A/N: This wee plot bunny came to me when my family and I were taking the Tube (London's subway/Underground) from central London to Heathrow Airport. Not only was our train jammed but I was juggling a suitcase, laptop bag, and overstuffed backpack. I figured that a hooting owl would make it even more chaotic. Then I thought, wait a sec, wouldn't some of Hogwarts' London students take the Tube to King's Cross? And what family do we know who ends up in London and has a grandpa obsessed with muggle culture? Ooo, story ahoy!
General Disclaimer: I'm not British nor from London. So I can pretty much guarantee that I'm not J.K. Rowling. I know, how could anyone have guessed? Sorry for bursting your bubble folks.
Ginny Potter tightened her jaw while her hand clenched around the much-abused Tube map. Why oh why had she agreed to this? Yes, she loved her father dearly, but the man had clearly lost his mind. Of course traversing London's Underground with the kids and their luggage was a terrible idea. Well, at least insanity was fairly inevitable within a large, chaotic family who routinely ignored the laws of magic. Maybe it was best to get it over with.
Still though, why couldn't this blasted map of coloured dots and squiggles make any sense? They were supposed to be at King's Cross Station ages ago! Did the station lines move like Hogwarts' staircases? She supposed it was possible.
"It's metal you say." Arthur loudly exclaimed as he leaned towards an unsettled thirty-something woman with striking nose rings. He nonchalantly ducked as a toad flew over his head. "However do you get them on–oh no, please don't! Trevor Jr. is perfectly harmless."
But the woman's screech and frantic flail to avoid the pet made her disagreement clear. Grabbing her purse–almost knocking Harry's glasses off as he tried to intervene–she rushed to the end of the Tube train. Or she 'rushed' as much as one could with suitcases and owls littering the way.
"Dad, don't upset the muggles." Ginny reached out to grapple with the toad, ducking between her family and assorted luggage. "Here you are Lily. Keep Trevor latched up because–"
"This is Lancaster Gate. This is a Central line train for Leytonstone." A cool woman's voice rang out from the speakers as the train drew to a halt. The muggles who could wasted no time in running off into the station for safety; the ones continuing on gazed after them in unabashed envy. "Mind the gap."
"–because of that." Ginny nodded towards the open doors. "'Mind the gap' indeed. It's a death trap for pets, I swear."
"Just like Arnold–OW!" Fred cut himself off as he hopped up and down on one foot, the muggles angrily scrambling to get out of his way. Lily glared at him.
"It. Was. An. Accident." The youngest Potter breathed out heatedly.
"I didn't say anything! Barmy, you are." Fred only just managed to catch his balance before the doors shut. "I didn't say anything about you and Al innocently juggling him, which I'm sure could happen to anyOOONNNEEE!" His uneasy backing away was finished when the train began with a lurch and he toppled onto Victoire's case.
"Careful!" Teddy yelled as he and his girlfriend sat with clasped hands. His concern bought him a kiss from the happy blonde.
"Don't mind Lils," Jamie shouted out from a corner where he was having a staring contest with a homeless man, "she's just peeved she can't come with us 'til next year–ah damn it, I blinked."
"Language, Jamie." Ginny cried even while her attention turned back to the creased and wrinkled map in her hands.
Harry struggled to rush forward, just managing to catch his daughter before she leapt to attack. "Lily, it's not worth it. Fred and Jamie, stop goading her and don't bother the passengers! Ow, Lily, stop struggling! Al–"
"I'm not doing anything!" Al protested, looking up from a lengthy piece of parchment.
"You're plotting with Rosie." Ginny sighed in exasperation. "Honestly Harry, why did you teach them the Marauder charms? Al, give me that paper, no you can't finish writing. I know you're talking with your cousin about explosions or whatnot and–Victoire! Teddy! That is completely inappropriate. You're lucky Bill isn't here."
