Just got inspired while watching a McShep vid. Title's inspired by the title of a song used in a Jack/Daniel vid. (Stargate SG:1 for those who don't know.) I haven't seen all of this episode, but I've researched, so it should be fairly acurate in the places where it isn't really AU.
Disclaimer: Stargate Atlantis does not belong to me.
Warnings: None really, though I didn't have this beta'd so any mistakes are totally mine, my beta is awesome.
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Rodney was beginning to doubt even his ability to stop the weapon from dooming five sixths of the solar system he was currently in. But for his fallen staff member he'd stay to the end, stay and fix this. Or die trying. He could only hope Sheppard would forgive him in time. Sheppard, who had trusted him. Who would die with him if he didn't take the puddle jumper and leave Rodney behind now. Rodney had to convince him to leave.
"McKay, we need to go now!" Sheppard ordered, but Rodney shook his head. He'd fix this, he had to.
"You go, I'll stay and stop this," McKay responded. John's eyes darkened and he began walking towards Rodney, no doubt getting ready to grab him by the collar and drag him to safety.
'Not this time,' Rodney thought as he pulled out his gun, aiming it at his best friend. "No John, I'm not leaving. I will fix this."
Sheppard froze, not only had Rodney pulled a gun on him, an empty threat, but still, but he had called him John. Rodney wasn't planning on leaving, even if it killed him. "You won't shoot me, and I won't leave without you," he said, thinking he had Rodney stuck. No matter how selfish McKay seemed, he'd never risk killing a friend. Rodney frowned, before an idea formed in his head. Sheppard didn't care about himself, but he did care about Rodney.
Smiling, Rodney pointed the gun at his own head, "You'll leave John, or I will pull this trigger. I won't cause your death."
"Rodney, this isn't worth your life!" he yelled, eyes beginning to mist, heart pounding. Now John was the one stuck, knowing if the tables were turned he really would pull the trigger to save another. And he knew McKay's threat wasn't an a bluff. His eyes widened as McKay pulled back the hammer, face set as he stared him down.
"Leave in ten seconds or I pull this trigger," the scientist vowed, beginning to count, "10, 9, 8, 7, 6..." John was at a lost, torn between seeing if it was a horrible bluff, and leaving if only to avoid seeing Rodney's brains splatter against the console. "3, 2..." Rodney's finger began to pull back the trigger and Sheppard knew he had to leave.
"Alright! Alright, just don't hurt yourself," he asked, resisting the urge to tackle the man before him, "Please Rodney, don't do this."
"See you around," McKay smiled, gun still held to his head, "Now go!" And Sheppard ran. Ran from his feelings. Ran from his closest friend. Ran from danger, without Rodney.
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Sheppard felt numb inside. Rodney had failed, he had seen the explosion. He should have stayed. 'Then you would have seen him die,' his mind told him, providing images he didn't need. Why hadn't he saved McKay?
"Sheppard? This is Colonel Caldwell, come in," Caldwell's voice sounded over the radio. When had he arrived.
"This is Sheppard," he managed to say pass the lump in his throat.
"We have McKay, and are returning to Atlantis, we're going to beam your jumper into the hanger bay," he informed him. John felt his heart fly at the revelation. Rodney was alive, still breathing, and he'd see him soon.
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Or so he had thought. Rodney had managed to avoid him while making his apology rounds. Apparently McKay was saving him for last. John decided to wait for McKay in his quarters, thinking open the doors and sitting at his desk. McKay didn't show up for almost an hour, and froze when he saw Sheppard.
"Sheppard," he swallowed convulsively. Rodney felt panic beginning to grip him, why was Sheppard waiting for him. Was he here to say that McKay had ruined what they had? What they could have had. He felt his hands begin to shake and sweat begin to bead on his forehead. He almost jumped when the door closed, nerves too stretched.
"McKay," John replied, trying to keep all emotions from his voice, already seeing the signs of McKay going into panic mode. He stood, walking towards the seemingly frightened man. He stopped about half a foot away and spoke again, "Come, sit, we need to talk." McKay nodded and followed Sheppard to his bed, sitting beside him in an almost awkward silence. "McKay, Rodney," he began, "First, I'm not mad at you. Not for what you think anyways. I get why you wanted to stay till the last moment. You wanted to make his life worth the sacrifice. But you dying, he wouldn't have wanted that." He had to stop, breathing in against the wave of emotions that threatened to drown him. He had almost lost Rodney again, and damn it all, it hurt. Even with him right here John couldn't shake the guilt, fear, and numbness. "Second, while my trust in you is a bit…damaged, you can earn it back. If you want to. We can get back to where we were."
"I…I don't know what to say," Rodney was, shocked, to say the least. John was willing to give him another chance, after what had happened. After what he had done. But he had to wonder, if John wasn't mad at Rodney for blowing up five sixths of a solar system, then why was he mad? "If you don't mind me asking," he began meekly, "Why are you mad at me?"
"Why?" John fought the rising anger, "Because you almost got yourself killed. You made me leave you. And I swear if you ever put a gun to your head again, I'll…" John stopped, not knowing what he'd really do if such a horrific sight fell before his eyes again. "I don't know what I'll do, just, just don't do that. Don't make me choose that way. Don't make me choose between watching you blow out your brains and leaving you behind to die. I can't, I can't do that again." John had collapsed in on himself, fighting to control the anger and sorrow fighting for dominance. Rodney sat, not sure what to do. Emotions had never been his strong suit. He felt them, sure, but he didn't express or deal with them well, nor did he know what to do when others struggled with their emotions. But he had to do something, John seemed to be falling apart before him and it broke his heart.
"John, I.." Rodney wasn't sure where to start, "I didn't know how else to get you to leave. I had to try to fix my mistake, but I couldn't let you pay for it. I couldn't be the reason you died. I had to make sure you lived." Rodney didn't know what else to do, so he laid his hand on John's hoping it would comfort the torn man. John's head raised, eyes boring into his own. Rodney held his gaze, hoping John would find what he needed.
"My life is no more valuable than yours," John said slowly, enunciating each syllable.
"It is to me," Rodney replied just as slowly and articulately.
"No," John denied, hand shaking with his denial, "Don't say that. Please."
Rodney let a rare smile grace his lips before responding, "You can't change it John, I will always do what I can to save you. Just like you'll always do the same for me." Rodney let himself take a risk, and cupped Johns face in his other hand. John leaned into his hand, eyes closing.
"I hate it Rodney," John sighed, "I hate the thought of loosing you. I can't breathe, can't think."
"I know," Rodney rubbed his thumb over John's slightly parted lips, "Because I feel the same way. I can't let you get hurt because of me." John's dark eyes opened, misted and full of emotion. Rodney stared back with his own blue ones, trying to convey the love he felt for the man before him. John's eyes sparked, a new emotion coming to front. John's own love for Rodney ignited, and Rodney took the biggest chance of his life. He leant in and kissed John. John returned the kiss, the two keeping it slow and light. When Rodney pulled back he searched John's eyes for any sign of regret, but found none. John just smiled at him and rested his forehead against Rodney's.
"I love you," John admitted, "I love you so much it scares me. I don't know what I'd do without you."
"I love you too," Rodney replied, "Which is why I couldn't let you stay."
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Kinda just ends, felt like it should. May come back and add more, but I feel like this plot bunny is completed. In a side note, those who've read the first chapter of Torqueo quod Vestigium Frater, I have written and sent the next three chapters to my beta and should be able to post them soon. And I'm editing the fifth and sixth chapters before sending them to my poor beta. I hope I don't overwhelm the poor girl.