Disclaimer: I do not own ABC Family's Switched at Birth or any of its characters.
Story Title: Island of Bay
Chapter 1: "The Departure"
Author's Note: Much of the dialogue on Switched at Birth is in American Sign Language. For ease of reference, the following notation system will be utilized:
"signing and vocalizing"
"signing without vocalizing"
"vocalizing without signing"
'thoughts'
"I want you to try and remember what it was like to have been very young."
― Thornton Wilder, Our Town
From the moment he stepped outside Simone's hotel room and into the hallway, Emmett felt it. In fact, he more than felt it. Emmett heard it. A clock had started ticking. And even though Emmett had been Deaf his whole life, since the day he was born, he could hear that clock ticking. It was incessant. And he wanted it to stop.
How in the hell did this happen? At what point had he made a choice to get on this ride? He didn't like it. He wanted off. Now!
For the life of him, he could not figure out how he got on. What was he thinking? Had he lost his mind last night?
Throughout the last two months, ever since Emmett and Bay had confided in each other that, yes, they were in love; Emmett had felt a fear deep in his heart. This fear actually went back even further than that, all the way to the moment he realized that he, Emmett Bledsoe, was head-over-heels in love with one Miss Bay Madeleine Kennish. From that moment, Emmett had been scared.
He had been scared Bay would decide a Deaf-hearing relationship was too much work—scared she would feel it was too much of a chore to learn a new language for him, scared that someone would steal Bay away from him, scared that something would cause Bay to fall out of love with him, scared that somehow he would lose her.
But never, no, not in his worst nightmare, did Emmett ever imagine that he might be the one to cause it. And it was at that moment, he knew Bay was gone. In his heart, he felt it. She was already gone.
'No!' Emmett shoved that thought aside. He would not accept that. There was no way in hell he was going to lose Bay. That wasn't even an option. He needed her. He needed her warmth, her tenderness. Emmett took a deep breath. Was it fair that what he needed most at that moment, more than anything else, was Bay's comfort?
Emmett leaned back against the wall after putting on his other shoe. A new emotion had taken a stronghold around his heart—regret.
A few hours later, Emmett found himself in the driveway of the Kennish estate, just outside Bay's art studio.
As Emmett nervously approached, he saw Bay crouched down cleaning up a rather large spill of yellow paint. She looked so beautiful, so innocent, so vulnerable. The ache around Emmett's heart grew stronger.
Bay looked up.
Suddenly feeling a little shaky, Emmett pushed forward and waved, "Hi."
"Hi." Bay waved back. "I tried texting you last night. You never responded."
Emmett's heart sank. He had read Bay's texts earlier that morning. In fact, he had read them as soon as he got back to his hotel room, and they broke his heart. He could not even respond to them. It took all of the strength he had to shut out the feelings of guilt over what he had been doing at the moment Bay sent those texts.
Here, she had been reaching out to him, trying to ease both their pain by sending Emmett messages of love and comfort, and he had eased his pain by screwing a total stranger. Well, that wasn't quite true either. Yes, Simone was a stranger to Emmett, but he knew she was much more than that to Bay.
To Bay, Simone was an enemy, a traitor. She was someone Bay had trusted once, as a confidante, who had deceived her with cold calculation. Yes, this was the person Emmett had slept with last night. This was the person with whom he had shared that most intimate of acts. Emmett had shared a bed with his girlfriend's nemesis. How could he have forsaken Bay so completely?
Emmett responded with the only words he could muster, "I know. Everything has been a mess. I'm sorry I got you stuck in the middle."
"I don't understand. Last time we talked, you were yelling at me. I thought your head was going to explode." Emmett saw fear trickle into Bay's eyes. She looked so unsure of him.
"I was a jackass. I'm sorry." He thought back over the things he had said to Bay last night. Had he really been that much of a heel? God, he could not believe his own stupidity. Bay's confession that she had thought his head was going to explode brought a sense of dread back to the forefront of his mind. He was going to lose her.
Emmett took a few steps closer to Bay, "I don't want to lose you." He swallowed hard. "Do you think we could go out, you know, for my birthday, something nice and mellow, just the two of us?"
For a moment, Bay looked at Emmett, as if he had two heads.
Emmett intuitively reached out to give Bay a hug. He knew how perceptive she could be, and it scared him. Plus, he just needed to feel her arms around him, to feel the comfort of Bay's touch. Had he only been gone for 24 hours? It felt like much longer. God, he had missed her.
But as Emmett reached out to Bay, she stiffened. She did not wrap her arms around him this time. She did not trust his warmth. He had been so angry these last few weeks, and especially last night.
Sensing her tension, Emmett wrapped his own arms even more snugly around Bay, losing himself in her scent and the softness of her skin. He pulled back, just a little, to kiss her sweet lips. She always tasted like cinnamon.
And at Emmett's kiss, Bay began to soften. She relaxed into his embrace. Emmett squeezed Bay tighter. He didn't want to let her go.
For the next several days, thoughts of Bay consumed Emmett. He had come to the realization that she was irreplaceable. Emmett had never met anyone as sensitive, as passionate, or as loyal as Bay. She was different from any other person. Bay was so gentle and loving, so soft and affectionate. With Emmett, she laid her heart open. And in doing so, she was defenseless, which aroused Emmett's protective nature all the more. God, why had he betrayed her?
