Title: Face Down
Notes: Based on the anime.
Summary: I notice. I see what no one else sees…or maybe I just see what no one else is willing to see. It's something they choose to ignore. Not even her so-called best friend is willing to speak up about it. [MxOC [MxN
Author Name: OneShotWonderment
Rating: M
Warnings for: Domestic violence and scenes of gory nature
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of OneShotWonderment. OneShotWonderment is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
A/N #1: A big thanks to my wonderful beta, Arthur, for fixing all my errors in judgment! Without you, this story wouldn't be half of what it is.
A/N #2: Inspired by the song, "Face Down" by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus.
A/N #3: Before we start this I would just like to state that I am not nor have I ever been a victim of domestic violence.
I notice. I see what no one else sees…or maybe I just see what no one else is willing to see. It's something they choose to ignore. Not even her so-called best friend is willing to speak up about it. It all started about two months after she started dating that jerk, Jacob. At first it was little things, you know.
I distinctly remember the day he showed up pushing his way into our lives. He walked into our classroom as if he owned everything in it. Most of the girls' eyes dropped along with their jaws. I don't know what the fuss was about. I would have expected that reaction from some American girls, not from their girls in my class. I mean, so what? So he is 5 foot 6 with blonde hair. Whatever. I remember scoffing at the way he wore his uniform. I'm surprised Narumi-sensei didn't tell him to go back to his room and changed. I was barely listening as he rambled on and on about how great he was for almost an hour.
"Excuse me, Jacob-kun, but what is your Alice?" Sumrie asked. He paused and I was grateful for absence of his voice.
"My Alice is the Trust Pheromone Alice. My Alice works only on woman though." I should've known he was a bad person then. I should've seen it coming.
The first day after it happened it was rather obvious something had change. She had entered the classroom and didn't run at Hotrau like a bat out of hell. Everyone stared at her conspicuously.
"Mikan-chan?" Yuu asked quietly as he approached her.
"Hmm?" She replied absently, staring into space.
"Is something wrong?" he inquired, worry creasing his brow.
"No," she replied. "Why do you ask?"
"It's just... you didn't run at Hotrau today," he stated simply, not knowing a more elegant way to put it.
She gave a small, fake, laugh. "I've decided to give up trying. If after six years I haven't gotten a hug I'm not going to," she lied.
"Oh. Okay," Yuu replied, sweat-dropping in relief before leaving Mikan and getting back into his seat.
I didn't and still don't believe her. I don't see how anyone can. She's such a horrible liar. But, alas everyone else did and went about their day as they normally would.
I watched intently as her back stiffened when he entered the room and sat next to her. No one else saw the menacing look in his eyes just before he leaned over to whisper something in her ear to which she turned ghastly pale in the face for second before returning to a normal-ish color. I wanted and still want to tell someone, anyone, what's happening but I can't. Mikan has to tell someone. Of course, if she chooses me, the second she finishes the story I'm going to run and tell the dean of academy.
Another clue was what happened the next day at our cherry tree. There was such pain in her eyes for a moment I wanted to wrap her in my arms and never let go. But she'd booked too fast for me to even blink.
Mikan was sitting on her side of tree when I approached. She was staring straight ahead of her yet looking at nothing. She seemed so lost, so far off; hesitant was I to disrupt her. The smile she wore was the first real one I had seen on her face all day.
"Polka-dots?" I asked gently, kneeling down beside her. She looked at me startled and wide eyed at my 'sudden' appearance.
"Oh. Hi, Natsume," she said and smiled a real but little smile. It was not as bright as the one she wore before I woke her from her daydream though.
"Hi," I replied, not really knowing what else to say. "What's wrong, Polka?" I asked and as she started to open her mouth. "And don't lie."
"I…um…I-" She started to say, but was cut off by the sound of her 'boyfriend' calling for her. "I'm sorry, Natsume, but I have to go!" She looked at me for a second then took off into the Northern Woods.
That look in her eyes was one of pure fright that I will never forget.
Then, one day, about a month later she showed up wearing her long sleeve uniform shirt and long leggings dispute the sudden temperate spike at Alice Academy. I asked her about ill advised change in uniform and she told me she was very cold, that she might be getting sick or something.
A cold. Yeah, right. She was just trying to hide it. Yet again the class bought her excuse for the change and wished that she would 'get better soon.' Two days later Mikan started wearing make-up and stated that change was brought on by the fact she wanted to grow up as I had often encouraged her to do.
She looked at me when she said this and all I could see there was a plea. For help. This explanation was accepted without argument and my blood boiled. How could they not see what was happening?! That bastard was beating her, abusing her, and not one of them was even paying attention!
