Title I want to believe

Chapter 1/1

Authors Zenamydog

Rating PG-13

Fandom Supernatural

Characters/Pairing Sam/Dean

Warnings Spoilers for Heart. Written in first person.

Beta Nope no beta'ing done at all. Mistakes are my own.

Feedback Is what it's all about.

Disclaimer Just for fun, because we like more angst than Kripke gives us.

A.N: A ficlet. I just needed to get out of my head.

Summery:Dean wants to believe Madison can be saved. He needs to believe Sam can be too.

I watch as Sam's determination set in. There's a tirade of alternatives spilling from his mouth, when Madison suggests a 'final' solution.

It's painful. I want him to be right. I want to believe that she can be saved. I need to believe Sam can be too.

The things Sam is saying to her. I said them to him not so long back. I find strength in the fact that the kid had listened.

When I look at Sam's guilt ridden eyes though, some sort of instinct kicks in. I'll shoot her. There is no way Sam should have to. I suddenly don't want him to.

A quiet calm washes over me when I've made the decision. I stand and move towards my baby brother. When I wrap my fingers around the cool steal of the gun handle, I connect briefly with the warm touch of Sammy's fingers.

And there it is, thank God. The briefest of a 'thank you' shining in Sam's eyes. It's followed by surprise.

You're about to lose it. I think, slipping the gun slowly from your grasp. Of course I'm going to intervene.

I hide the gut wrenching panic when you tell me that I'm right. It needs to be done.

I can barely hold it together when you say, "please" and beg me to let you do it. It's you she'd asked, after all.

God, Sammy. My head screams. I want to spare you this if you'll let me. I know you won't.

Physically, I stop myself from grabbing you before you walk through that door. When you come back, I know you'll be different somehow.

I surprised myself when I flinch at the sound of the gun. I'm a hunter; I've spent years learning not to.

The minutes it takes for you to come back seems like hours. When you do, your spaced out expression scares me.

You're stiff but pliable, so I steer you to the bed. Once again taking the gun, before removing your clothes and lying you down.

You're asleep almost instantly, so I take care of Madison's still warm body. This is how you saved her, I remind myself.

There's clarity in my own mind now. I will never be able to save Sam this way. Never.

When I get back, I climb in next to you. I really don't care if you wake up. I've admitted to myself, I need the contact.

"Dean?"

"Yeah, Sammy?" I mumble, grateful when you curl into me.

"Save me," you whisper brokenly and lean up to brushes our lips together.

"If it's the last thing I do." I promise you again.

I want to believe so I part my lips over yours in sheer desperation. Because, God… if I can't…

Last thing I do. resonates slowly into my soul.

THE END