My life was a mess, the biggest mess I've ever seen and I had no idea of what to do. My daughter was no longer mine, I'd lost my father and almost my mother when I got pregnant when the idiot I'd dated got me kicked out of my own home, I got kicked off the cheerios which is the cheer leading team at my school where I was head cheerleader and one of the three fierce bitches at my school and last but not least, the girl I liked was afraid to love me back.

Rachel Berry was her name. She was a short brunette with a dream. A dream to be a singer on Broadway and even though she talked a lot for some peoples tastes and was always ambitious, I didn't mind it at all. I was once mean to her to hide my feelings but once karma comes back to hit you, you seem angry at first but soon you start to think of other peoples feelings as well. This was when I'd finally admitted to myself that yes, I, Quinn Fabray, liked a girl but not just any girl, the girl. The girl I'd watch in Glee club and silently sob when she sung. So I told her my true feelings and it didn't go as I planned.

We had just won first place at sectionals and everyone was excited yet also very tired on the ride back to school. Most people would go home with their parents but the bus took the kids back who didn't have someone. So in this case Sam, Mercedes, Rachel, some teachers from our school and me.

"Hey Quinn, I know they're a lot of seats around since there isn't many of us on here but would you mind if I came and sat with you?" She asked with her sweet smile.

"Of Course, Rachel. I'd be most honoured."I told her.

We didn't talk about much mostly about how excited we both were after we'd won and how well we all did. Not even half way there everyone became quiet and in a few seats in front of where Rachel and I sat down the back, were Mercedes and Sam snuggling together asleep. We were -almost- alone and so close together I decided to use this moment to ask out Rachel. I wasn't sure if she'd liked me back for sure or if my brain was making it looked like she did when she would smile at me so sweetly and silently watch me from a distance or even give me side glances when something happened to see how'd I react. It sure looked like it to me though, I was just nervous for the answer in case it wasn't what I wanted to hear. I knew it would do my head in if I didn't ask though.

20 seconds of courage, I thought to myself, that's all I needed and I needed it fast as we were almost back to school. I took a deep breath before slightly tapping Rachel's shoulder, this way I knew I couldn't back down now.

"Rachel?" I whispered so I wouldn't wake anyone up and also so nobody would hear what I was going to say. I could feel my hear beating in my chest.

"Yes, Quinn?"

"I want to ask you something... but I don't know how you'll react, please promise you won't get mad or anything."

"I'd feel better making a promise if I knew what I was promising but since it's you, I promise." She told me with a slight smile. I took a breath, this was it.

"I like you Rachel and I don't mean just as a friend... well what I was wondering is if you liked me too?" I looked into her eyes, seeing them soften and her smile faded just a slight.

"I- I do like you Quinn."

"So why are you frowning?" I asked with a tear.

"Because I'm no good for you Quinn." She looked down in her lap as the bus stopped at our school.

"Of course you are, don't say that." I told her,. Lifting her head up gently with my hand so I could look into her beautiful brown eyes.

"No, I'm not." She took hold of my hand and placed in my lap.

"I'm a freak and I'd only give you a bad reputation... I'd make you lie for me, tell people we weren't a couple and I don't want that for you. I want you to be happy Quinn and I wouldn't make it easier for you to do that.. I'm sorry Quinn." Before I could respond she got up and left, hurrying out the door of the bus to her car where her fathers would be waiting for her.

"Rachel, wait!" I went to follower her but it was too late, I was stuck behind teachers getting off and she was already half way to her car. That night I went home and I spent most of my night crying alone in my room. She wouldn't answer my phone calls or text messages. I felt like my gut had fell out of me and all that was left was my broken heart that was barely keeping me alive.

And so that's how it happened and I haven't been able to be in contact with her since. One of those reasons is because I haven't left my bedroom since that night. I took long baths and when I wasn't I was either drawing, reading or self loathing in the comfort of my sheets. I needed a friend and before I knew it, I was wishing I hadn't wanted somebody to come for me. Santana came for a visit after Cheerios practice one evening. I would tell you what day it was but to tell you the truth, I didn't know what day it was. I opened my door for her and then made my way back to my bed but before I made it she took hold of my arm.