After that she made desperate yet half-hearted attempts to hide the truth. She'd be invited to go swimming in the lake and she'd politely refuse. Someone would go to pat her on the shoulder and she'd duck or side step them. At one point she'd even taken her hair down to hide a bruise at the base of her neck.
Today, though, today is the worst of all. Mikan hasn't been sick a day in her life since arriving at the academy. She'd only in fact been in a bed at the hospital once after the whole Reo incident. Yet, magical, she's out today because she's 'sick'. It's completely unbelievable! Particularly coming from him.
"We should stop by, you know, wish her well ourselves!" Ruka suggests cheerfully. Is he trying to fill her quotation of happiness since she is absent or something? A majority of class piques up in agreement and I find myself nodding as well. He stammers and stutters to come up with a valid excuse to deny Mikan's friends from seeing her today.
"Well-um-um-that's very nice of all of you but what Mikan has is VERY contagious and I know she would not want you all to get sick because of her."
Even I have to admit that is a very feasible lie. Mikan is always thinking of others and she would feel dreadfully responsible if any of them got sick because of her. I would have believed him myself if I hadn't seen the rest of it. If I didn't know what was happening. If I didn't see his satisfaction at averting detection by all of Mikan's friends. If I didn't see the evil in his eyes every time he looks at her. He may have been able to convince the others, but not me. I'm going to see her after class.
No, better yet, I'll go now. I always leave class randomly so no one will really notice my departure. If Jacob, on other hand, gets up and follows me it will draw unwanted attention to his reasons for leaving directly after me. I exit quietly and quickly while Jacob basks in the glory of being praised as 'such a great boyfriend'. 'Great'. Ha! There's nothing 'great' about that bastard!
"Hey, wasn't Hyuuga just here?" I hear Jacob ask through the door. Murmurs of 'yes' met his question. I halt outside the classroom for the thirty seconds waiting to see if he dares to follow me, a well-crafted lie on the tip of my tongue, just in case he does. A whole minutes passes and I wait no longer. I have to get to her. I have to make sure she's still breathing. I will NOT allow my light die. I will NOT just sit back and watch anymore. Maybe, just, maybe I can convince her to trust me to help her.
I am at her room in no time at all. I knock, but receive no response. I knock again but with as little success as I had before. The knob won't budge due to the fact the door is locked. Sighing, I pull out my copy of her key. She had given to me two years prior. It was a safety measure she told me. I hadn't believed her then, but as it turns out…she was right! The lock clicks and I push the door slowly dreading what I meant find. What I find is much worse than I had thought.
Her broken body is huddled in a corner of her room. Bruises cover her small body (at least the parts I can view), her clothes are ripped, her room trashed. Everything is broken, just like Mikan. I approach her slowly, wishing with every step to wake from this horrid nightmare. After what seems like twenty days I reach her. I kneel down in front of her. The damage is much worse close up. Her right eye is swollen, her lips are split, there is a large gash that runs from the very left edge of her hairline diagonal to the bottom right side of her chin, a hand-print is bruised onto her left cheek, and her nose appears broken.
There is glass shreds stuck into her palms though her hands had long ago stopped bleeding. Almost every inch of her arms and legs are covered in yellow, purple, black, and blue bruises. She must have slid down the wall into this corner because her shirt is lifted in a manner that suggests that. Her stomach, the little I can see, is cut really, really, really deep. This wound is still bleeding. I grab a sheet from her bed, shake it free of any and all debris, tear a long thin strip of the material, and wrap it tightly around stomach in an attempt to slow the bleeding.
As I much as I do not want to see the damage to her beautiful face I know I have to look. She is so pale. Deadly so, in fact. As I stare at her battered face, something just above the top of her head catches my eye. Blood, mostly like hers, was streaked on the bright wall behind her starting at her full height and ending just above the top of her head. Such a weird contrast in colors. Bright yellow and dark brown.
With shaky hands I reach out to her, place my right on the back of her head, and gently slow lean her prone body toward. Instead of feeling soft trusses under my palm; I feel something wet. I am carefully to make sure to support Mikan with left hand before removing my right. My right hand is covered in blood. I looked at the back of her head to see that the whole of the back of her head is drenched in her own blood. I feel my Alice reach its breaking point inside me, but I push it down. Now is not the time!
Not knowing what else to do, I tear another strip, wider than the last one, and wrap it tightly around her head. I lean Mikan against head against my chest, in order to keep her balanced, while I hold my cell phone with my left hand and dial with numb fingers. I quickly order the hospital to get there immediately, tell them where I am, and hang up. With nothing else to distract me, I gather Mikan gently in arms, and rock her while my tears fall abashedly on her face.
