A/N: Hello again, lovelies!

This story was supposed to be a one-shot, but then it took on a life of its own and before I knew it, it was over 3000 words long and I was only half way to where I wanted to be. So I've split it into two parts. The next part isn't written yet, but all the ideas are swimming around in my head and it should be up relatively soon.

This story is set immediately post Cops and Robbers. It's AU now, but I had a lot of fun writing it! Also, it wasn't Beta'd, so all mistakes are mine.

I hope you enjoy it! I'd love to hear what you think!

Disclaimer: I don't own Castle.

Part One

What a day, Kate Beckett thought as she lifted the last sinful bite of her chocolate cheesecake to her mouth.

She leaned back contentedly in her chair, resting her hands on her full stomach, and surveyed the people around her. Across the table, Alexis was resting her head against Martha's shoulder, eyes closed. Martha, in turn, had brought her hand up and was rhythmically stroking Alexis' hair. Next to her, Castle was gazing at his mother and daughter with such love in his eyes that she couldn't help but smile as she watched him.

He turned to her. "What? What's so funny? Do I have something on my face?"

"No." she said, shaking her head, still smiling. I'm just really happy you're all safe.

Castle eyed her suspiciously anyway and wiped at the corners of his mouth. Kate laughed at him. She was so glad that she was able to share a meal with the three of them when only a few short hours ago she'd been certain that both Martha and Castle were dead and she would have to make good on the promise she made Castle to take care of Alexis.

She didn't want to admit it, but if she was honest with herself the last time she'd felt such gut-wrenching fear was the day her mother died. Form the second she heard the explosion to the moment she heard Castle's voice calling her name she'd been filled to the core with terror and panic. Admitting just how terrified she had been would mean admitting that they-all three Castles-had wormed their way into her heart, and there was little she could do to push them out now. She wasn't ready to face those implications quite yet.

"Come on." she said after a moment. "Help me clear the table." He smiled brightly at her as they both headed for the kitchen with their arms full of dishes.

xxxxx

An hour later the dishes were clean and the four of them were sitting comfortably in the living room. They'd talked through every time she and Castle had saved each other's lives and argued playfully over which ones counted with a certain dark humour.

Eventually the conversation died and although it was only a little after eight, Alexis decided that she was going to bed. Kate didn't blame the girl. She understood exactly what Alexis had been through today and to top it all off, the young girl had ended her relationship with her boyfriend.

Martha turned in not long after Alexis, which left Kate and Castle sitting alone on the couch.

"More wine?" he asked casually, rising and heading for the kitchen.

"Sure."

He returned a moment later holding the bottle of wine and she handed him her glass. He filled hers and handed it back to her, then filled his own and sat down next to her. He clinked his glass against hers wordlessly, just as he'd done earlier.

"Hell of a day, huh?" he commented.

"Mmm." She hummed into her glass. "That's an understatement if there ever was one."

They sat there for a moment, warm and drowsy from the wine, drinking each other in. What came out of his mouth next, however, shot her into alertness.

"I was so scared, you know. I kept thinking how I might never see Alexis again, and how she might lose two loved ones all at once if we were to die. She's my baby girl, you know?" His voice was heavy with emotion.

Kate swallowed, uncertain of how much of this she wanted to hear.

"And when you came through those doors dressed in that paramedic's uniform…" He trailed off.

She felt herself flush. She was beginning to grow uncomfortable with where the conversation was going but she couldn't find it in her to speak.

"And then after you'd left I kept thinking what if that's the last time I'll ever see Beckett? I mean, I never doubted that you'd get us out, but the worst case scenario always plays in your mind. What if that's the last time I'll ever see Beckett and she won't know how I-"

She placed her index finger against his lips, silencing him.

"Don't." she said, almost violently, eyes glimmering. "Don't finish that sentence. You're here. Martha is here. You are both safe and that is all that matters, understand? The 'what if's' don't matter because they didn't happen."

"Were you scared, Kate?" he whispered against her finger, looking straight into her eyes. His question hung in the air between them and it took everything in her not to tell him exactly how she'd felt.

"Yes." She nodded, "Very scared." To put it mildly.

They held each other's gazes for a moment longer. Kate finally removed her finger from his lips, reached for her glass of wine and drank deeply.

A tense silence fell for a few moments. She watched as Castle reached for the remote and turned the TV on. He flicked through the channels and selected some romantic comedy from the 90s starring Tom Hanks and a blonde actress whose name she couldn't remember.

He leaned back into the cushions so that their bodies were touching from shoulder to knee. He didn't speak and he didn't look at her, but Kate could feel that he wasn't angry.

As discreetly as she could manage, she brought her head to rest on his shoulder.

She chalked it up to the wine and the fact that she'd almost lost him.

xxxxx

It hadn't been an eventful day at the precinct. No bodies had dropped, so Kate took the opportunity to finish the paperwork she'd been unable to finish the day before. Castle had even dropped by for a couple of hours, much to her surprise.

She was in the middle of making herself a cup of tea, anticipating curling up on her couch with a book when she heard a knock at the door.

She opened the door and was astonished to find Alexis standing behind it.