"Oh, Bill's done worse." Arthur spoke up as Ginny dragged both he and Jamie away from the now-napping homeless man. "He would be fine."
But Teddy was paling as he rapidly pulled away from a disappointed Victoire. "Err, right. Never mind. Don't tell him? I don't want to risk any crucios."
His girlfriend pursed her lips. "What, you think my papa put a Rapid Recorder on me?"
"Wouldn't put it past him." Teddy muttered before becoming ashen as he realised the implications. He jerked up with a start, wide eyes surveying the train around him. "Sorry Uncle Bill! Uncle. Sir. Right, Sir. I'll be on my best behaviour, Sir!"
Victoire gave a long-suffering sigh and brushed her hair back in annoyance. "Seriously, don't worry. Papa would never do that."
"Sure." Teddy said in disbelief as he continued poking around his coat for a listening device. "Shoot, it might be a spell."
"Maman wouldn't let him." His girlfriend explained slowly, her irritation rising.
"Wonder who wears the trousers in that relationship." Fred snorted, nonchalantly reclining back on Victoire's suitcase even though every swerve forcibly pushed him off. "Love how that's a thing for this family. I...oopsie. Err, sorry Grandpa, Uncle Harry."
Ginny bit back a hint of laughter, for the two in question were too distracted to hear Fred's remark. While Arthur had become distracted by an advertisement for New Zealand bicycles–leaning precariously close to anxious muggles' personal spaces to read it–Harry was helping Lily recapture Trevor Jr. while trying to figure out the hanging Tube map.
"So the Victoria line's closed. Bloody repairs." Harry muttered, trying to peer at the wall while crouching to look under seats. "Sorry, excuse me, pardon me ma'am. Sorry about the shoes...no, none of the animals have diseases. No, no rabies. Yes, that's included in 'diseases'. Yes, of course we have licenses for the owls–"
"TREVOR! TREVOR!" Lily bounced around, swinging her arms and knocking into frazzled passengers as the train lurched. "TREVOR!"
"–yes, the toads too." Harry sighingly repeated the explanation to a severe-looking muggle. Said woman had Umbridge's fashion sense and had been tapping her high heels and glaring at the children the entire ride. "I–oh damnit. Fine, don't believe me. We're off in a few stops anyway."
"More than a few." Ginny groaned, weighing the pros and cons to just feeding the dratted, useless map to the owls. "With Victoria closed I think we'll have to make a transfer at Holborn for Piccadilly line. So it will take us much longer."
Though Harry gaped at her in horror, everyone else was quite pleased with the turn of events. Except for the terror-stricken muggles, as well as Victoire and Teddy–who had resumed their snogging and effectively blocked out the rest of the world.
"Oh great." Harry groaned, resisting the urge to pound his head against one of the many advertisements for a Warner Brothers Studio Tour. "We'll be cutting it even closer this year."
"Whoo!" Jamie cheered, clapping hands with Fred. "Tradition's struck once again. Now we just have to get the fireworks ready."
The adults turned to the kids in resigned annoyance. It was telling that the muggles hardly seemed surprised.
"Fireworks?" Arthur rubbed at his glasses as he turned away from a goth who'd been glaring at him. "Really boys. Again?"
"What would you use them for?" Harry asked, tiredly but with a hint of excitement. "Did you enchant–"
"Don't encourage them!" Ginny interrupted, waving the map around furiously. "James Sirius Potter, if you aren't joking by Merlin I will pull both you and Fred out of Hogwarts before you're even Sorted. Do you hear me? One toe out of line and I'll bring you straight back home!"
"Ginny–" Harry started to speak up but his wife just turned to him in frustration.
"One comment." She gritted out. "One remark of encouragement and I'll–"
"–wasn't our transfer stop Holborn?" Harry finished.
A bit of Ginny's irritation swelled to the surface. "Yes, why?"
The Tube doors whizzed shut.
"Now leaving Holborn." The calm female voice spoke out. "The next station is Chancery Lane."
