"Just tell me now whether or not you can still love me, after everything I've done to you. Can you?" I vaguely heard Edward say, as if it was a distant whisper. The depth of the question could not immediately seep through my hazy, groggy conscience as I laid in my bed, soaking my hair and pillow with leaking tears. For once in my life, I did not over analyze, think, and edit as I said; " I can't."

I could feel his muscles tighten, as if he had been splashed with freezing water while enjoying a dream. A dream-that suits our relationship pretty well. He could not really love me, and we both knew that. I was his freakish little Quasimodo, a disgusting excuse for a creature. A human. A clumsy, socially awkward, risk taking, plain human. And he was my Esmeralda, my beautiful stone man.

"I…see." He said after swallowing, in an attempt to calm himself. "That. Changes things."

I almost laughed. He quoted me…when he first said he didn't want me. Was this some sick irony? Some sort of price for having the love (no matter how false) of an absolutely flawless, impossible figment of nature? I guess I deserved it.

"Is there…another man, then?" murmured Edward, waking me from my thoughts. I could hear the jealousy searing through the words.

I mused about the idea for a minute, in clear consciousness. My conscience…it wasn't truthful. It was what I used to lie to Charlie. It was what I used to edit my emotions out of my words. To tell Renee everything is fine when my life dangles on the edge. It was what I used to tell Edward I love him. Of course my logic would tell me that I love him. It was only logical to love someone so perfect. My heart had not spoken before tonight, and I was going to let it speak again.

"I don't know."

We laid in silence, waiting for the other to say something. He was mentally writhing in guilt, blaming himself for every tiny thing he had ever done to me that I found unfavorable. He was too good to deserve that tendency…to bear every burden. I wanted to share his burden, to lighten it somehow…but he wouldn't let me. He kept me on his back, as a weak little burden he needed to protect, rather than a strong vampire by his side.

Then it dawned on me. I did not deserve to experience such a breathtaking first love. I did not deserve a man who would go to the end of the world for me. It was selfish of me to deny him my love, to allow myself to become a burden. I needed to become part of his life, even if my stupid heart didn't like it.

"Edward?" I chocked out. How could I possibly say what I wanted to say? Hey. I don't love you anymore. I want to help you, anyway. Make me a scary vampire. "I know you won't stick around... So I need to ask. Can I…say goodbye to…the family? I didn't appreciate when they all just…disappeared without a word."

It hurt to call the Cullens 'The Family', but it didn't seem appropriate to call them "my" family anymore, even if I felt they were. I missed Alice, Emmett, Esme, and Carlisle terribly. I even missed feeling insecure around the lovely, mean Rosalie. Jasper was always in the shadows around me, keeping a distance. Still, I missed his constant speculation.

" Of course…anything." My ex-Godfriend said as he briskly scooped me up and leaped out of my window. He held me in his arms, like he did when I got sick during the blood tests junior year. It didn't feel like he was sweeping me off my feet anymore. It felt like he was carrying his fallen lover, like a scene in a romance tragedy.

We made it to the hidden house in practically no time. I had forgotten how thrilling it was, riding Edward in the forest. The speed made my nerves tingle in ecstasy. I cracked my lids slightly open to look at his face. It was frozen still, and his eyes were too dark to read. He was probably thinking ferociously about something. I knew I was hurting him by making him reminisce, but that would change. I would make his hurting change.

He let me descend and slowly walked to the door with me, avoiding any contact. He was too miserable to figure out my intent. I was going to ask Alice to change me. I guess I was equally miserable, letting my obligation to him sink me into immortality. It seemed so deliciously seductive when I loved him, to become a stunning, bloodsucking temptress. To finally match my first love forever. I felt bad for not feeling that way anymore. My mind was telling me to grab his perfect face and tell him that I love him more than anything in the entire universe…but that stupid organ wouldn't let me. I took a deep breath.

"Are you alright?" He said eagerly. He cared about my wellbeing more than I did.

"I'm fine", I fibbed.

