In my profile, I explained this story's background. How I tried to start it, couldn't get it going, felt like it was being ignored and just deleted it. I never really thought I could get it going again anyway…

…until I rediscovered my notes. Going over them, I was impressed with what I had. So I thought, what the hell maybe I can try again; have something to look forward to I suppose.

I did think, what if nobody reads this like last time. But you know what, I decided that shouldn't matter. If people read it, great, good, that's all fine and dandy; but I write these fics because I want to. You don't have to read them. Plus I know I'm not the only one who was bummed because there was a good story out there that mysteriously disappeared/got deleted and had no idea if I could find it anywhere else (like this one Breakfast Club fic). It sucks and I don't want to do that to people. And besides, it's nice to write fics for small fandoms.

So again, this is based off of the 2010 remake of the 2007 movie Death at a Funeral only with American Pie characters and canon. The Death at a Funeral movies were both screenwritten by the same man and are essentially the same except 2007 is British and 2010 is American if you want to check those out. This one is more the 2010 version though.

And here is an original setup prologue to get things going.

Despite being behind closed doors, it was more than evident that the raw, primal sounds of sex could be heard throughout the Levenstein residence. Methods such as wearing headphones and turning up the television were of no use. Hell, even taking a shower just to be under running water barely muffled the sounds.

Seriously, how long was this going for?

As Jim got out of the shower, Michelle entered their bedroom. "He's still asleep," she noted.

Jim's jaw nearly dropped. "How!?"

Michelle shrugged. "Evan's always been a heavy sleeper. I guess it makes up for him being so hyperactive when he's awake."

"That kid has slept through a lot of stuff." Jim sat on the bed as a long, erotic moan echoed through the walls. "I wish I could say the same for others."

Michelle sat by him. "I know it's disgusting and sick, but your dad's finally found happiness again."

"Yeah, every other night."

"Jim."

"How has she not worn him out by this point?"

Michelle tried to be seductive as she scooted toward her husband, "Well, you know what they say: if you can't beat 'em, join 'em." Jim made a disgusted face. "Not like a foursome. I meant why should they get have to have all the sex?"

Jim tried to think this through. "So you're saying we should have sex while my father and stepmother do?"

"That's the idea," she began kissing his neck (much to his pleasure). "Besides," she spoke in between kisses, "how else are we supposed to make a baby?"

Jim backed away. "Whoa!" He adjusted his seating so that he faced her. "You want another baby? Wha…when did this happen?"

Michelle fidgeted a little. "I dunno I just…Evan's growing up so fast and…well, I've always wanted a big family and…" she couldn't find the words to say, "…I know we probably should have talked about this first but…" she made eye contact with him. "You're not upset or anything?"

"Honestly, I kinda saw this coming. The way you act around other people's kids, how excitedly jealous you got when Kevin told us Ellie was pregnant with twins, how you said you wanted to teach kindergarten; I mean what's up with that?" Michelle shrugged. "I mean yeah, I wanna have another kid too but-" Michelle cut him off with an intense kiss. It seemed to work for a few seconds, but Jim surprisingly pulled away. "-but we should wait until we at least get a new house."

"And how long will that take?"

"Hey, I'm trying! You were the one who convinced us to move back here and my dad was cool enough to let us stay with him and Jeanine until we could find a place of our own. I'm not saying that like it's bad but I think we need to wait until things get a little more...settled."

"For how long, Jim?"

Jim took a second to think it over. "I think we should have a serious, adult discussion about this in…at least six months minimum—half a year. That cool?"

Michelle groaned. "Ugh, I hate serious, adult discussions."

"I know, right!" They shared a laugh. "I don't like being a grownup."

"I know, but we all have to grow up, sweetheart." Jim let out a pitiful whine at that. "Aw, come here," Michelle pulled him close and cradled his head by her chest. She stroked his hair for a few moments before a thought crossed her mind. "You know: there are some perks to being a grown up too."

"Mrs. Levenstein, are you trying to seduce me?"

Michelle pushed her husband onto the bed and positioned herself over him. "Why should your dad get to have all the fun?"

Michelle and Jim got into an intense liplock amidst Noah Levenstein's excited, "Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!" exclamations.

Jim pushed Michelle away for a moment. "You sure you want to do this over the sound of my father getting laid? I mean, that doesn't exactly keep me in the mood."

"Oh, good point," Michelle looked around the room and noticed the music player on the nightstand. "Maybe this will do the trick," she put on a seductive song and resumed her position atop her husband.

"Oh my God!" Mr. Levenstein could be heard down the hall. "Oh my God! Oh…oh my God!"

*THUD*

"Oh my God!" that time the voice didn't belong to Jim's dad. Both Jim and Michelle backed off simultaneously. "Help! Help!"

The younger adults didn't take care to fix anything about themselves or their surrounding as they ran to the master bedroom. Opening the door, Jim and Michelle came across a frightened Jeanine sitting upright in bed holding the covers over her body, and the more frightening sight of Jim's dad lying motionless on the floor with his eyes wide open.

"DAD!" Jim rushed over to his father. "DAD!" He tried to get his father to move.

