripped the silence to shreds. Ritsuka still did not move. He felt the bullet lodge itself into his chest and he fell to the floor. He could feel the warm, crimson liquid as it soaked into the front of his shirt, could taste its coppery flavor as he coughed it up. He was finally going to die. He was finally going to be able to escape his pain. He smiled serenely as crystal tears made their way down his face. The darkness was closing in around him. He faintly registered the sound of retreating footsteps as his mother left. Ritsuka's vision started going black as he felt his life seeping from his veins. He welcomed the darkness with open arms, allowing it to claim him as its own. He was slipping into unconsciousness as he heard the distant sound of someone yelling his name in horror. "RITSUKA!" That voice, he knew that voice. It sounded like Soubi. That thought was his last as he finally succumbed to the darkness.
When Ritsuka became aware of his surroundings once more, the first thing he noticed was the incessant beeping of a machine. He tried to open his eyes only to have to shut them again because of a blinding white light. "Am I dead?" He silently questioned. He decided to try to open his eyes once again. After all, if this was heaven, he could not wait to see it. When his eyes had finally adjusted to the light, he looked around. He was in a room with all white walls and he discovered that the beeping he heard was coming from a heart monitor. "Heart monitor? Wait, since when did heaven have heart monitors?" He thought as his eyes continued their journey across the room. He was surprised when he saw Soubi sleeping in a chair next to his bed. Ritsuka took in Soubi's appearance. His long, blonde hair was a disheveled mess and his clothes were rumpled. Ritsuka also noticed that his eyes were red and puffy. "Wait a minute. Has he been crying? No, Soubi doesn't cry." "Ritsuka?" his thoughts were interrupted as he heard his name being called softly. He looked over at Soubi who had worry and concern, mixed with traces of relief, written on his face. "Ritsuka, thank goodness you're awake." Soubi stood from his chair and walked over to the side of Ritsuka's bed. "I have to call Yuiko and Yayoi later. They were both worried sick, especially Yuiko. She'll be glad to know that you've woken up." Ritsuka looked up at Soubi in surprise. Yuiko…and Yayoi…were worried…about him? Ritsuka was in shock for a couple of moments at the prospect of people caring about him. He brushed the thoughts away though; it was probably nothing more than a false impression on Soubi's part. Soubi rested one elegant hand on the top of Ritsuka's head. "You've been in a coma for a week. I was so afraid that you'd never wake up." "Why didn't you just let me die?" Ritsuka asked, voice raw and cracking from non-use. The words were quiet, nothing more than a mere whisper, and Soubi almost missed them…almost. He caught every painful word. Ritsuka thought Soubi had not heard him but was soon proven wrong when the palm of a hand connected painfully with his cheek. The sound of the slap resounded throughout the room and Ritsuka's head was forced to the side from the power behind it. After a moment's silence, Ritsuka looked up at Soubi, whose face was wet as silent tears fell in twin streams. Soubi leaned down and embraced Ritsuka in a tight hug. "Don't you ever say anything like that again!" His voice was trembling and laden with fear and sorrow. Suddenly, Ritsuka pulled from Soubi's embrace and looked down sadly. "My name is 'Loveless,'" he said. "I am destined to be alone." He looked up at Soubi, desperation shining in his golden eyes. "I don't want to be alone. Your name is 'Beloved.' You don't have to be alone, I do." Soubi smiled gently, laying a hand on Ritsuka's shoulder. "Just because your name is 'Loveless' doesn't mean you have to be loveless. Take Natsuo and Yoji for example. Their name is 'Sleepless,' yet, when they were at my apartment after the fight, they slept like babies." Ritsuka smiled slightly at the thought. He could see those two curled up like sleeping kittens. Soubi continued, regaining Ritsuka's attention. "You don't have to restrict yourself to the fate of your name. Rise above it. Take control of your own life." Ritsuka looked into Soubi's eyes and, at that moment, a thought hit him like an asteroid. He was loved. People did care about him. He was such an idiot. Why did he not see it before? They loved him, all of them. His friends loved him. Yuiko, Yayoi, and Soubi. They all cared about him and were there for him. He smiled to himself, a true smile this time. Maybe…just maybe…life wasn't so bad after all.
A/N: Well, now that that's done! I might add on to this to develop a relationship between Soubi and Ritsuka but it all depends on what you guys think.
R&R -