As her husband resorted to banging his head against the window, Ginny decided that the most productive thing to do would be to slowly, gleefully destroy her map. The couple only just managed to catch their balance as the Tube started up and the suitcases and assorted howling animals were flung onto their sides.
"We could get off and turn back?" Arthur clung onto the railing happily.
"It would take too long." Harry groaned while trying to stop one of the owls from hooting. "Why didn't we go with the others? No wonder Ron and George wouldn't stop laughing when we left."
Wincing as she grabbed her pounding leg, Ginny decided to throw all caution to the wind. Screw the Statute of Secrecy and not playing her husband's 'Head-Auror-and-wizarding-saviour' card. If she didn't get out of this tunnel soon more than just the idiotic map would be chucked out the window.
"Harry?" Ginny gritted out, trying to straighten up. "You can either obliviate the muggles now or after I defenestrate someone."
"What does that mean?" Lily asked with far too much interest, clutching the refound Trevor to her chest in a death-grip.
"It means that mummy's going to throw someone out the window." Ginny answered with a not entirely homicidal smile. Harry groaned as the remaining muggles began to all-out panic.
"We're never taking the Underground to King's Cross again." Harry said firmly as he drew out his holly wand. "Sorry Arthur. It was a good idea, but my kids seem determined to break the Statute of Secrecy into pieces."
Said children looked far too proud of this fact. Fred seemed disappointed in his exclusion. Teddy and Victoire were still far too busy snogging to pay any attention.
"Right." Harry finished the obliviations and looked around at the glossy-eyed muggles in consternation. He groaned, rubbing a hand through his hair. "How much time do we have?"
"Ten minutes." Ginny said with ringing concern.
"Great, I'll talk to the conductor. When the train makes an emergency stop everyone's to hop off, all right? I'll call Kreacher and he can rush us to the station when we aren't moving." Harry raced out of the car without another word.
The Tube soon after slowed. As Ginny pressed the doors' emergency release button while minimising their luggage, she felt her panic begin to recede. They had broken a few laws but there were no broken bones, concussions, or major nervous breakdowns. Merlin, they might even still be able to catch the Hogwarts Express. So this was a win. Yes, no problem. Everything was fine, all was well.
And it was entirely best for Ginny's fragile sanity that–amidst the hustle and chaotic bustle of things being repacked, owls hooting and toads making last desperate leaps for freedom–she missed the hushed laughter as Fred and Jamie fell behind the group.
"Just make sure we're the last to go through." Jamie whispered to his partner-in-crime as their frazzled family clambered off the stationary train.
Fred could barely hide the grin threatening to reach Cheshire-cat proportions. "This'll show Teddy how to really make an entrance."
"Too true." Jamie sniggered, stopping just quickly enough for his mum to miss it. "He wasn't even the one to enchant that motorcycle to fly! Wonder how Aunt Minnie will react?"
"To us arriving in Hogwarts in a flying kayak?" Fred shrugged, checking on the shrunken boat in his pocket. "Meh, she'll likely just hex our dads for their prophetic naming skills. By the way, nice red herring earlier."
"BOYS!" Ginny called out behind her as Kreacher disappeared with Teddy and Victoire. "Hurry up, you're next."
"Coming mum!"
"Coming Aunt Ginny!"
"I'm warning you, if you even think about setting off fireworks on the train you will be coming right home. Don't test me."
"Don't worry Aunt Ginny."
"Of course we won't set fireworks off. Geez mum, trust us a bit!"
A/N: My canon is totally that the Next Generation kids took their parents' stories as challenges to be met and exceeded. Thus, I'm completely convinced that each of the Potter/Weasley kids take turns illegally flying something to Hogwarts, constantly one-upping each other.
A flying Ford Anglia? Pssh, so yesterday.
Also: the inflatable Voldy in the London Olympics? Merlin, I just about died.