Mama, put my guns in the ground
I can't shoot them anymore.
That long black cloud is comin' down
I feel like I'm knockin' on heaven's door.
--Bob Dylan
Dr. Chakwas peered down at Ashley, checking her vital signs with a scanner, "Looks like you're going to need some sick leave soon. Though, perhaps, in a few months time: A very extended one."
Ashley had been lying on one of the med bay beds with the bright fluorescent lighting shining on her, she blinked back, "What exactly do you mean, doctor?" She was nervous, and she did very little to hide it. She pursed her lips together, wetting them, to flick her tongue along the bottom lip, biting it as an involuntary act of impulse.
Her hair had been pinned back properly as should required by regulations, but she felt that even the pillow beneath her head wasn't enough to feel all the discomfort of having so much hair folded up. She had been lying there very still, her hand folded over the other in a manner of perfect composure. The lights in the med bay seemed to vibrate, pulsate and surround her with a suffocating air. Never had she felt like this even when she was out on the field, blasting away bad guys with her trusty boomstick.
"You're pregnant, my dear." Dr. Chakwas said, still scribbling on the terminal computer pad that was her analysis chart for the patient, "About two months and twenty days."
Ashley swallowed, blinked back tears, "No…it, I can't be." But it was true, because she knew deep down there was something different about her body, the way she craved certain things, and felt slightly sick in the mornings. She had been able to hide it for the last couple weeks, by rushing first to the toilet and heaving herself to get the cold sweat that was climbing her system.
As strong as she tried to be, there was no other way but to face it. She was carrying Commander Shepard's child.
"I take it you're not exactly pleased by this, Chief Williams?" Dr. Chakwas said, placing her wafer-thin computer device down, her voice full of concern and compassion, "If I may be of any assistance, you can count on me; however, I must suggest you take care of the prescriptions needed for your baby, and what decisions you may want for this child, allow me to intervene." She stood up straighter, "This child, you're carrying, is Commander Shepard's, correct?"
"Yes." She wasn't about to lie, because it was so obvious. Even if she were to keep things hushed, Ashley knew the blood test would show Dr. Chakwas the connection to Shepard's own blood. Becoming pregnant early on gives the doctor results by taking blood tests, scanning the results through an advanced identification
"Is that going to be a problem?" Dr. Chakwas inquired with concern, her grey brows coming together.
"Nah. It's just that, I am not sure what I'm going to do."
"You don't seem very happy that you're pregnant." The doctor gave her a wan smile, almost sad, "A child coming into this unpredictable galaxy is a wonderful miracle, you and Shepard will make wonderful parents."
Ashley smiled, thought of her sisters, and how she had helped raised them, but she wasn't sure about one thing, and it gave her cause to worry, "But, doctor, what if…what if Shepard doesn't want a child?"
"It's up to you, Williams, it's your baby. You don't need a man to tell you to keep it or, if you chose to…" Dr. Chakwas sighed, "Now, how are you feeling? Any slight dizziness? Fatigue?"
Ash noted the change of subject, bringing herself up into a sitting position, "I'm fine, I just need to soak this all in. And I'm really happy. I am." She said again, as if in confirmation, her eyes stern on the doctor's.
Then an intense, horrible pain shot right through her, and Ashley doubled up, her hands automatically holding her midsection in a protective gesture.
"Oh god! Arggggh. Oh god, it hurts! Shit." Ash bowed her head, her arms around herself, knees bent.
"Williams, what's going on?!" Dr. Chakwas bellowed, her eyes wide.
Tears ran down Ash's eyes, "Noooo, please, noooo…" her hands tightened around herself, and she barely could see Dr. Chakwas running to get something…she wasn't sure, for the world through her eyes were blurring fast and spiraling around like a spinning top.
She barely felt anything after the first black out.
The sun was shining, down on Eden Prime, where the sky was glazed with a pinkish glow, and the silver and lavender streaks belted across tall jutting buildings, and long towering natural vegetation similar to trees. The smell of grass, sweetened by the last falling precipitation, moistened her cheeks. This rare feeling she felt was of perfect peace and love.