The ambulance did arrive quickly and a stretcher was brought to Mikan's room. The EMTs are horrified with the appearance of the scene. One of the EMTs is reaching for Mikan, but I stand and place her softly on the stretcher for them. They begin to wheel her out.
"Wait!" I shout before they can take her out into the hall. "She wouldn't want people to see her like this." I grab up the sheet I tore, drape it over her broken body, and slowly lower my Black Cat mask on her face. She wouldn't want anyone to have any memories of her this way if they didn't have to. The EMTs nod in understanding and wheel her out. I don't care if anyone sees anymore. I grab her undamaged hand the second they are through her narrow door.
As I expected there is a crowd gathered in the hallway. Why can't anyone mind their own damn business anymore? A line of fire appears on both sides of the hall forcing the others to stay where they are.
The EMT lady, whose name is Jillian, asks if I would like to ride with them in the ambulance. I nod yes and climb in after Mikan had been loaded. I lift the mask off as gently as I can and EMTs start their work. In all the times, I have been to the Alice Hospital I do not recall the ride taking this long.
Mikan is rushed off to be taken care of once we get there and I am left standing there in the waiting room staring at nothing.
I pull out my cell phone again and start dialing Ruka's number. My fingers are now covered in dried blood, stopping me. I hang up the phone before I can finish the number and run to the bathroom. I empty the contents of my stomach as images of the horrific scene dance in front of my eyes. I stand and walk over to the sinks on shaky legs. With the water as hot as it will go, I scrub my hands clean with a large amount of soap.
"Clean! Clean! Go away damn blood! Please." My voice cracks on the last word and I cry again. I have cried more today than I have since I came to the academy at five years old. Forcing myself up, I cup some water in my hands, gargle, and spit in the sink. I toss my cell phone in the trash on my way out of the bathroom.
I call Ruka and Hotrau and telling them to come to the hospital quickly and discreetly. Not that discretion was going to stop a confrontation I know is coming. Word will spread quickly about Mikan being taken out on stretcher with me at her side and as the 'concerned' boyfriend he'll have to rush over to see her. I just hope that bastard is prepared to die a horrible, fiery, death today. I pace and pace and pace in a circle until Hotrau and Ruka arrive.
Hotrau, the famed Ice Queen and Blackmailer of the academy, is somber and crying on Ruka's shoulder despite the fact she does not know why they are here yet. Ruka's trying his hardest to calm the girl, but is failing to do so. I raise my hand in the air to grab Ruka's attention. He nods and the two approach me, their walk a bit slow because Hotrau is still crying on Ruka's shoulder.
"Mikan's in emergency surgery right now. That's all they have told me!" I growl. The lack of information is driving me crazy. Hotrau looks up at me from my best friend's shoulder and just stares at me as if I spoke English or something.
"What happened?" Ruka asks his voice uncharacteristically full of anger.
"Jacob beat her up," I reply simply. "I should have interfered. I should have told her I knew. I should have told a teacher what I knew."
"They wouldn't have believed you. They'd have said that Mikan needed to come forward," Hotrau states.
I blink. Was that the truth? I shook my head. This is my fault. I'm not going to let her make me guilt free by lying.
"How bad was it?" Ruka asks. I can tell he is mentally picturing the worst, but whatever he is picturing, it's not even close.
"Worse than you can imagine, Ruka. Worse than you can imagine."
Ruka pales about ten shades and tears slide silently down his cheeks. Hotrau shoulder shake with sobs and Ruka sits them both down in waiting room chairs. I continue to pace and wait for news as the other two continue to cry. I'm not going to deny them the opportunity to do so.
After about ten more minutes a doctor approaches us. His scrubs are covered in blood. My stomach turns. He removes his surgical mask and questions us as to which one arrived here with Miss Sakura.
"I did. How is she?" My insides are trying push their out my throat.
"It's not looking good. She's lapsed into a coma because she sustained her inquires too long without treatment and she lost a lot of blood. But, there is a small chance she could pull through this. A very small chance."
My stomach dropped with his words. My hands turn into fists.
"I've done everything I could. The rest is up to her." Then he says the one thing I wish he wouldn't. "I'm sorry."
I want to scream that saying 'I'm sorry' is like signing her death certificate before she's even passed on.
"Can we say her, doctor?" Hotrau asks quietly.
"Yes, but only two or less at a time. More than that at once could over stimulate her and send her brain into shock."
"Okay. What room is she in?" Ruka asks.
"Room 47I." The doctor just nodded at the two.
"Thank you, doctor," Hotrau replies.
