My tiny hand wrapped around his muddy one. Another day, another fight for our lives. I was scared as I was almost everyday we were running around finding what little food we could. Living in the 78th district of Rugonkai wasn't the easiest. Disease was constantly in the air, people got beaten for looking a certain way, or for having to much money on them, or any money at all, even kids would get beaten down just for being in the way or for trying to steal food.

Life was just hard, you had to hold onto anything you could grab. For some lucky few there was another person. For me, the young, sick, Senta Tsukiko, the only one I really had was the little boy next to me, the one that watched over me, gave me his food when I was sick because I couldn't get my own, the one I liked to call my best friend, Abarai Renji.

"I got it!" A childish voice called out from the down the road. Relief jumped from my heart as I saw my dark-headed friend running down the road with a handful of bread. Today was his day to go out and run for food while the others just sat and waited. And every single time I grew nervous, thinking that one day one of our friends just wouldn't return.

"Lets go!" Renji tugged on my hand and began to pull me along. I stumbled behind his quick pace, not really in the right condition to run at full speed. Just the other day I was laying down in bed, half death. Not literally, but everyone thought that that was going to be my time, to go be with the rest of the friends we had lost. But not me. I was always sick, but never seem to give up, like deep within me there was a purpose to live. At the moment Renji was it, he kept me going, kept pushing me to keep on living. Every time I was sick he sat by me telling me to not give up.

"Tsukiko! Whats wrong with you? You're healthy! So get to moving." Renji's rash voice yelled back at me, snapping me from my day dreaming state. His beady eyes glared into my giant, bright, blue eyes, looking straight into my soul, the only one that ever could. And I saw into him too, actually understood like not many people could. I saw the concern he had for me that no one would believe was there. No, no, I was the only one who saw past that rough exterior and saw a caring person underneath. It is hard to believe, and yet, its true.

With a quick nod of my head I caught up with him, running side by side, hand in hand. A thought that always surrounded my head, circulating my thoughts, engulfing my whole body. I wanted to be close to him, to feel his warmth, and stay by his side forever. Though we did argued, but thats just what we do. Argue, then laugh about how silly our arguments were. It never got serious till Renji said something to offend me; about me being sick, about me being weak, or just about how crazy my frizzy, curly blonde hair is, and I would feel less important and start feeling alone, like no one cared about me. Renji noticed, always, and I would be able to see the anger drain from his body, and filled with sorrow. Was I the only one who could see? Who could understand? That this guy isn't as cold and heartless as he made himself to be. He could be kind and caring, if you knew how to talk to him. I had known him for so long they were like two halves that made a whole. Perfect opposites who were best friends and understood each other perfectly. Only because we endured everything together. Anything thrown at one of us they other took head on. It was mostly him taking it on. He was the stronger one, the healthier one. The only good thing I had going for me was my quick speed, but that only came to me when I was up to par.

The pounding of feet finally slowed. I looked around to find out that we were on the outskirts of the town, and next to the old shack all the orphans lived in. "Here you go," their dark headed friend said as he broke off a tiny section of bread for Renji and I. It wasn't much; it barely fit in one my abnormally small hands. It was still food, and I looked at it with the biggest adoration. My gaze lifted up toward the boy next to me with the same expression. He returned the look and began to eat his food. A joyful smiled played across my face as I bit into my food. Thousands of fireworks exploded in my mouth. The hunger that had been tugging at my stomach was finally going to subside for a bit. The glorious food filled me with so much happiness - not as bad as the butterflies Renji gave me - but this was different. This almost reassured my chance for living.

"Tsukiko?" I looked up at the sound of Renji's voice. Just before I was able to reply he repeated himself. "Tsukiko?" Now I was confused. "Tsukiko? Tsssuuuukkiiiiikkooooo?" Something started to poke me under my ribs, felt like a finger... hmmm.

I moved my head around on what felt to be like wood, a desk maybe? "Renji?" I asked out of confusion.

"Tsukiko!" Thats when I knew what was going on. My hands slammed down on the desk in front of me, and my sleepy head flew up from its lying down position. My breath quickened, my face grew hot and blood red. I looked to her my to see the confused, hurt, and extremely embarrassed for his almost girlfriend, Kira Izuru.

"Izuru-kun, what just happened?" I asked in a quiet voice. My eyes wondered around the classroom to see all eyes on me. The only ones I really noticed were the two that belonged to Renji. His looked confused me most of all. Was he mad, or just being Renji? Was he laughing on the inside for my stupidity? Was he just mentally rolling his eyes? I couldn't read him anymore.

"You fell asleep... again. And then... woke up saying 'Renji?'." Izuru's eyes lowered towards the desk, he was definitely hurt.

"Izuru..."

A book slammed close at the front of the room. "Class dismissed," the teacher announced, with an annoyed voice, his eyes bearing straight at me, still with a blood red complexion.

I looked to Izuru for comfort, of which I did a lot these days. He just shook his head and smiled at me like he always did, as if he understood. Well, that would never happen. No matter how hard I tried, I would never feel the same way he did, they would never understand each other like Renji and I used to. I really missed that... Sure, Izuru and I could talk for hours, but it didn't feel the same when I used to talk to Renji. So why did I continue on like this? Leading him on like I really loved him?

I was just selfish. I never had anything when I was younger, so now I wanted all I could get. Izuru gave me the attention I had always longed for. Renji had always just watched after me, nothing else. Still, in my mind no one was higher up than he.

Before I knew it I was shaking and close to tears. A firm hand fell onto my shoulder. "Its ok Tsukiko, it will all blow over. Things like this always do." There was that warm smile that lightened up my dark hours.

"Thank you, Izuru-kun." I smiled back, just not in the same was, it was just to tell him that I would be ok in time.

Izuru's hand went to his side and he began to walk on, out of the classroom. I followed reluctantly, my eyes following Izuru's feet, so I would know when and where to move. I quickly glanced up to see Kira's blonde head, but I looked past that - through it its more like it. I saw a red bobbing head as it turned the corner out of the class. The blonde hair faded back to my sight.

That's when the guilt began to tangle around my heart.