I am once again at the grocery store with Big Brother, and once again we run into Austria, and once again Big Brother gets into a spat with him.

I sigh. Big Brother goes to the World Supermarket once a week, every week, always on the same day of the week and at the same time of day. Austria is just as punctual as Big Brother is, and he happens to be in the habit of shopping at the same day and time, so one might swear that Big Brother is asking for it.

Big Brother avoids him whenever he can, but there are times like this when a confrontation is unavoidable.

Today Big Brother and Austria are fighting over the last jug of milk.

"Hands off, you prissy cheapskate! This milk is mine, I spotted it first!"

"If I am not mistaken, it was I that touched the milk first," Austria gently retorts. "What do you want with this milk anyway, it comes from Austrian cows!"

"But it's the very cheapest milk for me that they have at this store! Go buy some of that expensive organic milk you like so much instead!"

I tug on Brother's sleeve. "Big Brother, powdered milk is cheaper," I say, holding a box of the dehydrated milk solids that I found in the boxed foods section.

"She's right, you know," Austria adds, a very subtle hint of a smirk on his face.

Big Brother's eyes flicker between the powdered milk and the jug of milk, as if calculating the money he would save by buying the inferior dried variety. Tensely shaking, he reaches his hand to take the powdered milk. He turns his face around and glares at Austria's face.

"Then why don't you buy it yourself, you skinflint!"

Brother pulls the milk away as hard as he can, and, being much stronger than Austria, he very nearly wrests it away from him. Fingers slipping, Austria turns around to look at the cheese section.

"Wow, is that a two for one sale on Emmentaler?"

Emmentaler is Brother's favorite type of cheese, although he is loath to admit that he actually likes it more than the cheap processed cheese that he normally buys. Always jumping at the opportunity to get high-grade stuff at a tremendous bargain, he lets go of the milk jug and runs to the cheese aisle.

Austria puts the milk in his cart and gets in line to pay for it. "I cannot believe that you actually fell for that!"

Big Brother screams in rage when he finds out that there is no such deal on the holey Swiss cheese.

"See, THAT is why I cannot stand Roderich!"

"But he's normally much nicer to you! Remember when he took us out to eat?"

Brother grits his teeth and seethes as he watches Austria pay for his milk and bag his groceries.

"He can have his damn Austrian milk anyway. We're getting the powdered milk."

When I get home, I sit alone and wonder. Why would a peaceful, neutral country such as Big Brother feel such enmity toward any other country, let alone his Alpine neighbor? Especially considering that Austria had always been so polite to him…

Perhaps, being a country locked between the two of them, I ought to take it as my responsibility to broker some peace between them.

I decide to visit Austria's house (which is a lot harder to get to than Big Brother's house, since he, unlike Austria, does not feel the need to border-patrol the Principality of Liechtenstein).

Just before I ring the doorbell, I hear a lively piano melody being played. I step to the side of the house to peek through the window.

Austria is fully absorbed into his piano playing. His body rocks gently to the tune of the melody being played; his fingers prance swiftly and delicately over the keys, pressing each one with unnecessary flourish; his eyes are closed, but he still knows where all the keys are.

It is lovely to watch. HE is lovely to watch.

I decide to wait until he takes a break to ring the doorbell.

Even his doorbell is lovely to listen to.

"Liechtenstein? Fancy seeing you here."

I blush and look down. "I-I just wanted to say hi, and-and apologize for my brother's behavior…"

Austria laughs gently. "I am afraid that I must apologize for the way I tricked him. Please, come in and make yourself at home."

Austria's house is so pretty – even prettier than Big Brother's – and bigger too.

Austria leads me to a seat and presents me with a platter full of cakes and strudel, and a cup of iced coffee with ice cream on it.

"Are you enjoying the Linzer Augen and the Wiener Eiskaffee?" Austria asks.

Very much. "Danke." I cram a bite of another Linzer into my mouth. My, what an excellent pastry chef he is! And the coffee is excellent too.

