Disclaimer: I dont own the charaters, I'm just playing.
Authors Note: This story was orginally called "A New Love" which was a Sinclair/Ivanova romance. It has since been revamped in a major way, to a Sinclair/Ivanova friendship. I hope all the people who read the original and didnt like it, prefer this one. I believe it is a better fic, if I do say so myself.
A New And Better Friendship
Previously "A New Love"
Susan Ivanova was in her quarters relaxing. She had just gotten off duty and changed into her jeans and a t-shirt. Just as she was about to make some coffee, her door chime rang.
"Come in." Susan called from the kitchen. Her commanding officer, Jeffery Sinclair, walked in. He wasn't in uniform, so she assumed that he was off duty like her.
"Hello Susan." He said.
"Did you need something sir?" She asked.
"We're both off duty, you can call me Jeff. We've been working together for almost 2 years," He paused for a moment, "I was wondering when our friendship started?"
"I guess from the beginning. I've always thought that you were my closest friend on the station." Susan replied.
"For me too, well you and Michael. I care about you, Susan." He wasn't looking at her. He was studying the counter top he was leaning against as if it held the answers to all his questions. Susan was looking at him warily.
"What are you getting at?" She asked.
"I want to see you outside of C & C." Jeff said it matter of factly, but Susan was still leery of getting too close to anyone. Hadn't everyone in her life hurt her in some way, at some time?
"I don't think that's a good idea. What about regulations? There are rules against fraternization. We cant Jeff and you well know it."
"Susan, I care about you. I want to get to know you better. I think that we could have something between us if we both wanted it."
"I think that something is bothering you and you are looking for a way to handle it. Going out with me isn't the answer and you know that. I don't know what's going on but if you want to talk to me, I'll listen, but you need to back off a little on the personal front." Jeff sighed in resignation.
"I think Catherine is coming to the station. She and I were together off and on for a long time. I know how she is and I know she'll try to attach herself to me again. I'm tired of it. I'm tired of her and how we always seem to gravitate toward each other. I don't want anything from her anymore other than simple friendship and I don't even know if I want that because it invariably comes with strings. I want to let her go and I think I have but I'm so worried that she hasn't let me go that I don't know how to function and I thought by getting you to go out with me, that I could send her a message that I was well and truly finished with her." He finished his spiel. Susan looked thoughtful for a moment.
"Tell her that the next time you see her so that she knows that you aren't interested anymore. Don't let her bully you into renewing your relationship. I know that you are a strong man and that you don't take anything from anyone. So don't let her dictate the nature of your acquaintance."
"You don't understand how wonderful it feels to let go of the command, the control for even the fraction of a second. I think that's the major weakness I have when it comes to Catherine, that she takes the lead so naturally and for that little moment I don't have to make all the decisions."
"You're right. I don't know what it feels like, but that doesn't mean that you can't find someone else to be with who will give you that same feeling."
"Look, I'm sorry to come in and chattered away like that. I'll figure things out. See you in C & C tomorrow." With that Jeff stood and left Susan standing alone in her kitchen.
"Well, he's right you know. You don't know how to let anyone else take the lead because you're terrified of letting someone else have a piece of you or control you in anyway. Its why they called you the Ice Queen." Susan said to herself. It was time to go to bed and forget the deeply personal conversation she had just had with her superior officer. It was time to forget about the walls that surrounded her heart and mind that left everyone out in the cold because she was too afraid to let down her guard. It was time to forget about the pain of being loved and losing that love. Susan crawled into bed and closed her eyes. She knew that sleep wouldn't come easily but she would try just the same.
The next day came the same as it always did, too soon. Susan wasn't entirely sure what time she had finally drifted off, but it couldn't have been more that a few hours before her wake up call. She got out of bed unenthusiastically and headed for her shower. It seemed like the only thing that could make her seem halfway human was a shower and a cup of coffee. The shower was short because that's the way they had to be on a station with a limited water supply and a lot of people. The cup of coffee lasted only a little while longer because her stomach chose that moment to rumble and she had promised she would have breakfast with Mike and Jeff. She only hoped that Jeff would forget that he had poured his heart out to her so that she could forget as well and then things wouldn't be so uncomfortable. Her hopes were dashed.
When she arrived in the mess, Jeff and Mike were already seated. She got her breakfast and went to join them. Jeff wouldn't meet her eyes and Susan wasn't the only one to notice. Mike caught on right away even though he jumped to the wrong conclusion.
"Alright, what did you two do last night? Did you get drunk and do something stupid?" Mike asked.
"There wasn't any alcohol involved last night." Susan said mildly.
"You mean you were sober when you did whatever you did? That's even worse. At least when you're drunk you have an excuse." He answered.
"We didn't do anything Michael." Jeff stated quietly.
"And why is it that I don't believe you?" Mike asked. Jeff didn't answer. He just left. Mike looked at Susan expectantly.
"We talked. That's it, not that it's any of your business anyway." Susan said.
"That must have been some talk to have him avoiding you."
"Who said he was avoiding me? I think he was avoiding you."
"That's because I'm chief of security and therefore observant. That means I notice things others don't and there is something going on with the two of you. What is it?"