Her palm flattened against the grass, as she raised her head to look around. The wind blew from the east, caressing the straying strands away from her face.
"Have I died? Is this….heaven?" She shook her head, always believed that where one went, after death; there would be a place for a soul to go. She believed this because of her father's death, and because it was a thought, an idea that kept her believing that there was more to this cosmos, this galaxy…..that there was a God who actually loved….
Her naivety made her cry, and the tear that fell down her cheek went unheeded. She sat up, realizing she wasn't alone, that beside her, on that grass, was someone….
When she dared to look, her face turning towards to her right, she shifted her body. A smile stretched despite herself, "Shepard?"
"Beautiful, isn't it?" He said, breaking the pregnant air, sitting there with one leg down, a casual arm relaxing on his raised knee; he was facing what looked like a vast ocean of serrated land painted in shades of purple and tones of red before them. They were sitting on a sloping hill, and he whispered, "No, you're not in heaven, but…close. You're on a world similar to Eden Prime."
Then he turned to her, "Welcome back, Ashley."
She gave him a tremulous smile, reaching up to place a straying hair behind her ears, "Glad to be back, commander."
Ashley wanted to touch him, hold him, but she wasn't sure if she were dreaming or if, if she dared to reach out, he'd disappear. But she was always blunt and eager, "Tell me, commander, I'm not, you're not….dead…?"
He chuckled, "Yeah you are." Then his face changed, replaced by a somber expression, "don't worry, this is your paradise."
Strangely enough, it didn't, this didn't scare her. Extraordinarily, without any pain, she was calm, "why are you here? Did you die too, commander?"
It was easy enough, for the feeling passed, when she wouldn't question anymore of life and death. Because she had seen so much bereavement in her short life, it was only fitting that embracing it would be peaceful.
And though, she didn't care if loss embraced her, the hot tears threatened behind her eyes when she thought--she thought that Shepard had died. He had so much to live for; so much he had to do.
"Ashley…" He said, reaching over with a poignant smile, the back of his hand touching the smooth side of her cheek, "I wanted to see you, I love you, Ash."
She was crying, she could feel the hot tears sliding down, and they felt real, sound. "No." Ash shook her head, "I was supposed to die, not you."
"Didn't you hear me, you willful woman?" He laughed, brought himself closer so that he could hold her, and she easily snuggled into his arms, her face buried in his neck, sobbing.
"Waterworks, Ash? Come now, honey. Maybe I shouldn't have come. But I so wanted to see you." He told her gravely, his lips in her hair, "A memento for my Ash.."
She felt him smooth her hair, his voice whispering against her temples, the feel of his lips running down her cheeks, kissing away her tears.
How long they held each other, they couldn't pause to count, for the sky rolled, and moved like time jogging backwards.
"I have to go, Ash. I can't stay long." Shepard said sadly, still smoothing her hair.
She moved away from his embrace, biting her lip, "I know.."
"I'll come back to you, Ash, I promise." He told her, as he raised himself, looking over the horizon where the solar eclipse neared the darkness.
"When that passes, I'll be gone, and the eclipse will only be momentarily, a short passing shadow…and you won't remember. Not until I come back to you."
She nodded, waiting in strong patience for him to walk down the hill, unto the flat land, where it steeped in several areas, and where the moving mirage seemed to meet him.
"Shepard!" Ashley called out once, "I," she paused, saw that he had disappeared, and her voice quieted, "I, I love you too."
But the moment had passed, and the shadows kissed her eyes.
In her hand, there was an alliance symbol, which he had left there for her: a small device that opened up electronically, and the picture frame that folded up across the screen revealed a series of photographs, of living pictures of Shepard waving, and there by his side, a little adorable boy, not more than five, waved happily. Ash's eyes blurred as she heard the device flicker, the boy's voice fading out, "mommy!"
A memento for my Ash.