We entered the house, and the entire family stood in the living room, waiting for us to come in. It would appear to someone who didn't know all about vampires, that they were being pretentious with their perfect postures and waiting eyes. It was there nature to be effortlessly inhuman. I understood that. All of them (except for Rosalie and Jasper) smiled genuinely, but I could see something holding their grins back. Jasper gave me his awkward simper, and his eyes calculated me more carefully than usual. Rosalie didn't even try to smile. They all knew something was wrong.

"H-hello...Everyone." I announced timidly. "Edward and I have come to a conclusion. We will not be…together anymore." Curtains fall.

Everyone stared, shocked. They probably didn't expect that.

"What about the Volturi? They won't accept a break up. We will all get killed!" Rosalie said, almost shrieking.

"I have given much though to that." Said Edward. "I have decided to make annual visits, keeping track of Bella, making sure there is no Volturi activity in her life. If there happens to be some, I will take her and hide her elsewhere. I don't care how long it takes."

I read their faces; none of them were impressed or happy about the idea, but what else could they do? I decided not to bother begging Alice. Edward would rip her off of me before it was complete. I couldn't just draw blood; Edward would stop me with his insane reflexes. They had all beaten their bloodlust into submission, well…except for Jasper…

I remembered the tiny droplet of blood that sent him into a frenzy. My blood was a fine wine to him, and he was the fiercest of the blood alcoholics. He could bear the scent, as long as the bottle wasn't cracked. What If I pressed the bottle into his arms?

I breathed in, trembling. "This is goodbye, I guess."

Alice was the first to leap into my arms. She was very gentle about it, and if she could shed tears, she would. Her pixie face distorted in a most sorrowful way. She would miss me most, aside from Edward. I wondered if she could see the plan I was formulating for the soon future. If she could, she certainly wasn't acting like it. I was hoping she was mistaking it as wishful thinking. I was hoping hard.

Esme, Carlisle, Emmett. Their embraces were all just steps, leading up to Jasper. I skipped Rosalie, deciding not to put her through the torture. Jasper's straight posture straightened and his eyes widened as I approached him. He was preparing. Could he read my intent, or was I insane? I decided to let my heart lead this, and I forced my mind to become a spectator. I couldn't bear to do this consciously.

Before my arms even wrapped around him, I swayed my hips until they grazed his. If I was thinking about it at the time, my face would have been bright red. But hey, I was trying to tempt him, by any means possible. I could feel Edward's eyes bore holes in the back of my head. I let my arms fall around his shoulders and a small sigh escape my lips. Jasper did not lift his arms to wrap around me, and I briefly looked up at his eyes, which were desperately staring in Alice's direction. I let a breath heave my chest; he smelled different in comparison to Edward. It was almost like Alice's sweet fragrance, but I could smell some bitterness in it. It had the effect of hot coffee. I never realized how good coffee smelled before.

I let one of my hands massage the back of his neck, and I pressed myself against him even harder. I could hear a stifled gasp from Alice. I felt terrible, but it didn't matter. If things worked out properly, I would have an eternity to apologize. I felt Jasper tremble and could almost taste the venom that I had imagined was filling his mouth, like saliva in a dogs mouth when presented a bone.

"Let go of her." Edward growled.

He was in my grasp now. "Jasper?" I questioned, looking at him.

He looked down, his eyes blacker than night. I mouthed; "Please?". He tried to shake his head, but, by mistake, took in a whiff of my scent. Before I could tempt him more, his arms were crushing my waist. He was lifting me off the ground, and I almost cried out in pain. My ribs were caving in, from my heart exploding and his painful embrace. His teeth sunk easily into my skin and permeated through my jugular vein. I screamed at that.

The skin he punctured suddenly started burning underneath, but his lips made the surface cool, giving me a tantalizing, Goose bump sensation. I was so scared, so in pain, and so thoroughly excited. The venom burned my arteries and his rabid breathing was in my ear as he made constant flicks of his tongue, sopping my blood up. I could only see shadows of Edward and Emmett, fighting to pull him away. Then my world faded to either the end of my life, or the beginning of my new existence.

Bear with me.