"H-Hi." She stammered. The young girl looked nervous and Kate felt a small twinge of apprehension. She liked to think that she and Alexis had established a friendly rapport but Alexis had seemingly distanced herself from her since she'd been shot. "Can I come in?"

"Yeah, of course." Kate said, opening the door and stepping out of the way so Alexis could enter. "You want some tea? I was in the middle of making some."

"Sure." Alexis said quietly, following Kate into the kitchen.

As Kate set about hauling mugs from the cupboard and opening a new package of teabags, she could see Alexis in her periphery shifting from foot to foot. Anxiety was rolling off her in waves.

"Have a seat." Kate said, turning and handing Alexis a steaming mug and motioning to her kitchen table. Alexis sat ramrod-straight on the edge of her chair. What is going on? Kate wondered as she took her own seat across from Alexis. It wasn't normal for Alexis to be so incredibly uneasy. "What's up? Is anything wrong?"

"No. I just…" Alexis trailed off and didn't speak for several moments. Kate sipped her tea and waited patiently for the girl to speak.

Staring into her mug she finally whispered. "I just never got to properly thank you for saving my dad and Grams."

Kate exhaled in relief. Was that all? "Alexis, you don't have to thank me. It wasn't like there was any other option for me."

"But there was another option." The sudden force behind girl's voice took Beckett by surprise. Kate met her gaze and saw tears shining in her eyes. "They could have died. But they didn't because of you. So…thank you."

"I…I just did what I had to do to get everyone out safe." She wanted no thanks. Castle was her partner. She'd risk her life for his without a second thought.

"I know." Alexis replied, and for the first time since she'd walked through the door she smiled, though only slightly.

They drank tea in silence for a while and Kate noted that Alexis' posture had relaxed somewhat.

"I wanted to apologize." She said.

Kate stared at her. What?

"Apologize? What for?"

"For what I said to you at the bank. For how I said it. I didn't mean to sound so harsh. I was just so scared. I knew that you were doing everything you could. Truthfully I was so thankful that you were there to handle things because I know you understand what-" Her voice wavered suddenly and she stopped, unable to speak through her emotion.

"You don't have to-"Kate began, but Alexis cut her off, holding up a hand to silence her.

"No, I do." She said, breathing deeply, attempting to control the tempest of emotion within her. "I-I need to finish. Let me finish."

"Okay. Take your time." This was not what she had expected to happen when she'd opened the door to Alexis barely a half an hour ago.

"I was so angry with you." She said when she was finally calm enough to control her emotions.

Kate remained silent and hoped the tiny stab of hurt she felt didn't show in her eyes.

"I…Why?"

"Because…"she stopped for a moment, rethinking how best to explain herself. Kate waited nervously, wiping her suddenly sweaty palms on her jeans. Finally, she began again. "What do you remember about the day you were shot?"

Kate felt herself pale. Could she tell Alexis? It would be so easy. It would be so easy to just tell someone, to be able to share this burden with someone else. Anyone else. But it wouldn't be fair to ask Alexis to keep it a secret from her father, especially when the situation was already so unfair. No. The only person besides her therapist who would know her secret when it came time to reveal it would be Castle.

"I don't remember anything." She lied. She could feel Alexis' gaze scrutinizing her from across the table. Kate couldn't bring herself to look in the girl's face, afraid that she might see the lie in her eyes.

"Can I tell you what I remember, then?" Kate nodded slowly and suddenly wished that she had something a little stronger than tea to drink.

Alexis didn't speak for several minutes. When she did, it was quiet and the tears in her voice were barely controlled.

"At the time I wasn't even sure which happened first, dad screaming your name and tackling you or the gunshot. All I knew was that one second I could see you both and the next I couldn't and for a few seconds I didn't know-" She paused and let out a sob, tears falling down her cheeks, overcome by the memory. "I didn't know if dad was alive or not and during those few seconds I was more scared that I had ever been in my entire life."

"Oh, Alexis."

Kate felt terrible. The guilt of what she'd put this girl through settled heavily in her stomach like a stone.

"Grams drove us to the hospital and dad rode in the ambulance with you. I knew then that Dad was okay, but I couldn't even really experience the relief I was feeling because it was replaced with worry for you. Those hours we spent at the hospital were terrible, Kate."

Kate stiffened. It was the first time Alexis had ever called her by her first name.

"Not knowing if you were going to make it and then your boyfriend came out and said that it was Dad's fault that you'd got shot. I know that if we hadn't stopped them, things would've come to blows."

"I'm sorry…" Kate wasn't sure what else to say.

"You don't have to apologize for Josh's behaviour. It wasn't your fault. But it did hurt Dad. Grams was trying to convince him that it wasn't his fault. He wasn't the one who shot you. I overheard him telling her that your heart had stopped in the ambulance. And then he broke down. Can you believe that I hadn't seen my dad cry up to that point? I have absolutely no memories of him ever shedding a tear. Not real tears, anyway. Tears of anguish."

Kate felt her own tears stinging her eyes. I had no idea…

"But he cried over you. And that's when I realized the…" she paused, searching for the right word, "extent to which he feels for you. I realized that he'd do anything for you. He'd die for you, just as I know he'd die for me, too."