The doctor rushes off to tend to his patients. We look at each other.
"You two go ahead." I don't want to go first. I can't…can't handle that. Not yet. "Just…just be prepared. Okay?"
"Are you-" Ruka starts but I cut him off.
"I'm sure. I can't…" Trailing off is only thing I can do at this point. I can't tell them that I can't stand to see her motionless like that. Not just yet.
"Okay." Hotrau grabs Ruka's hand and they head toward her room. Narumi-sensei arrived about two minutes after Hotrau and Ruka left my company. Narumi is not a teacher I like in the least, but he is Mikan's favorite. He places a hand on my arm to make me pause in my pacing.
"Natsume…I can help you…if you let me."
"No!" I scream frantically. I do not want him to calm me down! I do not want to sleep! What I want is for Mikan to wake up. Wake up and smile at me again like I'm the reason for her happiness.
"Okay! Okay, Natsume, I won't!" He conceded holding his hands up in surrender.
"I'm looking for Sakura-Mikan. Can you please tell me where is she?"
I turn abruptly and rush at Jacob. "What the HELL do you think you're doing here?" I scream at him furiously as I pin him the wall with my forearm pressed against his neck just below his chin.
"I'm here to visit my girlfriend," he gloats with malicious glee.
No matter what he does or says he isn't getting into her room. I won't allow it! I press my arm tighter into his throat. "Did you feel like a man when you pushed her around? Did you feel better as she fell to the ground?"
He doesn't answer not that I expect him to.
"You are not going anywhere near Mikan again!" My Alice is welling up in infinite anger again and this time I'm not fighting it. The flames appear in my hands and I grin. My Alice trumps his by a land slide. There's no way he's beating me now.
"I see the way you look at her, Hyuuga. It must kill you to see her with me." He sneers at me and I press a little harder on his throat.
"Hell I see the way you look at me. I should've known that bitch would tell you."
By now I am pressing so hard on his throat that he can barely talk. "Do NOT talk about her that way, you bastard!"
"I should've guessed she would come to you! You were the one she trusted most! I should've kept her away from you."
"Did she tell you how I beat her every night for four months? Did she tell you how I tied her to a tree outside on the cold nights? Did she tell you-" He leers at me and then makes a shushing noise as if this is a secret I want to know.
"Mikan didn't tell me anything! The changes in her appearance, clothes, and behavior because of what you were inflicting on her told me everything! And DO NOT talk about her as if she died!" I scream and start to lower my free hand to light his clothes on fire.
"Natsume," says Narumi-sensei worriedly as he lays a hand on my shoulder.
"He put her in there!" I shout over my shoulder at him. I imagine him nod behind me.
"I know, Natsume…I know," he replies gently and I glance behind me to see if he's telling me the truth.
"How do you know?"
"Koko was in class when Jacob heard about Mikan admittance. Jacob's mental blocks fell. Enough for Koko to break in anyway." The sensi's explanation makes me giddy inside. Jacob slipped up!
Seeing my distraction, Jacob pushes toward me knocking my forearm from his throat. He lunges for me but Narumi-sensei steps between us and place his hand on Jacob's forehand, much like he did after Mikan discovered her powers by using them against me so long ago and the other boy passes out in the teacher's arms.
"Tell Mikan I'll stop by to see her later, okay?" With that, Narumi sweeps out of the waiting room and hospital with Jacob in his arms.
Hotrau and Ruka exit into the waiting room now and I feel dread building higher and higher. She's crying more than she was when they parted my company earlier. I don't recall ever seeing the inventor show so much emotion. Truth be told, her drastic change in personality scares me a little. Ruka just looks deflated.
I feel anger toward him. How dare he look upset!? At least he still has the little inventor. He should be feeling grateful that it wasn't Hotrau. He should hold her close. He should tell her over and over and over how much he loves her. He shouldn't be feeling sad.
Unconsciously, my feet take me to her room. I feel numb except for the fear. The irrational fear. It is an emotion I am becoming intimate with today. She looks even smaller against the cream colored sheets. There are various wires hooked up to her that connect to various beeping machines. I can feel my heart breaking in my chest.
I sit down in one of the uncomfortable plastic hospital chairs and pull it up to the side of her hospital bed. The sheets and general coloring of the room do nothing to make her look like any better than she did when I found her. Her heart monitor's continuous beep is the only thing informing me that she is still alive…in body anyway. Who knows what damage Jacob inflicted on Mikan's emotional psyche? I shudder to think of it. With a sigh of resignation I place my head in my hands.