"Its none of your business. If you want to know so badly, ask Jeff. I'm sure he'll tell you." With that Susan headed into C & C as well. She was beginning to get a headache and that meant hell for everyone in C&C. Susan took her post and looked around for a brief moment. Jeff had sequestered himself in his office, so for the moment, all was quiet. But of course Corwin had to speak up. The day went downhill from there.
When Susan returned to her quarters after her shift in C&C, she was ready to kill something; at least she would have been if she hadn't been so tired. She didn't want to do anything but collapse into bed. That however was not an option. There was a Centauri party thing that she was expected to attend. Jeff had suggested the sharing of cultures and the Centauri had lined up first. Susan thought that it would just be one more way for Londo to insult G'Kar. She wasn't far off the mark.
When she arrived at the party, Londo was already having a good buzz. Delenn, the Minbari ambassador looked like the whole idea was an affront to her senses. Lennier, her aide, didn't look particularly happy either. Michael on the other hand looked to be enjoying himself; once Londo once again reassured him that it wasn't alcohol he was drinking. Susan smiled faintly. It was nice to see him smile. Jeff was down at one end of the table looking thoughtful. He didn't appear to be enjoying himself as much as the rest of the people there. It was loud and the drinks were flowing quite nicely. Susan sat herself down next to Mike and was immediately handed a drink. She sipped cautiously. It was very potent stuff but it tasted pretty good. Her grin widened a little more. Perhaps this evening would be okay after all.
As the evening progressed, Susan noticed that Jeff was glancing up at the upper level more and more often. She inched her way down to his end of the table and leaned over to speak to him.
"Go find her. I think Londo is so drunk he wouldn't notice if a herd of naked Centauri women danced in front of him." She said in his ear. Jeff nodded and stood to leave. He glanced down at Susan one more time before he left. She scooted back down to Michael's side to continue the party, which ended abruptly a few moments later when Londo passed out on the top of the table. Delenn and Lennier took that moment to exit gracefully. Mike and Susan stayed to help Vir, Londo's aide, take him back to his quarters. Well it was more Vir taking Londo and Mike making sure Susan got back to her own quarters.
Susan opened the door and Mike half carried her to the couch. She face planted in it and waved a Mike that she was ok. He mumbled something under his breath and left her to her own devices. Susan lay there for a moment before hauling herself up and going to bed. Tomorrow was going to be hell again.
Jeff on the other hand had had very little to drink. He wandered up to the upper level and looked around for Catherine. He found her with a bunch of businessmen just as they were taking a break. She came over to speak to him.
"Jeff, it's been a while. I didn't know you were commander of the station until after I got here. If I had known before hand, I would have made other arrangements." Catherine said, and Jeff thought for just a fleeting moment that she had moved on.
"Well I've been expecting you. I knew you were coming when your flight plan rolled across my desk. Its nice to see you again, Catherine, what's it been, 4 years, 5?" He asked.
"Something like that. How have you been?"
"I've been well. Things are almost running smoothly on the station. I have more paperwork than I care to deal with and a bunch of ambassadors that cant agree to disagree."
"Sounds like a handful. Look, I didn't know it was your station until after I got here. If I'd have known before hand, then I wouldn't have come. I'd have picked somewhere else to have my meetings."
"Its fine. I don't mind in the least. You don't have to see me, it's a rather large station." Catherine smiled at this.
"Yes it is. You've done well for yourself." Jeff felt the warning bells go off in his head.
"This is where I ask about your brother and you ask about my father and then we have dinner and it lasts for a few weeks, maybe a few months. Then we try to push things and it doesn't work out because the timings off and one of us walks away."
"You right, but who's to say that the timing isn't perfect this time around?" Catherine countered, just as he knew she would.
"That could be true, but I don't want to go through it again. I'm tired of our game of cat and mouse. It only hurts us both in the long run."
"Perhaps I've learned to deal with the pain because its worth it for that small amount of pleasure that we get in between."
"No, Catherine, not this time. I don't want either from you. Do your business on the station and leave. I don't want to be anything to you anymore than a friend." Jeff turned and walked away. He felt awful for telling her the way he did, but it had to be a clean break. He knew that if he turned around now, he would see her staring dejectedly at his back and that he would crumble, because Catherine Sakai was safe. He needed to let things go. They weren't meant to be together and that was final. He continued his walk to his quarters. When he was there, he locked the door and leaned against it. His fists were clenched into a white-knuckle grip. He felt the pain ripping through him, and he let it. This was the time to cry over Catherine and let her go for the last time. He would have tonight to get over his actions and in the morning he would be stoic and yet compassionate commander of the station.
The next morning when he got out of bed, his head pounded like he had gone 10 rounds with a Drazi. He stood under the spray of his shower for what seemed like an eternity, and came out feeling almost human. When he saw Susan that morning at breakfast, he was hopping that she would be alone so that he could talk to her. She sat by herself and Jeff pulled up a chair next to her.
"I wanted to apologize for the position that I put you in the other night. You didn't deserve that and I was out of line in trying to take advantage of our friendship." He said quietly. Susan nodded for a moment before speaking.
"All is forgiven, if you promise not to do it again."
"I believe that I can promise that. Friends?" He held out his hand.
"Friends." Susan took his hand and shook it. She smiled at him, a full-fledged happy Susan smile. Michael chose that moment to join them.
"Alright, what did I miss?"