Kate closed her eyes at Alexis' words, feeling the tears slip down her cheeks. Even if it was something she already knew, hearing the words spoken by Alexis caused a tightness in her chest. She rubbed at her scar through her shirt.

"Then we heard you were okay and that you were gonna live and we were all so, so happy. Dad especially was nearly coming out of his skin with relief. And then when he was finally able to visit you it was like he was finally coming around. He was filled with this sort of giddy nervousness. He was so excited to finally see you again."

Kate ached. She knew why he'd been nervous. He'd walked into that hospital room that day expecting her to remember his confession. And what had she told him? There are some things better not being remembered. The depth of the hurt she'd caused him with her lie took her breath away.

"He came home from the hospital that day and slept for twelve straight hours and woke up looking rested. He told me that you'd said that you needed some time, but that you'd probably call in a couple of days, so it was okay."

"But then I didn't call." Kate supplied and brought up a hand to wipe at her cheeks.

Alexis just nodded. Kate saw that there was no anger in Alexis' eyes, just compassion, forgiveness and a small amount of pity. It made Kate want to come undone. She didn't deserve Alexis' forgiveness or compassion. She was suddenly terrified by the thought that Alexis understood why she was the way she was; that she might be accepting of her, even when Kate could barely accept herself.

"Dad was like a lost puppy. He just went through the motions for those months. And I was angry at you for doing that to him. For causing that hurt. I understand more now, I think, but back then I obviously didn't have a clear head about any of it.

"One night I begged him to stop shadowing you. I told him it was too dangerous. What would I do if he died? What if there came a time when he wasn't so lucky or you couldn't protect him and he got himself killed because he couldn't bring himself to stop following you? Even when everybody knows that he hasn't been following you to do research for the majority of your partnership."

Kate swallowed, but couldn't speak past the lump stuck in her throat.

"I think it was that night that he really realized how worried his family was about him, how seriously Grams and I had been affected by the shooting and the aftermath. After Captain Gates kicked him out of the precinct, he told me he wouldn't be going back. I was glad. Relieved, really. He could stop pretending to be a cop and go back to being a writer.

"But then you walked back into his life it was like nothing had changed. He was back at the precinct, back in danger. He said it was just for this one case, but I knew there was no way he could keep himself away from you."

By this point Kate had stopped bothering to wipe the tears trailing down her cheeks away.

"You make him happy, Detective. I understand that now, and I could never ask him to stop shadowing you. I realized at the bank yesterday that you as much as he cares for you, I think; it's just that you have a different way of showing it."

"I do. I care. About all of you."

Alexis smiled. Genuinely this time. "I know. Thank you."

Kate found it in her to smile back.

"I just wanted you to understand where my hostility and anger was coming from. It was just excess, if you will, from the summer. It shouldn't have happened, and I don't feel that way anymore, but it was out of my control and I'm very sorry."

Kate marveled at this girl. So perceptive and caring. If she were in Alexis' position, she'd probably still be angry and hurt. She wouldn't even blame Alexis if she stayed angry forever. She'd take the punishment with pleasure. She deserved it.

"It's okay. Thank you, Alexis."

"I'm sorry if I hurt you. I didn't mean to, but I felt I needed to tell you."

"Stop apologizing. You're absolutely right. And I'm glad you came here tonight." It was something she'd needed to hear, even if she hadn't realized it.

Alexis smiled, relief all over her face. Kate felt like she'd slipped back into something akin to friendship with the girl and she'd do whatever she could to keep it that way.

After a beat she said, almost hesitantly, "You know, Alexis, for what it's worth, I'm sorry about you and Ashley."

Alexis looked touched and a little sad. "It's okay. I really miss him, but things weren't working out. I don't think our relationship was really healthy, and I think it's better this way. Maybe we'll even be able to be friends someday."

"Maybe." Said Kate. "It happens."

Alexis lifted her mug in acknowledgement, bringing it to her lips. She grimaced comically when she realized the tea had gone cold. "Eugh. Cold tea."

Kate laughed.

"I guess that's my cue to leave." Alexis sighed, rising. "It's getting late and I've got a quiz in the morning."

"Okay. I'll see you out." Beckett said and led the way to the door. "Wait…how did you get here?" she asked, turning around.

"I...took a cab. Dad doesn't know I'm here."

"Whoa. Okay. No way am I letting you take a cab home by yourself at this time of night. Your father would kill me."

"Well, we can't have that, can we?" Alexis said cheekily.

And in that moment Kate knew that things between her and Alexis were going to be okay.

"C'mon. I'll drive you home."

Xxxxx

Three quarters of an hour later Alexis was home safe and Kate was back in her apartment. Their conversation weighed heavily on her mind, on her heart.

If she'd known then what she knew now…

With a sinking feeling, she knew what needed to be done in order to ease the ache that had taken up residence in her chest and hopefully put things right.

She just hoped she had the courage to go through with it.

That's it for Part 1! Part two should be up as soon as I find the time to write it.

Thanks so much for reading and don't forget to review! 3