"Why haven't you been answering my calls? I've been worried sick about you, Q. You haven't been to school all week." All week? So this must mean it was Friday. Good to know.

"I dropped my phone in the bath tub on..." I stopped that sentence I didn't know what day, they all seemed to burr together. I looked at her with no expression on my face because all I was feeling was hurt and lonely and you didn't need to show any for this unless you were pretending you weren't and that ship had sailed as soon as I walked into my bedroom that night after sectionals. She huffed a sigh before letting go, allowing me to continue my way to my mess of a bed. I sat down and stared at the wall.

"You haven't been taking your Depression tablets have you?" She asked me.

"I don't need them." I snapped at her. She dropped her bag on the end of my bag and rumaged through my draws looking for my Anti-depressants. I didn't stop her, I just crawled back into my sheets and closed my eyes pretending she wasn't here.

"Where are your Anti-depressants, Q?" She asked me softly, afraid that I would snap.

"I don't know." was all I said and really, I didn't know where they were either. I'd probably run out of them.

"Have you been eating?" She asked me. I opened my eyes and saw her looking at the piles of food my mother had brought up for me all left uneaten. I wasn't hungry, I'd just chuck it all back up anyway. I always threw up my food when I was depressed. I ignored her and again shut my eyes. I heard her walking up to me before she come and lay next to me on my bed. She brushed away my tangled hair from my face and tucked it behind my ear.

"Do you want to talk to me?" She asked me and when I opened my eyes I could see the hurt and concern in them. I didn't talk though, all I did was cry and she came and held me until I fell asleep.

When I woke up, Santana wasn't there but placed on the spare pillow besides me was a note.

Quinn, She wrote.

I'm sorry if you woke up to me not being there but I promise you I will be back soon. I'm going to go the shops and pick you up some Anti-depressants and don't be mad at me, I'm just trying to help because it hurts to see my best friend like this. Also I'll pick up some coffee and breakfast.

I borrowed some of your clothes, I hope you don't mind.

I love you Lucy.

-Santana.

For the first time since that night, I felt a pinch of happiness well inside me when she wrote my real name. I didn't know why though and I knew it wouldn't last long. I took this as a sign to get out of bed and go have a shower. I know I was depressed but Santana would be here soon and I should at least make my self presentable enough so she wouldn't do it for me later, I didn't feel like wearing dresses and make up so maybe If I just showered and put on jeans and combed my hair, it would make her feel better.

When I came back into my room after having a shower, I found Santana flicking through the channels on my tv. On the bed was a few doughnuts and on my bed side table was coffee, a water bottle and my tablets. She gave me a smile and patted the bed next to her. I hung up my towel and came and sat next to her.

"It's good to see that you've considered putting on pants today. Should I take that as a good sign?" She asked before stopping when she saw The Simpsons on. I shrugged my shoulders and began watching. She held out the container of doughnuts and I picked out one with chocolate icing and began taking small bites. I didn't realise how hungry I was before because to me emptiness and depressed felt the same to me so it didn't bother me but now that I'd actually eaten, I found myself going for a second one. Once I had finished eating, Santana placed a tablet in my hand and then handed me the bottle once I'd swallowed it. I drunk half the bottle. I handed it back to her and she did up the cap before placing it on the side table then came and cuddled closer into me.

"Thank you San." I told her and I was thankful, I would have starved to death if it wasn't for her.

"You're welcome Q." She said with a small smile.

"Are you ready to talk?" I shook my head. I didn't want to talk, I didn't want to remember just yet or have those feelings flood over me. I just wanted to sit with my best friend and watch stupid tv shows.

"Just tell me when you're ready."

I know I've started a another story when I haven't finished the others yet but when I started writing this I didn't know exactly what I was writing, it just spilled out of me. So I hope yous all like it, I put a lot of my emotion into it and if I feel like it I might even write more later depending if I have the right emotion for it.

Anyway I'd love to hear what you guys think.