"So, Austria, I was wondering… what exactly does Switzerland dislike so much about you?"

"Well, that's quite a complicated question." Austria sighs, folds his hands, crosses his legs and stares out the window that I had been peeping at him through earlier. "Vash and I used to be very close friends, as a matter of fact… practically brothers…"

Knowing this made it even more puzzling. "What did you do that was so bad that he holds such a grudge against you?"

"Well… some consider me to be quite… useless. Vash would always complain about how weak I was and how he always had to save me…"

"Just as he had saved me…"

"Yes, as a matter of fact. But I am apparently too weak to help him out when he needs it, not to mention too stingy. And he wouldn't be the only nation to refer to me as a freeloader…"

So Austria is weak, stingy, and parasitic, and yet he still somehow managed to build up a great empire… probably through marriage, or by seducing the other countries with fine music and treats, or even by elegant charm alone…

"What ever happened to your empire?"

"Well, you see, I was married to Hungary, and we were in charge of several smaller nation-states. Now the dangerous thing about running an empire is that the other countries in your empire sometimes don't take kindly to being run by a greater country, which creates for a lot of tension. And if this tension should cause an incident to happen…"

Austria paused to sip his own Eiskaffee. "Every country that you form an alliance with will rush to defend you, as will every country that each of those countries have an alliance with… before you know it, the entire world is at war.

"And so the League of Nations came to the agreement that I should divorce Hungary and dissolve all of my alliances, for the sake of peace. Some years later I went to live with Germany, which he didn't like at all… then that ended, and I have been alone ever since."

"I'll bet you miss being at the head of a powerful empire, huh?" I ask.

"Not really. I rather prefer the peace."

"But the solitude?"

"Oh, well, I get plenty of visitors. I am on good terms with Hungary and Germany, and Italy has more than forgiven me for the way I treated him when he was my underling, and Prussia – or East Germany, as he's now called – has not been able to bother me since they shut him behind the Iron Curtain, thank goodness."

"But do you miss being married?"

Austria sighs. Perhaps I should not have asked him such a personal question.

"How would you like for me to give you a piano lesson?"

"Yes, please!" I am a little TOO excited. Perhaps it's the coffee.

I sit next to Austria on the piano bench as he teaches me the names of the notes and tells me why the black keys are arranged the way they are arranged. As he arranges the fingers on my left hand, I reach my right hand over and absentmindedly stroke the blue fabric on the sleeve of his beautiful old-fashioned style outfit. His arm stiffens at my touch.

"Sorry." I turn hot and put my right hand on the piano. I want to play the piano like him, perhaps even just because of him. But right now I just can't, because he is too distracting. I scoot closer and put my nose to his clothing. Smells of coffee, and chocolate, and a hint of rose…

Austria slides farther away from me in response to me violating him.

"Can you play that bit of Für Elise that I just showed you?"

"Oh, sure." I toy with the keys, playing it incorrectly at first, until I get it to sound right.

Austria claps his hands. "Good, very good. You play by ear, which is good."

I blush with pride at his praise. Perhaps someday I will be a great pianist like him!

"I believe that we should end our lesson for today, though," he says, looking tired

We get up from the piano bench and he shakes my hand, which gives me a bit of a hand orgasm that shoots up through my arm to my brain.

"It was very nice to properly meet you, Mister Austria," I say, curtsying hastily.

Austria chuckles at my erratic behavior. "I can tell that you're not used to coffee."

I skip out the door, still hyper from the caffeine, but after I do so, I linger around for just a little while to watch him as he continues playing.

I thought from the start that he was a fine-looking gentleman, but I had never noticed before exactly how beautiful he is. Perhaps it's the caffeine, or perhaps he spiked my drink with some love potion, but he looks EXTRA beautiful today.

Like a god. Or an angel.

And again, maybe it's the caffeine, but I tingle in his presence.

In odd places.

In a good way.