The morning of Emmett's seventeenth birthday felt nearly perfect to him. If it hadn't been for that incessant clock ticking in the background, it would have been a perfect day. Fortunately, Emmett had been able to muffle the noise until it was merely a low, soft hum, hardly noticeable alongside the joy of such a special occasion.
Bay had planned something extraordinary for Emmett's birthday. When Daphne shared that she and Emmett had once written a script for their own ASL horror movie, Dawn of the Deaf, Bay sprang into action. With John and Kathryn's help, she and Daphne had procured the actors, crew, props, and equipment necessary to produce their movie. Emmett was overjoyed. Well, he would have been, if it wasn't for that nagging sense of guilt that kept plaguing him.
Still, on the morning of his birthday, when he and Bay pretended to fence on the front yard of the Kennish estate, he could not hide his smile. And when Bay playfully tripped him, causing Emmett to pull her to the ground on top of him, he felt this genuine wave of happiness sweep over him, causing him to laugh aloud.
Bay joined him in laughter. "I never thought that I would say this, but this is fun."
"Yeah," Emmett replied, feeling a surge of joy in his heart as he looked deep into Bay's eyes, "Really fun."
"Oh, grass is wet," Bay realized. "Let's…maybe we should rehearse the next scene."
As Emmett helped Bay up off the ground, he found himself signing, "Like the part where we make out?" The feeling of elation when his lips touched Bay's caused his heart to leap out of his chest. Emmett continued, putting everything into that kiss.
Over the past several days, Bay, who was always beautiful, had been taking Emmett's breath away with her loveliness. This particular morning, he could not take his eyes or his lips off of her. It was nothing new. Emmett had wanted to be one with Bay, since the day they fell in love.
As he kissed her, Emmett remembered the moment he knew, really knew, that he was in love with Bay. Oh, he had suspected even earlier. Truth was Emmett had felt it the moment he laid eyes on Bay. A warmth emanated off of her that traveled straight to him. It had immediately jolted his heart. Bay sent off electrical sparks that ran up and down his spine and caused his whole body to tingle. He had been immediately drawn to her eyes. If anyone had been observing, really observing, they would have seen the fireworks going off all around the two. As soon as Emmett had recovered his senses enough, he asked Daphne who she was. 'Who was that beautiful girl,' he thought, 'the one with the long, dark, wavy hair? The one lit from within?'
Daphne had only replied, "Me. In another life." And from that moment, Emmett understood that the switch had affected his destiny, too. In another world, in an alternate universe, Bay would have been the girl on the back of his bike. Bay would have been the one with whom he had shared his secrets. Bay would have been the one who had held his hand these last eight years. And suddenly, Emmett had felt cheated.
Emmett was jarred from his memories by Bay herself. She had left their deep kiss to say hello to another approaching couple, her brother Toby and Simone.
Emmett felt physically ill at the unexpected sight of Simone. What was she doing here? And more importantly, how was he supposed to live with the guilt? He felt paralyzed. Emmett could do nothing but stare at the ground as they approached. Would Bay be able to see his guilt? Would Toby?
The awkwardness of Bay introducing Emmett to Simone made him feel like throwing up. The last thing he wanted was for Bay to be anywhere near Simone. And now, here Simone was at his birthday celebration, with her boyfriend, Bay's brother, Toby.
Suddenly, Emmett could hear the sound of what had been a muffled clock, as it roared to life. For Bay's benefit, he managed to sign, "Nice to see you again," to Simone. But after that, the sound of the clock drowned out the rest the conversation. Replacing it were thoughts that caused Emmett's heart to race.
Was it only a matter of time until he lost Bay, perhaps forever? The ticking away of the seconds felt like a pressure building inside of him. Would Bay find out today, here, at his birthday celebration? Could he keep this a secret?
And then an even bigger question seized his heart. Could he keep this a secret from Bay forever? Could he even live with that, with that lie between them?
At the basketball tournament, Emmett had forgotten, for just a moment, how important Bay's happiness was to him. And look at what happened. How stupid he had been that night. He had been hurting so bad, and for so long, over the disintegration of his parents' marriage, that he had tuned everything else out. He had tuned out Bay.
In the moment he contemplated Simone's obvious overtones, he wasn't thinking of Bay. He was only thinking of his own pain. He was only thinking of what kind of noise it might take to drown out his pain. Wasn't that ironic? There had been so much static playing in his mind during that time he had lived with his dad. He had grown dependent on that noise to distract him. For a Deaf guy, how in the world could there have been that much noise?
That night, Emmett found himself relieved that he and Bay had survived his birthday celebration without his secret getting out. But the guilt was getting to Emmett. As he tried to drift off to sleep, his thoughts were racing a thousand miles per minute. He could not contain them.
'When I look at it, really look at it, Bay and I have been together for such a short time. From the first time I kissed her, to the last time, tonight, it has been less than six months. Less than six months, less than one half of one year, and my whole life is changed. Nothing is the same. The way I look at the world, my hopes and dreams for the future, my likes and dislikes—everything is colored by Bay. She is an artist. She colors my world. If I lose her, that color will be gone. Without Bay, all that will be left is an absence of color. All the times we have been together, I never once imagined us ending. I cannot imagine it. Even at the start, we felt like forever. We feel like forever. Bay and I are infinite. And now that I have betrayed her, I find myself in this other world, this world where I do not belong. Nothing is right anymore. I hate this place.'
Emmett wanted to escape. He wanted to return safely to his island of Bay—his home.