Some say that when death comes you face all your regrets. Well I regret enough in the past year to fill an American football field. I regret not telling anyone what I'd seen. I regret not stopping himself myself. I regret not confronting her about it. I regret not getting there sooner today. I regret not telling her that I am and always will be in love with her. I can't begin to picture all that I will regret when my time comes.
I can't imagine my life without her. There'd be nothing. Back when she first came, I wished she would leave so that my life could go back to the way it was. But it was too late then and it's most certainly too late now. She's changed my life so much that it can't go back. I barely even remember my life before she arrived. If I am honest with myself, she's the reason I'm still here. She's the light that led me away from the darkness that was my life and heart.
"Oh, God, please, if you're listening, please, bring Mikan back. I need her. I don't know how to do this without her anymore. She's one of the few good things I've got left in my miserable life. Please. I haven't even told her the truth yet. Please. I've never asked you for anything, but please. Bring Mikan back," I pray, unaware of the tears falling from my eyes or the fact I am being watched by a pair of warm, but tired brown eyes.
A small hand encases my slight bigger one. I lift my face from my hands to stare at the hand weakly grasping mine in mute shock. This is a moment I hope I will always remember. The moment I got a second chance.
I lift my eyes up to her face, scared to look at her, for fear this would be a dream or hallucination. There she is. Small smile included despite the tube in her mouth. She tries to speak but I stop her by calling in the doctor using the button on the wall. In the few second it takes the doctor to arrive, we sit together in silence. Just looking at each other. Our hands still linked.
The doctor comes in and starts to tell her about her various injuries, the medications he'd been giving her since she'd been brought in, and what would have to be done if she wanted to heal completely. I can see her eyes drooping a little and sent the doctor away. He nods and departs. She fights to stay awake, squeezing my hand to try and keep herself grounded in consciousness. I reach up with my free hand and brush a stray hair back behind her ear.
"Sleep now, Polka-dots."
"'Ne, Natsume-kun." It's just like her to argue with me over something so simple.
I unconsciously smile slightly and she smiles the brightest smile at seeing it. It makes me happy to know that something so uncomplicated and easy can make her happy.
"You should smile more often," she comments offhand-ly, trying to pretend she doesn't care either way.
"Maybe," I reply in the same offhand-ish manner she had.
She chuckles a little.
The sound is most wonderful thing I have ever heard in my life. For a few minutes we sat in silence just content be there as we were. I do not want to break the calm but there were things that needed saying and continued waiting would make them harder to ask and say. I look down at our joined hands for confirmation, as if they could give that, and look back at her. She's looking at me just as I am her.
Taking a deep breath, I ask what needs asking. "Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't tell you anyone?"
She casts her eyes down to blankets. I wish that I hadn't asked, but truthfully I think that had I waited until tomorrow or next week I would not get an answer. It has to be asked and it has to be now.
"He started out being so nice. He made me feel loved... at first. I…I thought I could handle him. I thought if I was more patient and loving it would stop. After he…after…he always apologizes, swears it will never happen again, and holds me to him for hours. I always believe him." She pauses as a few tears slip from her eyes.
I give her hand a tiny squeeze and she looks up at me with empty eyes. I suppress a shiver at this look.
"What am I supposed to do now? I can't be the Mikan I was before."
"No one will expect that of you, Polka-dots. You'll just have to try and live life as best you can with the changes this experience has created. You'll have to trudge through life with the rest of us."
She gives a small, almost unnoticeable smile, but I can tell some is still bothering her.
"What's wrong?" The answer I receive is not at all what I thought it would be.
"I'm damaged goods, Natsume. Everyone will avoid me like I have the plague. No one to be near or with me. In any way." Mikan adds that last little bit as a separate thought.
My heart cracks a little. Does she honestly believe that?
"No, you are not damaged goods, Mikan. No one will avoid you. In fact, I'm willing to bet that most people will be hovering over you, willing to bend to every whim of yours because they will want to make sure you know they are there for you. Anyway, even if everyone else avoid you like the plague, which they won't, Imai, Ruka, Nonoko, Anna, Yuu, Narumi, and I will always be there for you."
"You?" Mikan asks, a small sliver of doubt shining in her eyes.
I am not offended, because I know I have given her pretty good reason to doubt me in the past.
"Of course. I'm never letting you get hurt again. Ever." The clear note of conviction in my voice made her doubts disappear.
She gave me a small smile. "Thanks, Natsume."
A/N #4: I cannot imagine what being a victim of this crime feels like and would just like say to anyone reading this that has or is fighting through it, I applaud your strength. With that said, if you or someone you know is being domestically abused please visit: (without the spaces)
http://www. metacrawler .uk .com /dma/72 .h t m l
or one of the many other available support channels.