"What happened?" a panicked Michelle asked Jeanine.

"I don't know," Jeanine was trying not to go hysterical. "I think he had a heart attack. Oh god what should we do!" She began having a panic attack.

"Okay try and stay calm! Jim, does your dad have a pulse."

Jim searched for a pulse. "I…I don't know…barely."

"Okay! Okay that's…well that's not good, but at least he has a chance. I'll call 9-1-1. Jim, you keep trying to revive your father until the paramedics get here."

"How!"

"CPR or mouth to mouth."

"Mouth to mouth? On my father?"

"Jim, this is a man's life we're talking about!"

Jim frantically looked at Jeanine. "Why can't you do it? He's your husband."

"I'm too traumatized!" Jeanine cried back amidst her heavy breathing.

Jim turned to Michelle. "How 'bout you do mouth to mouth and I call 9-1-1?"

"Jim, this is your father's life at stake!" Michelle ran out the door to retrieve her phone. Not wanting to put his lips to his father's, Jim kept pushing down on his father's chest. "We think he had a heart attack," Michelle was on the phone explaining to the dispatcher. "My husband's doing CPR right now?" She listened for a moment. "Okay, I'll tell him." She lowered the phone. "Jim, you have to do mouth to mouth." Jim pouted at her. "DO IT!"

"Okay!" Jim leaned over his father, took a deep breath, and began performing mouth to mouth. On occasion, he rose with an extreme look of disgust on his face and spat at the ground before resuming his duty. The paramedics arrived a few minutes later, put Mr. Levenstein onto a stretcher, and headed downstairs to load him in the ambulance. Finally realizing his attire of a gray t-shirt and boxer shorts, Jim reached for his father's bathrobe and quickly put it on. "I'm going to ride with them to the hospital." He raced out the door and down the stairs.

"Wait!" Michelle chased after Jim. "What should I do?"

Jim quickly turned and faced her. "Get dressed and you and Jeanine meet us at the hospital."

"What about Evan?"

"He's cool, he's probably still sleeping!" And with that, Jim turned around, ran into wall, ignored his minor pain, and ran to the ambulance to ride to the hospital with his father.

…

About thirty minutes or so later—following a quick shower and attempts to calm Jeanine—Michelle arrived at the hospital. Then it took another ten minutes for her to park the car, wait in line behind some drunk idiots to ask where to find Jim and his dad, and then rush through what seemed like an emergency room maze to find her dejected looking husband sitting alone on a plastic bench in a busy hallway.

She slowly approached him, but he didn't even acknowledge her. Jim had his head down and that's where it remained as she made his way over to him. "Jim?" she practically whispered his name. Jim didn't say anything. Unsure of what to do in this situation, Michelle sat on the bench beside him and began smoothing her hand over his back. "Baby?" No response. "Is everything okay?"

Jim kept his eyes to the ground as he tilted his head toward Michelle. "Coming here was pointless. Dad died in the ambulance."

Tears began to pool in Michelle's eyes. "Oh Baby," she hugged him, "I'm so sorry."

"It's funny," Jim began, "I can't remember my last words to him, but I remember my last words about him. About how I'm surprised Jeanine didn't wear him out."

"Baby, you didn't mean what you said."

"It's like every time something good happens to me, there's always something bad waiting to strike and it's usually during sex. I just…I never thought…" Jim didn't know what to say. "I don't know what to say or do right now."

They didn't say anything for a moment. "Is there anything you want me to do?"

"Could you tell everyone what happened? I really don't wanna have to deal with that."

"Sure, sweetie," Michelle stroked the top of his head. "You sure there isn't anything else I can do?"

"I dunno, I just want to be alone right now."

"I understand," she planted a gentle kiss atop his crown and stepped aside to make necessary phone calls.

…

"Yes, well I didn't force you to go to Mexico for your Great Abuela's one hundredth birthday, so this is your own fault," Finch was having a conversation with his lady love while sipping his mochaccino as a Woody Allen film droned in the background. "I miss you too, but…hang on Selena there's another call." Finch pressed another button on his phone. "Hello…no, this isn't a bad time. Is something wrong, Michelle?" Finch listened intently as Michelle explained what happened. "Oh no, that's awful. How's Jim?" He continued to listen. "Well, that's understandable. I'll come over and help with anything I can at a more appropriate hour. Oh, and listen, if there's anything you need me to do…Michelle, Michelle, you think so low of me. I said anything I could do not anyone…Yes, I promise I will comfort Stifler's mom emotionally and not sexually, I am in a satisfying relationship after all…there are some old habits that can be broken, you know."

…

Chris "Oz" Ostreicher wasn't too thrilled about letting go of the woman in his arms as her phone began to ring. "Don't answer it."

"I have to answer it," she groggily told him.

"It can wait," he assured her.

"It's probably important." She freed herself from his embrace and reached for her phone.

Oz pouted as he sat upright. "Heather!"

"Chris," she mocked him before looking at her phone screen. "It's Michelle."

Oz looked at the clock on the nightstand. "Why is Michelle calling you this late?"

"Something must've happened," Heather answered her phone. "Michelle?" With a sigh, Oz laid back down on his back and stared at the ceiling. "Oh my God, what happened?" That got Oz to turn his attention to Heather. "Is Jim okay?" Oz propped himself up. "Is there anything I can do or…yeah, well thanks for letting me know. I'll come by later, keep me posted. Bye Michelle," Heather hung up and set her phone aside.

"What's up?"

"Michelle was trying to get a hold of you, but she doesn't have your number."

"Why, is something wrong?"

"Jim's dad died."

"Mr. Levenstein died? What…how?"

"She's not entirely sure, but she thinks he had a heart attack."

"Oh my God. How's Jim taking it?"

"All things considered he seems to be taking it okay. He hasn't broke down and cried or anything. I guess it probably hasn't sunk in yet."

"Poor Jim."

"I told her we'd be more than willing to help in anyway necessary."

"Does this mean helping with funeral expenses? I shouldn't be spending any more of my savings since my latest purchase," his eyes directed to the engagement ring on Heather's nightstand. "Expensive, but totally worth it."

Heather smiled at him. "I guess I should consider that last part a compliment. It's nice to know I'm worth it."

"You are so much more than worth it."

"Thank you," she kissed him.

Mid kiss, Oz could feel Heather tense up, so he pulled away first. "Heather, is everything okay?"

"Yeah, I just…I just think with this news maybe we should hold off on telling people about the engagement."

"Are you sure? This might be some sort of bright spot for everyone to look forward to."

"I think it's only fair that we celebrate Jim's dad right now and not us. We can tell them soon."

Oz nodded. "Yeah, you're right." He propped himself up against his pillows. "I just want them to be the first to know."

Heather raised her eyebrow at him. "First to know? Don't you mean second to know?"

"First, second, third, fourth, however many of our friends are there."

"Chris, my father knows about this, doesn't he?" Oz tried to avoid eye contact. "You did ask for his blessing didn't you?"

"I thought about it."

Heather groaned at him. "Chris, you're already on thin ice with my father as it is!"

"Heather, the man never liked me! You even said he threw a party when you first broke up with me! Plus ever since you left Ron for me he hates me even more."

"Okay, I admit Dad's been a little more than bitter since Mom left him for his best friend and he might have taken it out on you a little bit."

"A lot of bit," Oz grumbled.

Heather rolled her eyes at that. "Daddy's always wanted the best for me; he's just being a good father. But he has to understand that he can't always interfere with what I know is best for me." Heather began peppering Oz's face with kisses. "And you," she was saying in between is kiss, "are so much more than the best for me."

"Yeah, I know."

Heather faked being upset and playfully hit her fiancée with a pillow. "You're a jerk."

"I'm your jerk," he tenderly pulled her close for a romantic session.

"Wait," Heather broke away, "are you sure this isn't an insensitive thing to do given what just happened with Jim's dad?"

"Yeah, but… let's not think about that now. Let's think of this as celebrating our engagement, okay?"

Heather shrugged. "Okay." And with that, they resumed where they left off.

…

"Okay, thanks for your condolences Kev, goodbye," Michelle hung up the phone and went back to the bench where her husband sat. "I told everyone we both know. Finch, Heather, and Oz are coming by later to help. Vicky has some work scheduling conflicts so she can't come, but she sends her love," Jim made a disgruntled noise at that. "Oh and Kevin sends his condolences. He's not coming down while Ellie's due any day now." She sat beside Jim. "If it helps he'll try and send us fifty bucks through the mail."

"Yeah, fifty bucks, that's great," Jim answered back with sarcasm in his tone.

"At least he's trying to help."

"Well that fifty bucks isn't going to bring my father back, is it?." With tears welling in her eyes, all Michelle could do was latch herself onto her husband and sob. Jim let out a deep breath and took her hand in his. "I'm sorry; I didn't mean to snap like that."

"It's okay Baby; you have every reason to right now."

"I guess this means I have to be the responsible adult now."

"I have faith in you."

"Thanks, Babe."

"And as the responsible adult, you're going to have to tell Jeanine what happened."

"I figured."

"And Stifler."

Jim looked at her. "I have to be the one to invite Steve Stifler to a funeral?"

"He was also close to your father."

"But it's Stifler!"

"Jim!"

Jim let out an annoyed grunt before giving in. "Fine; but you have to pay for any damages."

"Don't I always?" They shared a quick laugh before sharing a quick kiss.

"Come on," Jim rose to his feet as Michelle followed suit, "I guess we better get home and plan a funeral."

Endings aren't exactly my strong suit but this is a setup chapter and I had to set up stuff. Everything that's in this chapter is in here for a reason whether it's for an upcoming plot point/foreshadowing, or because I need to explain why a certain character or characters won't be appearing in this story (like Kevin).

I suppose I should give out a character list as to who's who like I usually do for a first chapter. But for a couple reasons, I'll hold that off until the next chapter.

Any feedback can be left at 1-800-HOW-AMI-DOIN or in a written review or PM where it won't be ignored.